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AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

(166 Posts)
Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:54:00

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

Chune Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:53

My youngest was a little roughneck, I must have spent hours shuffling around soft play areas with him. To others, I probably looked like a ridiculously overprotective parent- I kind of was, but it was the other kids I was protecting!

Sorry, I’d leave it until you can supervise him. Don’t take it to heart though.

Mumofone1858 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:55

I am sorry but a 2 year old who is boisterous and the size of a 5 year old probably should be monitored. I understand you don't want to change his routine but from her point of view, your son injured her son you didn't call him over and talk to him about it and let him carry on and do it again. Maybe leave soft play until your stitches are healed and you can catch him if he gets too over excited again. OR in future if your son injured a child call him over and ask him to apologize so the parent can see you are monitoring him?

Breastfeedingworries Fri 12-Jul-19 15:20:53

I agree that boisterous shouldn’t be used as a get out of jail card.

I wouldn’t be letting him in the older area either personally.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs Fri 12-Jul-19 15:22:20

The second soft play slide thread in a week - they really are dangerous!

Sorry you feel rubbish Op. Unfortunately you shouldn't be taking your DS to softplay unless you're able to supervise him properly. He's only little, and you've said he's boisterous, and he's big for his age. I understand you wanting to keep some continuity for him, but it isn't fair on him or the other children that are trying to play there if he's unsupervised and risking hurting other children or himself through boisterous play. The other mum could have cut you some slack, but from her perspective, her DS ended up in tears twice, which could have been avoided if you were supervising your child appropriately. The fact you were feeding your baby is neither here nor there.

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose. You failed to add that you'd supervise him properly from now on. You excused his behaviour and it sounds like you didn't see what happened, so how can you be sure that it wasn't on purpose? The snipe about not playing with your son was unkind and unnecessary, but she was clearly very bothered by your response and I can understand that.

Chalk it up to experience and make sure you're supervising properly next time. A friend that can crawl around the play area while you're with your baby would be ideal.

F2Feee Fri 12-Jul-19 15:22:59

This was entirely your fault op. Your son at 2yo needs to be supervised especially as hes 'boisterous'.
You having a newborn isnt of concern as that doesnt stop my son being hurt. You need to be there watching him. Or take a friend. Or truthfully dont go until you can make sure he is supervised.

stucknoue Fri 12-Jul-19 15:25:10

It's a tough one because yes your son wasn't deliberately hurting him but at 3 he's too young to be in there unsupervised. My kids are 2 years apart so I know it's tricky but you cannot rely on other parents to supervise whilst you feed. As disruptive as it is, you need to avoid places for a few weeks where you need to be mobile, then I suggest a front carrier so you can chase your two year old as required

YouJustDoYou Fri 12-Jul-19 15:25:32

Mine was 18 months old when he discovered flapping his wrist looked fascinating. The very very first time he discovered he could do it, he at that moment caught another kid on the hair. No mark, I was right there, but the other kid didn't liked being flapped at. Mother comes screaming over about what a nasty little boy my 18 month old was etc etc, I was bringing him up nasty etc etc. Anyway, I was so upset I didn't go back for another 2 years. Best decision, to be honest. Son didn't NEED soft play. Soft play is hell anyway. And it gave him time to mature and learn boundaries. Probably best, if you can't be in there with him right now to stop him, if you don't take him on your own right now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 12-Jul-19 15:28:33

No its nothing to do with hormones.
She was a right bitch.
All that over kids pushing. Shes in for stressful life if Shes going to fight everyone every time her son gets pushed.
Its hardly akin to brandishing a deadly weapon, is it.

Yabbers Fri 12-Jul-19 15:29:35

It’s not tricky at all. You should be supervising your “admittedly very boisterous” child and not making excuses for him.

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

So, if someone repeatedly pushed you by accident, you’d be ok with that, would you? If you keep letting him do it because “he’s only 2” he won’t learn how to behave. If you don’t teach him to wait until someone has moved from the bottom of the slide, he will keep knocking them over, why wouldn’t he, it doesn’t hurt him and his mummy doesn’t mind.

And he’ll be excused as “only 3” then at 4 will be “spirited”

In my experience ridiculously friendly toddlers are the ones constantly in the face of kids who don’t want them there, insisting on “sharing” toys that other kids are playing with.

If you can’t deal with a newborn and toddler at softplay, don’t go. They aren’t there to babysit your kids whilst you concentrate on your newborn.

Rachelover40 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:29:51

He's only two and it was an accident.
Doesn't sound much like 'soft play' though, whatever that is :-).

Didn't have things like that when mine was little, I'm so glad, I'd have hated being forced to mix with a load of other mothers. Much preferred to go somewhere, drop off and pick up later.

Teachermaths Fri 12-Jul-19 15:30:05

He's young to be in there unsupervised if you know he's boisterous. Don't go for a while, or keep him busy with snacks when you're feeding. The other children don't deserve to be pushed because you can't supervise your child properly.

GoBrookeYourself Fri 12-Jul-19 15:33:44

OnlyFoolsnMothers I don’t think the other mum warranted being called a cow by you, when in reality we’d all be protective if our 2 year old had been pushed more than once by another child who seemingly didn’t have anyone supervising them. That comment seemed really unfair and unnecessarily bitchy.

OP I understand why you feel hurt and I can see this from both views. Maybe, as a PP suggested, try going when it’s a little quieter until you’re feeling better, or take someone along with you who can maybe help supervise?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting Fri 12-Jul-19 15:33:49

very boisterous but ridiculously friendly

Mmmm. What everyone else has said. Especially if your ds is the size of a 5yo. Sounds like an accident waiting to happen.

KurriKurri Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:07

I think you did amazingly well to take your Ds to softplay when you;ve oly just had a baby and stitches - I was still hobbling around in my PJ;s at that stage !
Honestly - it's softplay, chances of bumping into a rude person are quite high, I wouldn't give the incident another thought, get on with enjoying your new baby, undoubtedly hormones and sleepless nights are making you more sensitive and the feeling that your son is undergoing a lot of changes and you want to protect him from people being snappy with him.

My DS was a 2yr old that looked 5yrs as well - and I found that even when you told them that fact people still expect your child to behave the way they look. i wouldn;t expect a 2yr old to be especially 'think ahead' when it comes to soft play - they are too little to understand.
Yes maybe you should have been supervising, but you are tired uncomfortable and trying to feed new baby - I would certainly have cut you some slack, and offered to keep an eye on your little one so he could carry on playing.

I'd maybe avoid softplay for a bit or go with a friend so you can relax more, but honestly one grumpy woman is not worth getting upset over. Give yourself a break, and don't feel you have to do stuff - your Ds will be fine if you swap soft play for toddler group or the park for a few weeks, or just playing round friends or in the garden.

TheFairyCaravan Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:17

He's 2 therefore he really shouldn't be going into the under 8s bit unsupervised. He might be big for his age, mine were, but he still doesn't have the necessary motor skills or understanding to use the equipment.

I'm sorry you got upset but the other mum was in the right, if not quite tactless in her approach. I wouldn't be going to soft play, or the park, alone until I was healed enough to jump up if there was an accident or drama.

Don't dwell on it. We've all been there. Have a cup of tea and put it behind you. 💐

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:26

You need to supervise your son. He is far too young at 2 to be roaming round a big soft play area on his own.

VivienneHolt Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:48

Sounds like the other mum was mean - the comment about her not wanting her son to play with yours was unnecessary. But I can also see why she was annoyed that her son had been hurt twice by an unsupervised 2yo who was actually the size of a 4yo.

I would maybe skip the soft play for a while unless you can find someone to help you with it. You’re just in a tricky position with a newborn and you want to make things easy for yourself where you can!

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:35:21

Although as your baby is only 3 weeks old I probably would have let it go!

CatG85 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:37:17

Bit of an overreaction on her part but they both should have been supervised at that age.

Notcopingwellhere Fri 12-Jul-19 15:41:22

Chalk it up to experience OP. The Mum was rude but 2 (even if closer to 3) is too young to be completely unsupervised in soft play for up to 8 year olds. To be honest I’d worry about him being hurt by a larger child as well as potentially clashing with a smaller one. And waiting at the top of the slide until the bottom is clear is pretty much the most basic soft play/Park behaviour you can get- if he can’t be trusted to do that without supervision then he really can’t be left alone.

You’ve done amazingly well to get out, congratulations on your new baby and well done for trying your best to give your older DS some continuity. But this setup doesn’t work I’m afraid.

Myyearmytime Fri 12-Jul-19 15:42:08

If you are in UK why are not going to outside park . That way you can follow your 2 year old around .

Bluntness100 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:42:39

I think uou should have went out the first time he slid down when the little boy was still sitting on the slide and hurt him. He is only two and clearly didn't understand he would hurt the child if he slid down when the little boy was still on it, especially as your son is big.

I can see why she got annoyed th second time. It's nice you don't want to disrupt his routine but two year olds need supervision.

I'd say hold off on soft play until you're able to supervise, or take someone with you who can help

Halo1234 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:43:12

I was the mum who's child was hurt. My toddler (at the time older now). Made a friend at soft play. They were both enjoying playing roughly but I was watching my toddler not letting him be too rough. The other mum was cuddling her new baby and not watching her toddler. He grab my son's face and dug his fingers in (in a playing way but it was still sore) his mum did nothing. I was saying gentle gentle but he wasnt really listening. He then scratched my son's face and it was cut and healed leaving a scare he had for ages. I was annoyed but didnt say anything but wish I had. U have to watch your kids no matter how many u have. His behaviour may not be coming from an aggressive place but that's no the point. People will be upset if your child hurts theirs and u do nothing. That's not ok.

Notcopingwellhere Fri 12-Jul-19 15:44:02

NB I speak as an over-40 Mum of an almost 3 year old who just about killed herself the other week squeezing through rollers and up scramble nets in the massive soft play my DS was loving! I actually intended to just leave him to it but my gut feeling was that it was still too soon for that.

Hahaha88 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:45:03

Oh you're a bunch of ott precious mum's aren't you? I took my lo to soft play yesterday. Out of around 10 groups of parents I saw a grand total of 1 in with their toddler. And that was, I think, because the toddler didn't want to be left to play without the adult. Should ops son have hurt the other kid? No but he's a toddler, they are unpredictable. Her baby is three weeks old for crying out loud. Stop saying she should be in there with him. She's doing well just getting out of the house! The other mum sounds horrid, "I don't want you playing with him". I tell you what op come to soft play with me. Our kids can be friends and I'll hold the baby so you can have a hot cuppa!

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