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To ask our lovely nanny not to have her boyfriend around during working hours?

(244 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Ireallyneedtonamechangeforthis Thu 18-Jul-19 13:36:35

This is a really tricky one. We have a lovely nanny, who we and the girls absolutely adore. I really don't want to get this one wrong or be unreasonable, as it could damage our relationship, which I really value, and so please do tell me honestly if you think I ABU before I say or do something which might be unfair.

Our nanny has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few weeks but already it seems very serious and she is really happy, which is wonderful.

Today I can come from work and the new boyfriend had been here all morning with her and the DC, and had been with them while they went for a walk. I had previously said it was ok for him to come around and watch TV with her whilst she was babysitting this evening, but after the DC were asleep. It feels a little bit different while the DC are awake - I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc. She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, but inevitably, while there is another adult present, we all end up focusing on the conversation with the other adult, rather than on the DC's imaginary games, etc. We hadn't discussed this in advance. WIBU to ask that she doesn't bring him along during working hours while the DC are awake, and just keeps it to babysitting hours while they're asleep? I don't want to be mean. She is so loved up and happy, and it's so lovely to see her this way

Sianlouise432 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:39:48

YANBU. She's working, not on a date. I think you're being really reasonable by still allowing her to bring him over during babysitting hours to be honest.

NoSauce Thu 18-Jul-19 13:42:51

Yanbu. She’s at work. I would put some definite rules into place regarding when he can come round. Is she there every night after the dc have gone to bed?

magicstar1 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:43:06

YANBU...if it's only been a few weeks then you don't know much about him yet, and don't know if he can be trusted around small children.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Thu 18-Jul-19 13:43:09


She’s paid to do a job, I mean how many employers would allow to take the boyfriend to work with them?

Also she’s been with him a few weeks so she doesn’t even know him, why would you want him around your dc??

Ratbagratty Thu 18-Jul-19 13:43:45

How can you say she is trustworthy if sure brought the bf over when you had said no to that during the day?

Think you need to lay down the boundaries again and keep a close eye on this.

TheCakeCrusader Thu 18-Jul-19 13:44:13

The nanny is being unreasonable to have her boyfriend present during working hours! As a safety concern, you also have no idea of his background whilst in the care of your children when you are not present- dbs checks.

mussolini9 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:44:24

If you were employing her in a different capacity, e.g. running a shop or managing an office, both you & your customers would be utterly bamboozled if her boyfriend showed up at the workplace to hang out with her.

You are going to have to bite the bullet & explain that while you are comfortable for her to have the b/f over when she is babysitting the children AFTER they have gone to sleep, that you expect her to give 100% of her attention to them when they are awake.

You sound kind & considerate so am sure you will put this over gently & inoffensively.

elessar Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:02


You can't bring your boyfriend with you to work in any other workplace. I'm amazed she would think it was appropriate.

Aside from anything else, would there be insurance issues for you or her?

AbbyHammond Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:08

It's not tricky at all. She shouldn't be having her boyfriend (or any friends!) round while she's working. Totally inappropriate.

Other mums or nannies who have children round to play with your children is fine, that's still work. I wouldn't have new boyfriends over for babysitting either.

sneakypinky Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:09

Is he checked?

Nanny0gg Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:10

She's at work and he has no DBS check.

Very unprofessional of her to even ask

bloodywhitecat Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:12

Not unreasonable at all, there are not many jobs where it would be acceptable. Are baby sitting hours in addition to her nannying hours?

fedup21 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:45:40

You are being entirely reasonable. She is at work, not on a date-it’s not great that she can’t tell the difference!

TheCakeCrusader Thu 18-Jul-19 13:46:01

Personally, I’m not sure that I’d be that comfortable with having the boyfriend hanging around when your nanny is babysitting either!

tenbob Thu 18-Jul-19 13:46:24

YANBU, and I think it is a bit odd that the nanny didn't mention it to you in advance.

My nanny's boyfriend has had to come over to our house during the day once, because he locked himself out of their house, and he stayed for lunch, but she asked me first if this was ok.

Does he not work during the day?

PutyourtoponTrevor Thu 18-Jul-19 13:46:32

You're being too nice, I'd be seriously losing my shit about this. How dare she invite a man into your house who she barely knows and with your kids around. Sackable offence in my eyes

BendingSpoons Thu 18-Jul-19 13:46:47

Your nanny IBVU to invite her boyfriend round. He doesn't have a DBS check done by you and you can't usually chat to your bf whilst you work. YANBU to do as you have suggested.

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck Thu 18-Jul-19 13:48:25

You're being too nice.

She’s got a man she’s known a few weeks around your DC? During working hours? Would you take your new bloke to your desk for the day?

Jesus Christ

Bookworm4 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:48:49

Ffs he could be anyone, no way would I allow some random bloke in my house with my DC; especially assuming yours are very young. Get her told her romance is for off duty.

Rubbinghimsweetly2 Thu 18-Jul-19 13:49:25

She's at work so no way.

I had an au pair years ago who was sleeping with my brother who lived a couple of doors down and would arrive up to mine straight from his bed!

coconuttelegraph Thu 18-Jul-19 13:49:47

Why do you need to ask if you are being unreasonable?

No one takes their partner to work with them and especially if they are a nanny!

Id be questioning her judgement

Grobagsforever Thu 18-Jul-19 13:50:12

Jesus. I'd probably fire her for this!

littlepooch Thu 18-Jul-19 13:50:32

There is no way I would be happy about this.

littlepooch Thu 18-Jul-19 13:52:14

Did she even ask? I mean he could be anyone. And I agree her focus won't be on the kids as much.
Being a nanny is her job. Her sole focus should be your kids. You wouldn't take your boyfriend to an office job or if you worked in a nursery.

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