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AIBU?

I HATED my wedding

90 replies

Mrshaller · 21/07/2019 03:39

Although I like the idea of marriage I never fancied the idea of a big wedding. However my husband insisted on one and I agreed to go along with it for him. Big mistake. Even though he did his share of the planning; for a year and a half I put up with all sorts of drama whilst we were planning and it took a toll on my mental health. I was extremely stressed and anxious about the wedding day itself but a part of me was hoping that I might actually enjoy the day when it arrived.

As I barely slept the night before I was exhausted so the day seemed to drag on and on. When we went into the hall to have our meal several of my husband's friends made a beeline for the activity packs I'd bought as favours for the children (these friends are all over 30 and don't have kids) before the children even had a chance and started loudly messing about with them. I wasn't happy about this but I was told to let it go.

I went to the bridal suite to have a lie down, then put on my evening outfit determined to at least enjoy the reception. Just as I was starting to relax and enjoy myself my husband was sick from drinking too much and the reception pretty much ended two hours early as most people left after that (his so called "best men" scurried off as soon as he was sick without even saying bye to anyone - leaving my BIL to sort him out) . My husband had thrown up all over the bridal suite and himself so the venue staff had to clean up after him (which came to £700 as they ended up having to replace stuff that couldn't be cleaned) and BIL bath him. I spent the wedding night in tears.

Just as I was starting to feel better about it our wedding photos arrived. Even though the photos themselves were well taken the majority of them were of his friends (mostly candids but there were quite a few posed ones too; there were actually more couple photos of his mates and their partners than there was of us!) and hardly any of the other guests. There was even an individual posed portrait photo of one of his friend's girlfriend (who wasn't in the wedding party or related to either of us). My mum, who'd paid for the photographer as a wedding gift to us, wasn't happy and we had to ask guests for photos to make an album.

Whenever I think of the wedding I get angry thinking of all the hassle I went through, what it did to my mental health, all the money which was wasted, how I didn't even get to enjoy it and don't have any positive memories of the day. AIBU feeling like this?

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fia101 · 21/07/2019 03:48

I empathise. I didn't enjoy me wedding. I felt anxious and lonely on the day. Just wanted it over. I didn't really get a say in things which were important to me. I ended up with a bridesmaid I didn't want who completely upstaged me with her boob bearing bridesmaid (she came onboard at last minute to satisfy mil so no time for dress same as other).

Music I walked down the aisle to wasn't what I'd chosen. Spent the whole time walking down the aisle trying to figure out if it was the tie or not.

The entertainment kicked off about an issue and I had to deal with it - I'm no good with confrontation.

I was happy to see 12am come.

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confusedat30 · 21/07/2019 04:02

No YANBU to feel like this. Your wedding day is supposed to be special and yes there will sometimes be things you can't control that may go wrong but by the sounds of it your entire day was not enjoyable. How does your husband feel about it now looking back? Does he regret forcing you to have a wedding you didn't want? At the end of the day it's the marriage that counts so as long as you are happy now that's what matters most but I definitely think he needs to make it up to you.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2019 04:15

I'm surprised your husband is still alive. I would have killed him.

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soberken · 21/07/2019 04:27

Jesus your husband ...... how can he think that's ok?

YANBU ..... time will hopefully erase the memory. Maybe for your 1st anniversary you can make a new memory

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Crimpola · 21/07/2019 04:32

Forget the wedding, I suspect a lot of brides and grooms are secretly disappointed with their wedding days. Are you happy you're married to your husband?

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FredaFrogspawn · 21/07/2019 04:33

I think what is perhaps causing most disconcertion is that it was the day you married a selfish prat. And the way he behaved throughout - from pushing a big wedding on you to allowing his selfish friends to spoil it with him - to drinking in a way which made the day about him alone - the realisation of how the rest of your life could pan out with this unpleasant being would make anyone pretty depressed.

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howwudufeel · 21/07/2019 04:37

It’s over now so forget about it and get on with the rest of your life.

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howwudufeel · 21/07/2019 04:39

Then assumption from some posters is that the DH is selfish for getting drunk. Perhaps he was nervous or couldn’t turn down drinks from his friends or simply made a mistake as many people do and drank too much?

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soberken · 21/07/2019 04:40

@howwudufeel is of course completely right. I wish I could take more of this approach with things in life.

Move on OP .... otherwise it will eat at you.

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Durgasarrow · 21/07/2019 04:43

Yup, that sucked!!! Luckily, you don't have to go through that shit again.

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gotmychocolateimgood · 21/07/2019 04:45

I can't believe he would drink so much to throw up everywhere on his wedding day. That's so immature.

My wedding day wasn't perfect either. Like you I slept terribly the night before. I gave a speech and pitched it wrong and DH didn't like it. My first dance didn't happen as I imagined as the singer didn't perform very well. The band played songs which were out of touch with the young crowd. A lot of the photos were crap.

However on balance it was a fantastic day. I had all my family there, everyone got on well, the venue was gorgeous with lovely food.

I think your DH is the problem. Did he apologise the next day?

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Greyeye · 21/07/2019 05:39

I'm sorry to hear this...

I didn't hate my wedding day, but it was stressful.

My sister was terribly ill and nearly couldn't be my bridesmaid. I was so worried about her as she had a serious health condition. She was fine in the end, thank goodness.

My dad had talked me into wearing my mum's wedding dress and I didn't really like it. It was fussy and old fashioned and was very "child bride" - I was thirty.

An old school friend invited herself and brought along three more uninvited people. They behaved appallingly - got drunk and then stole some unopened bottles of wine to take home.

Later on, my aunt got very drunk and kissed her own nephew... this appears on the wedding video.

The whole thing just felt weird. Luckily, my husband was lovely and I think he had a good day, considering.

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Mrshaller · 21/07/2019 08:15

Thanks for your replies everyone. My husband did apologise and he feels embarrassed about it. We're happy otherwise.

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Sobeyondthehills · 21/07/2019 08:24

YABU just learn the word no.

However my husband insisted on one and I agreed to go along with it for

Everything else stems from this, so you should of said no from this point or just let him jog on with everything, he wanted it then let him arrange it.

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Unfinishedkitchen · 21/07/2019 08:25

I bet a lot of brides and grooms secretly feel the same but can’t say anything or admit it after all the drama of planning for a year, the money etc.

No day can live up to the expectation of being the best day ever. That’s why I advise people to do it as inexpensively as possible, that way if it wasn’t great, you at least know you didn’t spend the equivalent of a house deposit or your future kids uni fees on it.

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FenellaMaxwell · 21/07/2019 08:28

My dad died 2 weeks before our wedding. He was adamant we go ahead I barely remember it - it was all just too sad, and I went through the day in a total haze.

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JustDanceAddict · 21/07/2019 08:33

That’s a real shame. I loved my wedding day - yes, there were a few minor things that I would’ve changed, but it was on the whole an amazing day.
Your husband was well out of order puking like that. I barely drank as was too busy talking, dancing etc how did he even have time to get slaughtered?
Shame about the photos too - the photographer needs to be given guidance as to who to photograph as he doesn’t know faces, etc.

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Petitprince · 21/07/2019 08:36

Your husband sounds like the problem here. His mates and his drinking ruined it.

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SlowStarters · 21/07/2019 08:37

As long as your marriage is happy, I would try to put the wedding day to bed. I completely understand how you feel though, all the money, time and effort and you didn't get to enjoy it as you should have done.

I was so worried about the stress/money side (I'm an introvert too) my DH and I got married abroad, just the two of us. Could you do something similar, maybe have another ceremony, just you two, and make a new special day with good memories?

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LagunaBubbles · 21/07/2019 08:39

That's a shame but you need to move on from it and focus on your marriage, not the 1 day. Unless it's highlighting problems in your relationship?
I take it you took it up with your wedding photographer about the photos though, what did they say?

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PhillipeFellope · 21/07/2019 08:39

I'm sorry you had a shit day, it sounds stressful and awful for you.

What did your husband puke on?! 😱 People kept filling my glass on my wedding day, I hadn't eaten and didn't realise and ended up shit faced, I felt horrendous. We also have more photos of my cousin, her now ex partner and my nephew than of me and my dh. And 450 (literally) pictures of the food, apparently the caterer asked photographer to take some photos for his website, so she obliged, on my wedding day. We didn't make an album and I haven't looked at them since. I understand the disappointed, I would definitely take it up with the photographer though.

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dayswithaY · 21/07/2019 08:40

I hated my wedding day, I'm a control freak so obviously nothing was to my liking. I cringe when I think about it and have hidden the photos. Write it off as one bad day, that's what I do.

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Nixen · 21/07/2019 08:45

I think the main issue is the immature arsehole you married tbh

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Loudlady34 · 21/07/2019 08:50

I had a small registry office wedding and a meal after because we don't have any friends and only have a small family.
I felt sad and embarrassed because I didn't really have anyone wmto celebrate my marriage with, no hen do etc. My dad took control of the whole thing and my husband and I ended up travelling in different cars from the wedding. We were back at our house by 4pm just the 2 of us and our kids. It was absolutely shit.
My best friends wedding (she didn't even come to mine) was a church wedding which was nice, then to a village hall from 2pm for the meal and speeches. The meal was terrible. Almost inedible. Felt very sorry for her. Then there was a huge gap of about 3 hours before the evening reception where people were sitting around in silence yawning. Tbh every wedding I've ever been has been a waste of money

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zafferana · 21/07/2019 08:52

YANBU - your wedding sounds awful. Has the marriage been any better? A groom who throws up all over the bridal suite FFS? I think I'd have had the marriage annulled at that point.

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