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AIBU?

Mum shaming at play group

103 replies

Oilyskinproblems · 18/07/2019 12:09

This morning I took dc to play group. A 3 yo girl tried to take a toy my 3 yo was playing with from him so he gripped the toy tighter. She then full on attacked him and I had to struggle to pull them both apart. When I finally managed to her nail marks were imprinted in my sons face. To make matters worse the same girl had come and taken toys off my 1 yo a few times before that.

The girls mum was sat down at the side deep in conversation (where she had been all morning). I went over and explained what had happened thinking she might apologise or start watching her child but she just laughed and said oh I didn’t see that and carried on talking. I then said you should really watch her to make sure it doesn’t happen again and started to walk off. The rest of the session I noticed her and the mums she was with glaring at me and at one point the mum in question started crying. One of the other mums came over and said I’d made her feel really bad and it was “mum shaming” (never heard anyone say that irl before).

Anyway I don’t think I was in the wrong here - I wasn’t abrupt I said what I said in a neutral tone. However regardless of whether I was “mum shaming” aor not, aibu in thinking you should watch your children at play group? I don’t mean you have to stalk them and be involved in their every interaction but surely you should keep an eye on them to make sure you can run over and intervene when things like that happen? Fine have a cup of tea and a conversation but so many parents, grandparents, caters etc just sit at the side talking or on their phone and just don’t even look up.

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Am I being unreasonable?

1164 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
Upanddownandroundagain · 18/07/2019 12:19

It’s just cliquey bullshit. She should have been watching her child - that sort of playgroup always annoyed me, I preferred the ones where parents were encouraged to actually play with their children. And she should have given a shit that her child hurt someone.

You didn’t ‘mum-shame’ her, but to be honest maybe we should all start shaming those mums who aren’t looking after their children - they might start actually doing it then.

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legalseagull · 18/07/2019 12:21

If someone said my child had done that I'd have been apologetic for not seeing! You've done nothing wrong

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Yeahnahmum · 18/07/2019 12:21

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AngeloMysterioso · 18/07/2019 12:21

Well, she should be ashamed... she wasn’t watching her kid and another child got hurt as a result. And she didn’t even apologise.

Some people just can’t deal with being called out on their BS.

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AiryFairyMum · 18/07/2019 12:21

She sounds like a rubbish mum and maybe the truth hurt. Playgroups aren't there to offer full childcare.

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VivienneHolt · 18/07/2019 12:23

She should have been watching her kid, but given that she cried I wonder if you maybe came across as very critical, albeit unintentionally? I can see why you would be so annoyed though.

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saywhatwhatnow · 18/07/2019 12:23

I put up a similar thread the other day, it's ridiculous that people don't watch their kids. It's not nursery or free childcare, you still need to supervise them! I'm not expecting every mum to hover over their kid for the whole session but at least keep an eye on them and check on them once in a while. YANBU

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VivienneHolt · 18/07/2019 12:24

She is a shit kid

Jesus Christ, you’re talking about a three year old!

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Pantolilies · 18/07/2019 12:25

It's the same at parks as well. I saw someone approaching another parent a few weeks ago as the parent in question was busy chatting to her friends and not noticing that her son was hitting someone else's child.

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Nesssie · 18/07/2019 12:26

@Vivienne* Who apparently savagely attacked another child, leaving nail marks on his face. That's not a 'nice' kid..

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TulipsTulipsTulips · 18/07/2019 12:26

I think you should have left it after you told her what happened, rather than going on to say that she should have been watching her child. The mum probably laughed it off because she felt embarrassed, there was no need to give a lecture. Sounds harsh and pretty rude to me.

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Bobbiepin · 18/07/2019 12:27

Jesus Christ, you’re talking about a three year old!

Who eventually will be 10 and disrupting their classes or 15 and being a bully or 25 and breaking the law because no one ever taught her boundaries or told her no.

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Upanddownandroundagain · 18/07/2019 12:27

it's ridiculous that people don't watch their kids. It's not nursery or free childcare, you still need to supervise them!

This is it exactly.

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Pantolilies · 18/07/2019 12:27

I know my child will at one point want the same toy/swing/ride as the other kids, because that's what 3.5 years old do so I always stay close by to diffuse any situation and chat to him to wait for his turn or distract him etc. It's not the child's fault.

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Tigger365 · 18/07/2019 12:27

Who are the 5% that think OP is being unreasonable???

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herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 12:29

If you made her feel ashamed, it’s because she has reason to be ashamed, isn’t it?

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LonelyBones · 18/07/2019 12:30

Just because she "didnt see it" doesn't mean it didnt happen! She should be taking responsibility for her child not chatting Love Island recaps with her mummy friend. Tis shit parenting in my eyes. Go and interact with your child!

Good on you for being assertive and sticking up for your child.

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Oilyskinproblems · 18/07/2019 12:30

Tulips - no I stand by what I did and said. I understand everyone does things differently though.

OP posts:
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Brefugee · 18/07/2019 12:30

take photos of the marks.

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Oilyskinproblems · 18/07/2019 12:31

Lonelybones - thank you!! I’m never assertive I’m usually crap at it.

And funnily enough they were discussing love island (very loudly).

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herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 12:32

Go and interact with your child!

I’m pretty happy for my child to play without me. I just make sure I know where she is and what she is doing, and am ready to intervene if needed.

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ambereeree · 18/07/2019 12:32

This reminds me why I hated toddler groups.

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supersop60 · 18/07/2019 12:33

YANBU at all. I'm so glad those days are long gone for me.

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NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 18/07/2019 12:34

3yo’s behaviour was within the range of perfectly normal 3yo behaviour. Which is why they need hawk-like watching.

I opened the thread ready to say YABU because I’m not keen on over-interference in children’s play at any age, but most 3yos do need greater supervision than this and past experience shows that this one definitely does!

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Moonsick · 18/07/2019 12:35

She should have been watching her child, you don't get to opt out in a public place because that puts the responsibility for your child on other people.

When you informed her of what her child had done, she should have been apologetic, should have acknowledged what her child had done. That's the right thing to do, I can't imagine laughing that off and not at the very least saying sorry or checking your child was ok!

I avoided toddler groups with this type of parent.

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