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To wish MIL would get her own life

(80 Posts)
cadburyegg Fri 12-Jul-19 17:38:07

DH told MIL we were considering getting a cat. She does have form for interfering behaviour, but this time she went ballistic. He showed me the following texts from her, more or less word for word.

"You who don't have time for us, but you are now getting a pet to look after?"
"Your house will be ruined. What a waste of money"
“Not happy about the litter tray and the children 😡”

DH (politely) texted that it is our decision and she went off on one again. “Well you just do what you want then as you always do. Either that you know we are right!"

He said to me he feels really down and undermined but he knows if he tells her that she'll just start moaning at him again. I don't know why she made the comment about us not having time for them, they come to over at least once a month for a cooked lunch. We saw them last weekend, the two weekends before that DH was working. We don't go round there much because they find cooking a meal for all of us a lot of work (we have two young DC).

It is between him and her, but I just wish she would butt out. AIBU?!

sneakypinky Fri 12-Jul-19 17:41:15

Ignore the daft cow. Get a cat.

My cat is fucking awesome and I love him more than most of my extended family.

mbosnz Fri 12-Jul-19 17:42:44

Don't get one cat. Get two. Long haired ones. Hopefully she has allergies. . . gain a cat, lose a MIL, lol.

Pollywollydolly Fri 12-Jul-19 17:42:45

Forget the cat! Get a huge dog!

NoSauce Fri 12-Jul-19 17:43:34

Crazy behaviour!

DennisMailerWasHere Fri 12-Jul-19 17:44:19

You need to go on an information diet. Just stop telling her anything but trivial stuff. And if big things need to be mentioned or get accidentally mentioned, brush off her comments - do not engage.

You cannot control her.

But you can control what she's told, and how you respond to it.

newmomof1 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:47:03

Just ignore her - don't get involved. Her opinion is irrelevant.

I don't understand why they need to provide a meal if you were to visit them (unless they live ages away). Can't you just pop over for an hour or two?

TremblingFanjo Fri 12-Jul-19 17:47:15

Don't get a cat.

Get two.

PepsiLola Fri 12-Jul-19 17:50:02

I hear it's best to get cats in fours....

I hope they shit in her dinner

Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:52:40

Why is your husband consulting his mum about getting a cat? Time to cut the apron strings and behave like a grown man.

flobella Fri 12-Jul-19 17:57:27

Buy a pony.

imsuchagrump Fri 12-Jul-19 18:07:23

What the actual F** and I thought my dad was batshit .
Do not give this woman another thought .
Seriously how some people think they can dictate other people's lives shock

EileenAlanna Fri 12-Jul-19 18:08:53

No home is complete without cats. The legal minimum is one but of course no rational person would stop at that. Myself, I'd share the joyous news with my MIL that we'd decided to commercially breed them, with a boarding cattery as an equally lucrative & rewarding adjunct. Tell her you'll be getting the DCs involved as early as possible with mucking in in the family business.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth Fri 12-Jul-19 18:25:02

I have a friend who is totally focused on her grown up children; she resents anything that takes up their time - she doesn't agree with them working full time as it means she can't see them during the day, she contacts them whilst they are working, she can't stand their partners, in-laws or friends as they take up time they could be spending with her.

We have all been trying to get her involved in voluntary work and to start doing more with us. It has got a lot worse since she quit work and her youngest child left home. Keeping her busy with other things has helped.

She's recently kicked off as one of them got a dog and she thinks they are too busy and she will see them less now as well. She says they don't make time for her and she feels unloved.

Her children arrange set days and times to see her and ignore contact when it gets excessive. They've worked hard to set strict boundaries.

SolsticeBabyMaybe Fri 12-Jul-19 18:49:41

Lol!!! 'you don't have time for us now you're getting a pet'?

That is so silly!!!!!!!!!!! What a ludicrous woman

EssentialHummus Fri 12-Jul-19 18:52:01

Fuck the cat, get a Rottie.

KurriKurri Fri 12-Jul-19 18:54:44

Get your dh to reply with a Pusheen emoji every time she texts.

YesItsMeIDontCare Fri 12-Jul-19 18:55:58

You need a cat.

Signhereplease Fri 12-Jul-19 18:59:05

I would tell her that I would rather put up with cat shit than her shit.

She sounds like a miserable arsehole.

Ignore her totally.

YesItsMeIDontCare Fri 12-Jul-19 18:59:50

And don't forget to send birthday and Christmas cards to her from said cat.

Always refer to her as the cat's grandmother too.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 12-Jul-19 19:03:02

If you want I'll send them round to your MIL? They can have a 'chat'

SavingSpaces2019 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:06:24

My cat is not impressed......

SavingSpaces2019 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:08:09

hopefully pic will upload this time...

TeapotofTerror Fri 12-Jul-19 19:19:34

Get the biggest, most badass cat you can find and pin a photo of MIL to its scratching post. 😼

My MIL was shocked that we weren't "getting rid of" our cat when I was expecting DS. "But what if he gets a hair in his mouth?!" hmm

cadburyegg Fri 12-Jul-19 19:21:46

Thank you for the replies. Particularly enjoying the cat pictures and the suggestion of sending her a card from the cat ☺️

To answer the questions... DH didn’t ask MIL her opinion, she text him asking how we were and his reply was along the lines of “we are all good thank you we are thinking of getting a cat”. I wouldn’t have thought anything if he did ask her though, I asked MN after all!

We do sometimes just pop over to their house for a couple of hours but sometimes it can be hard to fit it in with the kids’ mealtimes, DS2’s nap, and traffic (I am not married to any routine, but they do need to eat at mealtimes).

AnneElliott Fri 12-Jul-19 19:24:11

Agree with everyone else - you need two cats. They get lonely otherwise grin

blackcat86 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:24:14

Rescue a black cat. There are lots of cats needing loving homes but MIL will hate it. Apparently black cats are the hardest to rehome because people are still stupidly superstitious. My black cat used to be stray and we had a lot of pearl clutching when I got pregnant. He's lovely with the baby despite her chasing him. Oh and give the cat a menacing name even it's really sweet. 'Hey MIL, we would love our new cat Mr Bitey to meet his new grandma'.

Hearthside Fri 12-Jul-19 19:27:41

Stupid interfering woman .Makes me so grateful my mil is fab .It is totally none of her business what you choose to do .You need more than one OP grin they enjoy each other's company , tell her you are getting at least two 🤣.I have two brothers and an unrelated Tom .All neutered so they get on fantastically and they often go out together and come back the same time .Would love to now what they get up too .But i am going off topic definately get a cat. And all the cat pics 😍.

Yellowweatherwarning Fri 12-Jul-19 19:31:06

I agree mil.
See you Boxing Day!!

Cherrysoup Fri 12-Jul-19 19:31:18

Dh needs to stop telling her anything more important than what you had for tea.

Yellowweatherwarning Fri 12-Jul-19 19:31:32

And we will be bringing dcat....

Alsohuman Fri 12-Jul-19 19:33:24

She does know that a cat doesn’t automatically mean a litter tray? All our cats have let themselves in and out through a cat flap. No shitty trays in this house.

WomanLikeMeLM Fri 12-Jul-19 19:36:12

I would text her back and tell her she is right so you wont get a cat but a bearded dragon instead to remind them of her! grin

justasking111 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:38:22

We heavily filtered what we told family. Nowadays with sons married I filter what I tell OH, because he gets cross when he thinks they are wasting money, crazy etc.

makingmammaries Fri 12-Jul-19 19:38:51

You need a big badass male cat, preferably one who yowls

thecatneuterer Fri 12-Jul-19 19:39:42

Yes rescue a black cat (or three). They are always overlooked in rescues.

MatildaTheCat Fri 12-Jul-19 19:42:32

‘Don’t worry Mum, we will always make time for you. How’s Feb 10th 2020? The cat should be nicely settled by then.’

Then bombard her with cat pictures. 🐱

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:45:20

I see my pil once a month, you seem to spend a lot of time with people you don’t really like that much.

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jul-19 19:48:13

My ex (and now deceased) mil tried to rehome my two cats when I was pregnant, behind my back. First thing I knew about it was a woman enquiring about the little tabby queen. That may have been the first but not last time I told her to fuck right off.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine Fri 12-Jul-19 19:48:25

Please show her this grin

Walnutwhipster Fri 12-Jul-19 19:51:06

You need a Maine Coon.

thecatneuterer Fri 12-Jul-19 19:52:02

If you're in London OP this is one the cats looking for a home in Celia Hammonds. She sounds like a sweety. Your MIL is batshit.

rededucator Fri 12-Jul-19 19:52:44

Apparently black cats are also hard to regime as the aren't Instagram friendly. Their black features don't show up well in photos hmm

thecatneuterer Fri 12-Jul-19 19:52:53

photo didn't post

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:56:01

I sympathise. My husband tells my mil everything and she laps it up. It's a part of their relationship, whether l like it or not (not).

Sexnotgender Fri 12-Jul-19 19:59:20

My cats disapprove of your mother in law.

cadburyegg Fri 12-Jul-19 23:23:28

Loving these comments. I don’t think DH even realises that this kind of interference isn’t normal. If I tell him to stand up to her he gets cross. No way could I say that we need to see them less

Nat6999 Fri 12-Jul-19 23:34:31

Put a litter tray next to where MIL usually sits & one next to her seat at the table, then invite her round to a meal, hopefully the cat will jump on her knee. Extra marks if the cat can bring in some wildlife whilst MIL is visiting.

Singlenotsingle Fri 12-Jul-19 23:41:52

Once a month isn't very often, is it? I suppose they live quite a distance away?

EKGEMS Sat 13-Jul-19 00:58:10

Honestly she sounds so controlling and interfering but the saddest part is your DH thinks it's normal

Cheeserton Sat 13-Jul-19 01:06:47

That's terrible. She should piss right off, and someone should tell her so. None of her damn business.

TwistyTop Sat 13-Jul-19 01:20:24

Ah, this one is easy to sort - send her a text that says "fuck off".

You're welcome smile

HerRoyalNotness Sat 13-Jul-19 01:31:15

70is. Your black cats are beautiful!

I was at the pet store today getting litter and a one eyed kitten was waiting for adoption. I fear she won’t be taken and get put down. One of her bastard siblings scratched her eye which got infected. <wibble>

GenuineKlatchianPottery Sat 13-Jul-19 01:32:31

Get a cat and teach it to hide then pounce on her

YesQueen Sat 13-Jul-19 01:39:00

My mum claims to be allergic she just dislikes them and she was going on about how she could always smell a cat and her allergies and how they were vicious and..
My dad started sniggering and she was all "what? What?"
My dad "well YesQueens cat has been asleep behind you for an hour..."

He's black and blends in well grin but he really is the sweetest cat. My neighbours child likes to carry him under one arm and then cuddle and brush him and he just sits and purrs at her. He accidentally clawed me once and cried for about an hour and hid sad

RosesAndRaindrops Sat 13-Jul-19 01:45:53

I don't like cats, and allergic to them to boot
but even I'm saying it's nothing to do with your MIL, it's yours and your DH's decision, nowt to do with her.
Just mentally file under "Oookay" and get one anyway!

Jemima232 Sat 13-Jul-19 02:10:29

Well if this is a free-for-all cat-posting thread

MooseBeTimeForSummer Sat 13-Jul-19 02:39:43

This one is expert level hard stare

Jemima232 Sat 13-Jul-19 03:01:06

And here are two more

Birdie6 Sat 13-Jul-19 03:25:38

I'm loving this thread.

visitorthedog Sat 13-Jul-19 03:35:18

Definitely name it after her.

Topseyt Sat 13-Jul-19 03:38:58

Get a cat and a dog, or even a couple of each.. That should rile MIL up nicely

Stop oversharing with her. Just get on with your lives without telling her your plans and then it is just a fait accompli when she does become aware.

Sharing your plans is giving her the chance to critique them, so tell her fuck all. That will stop most of these arguments. If she asks why you didn't tell her before doing something then you tell her firmly that it is/was none of her business.

Jemima232 Sat 13-Jul-19 05:08:44

This splendid cat is very appealing

Jemima232 Sat 13-Jul-19 05:10:47

Another shot of McVicar

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 13-Jul-19 05:54:00

I agree your dh not knowing it’s its abnormal is the worst bit. Adults don’t tell other adults off like their still kids.

Effendi Sat 13-Jul-19 06:00:42

My cat is judging your MIL.

JellyNo15 Sat 13-Jul-19 07:30:31

My cat is appalled by your MIL’s attitude

Nanasueathome Sat 13-Jul-19 07:35:27

Just wait until Cheddar gives her opinion........

Nofunkingworriesmate Sat 13-Jul-19 07:37:48

It’s a fucking cat! Not a wild tiger! How dare she speak to you like that, if you were the au pair and she the mother of baby text would make more sense

timeisnotaline Sat 13-Jul-19 08:00:32

She does sound nuts but if they aren’t far, once a month is not often really.

thegreylady Sat 13-Jul-19 08:43:57

Colin needs a tummy tickle, would your MIL oblige?

YouTheCat Sat 13-Jul-19 09:42:02

My cat is smiling at you.

LadyRannaldini Sat 13-Jul-19 12:38:39

My MIL was shocked that we weren't "getting rid of" our cat when I was expecting DS

My mother reacted in a similar way when we told here we were having No 1, Oh you'll have to get rid of the cat! We told her that as we had had the cat a lot longer it had far more rights than the new pet we were expecting, she wasn't happy!

Oldraver Sat 13-Jul-19 13:21:44

Get DH to send the text.....We understand f you dont want to come over when we get the cat

Singlenotsingle Sun 14-Jul-19 16:58:08

This is Louie, friendly but timid. He can't understand why anyone wouldn't love him.

Loyaultemelie Mon 15-Jul-19 15:40:00

I'll lend you Franky. He's fat, stinky farty and bites when he wants food or stroked (not hard just a nibble) and never mind dcs with him around you can forget ever going to the loo alone. Despite all this we love him and he loves us. He's also bomb proof with dc. Your mil would hate him grin

H2OH20Everywhere Mon 15-Jul-19 15:56:24

Bearing in mind my mother lives 400 miles away, and I've had animals all my life:

Told her we're getting hens - 'I wouldn't want them!'
A rabbit - 'But you won't have time to clean it out?'
A cat - 'But you won't be able to look after it. You never used to have to look after OldCat' (because I wasn't allowed to interfere)

and so on and so forth. DP and I have had many, many pets over the years, all spoilt rotten and treated wonderfully well. Now I'm pregnant, my mother has said more than once that I'll need to get rid of them, because there'll be too much mess. That's not happening!

Etino Mon 15-Jul-19 16:02:25

is there a back story that you don't see her much? How often are you and dh in touch with her? Her response is ridiculous, but if that's the only contact she's had from your in months its slightly more understandable.

dayslikethese1 Mon 15-Jul-19 16:12:02

How much time does she think a cat takes up? grin Seeing her once a month sounds plenty to me, dunno what her problem is. She needs a hobby.

BottomliePotts Mon 15-Jul-19 16:15:46

Our cat was around 8 when I fell pregnant with DS2. I had spoken in passing to my MIL about my concerns about the cat jumping in the moses basket etc - nothing we couldn't manage, just concerns. Soon after she announced that she'd been asking around for someone to take the cat permanently. I still can't get my head around the huge leap she made from idle chat to I need you to rehome my well loved cat

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