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to think my SIL is over the top with my nephews?

(83 Posts)
ItsFunnyYouShouldAsk Wed 17-Jul-19 20:28:37

My brother works away a lot abroad and is home probably one week a month. Him and my SIL have two boys, my dear nephews aged 9 and 5.

My SIL is a very enthusiastic mother shall we say, all of her social media accounts are just photos upon photos of my nephews and constant updates about them, in person it is impossible to have a conversation with her about anything other than the boys and at family gatherings if the conversation isn’t about my nephews she will always change the subject so the focus is on them. She also doesn’t allow any of our or her family to look after the boys, or have them overnight or take them on days out.

One thing that I find a bit unsettling is she insists on both the boys sleeping in her bed with her whilst my brother is away. She posts constantly on social media about how they are having “sleepovers in mummys bed” (like she posts this nightly whilst my brother is away) but the boys sleep in their own beds when my brother is home simply because there isn’t room for all of them together in one bed.

So AIBU to think this isn’t normal and SIL needs to stop smothering them? I know it’s not my place to say anything to her and I never would but interested to hear others opinions on this.

Michellebops Wed 17-Jul-19 20:31:28


It's her kids, their lives and her choices.

You don't have to get involved in the conversations. You can try to change the subject or politely move away.

StephanieSJW Wed 17-Jul-19 20:33:26

She's over-sharing. You're overly judgemental.

RainbowPanda Wed 17-Jul-19 20:35:22

What's wrong with her sharing a bed with her 9 & 5 year old? confused

ItsFunnyYouShouldAsk Wed 17-Jul-19 20:35:56

Like I said I’d never tell her how to raise her children and have no plans to stop her. I just feel a bit sad for my 9 year old nephew especially who wasn’t allowed a friend to sleepover at the weekend because my SIL said she would miss sharing a bed with nephew too much.

cees Wed 17-Jul-19 20:36:08

Bloody tedious as she sounds its her business not yours.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Wed 17-Jul-19 20:36:30

Are the kids happy ?

Her husband is home 7 days a month, of course he wants his bed and I’d imagine she wants to share the bed with her husband.

The boys are very little, she may parent differently from you, however YABU to judge her.

Parsnippy Wed 17-Jul-19 20:36:53

What are you implying is wrong with her children sleeping in her bed?

Her children are her life. Some people think that is a bad thing. I am not one of those people.

Dollywilde Wed 17-Jul-19 20:36:53

Agree she’s over sharing but YABU.

My DH slept in with his mum until secondary due to a variety of factors. I can promise you he’s a very well adjusted non mummy’s boy at 33!

ItsFunnyYouShouldAsk Wed 17-Jul-19 20:39:40

Erm I don’t know how happy my nephews are about the sleepovers every single night, the eldest has complained about feeling tired at school because the youngest has kept him awake during the night, I think it was bad when the youngest was a newborn and cried a lot as that kept eldest up. My SIL is pretty open about the fact she loves my brother being away because it means she gets to have the boys in bed with her, my brother did have to sleep on the couch when he came home for a bit but I think he got pissed off with that arrangement and put his foot down.

SoyDora Wed 17-Jul-19 20:42:33

You seem to be implying that your SIL is forcing your nephews to sleep in her bed against their will, for her own gains?

MyOpinionIsValid Wed 17-Jul-19 20:43:22

Othe peoples relationships, Not really your business is it?

NothingBreaksLikesAHeart Wed 17-Jul-19 20:44:02

Yeah it's weird and I wouldn't do it personally but that's her perogative. Her kids her choice. It is weird tho

ItsFunnyYouShouldAsk Wed 17-Jul-19 20:47:12

I’m not implying or stating anything untoward is happening!! I just find it odd and wondered if other people thought it was too.

Neverender Wed 17-Jul-19 20:49:18

Sorry but nothing to do with you...

newmomof1 Wed 17-Jul-19 20:49:34

Your SIL is a proud and protective mom. That's admirable IMO.

The boys sleeping in her bed is fine too. It's only a problem if they don't want to.

FelixFelicis6 Wed 17-Jul-19 20:49:45

Going against the grain apparently, but it doesn’t seem particularly healthy, no. Especially if her sons are missing out on social activities because of their mum’s need to have them in bed with her. And it affects their quality of sleep. It does seem rather more about her needs rather than what’s best for the kids.

theworldistoosmall Wed 17-Jul-19 20:50:21

She was probably doing everything she could to minimize noise at night. They cry and wake people up.

FelixFelicis6 Wed 17-Jul-19 20:50:53

theworldistoosmall At 5 and 7? It doesn’t sound like this....

arethereanyleftatall Wed 17-Jul-19 20:51:07

Very strange responses so far!!
I don't think the op is suggesting the boys actually want to sleep in her bed. It's the other way round. Yanbu op. Sounds suffocating for the children.

theworldistoosmall Wed 17-Jul-19 20:52:16

Also is he in a dangerous country or have a dangerous job?

StephanieSJW Wed 17-Jul-19 20:53:43

OP knows what other people's children want and need thank the lord.

SarahSinclair Wed 17-Jul-19 20:54:57

Yes I agree with you and think it’s odd. Wonder what those boys will think of it when they mature.

ItsFunnyYouShouldAsk Wed 17-Jul-19 20:56:19

They live in a detached 3 bed cottage in the middle of nowhere, no immediate neighbours so I don’t think she’s minimising noise. Plus she wouldn’t let the eldest go to his own room when youngest was very little and cried a lot, she used to text me at all hours of the night saying neither of them were sleeping and both screaming their heads off! My brother flies between Switzerland and home for work and once every 6 months goes to Canada so not dangerous countries.

newmomof1 Wed 17-Jul-19 20:57:11

I wonder if it's because she feels safer if they're all together, especially if they're in the middle of nowhere?

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