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WIBU to not have DP’s nieces as my bridesmaids?

(330 Posts)
StrawberryAndRaspberryTea Thu 18-Jul-19 16:48:49

Starting to plan our wedding, albeit roughly at the mo as still saving up, but whilst we were looking at wedding related bits and pieces online together last night, I asked DP if he thinks his sister will expect to be my bridesmaid.
He said no, but he reckons she’ll expect her daughters to be. The thing is, I’m really not that close with DP’s sister, and even less so with her children who we only really see at special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas etc.

I was only planning on having my step sister (who’s also my best friend) as my maid of honour, and her daughter as a bridesmaid or flower girl, and that’s it. It’s going to be a small wedding on a small budget, and I can’t shake this feeling that the bridesmaids should be my choice?
For instance, I wouldn’t hint at or tell DP who he should have as his groomsmen or his best man, because I feel that’s his decision to make and not mine, likewise, I think the bridesmaids should be down to the bride..

FWIW, DP isn’t fussed whether his nieces are bridesmaids or not - don’t know whether that makes any difference here!

WIBU to not have DP’s nieces as my bridesmaids? (Future) SIL is very upfront, opinionated and can be brutal at times (as can future MIL who I'm also wary of pissing off regarding this) so I’m worried she will be pushy and try and get her daughters to be involved, and if I say no - which I think I’m within my rights to, but not sure! - I’m anxious that she’ll hold it against me. I don't want to cause drama within his family before I've even become a proper part of it, but at the same time, I don't want to find myself in a position where I feel pressured in to having people involved in my wedding that I simply wouldn't choose myself, and that DP isn't bothered about either!


needsahouseboy Thu 18-Jul-19 16:51:21

They are 2 little girls that would probably love to be bridesmaids, they are his nieces. You've said you only see them at special occasions - your wedding is a special occasion and you can have who you want but expect a fall out from this. They are his family. I think it's a bit mean.

needsahouseboy Thu 18-Jul-19 16:52:03

Sorry not sure where I got 2 from!

Pipandmum Thu 18-Jul-19 16:52:25

Do whatever you like. If you were having loads of bridesmaids it would be nice to include them, but as you’re just having one grownup one child it’s a non issue.
I was hoping my stepson (or his wife rather) would have his sister (my daughter) as a bridesmaid but she wasn’t asked and that was that.

Stoptheworldpleasethankyou Thu 18-Jul-19 16:53:08

Nah you don’t know them. Bridal party is normally from the brides side and friends anyway not the grooms.

Jamalamadingdong Thu 18-Jul-19 16:53:28

Would it really kill you to let your future nieces be flower girls?

I never understand all the angst over letting children be part of the day.

MyCatHatesEverybody Thu 18-Jul-19 16:54:34

How many nieces and how old are they?

Nanny0gg Thu 18-Jul-19 16:54:48

How old are they?

flouncyfanny Thu 18-Jul-19 16:56:11

If you say no she'll take offence (and I would imagine MIL would too).
If you ask them to, then she'll boss you around and cause all sorts of issues (choosing colour and type of dresses etc).
You probably won't win either way, but I'd rather have less stress in the run up and stick with your step-sis and her daughter.
Let MIL and SIL pull cats bum faces. Who knows, they might not speak to you for a while (the relief) smile
YOU'RE the bride, you choose.

Pieceofpurplesky Thu 18-Jul-19 16:57:22

Whilst you are the bride she will be your SIL and them your nieces. It wouldn't really be a massive issue to share your special day with them - something they will remember forever ...

Nottalotta Thu 18-Jul-19 16:58:04

I don't think yabu, BUT I would weigh up the effect having them as BM would have on you and your wedding days, versus the fallout if you don't.

sparkles07 Thu 18-Jul-19 16:58:11

I would have been hurt if SIL hadn't had my daughter as a bridesmaid. We're not close, but it's her aunts wedding, and meant a lot to my daughter to get a special dress and her hair done up.

StrawberryAndRaspberryTea Thu 18-Jul-19 16:59:00

The thing is, I also know full well that SIL won't pay for the dresses... so it'll be another expense for us to pay out for.
His Nieces will be 16, 10 and I think maybe 8?

I was always under the impression that the bridal party was close to the bride, and given that we rarely see DP's sister and her DC's, I don't feel they fall in to that category. I really only want a maid of honour and a flower girl too!

Philmitchell Thu 18-Jul-19 16:59:28

Your wedding your choice. Don’t even consider it, if someone says anything. Say no only have 2! End of

PurpleDaisies Thu 18-Jul-19 17:00:53

No need to have them. There’s always someone that will be disappointed or want something done differently.

SlurpyMcSlurperFace Thu 18-Jul-19 17:00:54

You don't want them as BM as you hardly know them.
DP isn't bothered.
It's your wedding. Only what you and DP want is really important. You're making a problem where there is none. Just don't mention it. If MIL or SIL do mention it, tell them your plans as fact.

MmeBufo Thu 18-Jul-19 17:01:28

You don't have to have them, no.

I would ask them though, it's family goodwill in the bank and surely no skin of your nose. If they're older they might not want to anyway, which would be a win all round.

Percypigparade Thu 18-Jul-19 17:01:32

Well why did you bring it up for discussion by asking about the bridesmaid being his sister? What a strange idea!

MmeBufo Thu 18-Jul-19 17:01:41


Jimjamjong Thu 18-Jul-19 17:02:45

I think it is quite childish to "only want one flower girl" when you have 4 nieces, even if 3 of them are on your husdand's side.

SometimesMaybe Thu 18-Jul-19 17:03:01

I thought they were all going to be under 8 and would have said just suck it up. The teenagers won’t want to be bridesmaids for someone they don’t really know, and the youngest will want to be with her big sisters so won’t care. Three extra flower girls wouldn’t make a difference but the costs (and the look) that three bridesmaids will bring is something totally different.
YANBU stick to your guns OP.

Chamomileteaplease Thu 18-Jul-19 17:03:19

Just be ready with your response should SIL ask you about it, should it arise and then you will be ready.

FWIW I agree that as the bride you should be able to choose your own bridesmaids!

You could stick to the fact that you are keeping it small and simple.

Paramicha Thu 18-Jul-19 17:03:36

What better way of getting to know them and you see them at family occasions. They are just as much family as your half sister and half niece?. Would it really cost that much more for two more little dresses. You could get them all the same from a high street shop, they all do wedding dress now.

StrawberryAndRaspberryTea Thu 18-Jul-19 17:03:43

When we're paying for the wedding ourselves on a tight budget, I don't think it's childish to consider only having those closest to me in my bridal party...? Perhaps I am BU though?

MyCatHatesEverybody Thu 18-Jul-19 17:04:14


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