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To share this ridiculous experience with you

(90 Posts)
DrVonPatak Mon 22-Jul-19 08:37:48

I have been off sick due to a double sided pneumonia for a couple of weeks. Getting there, but still coughing like a donkey. Getting back to work first week in August as I had a few complications. Recently I have been talking to some colleagues about a lunch/catch up.

Originally the idea was to meet somewhere as soon as I'm off antibiotics (Had a prolonged course). A colleague on ML got wind about it, wanted to get involved (she's due to return to work mid August) and started insisting we meet at her place as she couldn't get childcare. I tried to explain to her that a barely recovered pneumonia from a bacteria that her 8 month old DS hasn't had all the shots against is NOT a good idea, but apparently I'm antisocial and unreasonable.

Colleagues tried to appease her and we all agreed to have a lunch together once she's back to work, but she's been throwing WhatsApp tantrums all weekend about it. We normally get along surprisingly well for a work team and I'm really sorry to have caused tension, but WIBU to refuse to expose an 8 month old to a potential pneumonia because his mum couldn't manage a childminder?

WomanLikeMeLM Mon 22-Jul-19 12:22:08

@DrVonPatak you got vaccinated against 1 strain, there is 24 strains of it. Glad your feeling better.

HavelockVetinari Mon 22-Jul-19 12:25:23

She sounds like a loon! Don't engage, let other colleagues handle it.

urbanlife Mon 22-Jul-19 12:26:32

Wow maybe she has PND or some other problem. I don't think it is you or the lunch. I would ignore it and would not take it personally. She is probably exhausted and worried about her return to work.

DarlingNikita Mon 22-Jul-19 12:28:44

She's a nasty one, isn't she? I'd be tempted to mention it to HR as it's connected to you being off sick (as opposed to just 'took time off'); and she shouldn't be guilt-tripping you about leaving the team to struggle –that's for HR and your managers to manage.

mussolini9 Mon 22-Jul-19 12:28:44

We normally get along surprisingly well for a work team and I'm really sorry to have caused tension

Don't worry, you didn't cause any tension. The batshit attention-seeker did that all by herself.

Colleagues tried to appease her

I bet they did. All the while she was throwing nasty accusations around that you are "antisocial" & "unreasonable". Nice way to treat someone recovring from double pneumonia.

Your colleagues already know who's being unreasonable & batshit. It's not you btw!

Juells Mon 22-Jul-19 12:35:35

Hell would freeze over before I went to lunch with her ever again.

YouJustDoYou Mon 22-Jul-19 12:38:20

Trying to protect a baby? You fucking bitch! (I'm obviously massively joking!!). I can't believe she'd even want to risk the baby that way.

Beestripey Mon 22-Jul-19 12:38:22

She's awful!! I'd report that text to your manager and arrange a meet up without her.

YouJustDoYou Mon 22-Jul-19 12:39:27

Deffo report her to HR over that text. That's totally out of order.

Isatis Mon 22-Jul-19 12:43:47

I hope you responded on WhatsApp to point out that specific advice is that babies should not be exposed to your bugs and you did not feel it unreasonable to avoid any risk of causing her baby to catch a serious and potentially life-threatening illness.

DrVonPatak Mon 22-Jul-19 12:47:33

I'll presume PND and hope all this blows over.

I am starting to have a slight suspicion this has something to do with sorting out the budget. This is normally her job and her cover was a graduate, with whom I've been working to get things done. But I don't understand, we got it sorted and I have no intention of stepping on her toes once she's back?!?

Anyhow, I'll leave HR as the last resort, I'd hardly think this would qualify. Yes, I'm not happy with her behaviour, but so far it has not impacted my work. I'll keep it as an option if that changes, though.

ImMeantToBeWorking Mon 22-Jul-19 12:47:44

YANBU. She should not even want to meet you. What if she carries it back to her DC? She may not catch it but could pass it on! She is obviously lonely but it is not worth the risk at all.

Rachelover40 Mon 22-Jul-19 12:49:27

She's unreasonable, especially as you've said you can get together with her when she returns from mat leave.

Quite honestly, I doubt very much that you would still be infectious but you sound like a caring person who isn't prepared to unnecessarily expose a baby to germs.

It's a great shame that your colleague is sounding off. She's blowing everything out of all proportion. I can't help wondering if she has PND.

Whatever, this will blow over.

I hope you will feel completely better quickly. It sounds as though you burned yourself out so do take care in future.


DarlingNikita Mon 22-Jul-19 12:55:15

I'll leave HR as the last resort, I'd hardly think this would qualify.

I think it's highly likely that it would qualify. She's attacking you on issues that are directly to do with your role and the company policies on sickness/cover etc. Please don't let her get away with this shit. She might just go on doing it to other people if no one stands up to her.

And ignore any further crazy WhatsApp stuff and texts.

LillithsFamiliar Mon 22-Jul-19 12:57:21

She sounds very UR but you say 'she got wind of it...' Perhaps this all stems from her feeling deliberately excluded.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble Mon 22-Jul-19 13:00:28

@DrVonPatak- from your last comment, it might be an attempt to psych you out? She's coming back fighting? But she's badly mis-judged it.

MitziK Mon 22-Jul-19 13:07:47

Maybe she's terrified that she's being edged out? Doesn't excuse it, but it might help to explain her huge reaction, especially if she doesn't understand that you can catch pneumonia; I didn't know that it could be until I was lying on my living room floor for three days unable to breathe enough to reach the phone to call an ambulance, as I'd always been told it was something that happened to old people as their bodies shut down.

S1naidSucks Mon 22-Jul-19 13:09:55

That sounds terrifying MitziK. How did you get help eventually?

Isleepinahedgefund Mon 22-Jul-19 13:12:38

Never mind the risk of passing on pneumonia, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her after her behaviour!

Amibeingdaft81 Mon 22-Jul-19 13:25:24

You’re not contagious as you will have finished your antibiotics and returning to work very shortly.

You could have been flexible. You chose not to, citing a spurious reason as to why.

flouncyfanny Mon 22-Jul-19 13:27:33

Agree with Isleepinahedgefund BACK AWAY while you can, your other colleagues have seen her behaviour now, PND is not an excuse - she's marking her territory.

DrVonPatak Mon 22-Jul-19 13:30:42

Actually I'm still on antibiotics as my consultant (luckily) decided to take a sample on a check up, because I was still having low grade fever. It came back positive, so my antibiotics were changed. I still have 5 days worth of it to go and was specifically told mot to go near high risk groups, hence my reaction. Yes, I know this isn't usual and the consultant ordered some more tests at a later date to check for a metabolic disorder I can't pronounce, but there it is.

Amibeingdaft81 Mon 22-Jul-19 13:34:13

But in originally op you say agreed to meet up after antibiotics

You’ve been away two weeks

She’s been away months.

I would have been flexible. You presumably won’t meet colleagues whilst contagious. So same applies to baby.

She’s obviously very keen if prepared to do lunch for you all.

justasking111 Mon 22-Jul-19 13:37:53

If she cannot get cover for a lunch, how is she going to get back to work?

MitziK Mon 22-Jul-19 13:39:18

@S1naidSucks, I finally felt 'better' enough to get the two buses to the GP. And promptly slumped in the waiting room.

He drove me back home after stopping off at the chemist to pick up my prescription for the biggest antibiotics in the world and phoned my boss to tell him that I wasn't coming in for a fortnight, posting the medical certificate to them himself as they were being dicks about it.

I have an overactive immune system, so whilst it had to be horrendous for me to even get ill in the first place, I also have/had the ability to recover from things pretty quickly without antibiotics normally (which is just as well, because the same immune system is allergic to almost all of them).

These days, I'd have ended up in hospital on a drip and oxygen, but not so much of a thing in the mid 1990s, apparently.

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