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WIBU to pull DS from nursery after 3 weeks for this

(95 Posts)
Thegracefuloctopus Mon 15-Jul-19 18:43:14

Posting here for traffic really but please help.

Ds is 9 months old. He has been going to nursery 2 days a week for 3 weeks, eventually increasing to 3 days a week next month. But a few things have happened which are making me question the nursery. But i dont know if we are being too precious.
Chose this nursery because it was recommended to me and is close to work (obviously checked it out first).
So DS has a nap each morning and each lunchtime on the whole. Since being at nursery, they only do one at lunch time and dont seem to try with the other ones. Once hes had A sleep, thats it for the day. Understandable, most babies dont settle as well at nursery but they dont even try to go with the times ive said, just willynilly (i.e wait till he falls asleep somewhere and pop him in a cot).
He came home with a massive bruise on his shin. No mention of it from nursery. No accident form and it was huge. So big it couldnt have been unnoticed. They also never asked me about it. However, this morning, another mum mentioned her daughter had a small bruise and they made her fill out a form to say it had happened at home. Find it odd they didnt ask for that from me.
DS is still weaning (obviously, hes still young) so he has a milk at 10.30am and 2pm ish depending on his lunch time. HE ALWAYS HAS HIS PM MILK. Today, they said he 'just didnt fancy it' when it was offered and they then didnt try again but waited until dinner time and gave him solids. DS was then starving at pick up.
They rang me to ask me to pick him up because he had to have his eyes wiped 3 times and they suspected conjunctivitus, when i said he has been checked out and doc has said he is fine to go to nursery, they said "if we have to wipe his eye one more time we will call again" i said thats fine and would prep boss that i would need to leave. They didnt ring so assumed all ok but at pick up, his face was covered in eye gunk and they said they didnt want to ring again so didnt wipe it.
When i arrived today, DS was playing 1 on 1 with member of staff in door way to garden. He then crawls over to me and starts gagging and coughing. Litterally as if hes chocking. Nursery staff couldnt give a shit so i slapped him on the back and he was sick and spat out a leaf. I understand kids put things in their mouths but he had been playing 1 on 1 and they wernt bothered by his gagging at all. Key worker then offered him water in a sippy cup i specifically asked her not to use becauae it gives him wind and hes sick everywhere ( hes constantly sick anyway hense me asking her not to use a sippy cup but a munchkin cup. I offered to supply his own but they said they had some avaliable to use so i didnt).
Worst of all, every day hes there he gets really really bad nappy rash. Like red raw, crying in pain from it. Never ever gets that at home. We get him home and he recovers over night then the following day it gets bad again. Like hes been left in a pooey nappy for ages. Ive voiced my concern about it but they just kind of dismiss it.
So, WIBU to pull him from the nursery and find somewhere else or are we being too sesitive? Is this just what nursery is like? Can i request some kind of meeting? I feel like they tell me what i want to hear but ds behaviour doesnt match what they've said. Anyone else been through similar qnd what would you do?

Tumbleweed101 Mon 15-Jul-19 18:47:07

Ask for a meeting with the manager.

OpportunityKnocks Mon 15-Jul-19 18:48:16

Yabu. Trust your gut.

You might be better off with a childminder though...

OpportunityKnocks Mon 15-Jul-19 18:48:43

*yanbu i mean

Thegracefuloctopus Mon 15-Jul-19 18:50:38

Ive just realised this is really long! Thanks for the replys so far. I have wondered about a childminder

HeadintheiClouds Mon 15-Jul-19 18:52:54

They don’t sound great, but on the choking thing - your ds had crawled over to you when he started to gag? They rightly assumed you would deal with it yourself, why wouldn’t you?
Overall though, I couldn’t leave a baby that young in an environment I had any concerns at all about, so I’d start looking in your shoes.

Settlersofcatan Mon 15-Jul-19 18:53:18

I would take him out. The nursery we use has none of these issues

Cornettoninja Mon 15-Jul-19 18:54:11

I’m not opposed to nurseries but used/use a childminder and it was a really good fit for my dd. I was lucky that I could use one that came with a trusted recommendation but it’s worth looking into.

transformandriseup Mon 15-Jul-19 18:54:46

I agree with PP, there’s quite a few issues here. Definititly trust your instincts.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp Mon 15-Jul-19 18:55:57

You are absolutely NBU! I really wouldn’t be happy with any of this. Find other childcare and tell them why.

Childminders are a good option. My DS had an utterly fantastic one. He was cared for just like her own child and he loved it.

LannieDuck Mon 15-Jul-19 18:56:43

The choking thing would be a red line for me.

The rest isn't great, but it isn't terrible. The nappy rash may or may not be nursery's fault - I had that with DD2 and it turned out she reacted badly to the type of nappies they used.

But after the lack of interest in a baby choking, I wouldn't be able to trust them.

BobbleHat102 Mon 15-Jul-19 18:56:47

It sounds like you have several valid reasons to be concerned. I agree with @tumbleweed101 that you should ask to speak with the manager.

greenwaterbottle Mon 15-Jul-19 18:57:36

Individually they are small incidents that you could address with the room leader but that's a lot.
Tbh I wouldn't be happy with that level of care, choose a childminder.

ginnybag Mon 15-Jul-19 18:59:00

You've got a mix of issues which are serious and ones where you are being a bit pfb.

Serious issues: suspected laziness re changes, lack of adequate care re eye and lack of reporting accident. Arguably, lack of concern when he was choking but he was in your care by that point.

Everything else, cups, sleeps etc, is normal for a nursery and you're going to need to let it go.

Fundamentally, though, you don't have confidence in the setting, and that's the real issue. Look for somewhere else, because it's hard enough leaving your baby every day without doubting that they're safe and happy.

moreismore Mon 15-Jul-19 18:59:16

Definitely move him

Jaffacakebeast Mon 15-Jul-19 19:00:48

I used a childminder, a good 1 is worth every single penny and more! no price is 2much for peace of mind

Troels Mon 15-Jul-19 19:02:42

They all sound a bit useless.
Have a look for a childminder where there are less kids and more attention.

FedUpWhatsApp Mon 15-Jul-19 19:02:53

That sounds crap. They're not listening to you. Pull him and look for somewhere else

moonpiggle Mon 15-Jul-19 19:03:35

YANBU. The leaf. Enough said!

Purpleartichoke Mon 15-Jul-19 19:03:47

That doesn’t sound like a quality nursery.

I’mPersonally against using child-minders. I would look for a better nursery. They do exist.

forevercurious Mon 15-Jul-19 19:03:59

I work in a nursery and we would not do any of the above! Yes babies do sleep / eat differently in a different setting compared to home but we always offer usual nap times and milk times and keep offering even if they don’t want it the first / second time. however there does become a point that we’d offer less frequently if they were not bothered.

Accidents and bumps do happen and at times do not seem them happen but would always notice them / fill in a form etc.

The combination of events means I’d request a meeting and go from there but yes I’d be unhappy with the care received currently.

LegionOfDoom Mon 15-Jul-19 19:05:29

Definitely ask to speak to a manger re your concerns. Write everything down before hand so you don’t forget when you’re in the meeting. If they minimise and don’t accept they need to change things, take him out and put in a formal complaint. Start looking for somewhere new in the meantime just in case

KarmaStar Mon 15-Jul-19 19:05:48

flowersfor you op,it's difficult enough trusting your dc to a nursery without this happening in the early weeks.
You are right to be concerned and I would not be taking my dc back.That may not be an option for you unless you have emergency childcare in place,so give notice and I hope you find somewhere who listens to your instructions about your dc needs.
You are very definitely not being unreasonable.
There are very good nurseries/child minders out there.
Good luck,I hope the nappy rash heals quickly 🌻

Napqueen1234 Mon 15-Jul-19 19:05:50

I agree it doesn’t sound ideal and I’d be tempted to look for an alternative. Although everyone jumping to childminders- I have found nursery far better and most nurseries don’t have any of those issues you have raised so I wouldn’t let it put you off completely!

Chartreuser Mon 15-Jul-19 19:06:40

I think you need to listen to your instinct here. Plus you will only be worrying the whole time you are away from him. I loved it nursery and honestly felt the kids were better off there than at home with me so it doesn't have to be like this.

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