Hospital visit escalated out of control(104 Posts)
DH here in need of advice. Apologies for epic post.
DC is month old and yesterday DW was concerned they were feverish and had a small mark on their arm. She phoned NH24 to be safe and her and baby were brought in for observation.
The fever was put down to the hot weather (all vitals are normal) and one of the nurses observed baby sucking it's arm which produced another small mark same as first.
We assumed the mystery was solved. all other tests were normal and baby was by all other accounts healthy. So assumed mum and baby would be home today...
Mum was informed as baby had a mark they were informing SS and today they've had numerous consultants but nobody is informing us when we can go home.
There's been suggestion someone fron SS could need to stay with us for a few days!!!
Does this seem ridiculous to anyone???!! On the balance of evidence:
- we self admitted to the hospital (not neighbours phoning over a domestic but our concerns)
- the mark had reasonable explanation as witnessed by 2 nurses
- baby has no other marks and is otherwise healthy confirmed by nurses (so no evidence of a pattern of abuse)
- baby has been visited by health care professional/midwife every 3 days since birth (stabilising feeding routine was a battle). These professionals have observed baby closely and would've reported anything untoward surely?
So this is one isolated mark, which is getting blown out of proportion.
Mum is upset and in constant tears. She's not being well updated and feels she's being punished for trying to be a good mum and report her initial worries.
If I wasn't so annoyed I'd find it hilarious. What happened to common sense? Appreciate any words of wisdom.
From what you've said I don't think anything ought to come of this.
My only advice is to try and not take this personally and to try and see it from the healthcare professionals point of view. Which will be a lot harder to do than it is for me to say....
I've had to personally make these types of referrals and you have to always think what the worst thing is that could happen. One sticks in my mind in particular as I was almost certain nothing was amiss, but there were unfortunately several risk factors in the family situation and I had to make a referral, I felt terrible, I knew the family would hate me forever , but, the alternative is unthinkable.
No words of wisdom I’m afraid, except that it is normally marks without any reasonable explanation that get flagged, not marks per se. Are they perhaps worried about something else?
They prob all have to report all such marks to SS, who will consult with other professionals involved in the family and do nothing more.
Let them do their jobs, as them doing their jobs means that some children are saved from horrid situations because a mark was reported that wasn’t accidental/no cause for concern.
I can completely understand you being very annoyed, I would be too; but as others have said it is nothing personal, and you have to remain calm, even if inside you want to have a go at someone.
There's been suggestion someone from SS could need to stay with us for a few days!!!
Who said that to you? You can safely ignore anything else they say to you in future.
Never heard of anyone suggesting a person from SS would stay with a family before, so that's utter bollocks.
(source - been in the biz a loooooooong time)
Let it play out OP - stay calm, keep DW calm, and sense will
I’ve had ss involved for a mark on my child.
No way did they come and stay with us!
First they came round on the late afternoon that it had been reported to speak to myself and my child. Also to get an idea of our living situation I would guess.
If they are satisfied with that they will leave you to care for your child as normal but follow up with planned visits, meetings etc whilst they come up with a care plan moving forward.
I wouldn’t worry too much in your situation. I think they will visit and go through the procedure until they are satisfied your child is at no risk.
Was it a Breastfeeding routine that was difficult, who did you see every three days?
I'm just wondering if they are adding everything up and are making sure your Partner hasn't got PND/anxiety etc.
Nothing will come of this, if it's as you describe.
This happened to a friend and got so far down the line they actually rang me to ask if I would provide kinship care if their child was going to be removed from the temporarily. Thankfully it didn't come to that in the end and the explanation for the marks was super simple and not abuse...but the poor mum was obviously a wreck afterwards.
I phoned the hospital and spoke to the dr and she waffled on about tests and speaking to SS. I asked her
A) is baby medically fit, any concerns over anything unstable, are there any more tests you need to do - she said no, even though she waffled about xrays, when I asked for a straight answer she said no more tests are needed baby is fit
B) Have you spoken to SS, have we arranged someone to see baby and mum - she said no and she hadn't phoned yet.
So after describing all the evidence that it's a one off isolated mark she said SS need to give a sign off.
I'm not offended but what I'm frustrated at is hours can disappear in a second. Wife isn't being kept updated or reassured, and nobody is really pressing SS. There's no urgency from a dr to get us processed quickly.
So I find it unacceptable I should just wait for things to play out. I want to press SS to come make their assessment so we can get some sanity and sense of normality back.
The doctor's priority is to your baby and all the other patients they'll see today.
If you want to start pressing social services then don't be surprised if they push back at you. They're doing this in the best interests of your child, they're under resourced so it may take a little time, but in the meantime your daughter is safe and well.
You're not under arrest, you can simply discharge yourselves and leave the hospital.
This is bizarre.
Never come across SS "staying" unless they mean visiting frequently.
Ds had a huge mark developed at about 10 days old. I watched it appear over a few minutes when lying under his gym. It was about an inch or so long and curved and bright red. Rushed him to our very experienced GP, who said "sort of marks baby #3 gets with siblings rushing about round them."
Looking back afterwards, I think he thought one of them had bitten ds. It was very like a tooth mark in shape. I knew neither had been near him, as they'd been playing outside and ds had been inside and I'd been watching the whole time. He made no suggestion that a mark might be SS referable. (within a few weeks ds got several of similar marks at the same time and we established it was how he reacted to a virus)
Other thing is temperatures aren't due to hot weather. If they were we'd be cold blooded.
It does sound like there's either something they're not telling you or you're misunderstanding something.
@Outmuch it's really difficult for the doctor to get everything done. Trust me, I've worked on a paeds ward. Making a phone call to social services is less important than looking after the child who's oxygen sats are dropping or arranging urgent scans, your LO is medically stable. FWIW even though it was always dumped on the doctor, any other professional on that ward can make the phone call to SS (& the nurses usually outnumber drs significantly) "safeguarding is everyone's concern". For some reason its always left to the busiest member of the team! I dont think you have anything to worry about from SS, frustrating as it is to wait for discharge, they have to tick the box is all.
The doctor has a concern. It's her duty to follow up that concern. Yes, it is frustrating.
SS are underresourced, so it will take time. That doesn't mean that you have to stay in the hospital. Has the doctor said otherwise?
I suggest you either discharge yourself and wait for SS to get back to you at home, or ring SS yourself and tell them a referral has been made and could they please let you know what is happening.
Incredibly upsetting and frustrating.
But try not to take it personally.
Easy for me to say, if I was your DW, especially, I would be beside myself with upset and going loco being in hospital.
I am sorry to say that hospitals and SS have to move at their own pace, addressing acute and urgent cases. Painful tough it is, waiting it out and doing your best to get updates without taking it out on staff is probably your best bet.
They won't come and stay with you. Can you imagine a SW agreeing to that as part of their JD? It's hard enough to recruit SWs as it is!
I've never heard of a social worker staying with a family, I think you have misinterpreted something greatly there, OP.
There's been suggestion someone from SS could need to stay with us for a few days!!!
Who was it who actually suggested this?
I'd like to say that I hope they get it sorted for you quickly, but in all honesty I'd be better saying "settle in and keep your patience, it will take a while because these things just do".
Hospital staff always have eleventy billion things to do at once.
Your baby is of course YOUR top priority, but is just one of many for the staff.
Lord knows how long it takes to get through to SS, and they also have eleventy billion things to do at once.
Hopefully it will all be easily resolved and I'm pretty sure that SS won't be "staying with you" at all, although they might want to do a home visit before they sign off on your family.
I took my DC to the doctors because of unexplained bruising and they sent me to A&E who told me they would have to contact SS as there was no medical explanation for the bruising. I was devastated as I only took her because I was worried about the bruising and knew that it hadn't come from abuse and I wished I had never taken her but nothing ever came from it, I think they contacted SS to see if I'd had any dealings with them before and because I hadn't it just got dropped. I did think afterwards that it was just procedure and I am glad they are looking out for kids because I have heard too many stories of real-life abuse that goes unnoticed by doctors and SS.
I hope you get some answers soon, I'm sure everything will be ok.
Your poor wife. She has probably had little sleeps last night and has been anxious and worried about the lack of communication and accusations of abuse.
Go and bring them both home. Reassure wife that it is a usual routine protocol for a mark on a very young baby. Discharge yourselves. Reassure them that you will be happy to hear from ss when they contact you and ensure they have all your contact details etc.
Ok take a deep breath because your second post is very different from your first.
Your second implies that as she came in with an unexplained injury the doctor had to note it and then requires social services sign off that it is fine - this makes sense all unexplalned injuries are documented and then social services signs the majority off.
That is very different from the rabbit hole you have gone down in post 1.
"There's been suggestion someone from SS could need to stay with us for a few days!!!"
Again... Who actually said this? Because that's bollocks.
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