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Aibu to not listen to my husband or should I start doing it?

(39 Posts)
rantingforthisthread Fri 12-Jul-19 21:33:21

My husband has an annoying habit of telling me what to do. I don't think he intentionally means it but it gets on my nerves. For example I've picked up a few shifts at work and he tells me have I thought about the implications it will have on our finances and that I should have listened to him hmm I've also started doing some laundry from home for a lovely couple which I enjoy and getting a bit of money put aside for doing it, and he just said that I need to tell them that i don't want to do it anymore because they'll cause a problem for us. I said no sorry I will not tell them, because I want to do it! If I clean and organise things, he complains. If I make plans that is not going to affect us but actually benefit us as a family, he isn't happy because I didn't consult him. The problem is with me I never ask him because his answer is either a no or he will go into a massive strop. He hates not getting his own way and I do worry one day he might actually tear me apart. I love him, I really do but I am the sort of person who is very stubborn and I don't listen. I like doing things my own way and if anyone interfere or changes it, I start getting anxious and really unsettled sad

Nofilter101 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:35:01

That annoying habit sounds controlling. LTB

RainbowMum11 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:35:50

I guess it depends what the impact (if any) is on him & your family? Do you have kids? How old are they?
On the face of it, it could be controlling but it really depends.

Teacakeandalatte Fri 12-Jul-19 21:38:45

What do you mean when you say he might tear you apart?

rantingforthisthread Fri 12-Jul-19 21:40:07

I mean he might just lash out. we've been married 12 years and he's never laid a finger on me but it just a what if

rantingforthisthread Fri 12-Jul-19 21:40:33

Yes we have one child who is almost 4

PickAChew Fri 12-Jul-19 21:43:01

He sounds, at best, a pain in the arse.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop Fri 12-Jul-19 21:43:47

Some people are like this because they are knobs. There is no more profound explanation.He thinks he is the Big I Am and is probably jealous that he hasn't though of those things, so has to put you down.

You are not stubborn. You're normal and independent. Keep it that way.

rantingforthisthread Fri 12-Jul-19 21:46:35

I've told him several times to leave me alone and let me do what I am doing without pestering me. If I do washing up , he tells me to leave it because I waste water and washing up liquid. If I go in the utility room to do ironing and laundry, he tells me to leave it because it's not the biggest priority. If I start hoovering, he tells me what needs hoovering. my head just tells me to say FUCK THE FUCK OFF shock

underthebridgedowntown Fri 12-Jul-19 21:48:12

Are you actually stubborn and don't listen, or is that what he's told you?

Maybe you need to talk things through more, but that doesn't mean you don't still do the things you want to. He may just need to feel more included. That's the best case scenario, but tbh it sounds more like he's a childish bully.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop Fri 12-Jul-19 21:48:57

Knob. Gavel.

JoanMavisIcecreamGirl Fri 12-Jul-19 21:49:21

He is controlling you. Leave him.

gamerchick Fri 12-Jul-19 21:49:52

my head just tells me to say FUCK THE FUCK OFF

I think I'd be saying that out loud tbh.

underthebridgedowntown Fri 12-Jul-19 21:49:54

Oh cross post. He's a fucking pain in the arse.

rantingforthisthread Fri 12-Jul-19 21:50:48

I would say I am stubborn and don't listen and I always make my own decisions @underthebridgedowntown but I am willing to listen and come to a solution but with him it's his way or no way and it doesn't work for me because that means I will not get to do what makes me happy. I have no problem with anything he does. I am very laid back and just let him do whatever he wants in general.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop Fri 12-Jul-19 21:51:25

My ex used to try and tell me how to load the dishwasher/ do the washing/ drive. I sat him down and told him that I had lived on 4 different continents, alone. He probably thought I was a PITA. reader, i ledt him.

Teacakeandalatte Fri 12-Jul-19 21:51:26

If you are scared he might lash out there must be a reason for that probably the massive strops he sometimes throws when you disagree make you doubt his good character.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop Fri 12-Jul-19 21:51:46

Left. left!

Chloemol Fri 12-Jul-19 21:51:58

To be honest if anyone told me I wasn’t doing the washing up/ ironing/ hoovering etc right I would just tell him to do it himself and walk away and not do it. Ever

Youwantshoesinashoeshop Fri 12-Jul-19 21:53:03

Nothing you have said indicates you are particularly stubborn. How have you come to that conclusion about yourself??

Merryoldgoat Fri 12-Jul-19 21:56:16

What does he mean ‘impact finances’ and the laundry causing trouble for you?

He sounds like an utter pain in the arse.

SuzieQQQ Fri 12-Jul-19 21:56:58

He sounds like a massive pain in the arse and not likely to change. Sit him down, tell him he can talk to you but if it’s to tell you what to do, then don’t say it. If he continues, go to counselling. If that doesn’t work then leave. You realise his child is going to loathe this and there will be massive blowups in the future right?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Fri 12-Jul-19 21:58:09

Does he do washing up, ironing or hoovering himself, or is he strictly supervisory management? (Either way, I don't know how you tolerate that. Once, my husband leaned over and operated one of the controls on my car when I was driving and I nearly committed several acts of hideous violence on him! Your patience is impressive).

Butchyrestingface Fri 12-Jul-19 22:02:40

I've also started doing some laundry from home for a lovely couple which I enjoy and getting a bit of money put aside for doing it, and he just said that I need to tell them that i don't want to do it anymore because they'll cause a problem for us.

I don’t understand. How can “they” cause a problem for you? Is this a cash in hand job? Is he worried about undeclared income?

He sounds like a controlling cunt in other respects, mind. How would he react if you dealphabeticised the CD collection?

Thistles24 Fri 12-Jul-19 22:04:03

It doesn’t sound like a happy life OP. Does he have a point over an

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