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Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

(186 Posts)
teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:51:04

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited confused but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:01:47

@Strangerthanadeadting they had the choice to decide.

NeckPainChairSearch Tue 16-Jul-19 12:02:07

Over dramatic parents drive me insane

Lovely little pot-meets-kettle moment there grin

diddl Tue 16-Jul-19 12:03:53

I can understand why you went-I can't understand why you didn't leave as soon as your daughter was ill there.

Blondebakingmumma Tue 16-Jul-19 12:05:04

I’m on the fence. The bug should have passed with that number of days. BUT, once your daughter wasn’t well you should have straight away sent hubby and the girls to sit in the car to wait for you and cleaned the toilet so no one in the house would catch the bug while cleaning up. Why did it take 30mins to leave afterwards? If it was my newborn I’d be livid too

Funguy Tue 16-Jul-19 12:06:11

Suggest they were two different bugs. How was anyone to know?

Blondebakingmumma Tue 16-Jul-19 12:07:22

I also think you need to give SIL a pass on being mean about your daughter. I was soooo tired and cranky waking through the night to feed my newborn, can’t imagine how tiring it is with twins, let alone with a stomach bug 😳

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka Tue 16-Jul-19 12:07:45

You didn’t do anything wrong but I totally get why SIL is pissed off. Having newborn twins is hard work anyway but add in your older kid(s) and partner getting a tummy bug it just adds to it all.

Imanamechangeninja Tue 16-Jul-19 12:09:22

Realistically it is as likely that your DC picked up something from the niece as that she picked it up from them. The second bout of sickness and diarrhoea isn’t necessarily related to the first one at all. Hopefully when your SIL calms down she will realise how irrational she is being.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:15:27

@diddl @Blondebakingmumma because I was looking after the kids while sil was in the shower and dh and db were on their way back with a takeaway.

Zilla1 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:16:39

NHS guidance is 48 hours and you mentioned the sickness to your SIL. YANBU.

It sounds like the Friday sickness episode has NOTHING to do with the Monday one. The 48 rule is regarding infection from the Monday episode. By Friday your DCs wouldn't have been infectious from the Monday episode. It sounds like they'd been unlucky enough to catch something new of which you were unaware until they were sick again on the Friday. It is unfortunate but one way to explain it would be that this would still have happened even if your DC has not been sick on Monday.

Regarding PPs saying you shouldn't have taken potentially sick DCs to visit, in effect you and everyone else would never visit anyone as every child would be potentially sick in the circumstances you describe. You might need to explain this in simple terms for the hard of thinking.

You might need to tell your DM that you are also pretty pissed off with her attitude so she doesn't end up pandering to your SIL and her parents for something that was not your fault.

mumwon Tue 16-Jul-19 12:16:55

did dd eat at your sil before she was sick? ie could it have been something they ate there? or did they eat in service station on route? young children react quicker to food poisoning I imagine than adults do & I would be very surprised if the family caught the bug that quickly from dc if they reacted same day.

Oilyskinproblems Tue 16-Jul-19 12:20:29

YANBU! Putting aside the fact the fact that you’ve followed NHS guidance of 48 hours, you let your DB and SIL know. As far as I’m concerned it’s their responsibility as parents to then decide whether the visit still takes place or not. They obviously made the choice to go ahead with hosting you, so that was their choice. I always let people we are seeing know if my dc have been I’ll recently so if they decide it’s too risky they can opt out. You’ve done nothing wrong please stop beating yourself up.

KatherineJaneway Tue 16-Jul-19 12:21:24

YANBU. 4 days is long enough, you can never tell where you pick bugs up from anyway much of the time.

QueSera Tue 16-Jul-19 12:28:49

It was way over the 48-hour recommended time, and if your SIL actually knew they'd been sick on the Monday from the WhatsApp group - she is definitely BU and YADNBU.
Your SIL doesn't sound very nice to me. If any child gave a bug to mine, I certainly wouldn't be blaming the child like that, nor the parent if they didn't know the child was sick. Just nasty.
Sorry this has happened to you OP, hope your DC are ok now.

beyoncessweatband Tue 16-Jul-19 12:33:08

6 week old twins are particularly vulnerable- assuming premature etc. I do think your SIL is bu however, imagine how she's trying to cope with 3sick kids . I'd blame you too even if you didn't intentionally make the kids sick.

Lesson to everyone- stay away until at least a week when coming into contact with babies under 3m old

pretentiousrubberduck Tue 16-Jul-19 12:36:02

I think you're being a bit mean actually. It wasnt intentional, but she now has a sick child and husband to deal with, along with 6 week old twins. I can't even imagine how tired and stressed she is! Give her a bloody break! I'd be mortified if I were you, and would be apologising profusely and offering whatever help she might need to get through the next couple of days.

WeShouldBeFriends Tue 16-Jul-19 12:49:50

I think your mistake here OP was not taking your dcs after 4 days, which I think was a reasonable assumption that they were recovered, but after the diarrhoea episode. I would have put kids immediately in the car and then bleached the loo, the sink, the door handles and exited as quickly and apologetically as possible.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:50:05

@beyoncessweatband @pretentiousrubberduck Just
to clarify it's ONE sick kid on the Saturday the child is fine now.
Db got it Saturday night into Sunday afternoon. Sil and babies are fine. It's Tuesday and they are all fine.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:51:30

@WeShouldBeFriends please read the the thread I explained why we didn't leave immediately.

sweeneytoddsrazor Tue 16-Jul-19 12:56:26

OP if you were my SIL and my niece had just been ill in my house babies or no babies I would have said don't worry about it these things happen hope my niece feels better soon. And I would have been happy to do the disenfecting whilst you cuddled your child.

Teddybear45 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:57:22

I think you should be embarrassed. Your DC got a D&V bug twice in a week - that means their hygiene clearly needs to be focussed on. You should have apologised.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 13:01:40

Do people actually think I have profoundly apologised to them? Of course I have!
I'm not some heartless bitch who took her sick kids to their home for them to get I'll too. They both said to me not to worry these things happen. Then she said that this morning to my mum.
And there's nothing wrong with my kids hygiene thanks @Teddybear45

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 13:02:50


theunrivalledjoysofparenting Tue 16-Jul-19 13:04:35

You waited 4 days after the v! So you were not U. Your sil is being very U blaming you. Is there nowhere else her family could have picked up the bug?

Having said that, sounds like your dc caught another bug, hence the runny poos at your SIL's, and you left soon after. Unlucky. But your SIl could have asked you not to come. She is being U.

Hope her wee baies are ok, though.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 13:09:11

@theunrivalledjoysofparenting it could of been a different bug or the same, there's no telling really. I suppose they could of picked the bug up anywhere supermarkets, baby clinic, hospital, that's all the places they visited that week. They had visitors from her side of the family on Sunday so she was happy to pass it on to those 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I'm getting blamed for taking it to them.

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