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AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

(166 Posts)
Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:54:00

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

BogglesGoggles Fri 12-Jul-19 20:24:17

Children do push. Some parents are just really weird and take these things really personally.

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 12-Jul-19 20:33:11

Sorry at 2 my son was fairly small. If a child twice his size no matter what age they were upset my child twice I too would have words. I am sorry but your problems are not mine. My main concern is my child. She let it go the once but after the second time she had a right to say something. I understand it is difficult for you at the moment but it dosen't mean that her child should have to put up with upsetting behaviour IMO

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 20:34:10

Softplay is the one, designated place where it is supposed to be safe to let them roam about on their own and play with other kids

Once it’s safe for them to do so, yes. Some of the children I have seen “roaming” in the three storey soft play near our house - complete with spider nets, three foot drops, boulders on chains, eight foot staircases - can’t be more than 2 years old. I have had to intervene many times (whilst trying to look after my own child) to prevent injury coming to a child who is clearly too young for the equipment.

Lweji Fri 12-Jul-19 20:37:04

The problem with (both of them) being in the older area is that, in this case, slides are different.
Going down and bumping onto a child on a smaller, less high, slide is not the same as from going down a taller slide with a more pronounced slope for the older children.
Exactly because 2 year olds don't have the same maturity and take more risks.

I do think you should keep him to the younger area particularly at times when you can't supervise him properly.

BarbariansMum Fri 12-Jul-19 20:39:17

You can't on the one hand say "oh he's only two" but on the other " he's big for his age so I let him play alone in the area for older children".

2 year olds need constant supervision, especially the boisterous ones. If you can't offer that then, for now, you can't go.

Pushing and hurting other children isn't friendly behaviour btw, even if it is unintentional.

Sagradafamiliar Fri 12-Jul-19 20:45:29

No soft play near me allows adults in. I think they're right. The adults get in the way. If a child gets 'stuck' or otherwise needs fetching down then a member of staff goes in. It's good because it puts paid to all the 'you should be closely supervising your kid!' snidey comments (which I've never come across in real life anyway). If a child isn't ready for independent play in a safe, secure, age appropriate environment then they shouldn't be in there at all.

DocusDiplo Fri 12-Jul-19 20:48:03

Aww don't worry OP, you're doing great flowers congrats on newborn and go easy on yourself.

Sagradafamiliar Fri 12-Jul-19 20:48:19

I should probably add that before the rules changed in my most local soft play area, the adults who would go in were mainly men thinking they were big kids, diving about the place and zooming down the slides. Not much to do with supervision.

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 20:54:37

@voddiekeepsmesane she didn’t let it go? She checked on her son, as I did mine and she told my son off - despite her son not actually moving from the bottom of the slide for much longer than I would have expected any two year old to wait.
She wasn’t inside the play area either - she was sat having a coffee with her mate.
Neither of us directly saw what happened the second time - her son said he was pushed over, my son said they were running together and they both fell.
My son apologised and asked if he was ok.
The more I justify this incident, the more I know she was overreacting - as others have said, if she was so concerned she should have stayed in there with him.

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 12-Jul-19 20:54:51

Agree with you Sagradafamiliar unfortunately the OP seems to think that because her child is larger than the average 2 year old that they can cope unattended in the older area obviously not true. And in my time of going to soft play I heard a lot of remarks along the line of "you should be closely supervising your child" and have actually said it to others, though we are talking a few years ago for me now maybe parents are a more meek lot now?!

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 12-Jul-19 20:56:46

Wow ok lets make it all about her and her child ...OP obviously your child was a complete innocent in all of this hmm

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 20:58:00

@BarbariansMum I have explained above that his mum wasn’t in the soft play either - she was sat having a cuppa with her mate.
My son said he didn’t push him, they were running and both fell.
He also asked if this boy was ok and gave him a hug.
He is a very friendly child and wouldn’t hurt someone on purpose - I explained he was only two because she said “at his age he should know better” when her son is of similar age.
They were the only two kids in the building so I was happy for him to be in the larger area - as was the other mum

restingpigeon Fri 12-Jul-19 20:59:23

it is nonsense to suggest people ought not to take their kids into softplay - so children with gross motor skills should be denied softplay until they're safe to go in without an adult? I wonder how you think they'd improve their gross motor skills without a soft play during the many frequent rainy weekends.

This thread is all well and good that some children are fine on their own in softplay, that's obviously true but saying no adults should be allowed else the kids aren't fit for playing is...

BarbariansMum Fri 12-Jul-19 21:01:04

Ffs! The rule with slides is that you wait till the bottom is clear. If a child, esp a toddler, sits there longer then you wait. And wait some more if necessary.

The reason that your child doesn't understand this ^^ is that he's two. Because hes 2 he has no business being unattended in a play area for older children.

shesgrownhorns Fri 12-Jul-19 21:02:24

Aw don't let it get to you OP - she sounds like a right misery guts. Chalk it up to a bad day and just try to stay a bit closer next time. A 50/50 split on unreasonable if you ask me smile

Stripes66 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:04:19

I feel for you. You want to be able to have your 2 year old have fun and feed your newborn. I get it and if I’d have been that mom, I’d have probably not said anything as I’d recognise what you were trying to do. Being a new mom can be so hard and lonely too, let alone having a toddler to entertain. Please don’t be sad x

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:08:59

@BarbariansMum has no business?!
Haha ok.....grin
And please don’t for Fucks sake me over the ‘etiquette’ of a slide when the other two year old didn’t understand to move his arse when he got to the bottom!
His mother is lucky it wasn’t an 8 year old that cane down next

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:09:03

The more I justify this incident, the more I know she was overreacting - as others have said, if she was so concerned she should have stayed in there with him.

You weren’t there. You can’t really comment.

cadburyegg Fri 12-Jul-19 21:12:37

It depends on the 2 year old because a 2yr 1 month old can be very different to a nearly 3 year old. It also depends on the child’s nature, size of the soft play, other kids there etc etc. I actually let DS1 start running around on the “big area” of our local soft play probably from the age of 2yr 9m. It’s a fairly small soft play centre though and you can see everything from the ground (you actually have a better view). He was very physically capable but also very shy, which meant he never came close to pushing anyone and he certainly wasn’t boisterous.

Once you let a toddler run around an area meant for bigger kids you need to accept that sometimes they might get pushed over by accident simply because the other kids have the advantage of size. So I think this woman overreacted and was a little mean, she should have cut you some slack after it was obvious you had a little baby too.

However, I also think you made a mistake going to soft play knowing your child is a little “boisterous” (be careful you don’t use that word to explain away bad behaviour) and knowing you may not have been able to supervise adequately. We all make mistakes and you’re only human. I actually left DS1 in the soft play area when he was 3 to go to the toilet… he was running around with a friend, I’d just had DS2 so I wasn’t really thinking straight, and I didn’t think he’d notice. Well he did notice and was inconsolable when I returned. I definitely deserved the judgemental looks that day.

It’s hard with 2. I actually still find it hard taking my 2 to soft play still and they are 4 and 16 months. DS1 is jealous that he is not allowed in the baby areas when DS2 is, also that I have to constantly supervise DS2. Sigh!


shesgrownhorns Fri 12-Jul-19 21:15:42

No don't be sad! You're doing a great job and there was no lasting damage. Next time drag someone along to help you out - it's too difficult alone - mine are 13 months apart and when they were little and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown pretty much all the time. You need more help!

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 12-Jul-19 21:16:16

Let's flip it OP and those who think that the other woman was being unreasonable. If a child that looked about 5/6 and had managed to make your child cry twice. Would you say anything? And if you did and the parent said but they are only 3 would that make a difference to how you or your child felt?

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 12-Jul-19 21:19:06

As admirable as it is that you are out and about with a new born and a 2 year old. The 2 year old will not be harmed by staying in or going to places that are easier to manage for a month or 2 while you recuperate OP

Hugtheduggee Fri 12-Jul-19 21:22:16

Our local soft play (the only one) has a tiny under 5s area that my daughter was bored of well before the age of 18m. She's been in the 'big' area (albeit with me following her) since she was 8m old, because its got the space for her to crawl, cruise at that age etc.

Now, at just turned 2, she'll only go briefly into the under 5s area, because it's just not big enough or exciting. Sometimes I follow her, sometimes I keep an eye on her from below, but she's certainly not under constant supervision.

Like the OP though, this is only when it's quiet and there are no bigger kids around. During school hours, the whole place is for under 5s as far as I'm concerned.

Funnily enough, I've seen other posts on MN where people have been ridiculed for following round after their toddler.

Aquilla Fri 12-Jul-19 21:31:09

I sympathise, op! As the mother of three 'giants'.

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:33:02

During school hours, the whole place is for under 5s as far as I'm concerned.

Except that it isn’t. The soft play folks won’t take responsibility for your kid’s broken leg.

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