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To share this ridiculous experience with you

(90 Posts)
DrVonPatak Mon 22-Jul-19 08:37:48

I have been off sick due to a double sided pneumonia for a couple of weeks. Getting there, but still coughing like a donkey. Getting back to work first week in August as I had a few complications. Recently I have been talking to some colleagues about a lunch/catch up.

Originally the idea was to meet somewhere as soon as I'm off antibiotics (Had a prolonged course). A colleague on ML got wind about it, wanted to get involved (she's due to return to work mid August) and started insisting we meet at her place as she couldn't get childcare. I tried to explain to her that a barely recovered pneumonia from a bacteria that her 8 month old DS hasn't had all the shots against is NOT a good idea, but apparently I'm antisocial and unreasonable.

Colleagues tried to appease her and we all agreed to have a lunch together once she's back to work, but she's been throwing WhatsApp tantrums all weekend about it. We normally get along surprisingly well for a work team and I'm really sorry to have caused tension, but WIBU to refuse to expose an 8 month old to a potential pneumonia because his mum couldn't manage a childminder?

AdobeWanKenobi Tue 23-Jul-19 15:15:50

I quite like Crotch Fruit. Bettered only by Crotch Goblin.

HollowTalk Tue 23-Jul-19 15:13:05

@Ericabro Crotch fruit

That is a disgusting expression.

Ericabro Tue 23-Jul-19 14:34:29

So you have been of work ill? and lady has been of work as she decided to have crotch fruit? and now wants all of you to go around her house to admire the loins of her crotch? really I think if she is struggling now for child care for something planned weeks in advance she is going to struggle to come back to work, the baby could even come with her for the meal but she doesnt want that because after five minutes of oohh and ahhh she wont be center of attention, obviously she thinks she is the only person to have ever given birth, On a lighter note would love to know where you work that people want to meet up and get together for a meal before your back in work and not all bitching and moaning and wanting you back in work with comments like if your well enough to be out your well enough for work. take care love and dont go back to soon x

Tedsmum2017 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:18:11

Wow this woman is totally self centered and must think the star of saint David is above her fucking house or something!!

If I threw in every single whip round in work every month I might as well give up my wage it gets ridiculous. I've missed cards a few times because I've had a day off or wasn't around when it was going around big whoop!

Sounds awful what you've had I hope you make a speedy recovery soon.

I've just had 5 weeks off with a chest infection with no voice and considering I need my voice for my job I've been stuffed, I'm not 100% but I'm returning tomorrow and dreading it already!

Good luck on your return

DrVonPatak Tue 23-Jul-19 11:38:52


I'm starting to believe this too...

timeisnotaline Tue 23-Jul-19 11:34:36

I think mitzik is being sensible about covering yourself with a written email to someone, doesn’t have to be hr yet.

fargo123 Tue 23-Jul-19 11:32:51

she openly stated that she thought I haven't, in her eyes and by her words "shown enough admiration for her baby, especially when it comes to gifts
Wow. I know many new parents think the world is as besotted by their baby as they are, but I've never personally heard one openly say something along those lines.

And I've certainly never had a real life parent demand gift/s. Is she always this greedy and irrational?

DrVonPatak Tue 23-Jul-19 11:31:05


She said she couldn't, none of the team would have minded, it was her wish.

starfishmummy Tue 23-Jul-19 11:23:24

I have read the whole thread...but did I miss why she just couldn't take her baby to the lunch out that was organised? Babies are perfectly portable!!

DrVonPatak Tue 23-Jul-19 11:01:32


No, I told her she was acting unprofessional for stirring up a storm in a teapot for the sake of her greed. It had nothing to do with her maternity leave.

Many have offered on WhatsApp to throw a welcome back party, I offered her a careful walk through on her last keep in touch day to make sure she's in the loop, except in ended up in the hospital before it could happen. She was more than welcome to join the lunch outside, but chose not to, citing unavailable childcare (fair enough), except she knew about that for a week now and it wasn't supposed to take place until early August.

Basically I did everything possible to include and attempt to reassure her, believing it was the reasons you stated that were causing this, but no, she openly stated that she thought I haven't, in her eyes and by her words "shown enough admiration for her baby, especially when it comes to gifts".

So excuse me if I feel a little disgruntled over the whole affair. I'm leaning towards HR involvement this morning, but I'm still waiting to cool down completely before making a decision.

frazzledasarock Tue 23-Jul-19 10:00:59

Who goes thro their office greeting cards and check off every single signature on the card?

I loved reading the messages but couldn’t tell you who didn’t sign the card. And in our office you can sign the card without putting any money in.

How expensive was her baby gift from colleagues for her or expect you to fork out £75 for her?!

I actually would go to HR and show them he messages and relay the conversation, just in case she’s still gunning for you when she returns to work. She doesn’t sound like she has PND, she sounds more like she’s spotted a weakness in you and is trying to exploit it to her advantage.

I’d go and speak to HR, ask for it to be noted just in case the matter escalates when she returns from maternity leave.

DarlingNikita Tue 23-Jul-19 09:45:51

She's a nasty cow. And she needs a life. Who on earth would spend so much time and energy fuming over a card not being signed hmm and a colleague not giving a £75 gift? hmm

I know I'm banging on, but please tell HR. As a PP says, she may well start accusing you of all kinds of things and it'd be a good idea for you to get in front of it. And I'd stay off WhatsApp so there's nothing she can use against you.

RoomR0613 Tue 23-Jul-19 08:44:25

just how unprofessional she came across, especially after covering her arse in the office for months!

You mean taking the maternity leave that she is legally entitled to and presumably didn't come as a surprise to your team?

So in her eyes you didn't sign her card (snub 1), didn't attend her baby shower (snub 2) and you've tried to arrange an out of work get together that only excludes her (and her attempts to be able to include herself in it have been rebuffed by you with what she sees as excuses - snub 3) and she's picking up on an attitude from you that you are displeased she's gone on maternity leave and left you all covering her work.

All that coupled with having to return to work in a few weeks with the usual feelings of lost confidence and reduced status that ML returners often get and the emotions of having to leave your baby with someone else.

I'm not surprised she's acting a bit odd to be honest in that context.

Obviously she's wrong to suggest a present, that's not something rational people do - did you not say you had contributed but didn't get to sign the card?

Stressedout10 Tue 23-Jul-19 08:04:35

Wow OP go to hr asap before she starts to accuse you of bullying or worse then watch your back this sort of crazy self entitled cfucker don't go away quietly.

cheeseorchickentwisties Tue 23-Jul-19 06:05:00

It sounds like she's annoyed by the attention you're getting, and her pregnancy and baby are no longer in the limelight. She wants attention.

ittakes2 Tue 23-Jul-19 05:04:39

She sounds like a lunatic but if you are still contagious in August I am not sure if lunch with anyone is a good idea. You sound like you have been through a terrible experience you poor thing. I think you might want to have a chat with HR on how to respond to her. She may come to her senses but sometimes when people do they are so embarrased by their behaviour they treat the person they were terrible to even worse. You might want to lay the ground work with HR now incase she gets worse when you go back to work. I hope you have taken a photo of the text she sent you. Hope you feel better soon.

GlamGiraffe Tue 23-Jul-19 04:34:28

Weell she certainly spunds bonkers. I suspect shes a bit isolatedand lonely and thats her real issue.
Put 9f curiosity, y baby had pneumococcal jabs, are they against some varieties of pneumonia? Maybe she's imagining full protection because of that. Either way I wouldnt want to risk it

RebootYourEngine Tue 23-Jul-19 04:17:49

How did this go from lunch to a £75 baby presentconfused she is a massive CF.

fargo123 Tue 23-Jul-19 03:52:09

Regardless of whether her baby is exposed or not, she's a dick for taking over your lunch and making it about herself You've been sick ffs. What if you wanted a nice relaxing lunch out somewhere that wasn't stuck inside? You might be sick of being in a house... If I was looking forward to a lunch out I'd be disappointed to have that changed to someone else's house and have the option of menus and choosing something to eat disappear.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Then I saw OP's update and agreed even more! (If that's even possible).

Co-worker is a grade A selfish, self centred CF of the highest order! Going forward I'd be restricting our relationship to professional courtesies only.

so she thought she'd give me a discreet chance to "give her baby a proper gift" and even offered to pass me a link to a specific item, which, on a later check, costs upwards of £75
I'm glad you set her right on this. What an arrogant, entitled, condescending bitch (she is)!

cstaff Mon 22-Jul-19 20:35:54

Jeez OP this started out as a "she's taking over my lunch" thread to a complete CF thread. Even if you hadn't donated to her baby present, so fucking what. Is it a rule in your employee manual.

Like a pp said definitely keep someone in work informed of her carry on by email. Hopefully there will be no need to produce it but if things get a bit crazy on your return to work at least you will have something in writing.

Good luck with this crazy lady. Rather you.

ohfourfoxache Mon 22-Jul-19 20:18:01


I’ve never seen depression manifest itself as being an entitled CF like this before hmm

HermioneKipper Mon 22-Jul-19 20:07:27

What?! She’s nuts! This doesn’t sound like PND to me - she just sounds like a grabby cow! I don’t think I’d be able to resist telling other colleagues about her behaviour.

Really hope you feel better soon - pneumonia sounds horrendous flowers

GabsAlot Mon 22-Jul-19 19:57:53

Shes batshit-you need to tak this further now she clearly isnt letting it go

RandomMess Mon 22-Jul-19 19:56:59

If she doesn't have PND then she has a very serious attitude problem confused

MitziK Mon 22-Jul-19 19:50:38

I'd probably send an email to your closest colleague to cover your arse, confirming what she's said to you and you're a little concerned that she might be vulnerable to PND so might benefit from somebody being 'there' to give her additional support and reassurance as she seems to have fixated upon you/demanded gifts with menaces, which you're sure she would never dream of doing ordinarily.

That way, if she does come back very hostile, you have a 'paper trail' in case she claims victimisation.

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