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AIBU to refuse to help with this lift?

(153 Posts)
AnnieOH1 Mon 15-Jul-19 14:47:38

I'm trying not to dripfeed so I'm going to do bullet points to make it simple.

* Charlotte (not real name) has asked for a ride next week that will take between 1 and 1.5 hours one way.

* Charlotte needs ride to sort next stage of interview process but would be working in same place.

* Charlotte can't drive.

* Public transport will take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours with 2 to 6 changes and/or multiple walks between stops of between 10 and 30 minutes.

* Shifts may mean she can't take advantage of the shorter 3 hour journey times.

The way I see it, based on the above, if this was part of the process only with the job being local then I would be more than happy to help her as a one off. However given that at very best she can expect to commute 3 hours each way I can't see how this job can be viable. Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car and she would be able to sleep (despite possibly 6 transit changes).

But is it really my place to make that decision? It feels like it would be a huge waste of time to take essentially a day out of my own schedule for something that realistically is not going to work. The company does not have any expansion plans locally and she is 1 month into a 12 month tenancy agreement (as well as having kids at secondary school).

I want to help but at the same time helping on this feels futile. Aibu to say no? And do I say why or make an excuse?

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 15-Jul-19 15:33:43

She can’t seriously be contemplating the job unless it’s double the salary or something. I would imagine this is interview practice as Rosa says. I think you should gently tell her it isn’t feasible.

MyCatHatesEverybody Mon 15-Jul-19 15:34:45

My DH did a round 3 - 3.5 hr commute for a year and a half (no he didn't earn billions, it was either that or being unemployed). After a few months it was affecting his health so in the end we moved house.

YANBU - she needs to experience the commute for herself.

FriarTuck Mon 15-Jul-19 15:35:55

Surely the interview is the ideal time to check out the actual commute she's going to do?
This ^^

TypingoftheDead Mon 15-Jul-19 15:36:03

I'd just say take the public transport - she'll be able to see if it really is viable. It's really her responsibility, not yours.

CaptainJaneway62 Mon 15-Jul-19 15:38:07

She needs to get to the interview using the transport the would have to use to get there then she can experience what it's like to do this kind of journey.
She will also find out just how much it costs getting there and back.

Coffeeonthesofa Mon 15-Jul-19 15:38:16

But if it’s 1 - 1.5 hrs one way then for you to give her a lift is - up to 1.5hrs plus waiting around time then up to 1.5hr back again. That’s not doing a simple favour that is giving up as you say most of a day.
It’s too much of an ask for a job, even if she were offered it, that would be unsustainable.
Unless she is planning to get a licences? Or a moped, motorbike if she gets the job?

SagAloojah Mon 15-Jul-19 15:38:22

Charlotte is clearly your dd grin

YANBU, if she doesn't even want to make the journey for the interview then it's not viable for an actual job. Don't waste your time.

Imanamechangeninja Mon 15-Jul-19 15:50:23

Say no. It’s a great opportunity for her to rest out the commute

Howyiz Mon 15-Jul-19 15:54:04

Why would she need a lift to a place where she will work 5 days a week especially when she says that it is quicker on public transport?

Apolloanddaphne Mon 15-Jul-19 15:55:22

If she thinks it will be quicker on public transport let her crack on.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt Mon 15-Jul-19 15:56:10

that makes no sense.
Either it's commutable, or it's not.

At a push, having more frequent transport morning and evening but nothing during the day would be possible and make sense to ask for a one-off lift.

3 hours TOTAL is unfortunately quite common. People have bills to pay an can't afford to live centrally.
3 hours EACH WAY is ridiculous. Become a lodger for a few nights a week would be the cheapest option, but depends on your salary.

BrokenWing Mon 15-Jul-19 15:56:21

Charlotte is an adult (with secondary school kids, so not young and naïve) and it is not your decision to make if the job is viable. If she wants to waste a day at an interview when she might not be able to accept the job that is her decision. Worst situation is she gets some interview experience which is valuable if she is job hunting. You've told her you don't think it is viable leave the decision to her now.

Your decision is purely whether you give her a lift or not. I would perhaps offer, if it was convenient, to drop her somewhere where she can make an easier transport connection.

TremblingFanjo Mon 15-Jul-19 15:59:00

Dunno about the lift but I would either take Charlotte to the doctor to check her brain function or optician to check she can read a timetable.

I'm imagining Charlotte is a new graduate that knows everything? Or a teenager, that won't listen.

BarbaraofSevillle Mon 15-Jul-19 16:00:59

I don't understand how a 3 to 5 hour complex commute on public transport is a, viable on a day to day basis, or b, quicker than a 1 to 1.5 hour drive confused.

I might offer her a lift if I had the time to spare and the interview was distant, but the job was local, but that doesn't appear to be the case?

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 15-Jul-19 16:02:38

Charlotte may have been forced into the interview situation by the Job Centre or whatever they're called now (been out of the UK for 10 years now). But Charlotte should not be contemplating taking this job at all, unless she plans to learn to drive.

I think I would represent strongly to Charlotte the lunacy of considering this as a viable job option under the current circs, but IF she is being constrained to go to the interview for benefits reasons, I would probably cave and take her.

chocpop Mon 15-Jul-19 16:04:25

I'd say no. It sounds like a silly commute with so many changes and it being long. If it was one or the other, fine, but both? How could you be arsed. She needs to get there herself to see if she can do this on a day to day basis.

BrokenWing Mon 15-Jul-19 16:04:32

@TremblingFanjo a teenager with secondary school kids?

Puzzledandpissedoff Mon 15-Jul-19 16:04:52

Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car

In that case, definitely refuse the lift and urge her to get public transport

She'll almost certainly fail to get there on time - if at all - and that'll be the end of that

MummytoCSJH Mon 15-Jul-19 16:05:33

I agree with others that she should go on public transport, if she's willing to do it for the job on a daily basis. Who is Charlotte? Just a colleague? A friend? Your daughter? My answer changes a little based on that (I might be willing to do it as a one off for a close family member).

Idontwanttotalk Mon 15-Jul-19 16:06:05

If Charlotte thinks it will take less time by public transport then I would suggest she does the journey by public transport.

Sounds like lunacy for her to even consider the roleunless she's prepared to relocate.

Jaxhog Mon 15-Jul-19 16:08:40

I'd say no. Otherwise, if she gets the job she'll then expect you to do this on a regular basis.

MitziK Mon 15-Jul-19 16:11:37

Sounds like Universal Credit have told her she has to attend or she'll be sanctioned for x months.

Crap though it may be for you, if she is unable to get there for the interview, she will also be sanctioned for not going - I can see why she's talking rubbish because that will be what they've told her.

TroubleWithNargles Mon 15-Jul-19 16:18:01

Isn't that just typical? The one day she needs a lift is the very day your car has to have its MOT.

altiara Mon 15-Jul-19 16:21:28

Well your excuse is that you don’t want to take a whole day taking someone to an interview and then waiting around for them. Especially as they’ve said it’s quicker to go on public transport!
I’d also agree with previous posters that’s Charlotte needs to practise the reality of the commute in case she does well at interview.

AnnieOH1 Mon 15-Jul-19 16:24:13

(Happy dance - first time I've ever had a thread in trending!)

I'm going to start by replying to specific questions.

@Jellybeansincognito - The way I'm looking at it is that if it was something that was worthwhile then that's a decent use of my time. The fact that I (and thankfully many other mumsnetters) can see that it's a futile exercise is a waste of my time basically. But your comment that it's not my call is why I've come to the mumsnet hive mind.

@Dexterslockedintheshedagain - she's asking me because she can I suppose.

@Maybeitsmaybelline - I'm not sure on that to be honest. She doesn't currently work but would DWP/Job Centre really expect someone to go to these lengths with regards to looking for a job? It's supposedly her dream job.

@RockyRolly - Fair comment. The job isn't the best paid in the world, £30K basic salary but the uplifts and benefits available aren't sparkling (imho and certainly not for a 6 hour round commute daily).

@pasturesgreen - That is a good point that I hadn't thought about, though I doubt there would be many (if any) of her potential colleagues who are local to me.

@RosaWaiting - According to the RAC mileage calculator it will be around £40 for the round trip not including wear and tear on car.

@Gitfeatures - I guess she wants a lift to be safe? I know in the distant past I attended interviews in my car even where I intended to use public transport during the week.

@Piffle11 - You've hit the nail on the head there. I don't work from home as such but I do run my own business. I hadn't even given it much thought that she'd be that much of a CF to ask for a daily ride - eep that's just crazy and would cost me far more than the £40 petrol. That would be an absolute no go but I can imagine in winter it might become a distinct possibility she asks for a ride because of poor transport options. The main part of the journey (if she can get the quickest option) is a 50 minute train ride. This includes a 30 minute walk the other end and doesn't solve the 1 hour journey to the local rail station.

@Coffeeonthesofa - This is why I'm hedging about it, because it isn't just a simple favour and it doesn't really seem like it's going to pay off for her anyway. While her ultimate plan might be to get even a moped license, as it stands right now, the family don't have the money for such endeavours.

@SagAloojah - If she was my daughter I'd give her a clip round the ear to knock some sense into her. My oldest is only 8!

@WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt - I think if it was 3 hours each way on one distinct service (like for example when I've taken the mainline to London) at least that's 3 hours of work/sleep/relaxing. Given some of her transport options mean 5 changes through random countryside villages, well I wouldn't find that relaxing and I certainly wouldn't be able to sleep! You're right about becoming a lodger for a few nights, that's certainly what my DH used to do when his head office was near Heathrow. He would just book a hotel if he was there for a couple days. I can't see this being viable for her. I've just taken a look on booking.com the cheapest I can find is £70 per night which is still a couple miles away from her potential workplace.

@Brokenwing - that is a very good idea that I'll need to take a look at to see if any of it is viable for me to take her. The irritating point is that mileage wise it isn't far, it's just the road conditions which include single track lanes!

@TremblingFanjo - sadly not, she's around 10 years older than me.

@BarbaraofSevillle - exactly I wouldn't hesitate if it was going to be for a local role.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - she certainly hasn't told me that it's due to benefits demanding she goes, but can they realistically do that anyway? There are plenty of other jobs in the local area so it isn't a case of this being the only role available.

@MummytoCSJH - she's recently joined my church. I've spent maybe around 30 hours with her max. I'd definitely be willing to do it for a family member if only to say "I told you so!" at the end! :P

@MitziK - I think if she tells me she'll be sanctioned for it then I would be more inclined to help but she's not shared that with me if it is the case. I would also be advising her to contact our MP to complain about such nonsense.

To anyone I've missed I'm sorry, to everyone else who's taken the time to comment thank you. I think you're all right who are saying that she needs to face the reality of the commute.

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