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Mum shaming at play group

(104 Posts)
Oilyskinproblems Thu 18-Jul-19 12:09:30

This morning I took dc to play group. A 3 yo girl tried to take a toy my 3 yo was playing with from him so he gripped the toy tighter. She then full on attacked him and I had to struggle to pull them both apart. When I finally managed to her nail marks were imprinted in my sons face. To make matters worse the same girl had come and taken toys off my 1 yo a few times before that.

The girls mum was sat down at the side deep in conversation (where she had been all morning). I went over and explained what had happened thinking she might apologise or start watching her child but she just laughed and said oh I didn’t see that and carried on talking. I then said you should really watch her to make sure it doesn’t happen again and started to walk off. The rest of the session I noticed her and the mums she was with glaring at me and at one point the mum in question started crying. One of the other mums came over and said I’d made her feel really bad and it was “mum shaming” (never heard anyone say that irl before).

Anyway I don’t think I was in the wrong here - I wasn’t abrupt I said what I said in a neutral tone. However regardless of whether I was “mum shaming” aor not, aibu in thinking you should watch your children at play group? I don’t mean you have to stalk them and be involved in their every interaction but surely you should keep an eye on them to make sure you can run over and intervene when things like that happen? Fine have a cup of tea and a conversation but so many parents, grandparents, caters etc just sit at the side talking or on their phone and just don’t even look up.

Upanddownandroundagain Thu 18-Jul-19 12:19:09

It’s just cliquey bullshit. She should have been watching her child - that sort of playgroup always annoyed me, I preferred the ones where parents were encouraged to actually play with their children. And she should have given a shit that her child hurt someone.

You didn’t ‘mum-shame’ her, but to be honest maybe we should all start shaming those mums who aren’t looking after their children - they might start actually doing it then.

legalseagull Thu 18-Jul-19 12:21:00

If someone said my child had done that I'd have been apologetic for not seeing! You've done nothing wrong

Yeahnahmum Thu 18-Jul-19 12:21:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AngeloMysterioso Thu 18-Jul-19 12:21:35

Well, she should be ashamed... she wasn’t watching her kid and another child got hurt as a result. And she didn’t even apologise.

Some people just can’t deal with being called out on their BS.

AiryFairyMum Thu 18-Jul-19 12:21:44

She sounds like a rubbish mum and maybe the truth hurt. Playgroups aren't there to offer full childcare.

VivienneHolt Thu 18-Jul-19 12:23:31

She should have been watching her kid, but given that she cried I wonder if you maybe came across as very critical, albeit unintentionally? I can see why you would be so annoyed though.

saywhatwhatnow Thu 18-Jul-19 12:23:53

I put up a similar thread the other day, it's ridiculous that people don't watch their kids. It's not nursery or free childcare, you still need to supervise them! I'm not expecting every mum to hover over their kid for the whole session but at least keep an eye on them and check on them once in a while. YANBU

VivienneHolt Thu 18-Jul-19 12:24:15

She is a shit kid

Jesus Christ, you’re talking about a three year old!

Pantolilies Thu 18-Jul-19 12:25:51

It's the same at parks as well. I saw someone approaching another parent a few weeks ago as the parent in question was busy chatting to her friends and not noticing that her son was hitting someone else's child.

Nesssie Thu 18-Jul-19 12:26:28

@Vivienne* Who apparently savagely attacked another child, leaving nail marks on his face. That's not a 'nice' kid..

TulipsTulipsTulips Thu 18-Jul-19 12:26:56

I think you should have left it after you told her what happened, rather than going on to say that she should have been watching her child. The mum probably laughed it off because she felt embarrassed, there was no need to give a lecture. Sounds harsh and pretty rude to me.

Bobbiepin Thu 18-Jul-19 12:27:06

Jesus Christ, you’re talking about a three year old!

Who eventually will be 10 and disrupting their classes or 15 and being a bully or 25 and breaking the law because no one ever taught her boundaries or told her no.

Upanddownandroundagain Thu 18-Jul-19 12:27:07

it's ridiculous that people don't watch their kids. It's not nursery or free childcare, you still need to supervise them!

This is it exactly.

Pantolilies Thu 18-Jul-19 12:27:52

I know my child will at one point want the same toy/swing/ride as the other kids, because that's what 3.5 years old do so I always stay close by to diffuse any situation and chat to him to wait for his turn or distract him etc. It's not the child's fault.

Tigger365 Thu 18-Jul-19 12:27:57

Who are the 5% that think OP is being unreasonable???

herculepoirot2 Thu 18-Jul-19 12:29:00

If you made her feel ashamed, it’s because she has reason to be ashamed, isn’t it?

LonelyBones Thu 18-Jul-19 12:30:19

Just because she "didnt see it" doesn't mean it didnt happen! She should be taking responsibility for her child not chatting Love Island recaps with her mummy friend. Tis shit parenting in my eyes. Go and interact with your child!

Good on you for being assertive and sticking up for your child.

Oilyskinproblems Thu 18-Jul-19 12:30:24

Tulips - no I stand by what I did and said. I understand everyone does things differently though.

Brefugee Thu 18-Jul-19 12:30:26

take photos of the marks.

Oilyskinproblems Thu 18-Jul-19 12:31:49

Lonelybones - thank you!! I’m never assertive I’m usually crap at it.

And funnily enough they were discussing love island (very loudly).

herculepoirot2 Thu 18-Jul-19 12:32:00

Go and interact with your child!

I’m pretty happy for my child to play without me. I just make sure I know where she is and what she is doing, and am ready to intervene if needed.

ambereeree Thu 18-Jul-19 12:32:03

This reminds me why I hated toddler groups.

supersop60 Thu 18-Jul-19 12:33:42

YANBU at all. I'm so glad those days are long gone for me.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair Thu 18-Jul-19 12:34:56

3yo’s behaviour was within the range of perfectly normal 3yo behaviour. Which is why they need hawk-like watching.

I opened the thread ready to say YABU because I’m not keen on over-interference in children’s play at any age, but most 3yos do need greater supervision than this and past experience shows that this one definitely does!

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