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Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

(186 Posts)
teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 10:51:04

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited confused but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Tue 16-Jul-19 11:09:13

She has 6 week old twins, has a sickness bug, will be worried about them getting ill and will be having to look after them despite feeling like shit herself.

I think everyone would be a bit annoyed at the source of the bug in that situation really, we've all been a bit unreasonable in the first while after we've had a baby I'm sure.

Glitterblue Tue 16-Jul-19 11:10:28

YANBU. You'd have sent them back to school on weds or Thurs, depending on what time they were sick on Monday, so you would assume that by Friday they would be perfectly fine.

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 11:14:18

I genuinely thought my girls were fine since there had been no more episodes. I'm not stupid and would no way take sick kids to see newborns. It just so happens that while we were there dd got poorly again and then the other one was sick the next morning. I understand her being pissed I would too but it was the way she spoke about dd (not even using her name) she knew it would get back to me because I speak to my mum every day. My mum was really upset herself because of the way my nephew was with her on the phone. No doubt they've told him that it was our fault why he has been poorly.

BazaarMum Tue 16-Jul-19 11:15:23

This is one of those things people have double standards with. On another occasion when it would be inconvenient to cancel something your SIL would probably make the choice to take a recently sick child on a visit/holiday etc.

On another occasion you might be pissed off if someone did the same, same time gap, and your family got ill.

I think it’s annoying and a but unfair but we’re all unreasonable sometimes!

Rachelover40 Tue 16-Jul-19 11:17:59

I don't think you did anything wrong as it was four days since yours had been sick. Anyway kids will catch all sorts, even babies, no one can tell from where they caught the bug. I can't stand people who have inquests on that sort of thing.

Your sister in law shouldn't be talking about you and your kids like that! It's not justified and not kind, it's gossipy.

GrabbyGertie Tue 16-Jul-19 11:23:39

YANBU especially as your SIL knew that your DDs had been sick.

WhosThere Tue 16-Jul-19 11:28:55

You and your Mum are being unreasonable. I'd be very pissed off if you gave my family a vomiting bug. Even more so if I had two newborns in the house. I know someone who has form for doing this sort of thing. It pisses everyone off no end.

BlueSkiesLies Tue 16-Jul-19 11:29:52

They were sick ONCE on Monday and had been fine since.

The visit was FRIDAY.

Anyone saying 'you shouldn't have gone' is totally hysterical and I expect a complete hypocrite.

BlingLoving Tue 16-Jul-19 11:33:19

That sounds like roto or noro virus (can never remember which) and the reason it's so bloody contagious is that the vomiting comes first and then stops for up to five days, making you think everything is fine (because of the 48 hour rule) and then the runny tummy starts. And in the meantime, the children are still contagious. It's annoying as hell, but there is no way you could have known.

This happened with us. DS vomited all over a friend, completely unexpectedly. They were going away in a week. But when DS seemed fine two days later, as my friend's baby started the vomitting, we all thought it would be fine because she figured her baby would be fine by the time they left. Then two days later, the runs started and we realised. Sure enough, by the time they were leaving for their holiday, their DS had started with the runs.

YWNBU because there was no way to know. But I don't blame anyone for being upset nonetheless. I still feel guilty about it but my friend doesn't blame me. There was no way to know. And because we had had DS' stools tested and the virus confirmed, her doctor told her it was 99% certain her DS had the same and at least they didn't have to rush him in because he was pretty sick (and young).

BlingLoving Tue 16-Jul-19 11:34:37

Also, assuming I'm right, I'm afraid that their babies are going to get the very runny tummy in a few days too. And as they're so tiny, they'll need to be careful because of the risk of dehydration. Sorry.

Enclume Tue 16-Jul-19 11:36:09

I think it was just bad luck, but what your SIL said is true.

I don't think I would have taken my DDs as some bugs take a while to get rid of. But equally your SIL could have put you off.

NeckPainChairSearch Tue 16-Jul-19 11:37:24

They were sick ONCE on Monday and had been fine since. The visit was FRIDAY

Exactly. YWNBU OP, but I also don't think your SiL is unreasonable for being panicky and upset about the prospect of illness. She's got 6 week old twins, her stress levels and filters will be firing all over the place.

The only thing YABU about is possibly not seeing it from her POV, I guess.

Owenja123 Tue 16-Jul-19 11:38:49

Over dramatic parents drive me insane, kids get sick we all do it cant be helped. Wait until her son is attending nursery/school and they will be coming home will all kinds of bugs.

I would suggest you have done them a favour as its building up his immune system for when they start school/nursery x

whirlwinds Tue 16-Jul-19 11:44:39

I am a bit over the top when it comes to bugs like this, didn't take my DC to a birthday 3 days after having Noro as I knew there would be babies there and wouldn't risk it. But 4-5 days after last symptom I would have let him go. And in OPs shoes I would have considered visiting with one bout of sickness on a Monday with the visit being on a Friday.

CatchIt Tue 16-Jul-19 11:45:20

I don't think you were BU actually, it was well over 48 hours and I too would have done the same.

My dad has a sick bug at the moment, god knows where it came from as no one else has been poorly with it.

Sometimes people just get sick and don't necessarily pick it up from anyone. 🤷‍♀️

CatchIt Tue 16-Jul-19 11:50:03

Should be dd, not dad! 🙄😂

crosstalk Tue 16-Jul-19 11:50:25

OP You weren't unreasonable esp since your SIL didn't say don't bring your DC 4 days after. She's not being unreasonable since her husband and older girl are down with it and she has those tiny twins.. As PP have said, she's undoubtedly already stressed by the feeding, recent birth etc. I'd suggest you phone your SIL or DB if he's better, and just say how sorry you are. Just don't get into an argument and don't apologise unnecessarily. Clearly they knew through the whatsapp group - clearly you followed NHS guidelines -but perhaps just say next time you'll leave it longer.

PutyourtoponTrevor Tue 16-Jul-19 11:54:34

Maybe OP kids caught the bug from SIL?

Ghanagirl Tue 16-Jul-19 11:55:10

I think you are definitely being unreasonable if you’re upset with SIL twins are generally born earlier and smaller than one baby plus it’s incredibly hard looking after one newborn never mind two.
You’re children definitely passed on the norovirus to her family and you should be sympathetic not “upset” with her.

maddening Tue 16-Jul-19 11:59:58

It prob wasn't even the same bug

Imanamechangeninja Tue 16-Jul-19 12:00:03

If my DC were sick on Monday I’d keep a close eye on them Monday/Tuesday and if there were no more incidents I’d have forgotten about it by Wednesday afternoon. Kids are occasionally sick for no obvious or infectious reason. By Friday Monday would be a distant memory

teenmum18 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:00:08

@Ghanagirl I'm upset with her thinking I intentionally took sick kids to her home when I didn't. She knew they had it on the Monday but was fine about us coming on the Friday. If she was worried she could of said so but she didn't. I thought mine were over it so didn't think twice about it. The babies are my nephews I wouldn't ever want to see them poorly especially being so young. But I wasn't to know. The babies and herself might not get it. I have 3 teenagers here and myself and dh and we haven't had it.

Looneytune253 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:00:37

I'm actually really overly concerned about tummy bugs etc and I think about them all the time and I'd have done the same as you OP. 4 days in between is plenty. Mind I might have also acted like your SIL too to be fair cos I panic when people are sick

Strangerthanadeadting Tue 16-Jul-19 12:00:50

Stomach viruses can linger and shed for two weeks after the last incident. You're supposed to avoid very small babies and anyone with a compromised immune system.
I wouldn't have let you come visit us! You should have let them decide.

Myriade Tue 16-Jul-19 12:01:23

Well I you follow the488hours rule, the children were way over those 48hours and therefore well.
Yess your dc happened to be ill which you didn’t know as they were ill AFTERWARDS. Complete over reaction from your mum and SIL.

(But thé 5yo very probably did get the bug from your dc. It. Could have been anyone else though)

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