to want DH to come to wedding with me instead of playing gig?

[possumhead]

My DH and I are invited to a wedding this Saturday. My sister is having DD for the weekend as there are no children allowed, so was looking forward to having good quality time together.
DH plays lead guitar in a rock band, after their gig last Sunday I casually asked when the next Gig was. "We've got a charity gig next saturday" was his reply.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I told him that it clashes with the wedding so he can't do the gig.
We spent most of the day yesterday not talking, but finally had chat about it in the evening. I told him that i was really looking forward to spending time together. He said he doesn't enjoy weddings especially when he doesn't really know the couple (my friends) and was cross because I told him he can't play gig and offered no compromise!

AIBU? Any suggestions to a compromise?

[Carmenere]

They are your friends, go without him and enjoy it and don't resent him for it.

[LazyLineLegilimens]

YABU

[constancereader]

Well, it's a bit rude not to go to the wedding if you have accepted an invitation. On the other hand, if he has committed to do the gig it would be a bit rude not to do that either...

My dh is a musician and he is NEVER around at weekends, so I can sympathise though. Can his band go on first and then he could meet you at the wedding afterwards?

[FillydoraTonks]

how much notice did he get?

i think if he's changed plans at very short notice, that is a bit unreasonable, yes

[HonoriaGlossop]

YABU. I can totally see why he doesn't want to spend time at a wedding (shudder) specially of people he doesn't know! Also he was totally right to be cross that you told him he 'couldn't' go; he's not a child!

No point in making him come to spend time with you; if he wants to, then it's genuine, but would you really value time with him when you know he's rather be elsewhere?

I think the compromise is you both do your seperate things that night but set a date for a night out together, doing something you both enjoy.

[FillydoraTonks]

but am confused

weddings normally planned months in advance

so presumably he had agreed to go, but is now backing out.

[aDad]

I think he should play the gig rather than let down his bandmates at short notice.

You have a babysitter sorted and a chance to catch up with your mates (not his).

Try and arrange some proper time together just you adn him another time?

[lazyemma]

If he agreed to go to the wedding first, then he shouldn't really have said he'd do the gig without telling you he wouldn't be coming any more. I'd be most annoyed that I found out he was doing something else almost by accident, if I was in your shoes. But on the other hand, now he's committed to the gig, he can't really pull out of it. He's lead guitar, it's not like he plays the tambourine, and it's a charity gig. So go to the wedding and enjoy yourself with your mates.

[MuminBrum]

I can see why you're annoyed but you will probably have a much better time at the wedding without him. You can hang out with your friends and talk rubbish and you won't have to look at his mardy "I don't know anyone here and I'm too pathetic to talk to someone I don't know" face!

[possumhead]

yeah, I know he's not a child and did feel bad about telling him he can't do the gig, was just upset really. He always writes the dates of his gigs on the calendar and this weekend was blank apart from my friends wedding!!
It took me a while to arrange for someone to have DD, so felt bit mardy that I had sorted everything out and then all of sudden he mentions gig!

[IdrisTheDragon]

I think that the wedding probably was arranged months ago, but that possumhead's DH just said "yes" at the time without really taking it in. Then the gig came up and he said yes without realising there was a wedding that day.

I think it is annoying, but probably easier to let him do the gig, and enjopy yourself at the wedding.

[possumhead]

Thanks for replies. I think we have finally sorted out a compromise!
We will go to the wedding together (1.45) then he will leave the reception about 7.30pm to go and do his gig.
I can then get a lift back halfway home with friends and he will pick me up from there after the gig.
Just need to check with friend that I can get a lift back . Does that sound like it'll work?

[HonoriaGlossop]

possum, I think your DH reeeeelly loves you. A bloke sitting at the wedding of people he doesn't even really know is doing that purely to keep you happy.......

well done for the compromise - sounds good!