AIBU? Every woman should have a private Running Away Fund

[longwayoff]

I wouldn't dream of pooling income if sharing a home with a partner. My account, his account and a shared household account. Is anyone completely reliant on a partner's income? Can you spend the shared money as if it were your own or does it make you uncomfortable?

[GlassSuppers]

Our shared account is for bills. Our private accounts are for our own personal spending and I also have a savings account to feather my own nest if needed.

[Pinktinker]

Having individual savings is always a good idea. I don’t think it’s necessary to view them as a leaving fund just in case your husband/partner cheats or becomes abusive in some way though.

[ShatnersWig]

I think your thread title is BVU.

[MustBeAWeasly]

It's really sad that you even need to write this!
We pool everything my wage and his goes into one account I work part time and he makes more than double what I do. We keep track of what we spend as a whole not each other. He encourages me to buy what I want.
But I also know that I have full access to all accounts and money whenever I want. I'd never ever let dh have sole access I need to know I can get money if he should ever suddenly turn into a monster. They always start out lovely 😕

[Wolfff]

I imagine some men need a running away fund too! DH and I have always had separate finances, though we pay about the same for household costs (have earned roughly the same for a long time).

[delilahbucket]

Joint account for bills and household/car emergencies, separate accounts for our own savings and spendings, however we often pool our savings for a big purchase i.e. holiday, major house renovation, new car etc.

[Merryoldgoat]

Money pooled, bills paid, savings deposited, surpluses shared equally.

We have around £300 each to do what we fancy with.

I don’t need a running away fund though as my husband isn’t a dick and even if we split up I know he’d be decent. I own half the house and half the savings (which are actually in my name anyway).

I would never allow myself to be entirely dependent on a man for my income and independence.

[VivienneHolt]

It’s fine for couples to keep some money aside in a private fund, but only if expenses are being shared fairly. It wouldn’t be fair, imo, for one partner to have far more disposable income (to put into a fund) if the other doesn’t have that opportunity.

I earn more than my husband but we share money (separate accounts because we never set up a joint one, but we have access to each other’s online banking and what’s mine is his and his mine etc). I pay a proportionately greater share of the bills and savings account. I have never felt awkward about using ‘his’ money and have never begrudged or questions him using ‘mine’.

[minipie]

We have had a single joint account since we got married. All income goes into it and everything is paid out of it. I can spend freely and so can DH (though we have an unwritten rule that we discuss any large purchases). I used to earn, now am SAHM so yes I am dependent on DH income but it hasn’t made any difference in my approach to spending.

It helps that we have a high income and are both naturally frugal (except when it comes to food) so there are never money stresses.

I wouldn’t keep a separate secret fund. I wouldn’t want DH to so can’t see how it’s ok for me to. What is the running away fund for anyway? To pay for a few nights in a B&B? To pay for a few months’ mortgage and food if he suddenly runs off and cuts off his income? Or to pay for a new house and a whole new life? Very different amounts involved.

[DrinkSangriaInThePark]

I earn money, he earns money, we both use whoever's account has money in it at any given time! He's my husband and best friend and I would be very hurt if I thought he had 'running away money' hived off somewhere and he would be very hurt if I had.

I do, however, know him since I was 18 and we are 40 now so maybe I trust him more than someone who is newly wed?

[BeachComber1]

I love my husband hugely, we’re very happy, have been together a long time, and are on equal terms financially, but I firmly believe that everyone, regardless of their sex, should have sole access to money for emergencies.

[TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan]

We have a joint account, joint savings, personal accounts and personal savings. We both know what's in all accounts though and money from personal savings is often spent on shared things, trips etc, we both have money every month to spend however we choose and are financially linked but not dependent. I'm happy I can support myself, it was drummed into me from a young age that you stand on your own two feet and make your own choices in life. I have no desire to leave DH but I like that we are equal partners in all senses

[Waveysnail]

Every couple should have individual savings

[user1480880826]

Surely everyone has their own savings? Otherwise you’re not taking advantage of your tax free savings allowance.

Every woman should have her own savings and pension.

[x2boys]

All money is family money here yabu to assume that people have the funds to save secretly ,I can't just take money for myself and out it into a secret account it would be like stealing from my family

[TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan]

Oh and we've been best friends since we met at age 11, it's nothing to do with trust

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

I was solely reliant on DHs income for many years. For a while before that he was dependant on me.

We have a joint account and everything we have us just “ours” even though he earns six times what I do. We discuss big purchases (and small ones back when we had a lot less disposable income) but we’ve honestly never argued about money as we are a team.

However, ALL our savings are actually in my name (originally for tax reasons) and DH jokes about the size of my running away fund! Obviously he trusts me because it is a very large amount of money that I could live off fora few years if I wanted to.

[PapayaCoconut]

Is anyone completely reliant on a partner's income? Yes. And he's completely reliant on me talking care of the home and children. He appreciates everything I do just as much as I appreciate what he does and he tells me this often. (He also does his share of housework and childcare when he's at home.)

Can you spend the shared money as if it were your own or does it make you uncomfortable? Well, first of all it's all family money so it's not mine or his 'own'. And he has given me 50% of his company anyway. But no, I don't spend any larger amounts without checking with him and he always consults with me before buying things too.

If you can't trust in and commit to your partner, to the point where you have to have an 'escape plan' then you may as well not be together.

[Bountylisa7]

Separate accounts here and we pay a proportionate amount each into a joint account to cover bills.

I think it is very sensible to have your own savings and own pensions (which a lot of women pay little attention to)

[x2boys]

I have a pension from 20 years i NHS service ,but no savings as I'm a care for my disabled child ,peop!e on here can be so blinkered to how others live sometimes.

[yeahokright]

I think it's so sad that people have such a poor view of being in a relationship. We are a team, have joint finances etc. I don't need a running away fund, if you feel you do you shouldn't be in that relationship

[Proteinshakesandovieshat]

I never had a joint account with exh. I transferred what we agreed as my part of Bill's to him and they all came out of his account.

I remember talking about this issue, when I first joined and MN (almost 10 years ago) and lots of posters thinking a married couple not completely combining finances was ridiculous.

I think now it's not such a big deal.

I divorced exh. I had more money in my own accounts than him because he is shit with money. Dp and I have a joint account for Bill's only. We have our own savings and our own money. If we are going on holiday we plan together and have complete trust that when it comes to paying for something we can both afford our share. So a holiday, no worries he wouldn't have the money when it came to it.

When he was married, his wage went straight into his wife account and he got a small allowance from it. She wouldnt even let him have his own back account. So he woildnt ever go back to pooling money. Neither would I, as exh would spend everything he could get his hands on. Which is why my money was kept separately.

I have always worked full time though. Much easier to do this when both have money coming in and similar amounts of left over money.

My mum got screwed over I'm several divorces, because she didnt work. Never learnt from it and doesnt even work now me and my brother are 35 plus. Each divorce was a upheaval. My divorce was far less devastating and worrying because I had financial stability independently.

[Stifledlife]

I do and I think every woman should.
I am the child of a 4 times divorced father, so I've been there and done that from the back seat, and I know that 1) in every relationship things are fine.. until they aren't and 2)There is nothing more vindictive than a guilty partner who is trying to style it out. Damned if I'm going to make myself vulnerable without having some insurance.

Those who are saying they don't believe for 1 second that their partner would do that to them, please see points 1 and 2.

The whole point about insurance is that you don't plan to ever use it, but you are bloody grateful you have it if you need it.

[ShatnersWig]

Stifled Says a lot that a woman would choose to marry a bloke who'd already been divorced twice, let alone three times.

Everyone should have their own savings. It should not be regarded as a Running Away Fund.

[Hidingwhoiam]

Not all of us can run away.

Some of us own the house we live in and dont have their dps name on, and have it financial finally protected so they have no interest in it.

Dp is lovely, but if we split I woidlnr be running anywhere. He would be leaving.