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To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

(607 Posts)
Mammyloveswine Sat 20-Jul-19 17:37:12

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 20-Jul-19 17:38:32

Very unkind on her part. I’d be a lot colder to her from now on. I’d not be impressed with the others either.

BrieAndChilli Sat 20-Jul-19 17:41:18

Are you all similar ages? Just wondering if they are all younger than you so she thought you might not enjoy it? ...grasping at straws

GorkyMcPorky Sat 20-Jul-19 17:41:43

That's really unkind and you can't take it any way other than personally. However it says more about her and them than it does about you. Bunch of dicks.

AuntieAvocado Sat 20-Jul-19 17:41:43

That’s very unkind.

It’s clear she’s not your friend.

Just be polite and professional, but don’t go beyond that for her anymore.

TitianaTitsling Sat 20-Jul-19 17:43:34

Absolutely bloody rude- although any chance (grasping here!) That the others just happened to bump into them?

F2Feee Sat 20-Jul-19 17:44:40

Wow that's very hurtful. She thanked you and accepted your gift yet excluded only you? That's cruel. As for the others, sounds like they were all in on it. Since you work together, I would have to ask her why.

surlycurly Sat 20-Jul-19 17:44:45

Wow, I'd be really hurt. That's horrible. YANBU

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Sat 20-Jul-19 17:45:09

That's crap behaviour on everyone's part imo.
Think you have to back off a little now, you are too nice for them.

Unicornsdosparkle Sat 20-Jul-19 17:45:33

Maybe mute the group messages tonight too. If the others were all there except you then there was absolutely no need to send the picture to the group chat.

OverpricedFloorCushion Sat 20-Jul-19 17:45:34

I'd reply "thanks for the invite" and tell them all to go fuck themsleves. There is no excuse for not extending an invite in this case.

Ratbagcatbag Sat 20-Jul-19 17:47:25

That's really unkind. I agree with previous posters. Just cool it with them all now. Polite but nothing more.
Sending hugs because it really is awful (I've been there!)

ourkidmolly Sat 20-Jul-19 17:47:54

People are so flipping rude and thoughtless. Stop being a good friend and retreat.

7yo7yo Sat 20-Jul-19 17:49:15

I’d message back with thanks for being a good friend but not good enough ay!

LottieLucie Sat 20-Jul-19 17:50:59

It's very unkind behaviour but I'd resist commenting no matter how difficult you find it not to.

Rise above it and be professional, act like it didn't happen and gradually phase them out of the good friend zone and treat them politely like casual acquaintances instead.

Zebraaa Sat 20-Jul-19 17:52:15

Awww that would make me feel sad too. I’m baffled why they’d do because surely they’d know you would see the photos too.

CatInADoghouse Sat 20-Jul-19 17:52:20

That's an appalling way for them to treat you. There's absolutely no need. Even when you asked them what their plans were for the weekend? They didn't think to say 'I thought we were ALL going out?' Did some of them make up fake plans to throw you off?

They'd only make me feel like this once! I'd remove myself from the WhatsApp group, go to work, do my job and then go home. I'd be civil to them but that's as far as it'd go now. That would only last while I look for another job!

MrsCasares Sat 20-Jul-19 17:52:41

That’s just mean.

Mammyloveswine Sat 20-Jul-19 17:54:20

Thanks everyone! I half expected a load of "well it's up to her who she wants to invite" type responses so it's good to know I'm not just being over sensitive.

Feel really pathetic over how upset I am by the whole thing.

DH has been really nice and offered to pay for me to go out with a friend but I'm really just not in the mood.

Birthday girl is older than me but Team are mixed ages, most around my age and there's around 30 people all out celebrating. All wearing sashes etc and photos on fb of them all at the meeting place. So no doubt really that I have been deliberately excluded.

BlueMerchant Sat 20-Jul-19 17:54:45

Any chance they could have bumped into each other? If that's unlikely then I'd start treating them more like work colleagues and less like friends and I'd be taking myself out of this WhatsApp little group.

Popfan Sat 20-Jul-19 17:55:41

Maybe there was a mix up - seems strange to put it on whatsapp if you weren't invited. I'd have to ask what happened!

PonderingPanda Sat 20-Jul-19 17:56:38

Unfortunately it seems you're not as close as you thought and l suspect that they couldn't make the lunch as they felt awkward about you organising it knowing you were left out.

Really think this will change the dynamics of your work group

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Sat 20-Jul-19 17:59:14

Don't let it spoil your weekend, it sounds like you have a lovely dh.Get some wine and have a nice night with him instead.
What a bunch of jerks they are. cake (not a shit piece)

Mammyloveswine Sat 20-Jul-19 18:00:28

Two of the team have not long started with us too which makes me feel even worse! God it's going to be so awkward on Monday back at work! I will be totally professional but it's going to take hard work!

IWentAwayIStayedAway Sat 20-Jul-19 18:03:32

Ah flip. Not nice! Have you any days due to you? Dont think I could face it

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