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AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

(166 Posts)
Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:54:00

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 12-Jul-19 14:57:29

Its a hard one OP, the cow should have cut you some slack with a newborn, however 2 year olds do need to be supervised for this very reason. Of course kids that age can accidentally hurt other kids and their respective parent should teach them to say sorry.

Dont give it too much thought, you're juggling a new born and a toddler- I salute you for getting out the house at all.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Fri 12-Jul-19 14:58:05

It was just her mum instinct kicking in. Can you go with other friends so that there is an adult on hand to go with them? 2 is still quite little to toddle around on his own (I'd be more worried about older kids being rough/pushing him around) when you have your hands full with a baby.

Mammalian Fri 12-Jul-19 14:58:26

If she's going to take her kid home every time a small toddler bumps into him, she'll spend a lot of time drivinggringrin

EssentialHummus Fri 12-Jul-19 14:59:07

“I don’t want you playing with him” was very unkind, but I’d expect a young, especially boisterous, child in soft play to be supervised. I’m not sure how to reconcile that with feeding a newborn.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Fri 12-Jul-19 15:00:33

We've all been overtired, fed up and had our kids knocked over though. I'm sure one or two of us may even have over-reacted a tad.

Rosiesandposies1 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:21

I can see both sides. How would you have felt if ds when on the ‘older’ slides kept getting knocked over by a 7 year old probably pretty annoyed, because he’s your son, and you wouldn’t want to see him upset. Really they do need to be watched and supervised, to make sure that these things don’t happen, or are handled the right way. However the mum could have handled the way she spoke to you better.

Evilmorty Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:22

I used to sit and BF in the actual soft play as my DS2 was only a year older than the baby and too young to be left. I only went on quiet days and left by midday because it got too busy then and I couldn’t be “on it” with too many kids around and a baby to hold. I’d put baby in the sling but that still meant I couldn’t get to the higher parts of the soft play so I restricted him climbing too high.

She was a bit harsh but you probably do need to find a way to watch and feed at the same time x

MyOpinionIsValid Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:30

She's looking after her sons interests. He's being hurt. If your 2yo is really the size of a 5yo, then he is going to be somewhat larger and more able to unwittingly hurt others. It will pass. Pay no heed to her.

underneaththeash Fri 12-Jul-19 15:06:44

I think you need to supervise him too. 2 year olds don’t have the intellectual capacity to look out fir others and especially if he’s big, he could hurt someone. I have/had a tall toddler too and woukdn’t Have left him unattended in a soft play.

When I had a baby as well, I always either went with a friend, or pulled him out for a snack if I was feeding.

SummerInTheVillage Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:10

I can also see both sides. But you know now what can happen so maybe don't go again until you can supervise him.

Bambamber Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:47

I wouldn't be happy either if an unsupervised 'boisterous' child kept making my child cry too. If he is too boisterous he needs to be taught to be more careful when playing.

HennyPennyHorror Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:49

Firstly OP and I mean this kindly, he wasn't your son's "friend" he was just a random child in a soft play area.

Don't let him see you place too much importance on this sort of thing. I agree that at 2, they just don't have the capacity to take care. Better to avoid places like that for now.

Weepingwillows12 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:11:12

Two is too young to be unsupervised in soft play. She told you first time and you did nothing so I can see why she was annoyed and I think you are in the wrong.

However those early days of dealing with two can suck so cut yourself some slack. Everyone's alive still. Is there a baby group or something you can do insteadwhereits easier to keep an eye on him but you still get to sit for a moment with the baby?

FenellaMaxwell Fri 12-Jul-19 15:12:23

She wasn’t kind, but as mum of a very tall 2yo, you do need to watch them extra closely. The extra height can make them unwieldy and they don’t get cut the same slack as their smaller, more obviously 2yo peers.

WhyTho Fri 12-Jul-19 15:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackCatSleeping Fri 12-Jul-19 15:13:49

Did you actually see what happened though? Just the other mum said your son pushed her son over which is different from numbing into him on the slide.

My 2 year old daughter got deliberately punched in the face by an old kid at soft play. When she pointed out the boy who did it, the mum grabbed him and quickly left before I could say anything.

Soft play can be really rough, so even with a baby, you do need to watch your kid.

leghairdontcare Fri 12-Jul-19 15:14:21

Everyone for themselves in softplay. She's an adult, and should be able to take the moral highground over a 2 year old rather than snipe at him - no matter how upset she is.

Impatienceismyvirtue Fri 12-Jul-19 15:16:24

I mean this in the kindest way, but I think the other mum was probably in the right - children need to be supervised at that age and she was probably frustrated that her child ended up crying twice and you didn’t come and ask him to apologise or intervene yourself (not just from your seat outwith the softplay. However, the “don’t play with him comment” was OTT - she probably felt upset that her son had been hurt but she shouldn’t have said it.

As for WWYD, I think you should stop going to the softplay until you’re healed enough to jump in (even with newborn in your arms) and intervene if your child looks like he is going to hurt another (or if he might be hurt himself). You need to teach him to wait at the top of slides for others to move. Perhaps you could ask a friend to come with you who could pop in after him if needs be?

Breastfeedingworries Fri 12-Jul-19 15:17:27

It’s very tricky situation but I agree with posters saying could you take a friend with you? Have you got another Mum friend who goes there?

I’d be pretty cross if I gave a Mum a chance then her child made mine cry again.... 2 is too young to be unsupervised. His safety and the safety of other children.

SkintAsASkintThing Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:01

She doesn't sound very pleasant........her son won't have many friends if she's going to over react like that over toddlers bumping about.

lostelephant Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:44

Two is too young to be left unsupervised. I'm also fed up of posters on mumsnet using 'boisterous' as a get out of jail free card for when their son behaves badly.

Myheartbelongsto Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:49

I would have offered to help you by letting your son play with mine and got you a cuppa.

Congrats on your baby op, you are doing a great job x

BlueMerchant Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:16

I'd be thinking of taking him to one of these other classes that maybe doesn't require such physical supervision until you can get in there with him. Or take another adult along with you.
I can understand the other mother's pov.
Your ds is bigger and stronger than the average two- year old and she was worried about her child and didn't initially realise he was so young.

Myheartbelongsto Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:37

Two is too young to be left unsupervised. I'm also fed up of posters on mumsnet using 'boisterous' as a get out of jail free card for when their son behaves badly.

ignore this op.

Chune Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:53

My youngest was a little roughneck, I must have spent hours shuffling around soft play areas with him. To others, I probably looked like a ridiculously overprotective parent- I kind of was, but it was the other kids I was protecting!

Sorry, I’d leave it until you can supervise him. Don’t take it to heart though.

Mumofone1858 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:55

I am sorry but a 2 year old who is boisterous and the size of a 5 year old probably should be monitored. I understand you don't want to change his routine but from her point of view, your son injured her son you didn't call him over and talk to him about it and let him carry on and do it again. Maybe leave soft play until your stitches are healed and you can catch him if he gets too over excited again. OR in future if your son injured a child call him over and ask him to apologize so the parent can see you are monitoring him?

Breastfeedingworries Fri 12-Jul-19 15:20:53

I agree that boisterous shouldn’t be used as a get out of jail card.

I wouldn’t be letting him in the older area either personally.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs Fri 12-Jul-19 15:22:20

The second soft play slide thread in a week - they really are dangerous!

Sorry you feel rubbish Op. Unfortunately you shouldn't be taking your DS to softplay unless you're able to supervise him properly. He's only little, and you've said he's boisterous, and he's big for his age. I understand you wanting to keep some continuity for him, but it isn't fair on him or the other children that are trying to play there if he's unsupervised and risking hurting other children or himself through boisterous play. The other mum could have cut you some slack, but from her perspective, her DS ended up in tears twice, which could have been avoided if you were supervising your child appropriately. The fact you were feeding your baby is neither here nor there.

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose. You failed to add that you'd supervise him properly from now on. You excused his behaviour and it sounds like you didn't see what happened, so how can you be sure that it wasn't on purpose? The snipe about not playing with your son was unkind and unnecessary, but she was clearly very bothered by your response and I can understand that.

Chalk it up to experience and make sure you're supervising properly next time. A friend that can crawl around the play area while you're with your baby would be ideal.

F2Feee Fri 12-Jul-19 15:22:59

This was entirely your fault op. Your son at 2yo needs to be supervised especially as hes 'boisterous'.
You having a newborn isnt of concern as that doesnt stop my son being hurt. You need to be there watching him. Or take a friend. Or truthfully dont go until you can make sure he is supervised.

stucknoue Fri 12-Jul-19 15:25:10

It's a tough one because yes your son wasn't deliberately hurting him but at 3 he's too young to be in there unsupervised. My kids are 2 years apart so I know it's tricky but you cannot rely on other parents to supervise whilst you feed. As disruptive as it is, you need to avoid places for a few weeks where you need to be mobile, then I suggest a front carrier so you can chase your two year old as required

YouJustDoYou Fri 12-Jul-19 15:25:32

Mine was 18 months old when he discovered flapping his wrist looked fascinating. The very very first time he discovered he could do it, he at that moment caught another kid on the hair. No mark, I was right there, but the other kid didn't liked being flapped at. Mother comes screaming over about what a nasty little boy my 18 month old was etc etc, I was bringing him up nasty etc etc. Anyway, I was so upset I didn't go back for another 2 years. Best decision, to be honest. Son didn't NEED soft play. Soft play is hell anyway. And it gave him time to mature and learn boundaries. Probably best, if you can't be in there with him right now to stop him, if you don't take him on your own right now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 12-Jul-19 15:28:33

No its nothing to do with hormones.
She was a right bitch.
All that over kids pushing. Shes in for stressful life if Shes going to fight everyone every time her son gets pushed.
Its hardly akin to brandishing a deadly weapon, is it.

Yabbers Fri 12-Jul-19 15:29:35

It’s not tricky at all. You should be supervising your “admittedly very boisterous” child and not making excuses for him.

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

So, if someone repeatedly pushed you by accident, you’d be ok with that, would you? If you keep letting him do it because “he’s only 2” he won’t learn how to behave. If you don’t teach him to wait until someone has moved from the bottom of the slide, he will keep knocking them over, why wouldn’t he, it doesn’t hurt him and his mummy doesn’t mind.

And he’ll be excused as “only 3” then at 4 will be “spirited”

In my experience ridiculously friendly toddlers are the ones constantly in the face of kids who don’t want them there, insisting on “sharing” toys that other kids are playing with.

If you can’t deal with a newborn and toddler at softplay, don’t go. They aren’t there to babysit your kids whilst you concentrate on your newborn.

Rachelover40 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:29:51

He's only two and it was an accident.
Doesn't sound much like 'soft play' though, whatever that is :-).

Didn't have things like that when mine was little, I'm so glad, I'd have hated being forced to mix with a load of other mothers. Much preferred to go somewhere, drop off and pick up later.

Teachermaths Fri 12-Jul-19 15:30:05

He's young to be in there unsupervised if you know he's boisterous. Don't go for a while, or keep him busy with snacks when you're feeding. The other children don't deserve to be pushed because you can't supervise your child properly.

GoBrookeYourself Fri 12-Jul-19 15:33:44

OnlyFoolsnMothers I don’t think the other mum warranted being called a cow by you, when in reality we’d all be protective if our 2 year old had been pushed more than once by another child who seemingly didn’t have anyone supervising them. That comment seemed really unfair and unnecessarily bitchy.

OP I understand why you feel hurt and I can see this from both views. Maybe, as a PP suggested, try going when it’s a little quieter until you’re feeling better, or take someone along with you who can maybe help supervise?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting Fri 12-Jul-19 15:33:49

very boisterous but ridiculously friendly

Mmmm. What everyone else has said. Especially if your ds is the size of a 5yo. Sounds like an accident waiting to happen.

KurriKurri Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:07

I think you did amazingly well to take your Ds to softplay when you;ve oly just had a baby and stitches - I was still hobbling around in my PJ;s at that stage !
Honestly - it's softplay, chances of bumping into a rude person are quite high, I wouldn't give the incident another thought, get on with enjoying your new baby, undoubtedly hormones and sleepless nights are making you more sensitive and the feeling that your son is undergoing a lot of changes and you want to protect him from people being snappy with him.

My DS was a 2yr old that looked 5yrs as well - and I found that even when you told them that fact people still expect your child to behave the way they look. i wouldn;t expect a 2yr old to be especially 'think ahead' when it comes to soft play - they are too little to understand.
Yes maybe you should have been supervising, but you are tired uncomfortable and trying to feed new baby - I would certainly have cut you some slack, and offered to keep an eye on your little one so he could carry on playing.

I'd maybe avoid softplay for a bit or go with a friend so you can relax more, but honestly one grumpy woman is not worth getting upset over. Give yourself a break, and don't feel you have to do stuff - your Ds will be fine if you swap soft play for toddler group or the park for a few weeks, or just playing round friends or in the garden.

TheFairyCaravan Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:17

He's 2 therefore he really shouldn't be going into the under 8s bit unsupervised. He might be big for his age, mine were, but he still doesn't have the necessary motor skills or understanding to use the equipment.

I'm sorry you got upset but the other mum was in the right, if not quite tactless in her approach. I wouldn't be going to soft play, or the park, alone until I was healed enough to jump up if there was an accident or drama.

Don't dwell on it. We've all been there. Have a cup of tea and put it behind you. 💐

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:26

You need to supervise your son. He is far too young at 2 to be roaming round a big soft play area on his own.

VivienneHolt Fri 12-Jul-19 15:34:48

Sounds like the other mum was mean - the comment about her not wanting her son to play with yours was unnecessary. But I can also see why she was annoyed that her son had been hurt twice by an unsupervised 2yo who was actually the size of a 4yo.

I would maybe skip the soft play for a while unless you can find someone to help you with it. You’re just in a tricky position with a newborn and you want to make things easy for yourself where you can!

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:35:21

Although as your baby is only 3 weeks old I probably would have let it go!

CatG85 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:37:17

Bit of an overreaction on her part but they both should have been supervised at that age.

Notcopingwellhere Fri 12-Jul-19 15:41:22

Chalk it up to experience OP. The Mum was rude but 2 (even if closer to 3) is too young to be completely unsupervised in soft play for up to 8 year olds. To be honest I’d worry about him being hurt by a larger child as well as potentially clashing with a smaller one. And waiting at the top of the slide until the bottom is clear is pretty much the most basic soft play/Park behaviour you can get- if he can’t be trusted to do that without supervision then he really can’t be left alone.

You’ve done amazingly well to get out, congratulations on your new baby and well done for trying your best to give your older DS some continuity. But this setup doesn’t work I’m afraid.

Myyearmytime Fri 12-Jul-19 15:42:08

If you are in UK why are not going to outside park . That way you can follow your 2 year old around .

Bluntness100 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:42:39

I think uou should have went out the first time he slid down when the little boy was still sitting on the slide and hurt him. He is only two and clearly didn't understand he would hurt the child if he slid down when the little boy was still on it, especially as your son is big.

I can see why she got annoyed th second time. It's nice you don't want to disrupt his routine but two year olds need supervision.

I'd say hold off on soft play until you're able to supervise, or take someone with you who can help

Halo1234 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:43:12

I was the mum who's child was hurt. My toddler (at the time older now). Made a friend at soft play. They were both enjoying playing roughly but I was watching my toddler not letting him be too rough. The other mum was cuddling her new baby and not watching her toddler. He grab my son's face and dug his fingers in (in a playing way but it was still sore) his mum did nothing. I was saying gentle gentle but he wasnt really listening. He then scratched my son's face and it was cut and healed leaving a scare he had for ages. I was annoyed but didnt say anything but wish I had. U have to watch your kids no matter how many u have. His behaviour may not be coming from an aggressive place but that's no the point. People will be upset if your child hurts theirs and u do nothing. That's not ok.

Notcopingwellhere Fri 12-Jul-19 15:44:02

NB I speak as an over-40 Mum of an almost 3 year old who just about killed herself the other week squeezing through rollers and up scramble nets in the massive soft play my DS was loving! I actually intended to just leave him to it but my gut feeling was that it was still too soon for that.

Hahaha88 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:45:03

Oh you're a bunch of ott precious mum's aren't you? I took my lo to soft play yesterday. Out of around 10 groups of parents I saw a grand total of 1 in with their toddler. And that was, I think, because the toddler didn't want to be left to play without the adult. Should ops son have hurt the other kid? No but he's a toddler, they are unpredictable. Her baby is three weeks old for crying out loud. Stop saying she should be in there with him. She's doing well just getting out of the house! The other mum sounds horrid, "I don't want you playing with him". I tell you what op come to soft play with me. Our kids can be friends and I'll hold the baby so you can have a hot cuppa!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 12-Jul-19 15:45:28

Plus you did say "sorry". What more did she want, for you to lick her arse and kiss her feet.
I remember years ago when I was at a parent and toddler group with dd and had an altercation with a parent. Well not really an altercation more like her ranting at me. It wasn't over the over the kids fighting. It was over something else. I timidly said "sorry" Now if you met me now you'd never believe it In a billion years and I've Jo idea what changed me but up until about 10 years ago. I was extremely shy nervous and sensitive.
The type who wouldn't say boo to goose. If I could go back to that situation as the person I am today. She wouldn't be feeling so big and hard. No fucker will ever ever speak to me like that again!!!.

francescadrake Fri 12-Jul-19 15:47:24

I would have said something, OP. Those play areas aren’t for 2 year olds who don’t know how to behave on slides. I get that you have your hands full at the moment but if you look at it from her perspective, her child was pushed by yours twice. OTOH, he probably shouldn’t have had the opportunity to push the other kid over twice, because the other kid should have been supervised as well.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Jul-19 15:48:53

He really does need to be supervised OP.

I know you have your reasons for not doing that right now, but that's no comfort to the other child or his mum.

krustykittens Fri 12-Jul-19 15:50:07

I have to agree with everyone else, OP, he needs supervising, he is too little. I know you are trying to make things as easy as possible for him with a new baby on the scene, but you also need to be kind to yourself! Maybe give soft play a miss for a while?

NoSauce Fri 12-Jul-19 15:51:30

He’s 2 years old, which is too young to be unsupervised at soft play especially if he’s in the older children’s area. Sounds like he was probably a bit rougher than you’re making out he was tbh OP. Probably best to stay away from soft play until you’re able to watch him closer.

QueenOfCatan Fri 12-Jul-19 15:51:59

This is why my 2.5yo hasn't been to soft play for a while, I can't supervise her properly with my 12wo with us, you just can't in those places and they're at that age where they want to be in the big bit but you can't leave them to it.

pinkyredrose Fri 12-Jul-19 15:53:37

Funny how girls are never described as boisterous. Or is it that such behaviour is stamped out in girls but let slide in boys?

Hope you're ok OP. It's probably a good idea to take someone with you to soft play or just not go for a while.

Fromage Fri 12-Jul-19 15:54:06

Why wasn't the other mum in there protecting her son? I've done that, when I can if there's been a bigger/more boisterous child in there. Obviously OP you couldn't go leaping about soft play with a newborn (congratulations!) and stitches. Frankly, that you have left the house makes you superhuman so let's just assume the other mum was having a shit day.

Think no more about it, be kind to yourself and don't stop going if it's not too much for YOU. Your 2yo will be fine if you don't go, he won't be in therapy for missing an hour in a piddle and dribble infested ball pit once a week when he was a toddler.

Other mum was having a crap day, was just sticking up for her child, 2yos don't behave perfectly and are unaware of their impact on their immediate environment and other kids, she might feel differently one day when she's in your shoes.

Forgive her, put your feet up and congratulate yourself on everything you've achieved today.

Celebelly Fri 12-Jul-19 15:55:24

I think the problem is that the other mum was almost having to do the supervising that you should really have been doing (telling your son to be careful, having to watch out for him as well as her own child). I do sympathise but whether you have a newborn or not isn't overly relevant as either you're able to supervise properly or you aren't so don't go.
He's still very small to be charging around in there, especially if he's bigger than average and boisterous.

Maybe give it a miss till you're a bit more mobile and able to intervene quickly when needed! And a good excuse to avoid the hell that is soft play for a while...

Labmum Fri 12-Jul-19 15:56:01

I've got a 5.5month old and a 3 year old. I don't take the 3 year old to soft plays unless I have another adult to help as I can't go in with the baby to help him/watch him if I need to. I tend to go to playgroups instead where there are other adults around to help if needed. It's tough when you have a baby in tow but maybe try a few other options. We go to a drop in gymnastics free play session which is great.

MonstranceClock Fri 12-Jul-19 15:56:20

I don't think the other mum was rude, she was just direct, as I would've been too. A 2 year old who is twice the size on a normal 2 year old needs extra supervision as they're likely to cause a lot more hurt.

Cornettoninja Fri 12-Jul-19 15:56:57

Tbh I don’t think anyone here is in the right. 2 yr olds do need a bit of nudging and supervision whilst they’re playing but the other mum was being precious and really quite spiteful in how she behaved. She’s going to run out of friends for her kid fairly quickly if she’s going to bear grudges like that.

I think most people would admit to instinctively getting riled when their child gets hurt, even unintentionally through play, but then most people understand kids just aren’t that aware at that age and temper their response.

School holidays are coming up anyway so soft play is going to be busier, maybe take the opportunity for a break from it all whilst your getting on with adjusting a bit.

Redwinestillfine Fri 12-Jul-19 15:57:21

Go easy on yourself op, newborns are hard enough. I think maybe soft play was astro too far. I see your point about sticking to routine but really it won't hurt to just stay home for a bit and 2 is very young to be in soft play unsupervised ( even the 2 year old bit) flowers

DuMondeB Fri 12-Jul-19 16:00:21

Neither of you were particularly unreasonable, your two different daily realities just didn’t fit together well today.

Try and forget it, and maybe try and hang out with another mum friend who won’t mind supervising your toddler and her own, while you are feeding new baby etc?

Congratulations and happy healing ❤️

Lweji Fri 12-Jul-19 16:00:35

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

He really shouldn't, as the type of equipment will be different and he isn't being supervised.

Make sure you can supervise him, or that he sticks to the youngest area.
Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

And you should make an effort to explain to him that he must wait for other children to move away.

I'm sure the other mum didn't think he did it on purpose, but the fact is that her child was or risked being hurt by your son. So, you should called him out, and explain how to use the equipment properly.

As it's so close to the birth and you're not yet physically able to supervise properly, then I'd limit my visits to soft play when I could be there with another adult to help (friend, relative or partner).

Lweji Fri 12-Jul-19 16:02:06

Having said all that, I would have no problem in offering to redirect your son to the under 5 area and tell him to be more careful with the other children and to wait for the slide to be free. All very nicely. No need to get stroppy.

ComeAndDance Fri 12-Jul-19 16:02:42

so the other mum wasnt there in the play are either? did i read that one right?
Did you see your son pushing the other child or are you relying on what the woman said?

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:02:45

Thank you for all the offers of cuppas! Desperately needed! Ha

I did apologise to her son and her when my son went down the slide too quickly. I also told my son to wait properly next time (although child was just sat at the bottom not moving) and he said sorry to the little boy and also went to ask him if he was ok - and he was - and said he wanted to carry on playing together.

His mother wasn’t in the soft play area either - she and her friend were having a hot drink and only entered when he cried - it’s open plan and on two levels so you can see the whole area without being in it.

Our children were the only two in there as it was wed at 10am.

By “boisterous” I mean not timid or shy just excited and playful - i was not using it as an excuse for bad behaviour.

On reflection I do need to supervise him more - however we have been going to this soft play for over a year, he’s confident on all the equipment so no worries there and he would go in alone when I was heavily pregnant.

I didn’t see what happened but when I asked my son he said they were running and both fell.

I hate confrontation so think we will give it a miss for a while

Jellybeansincognito Fri 12-Jul-19 16:04:11

You’ve had a baby, life for your son has changed. He needs to be supervised in a play area, what if he was the one being hurt or he needed rescuing from above?

It wasn’t the best decision was it? No one is perfect and you shouldn’t take the other mums over reaction personally, have you got anyone who can help you?

Lweji Fri 12-Jul-19 16:05:30

And finally (sorry) I'd (and did) tell my son to vacate slides as soon as he got to the end. He got very conscious of letting other children have their turn.

It does look like neither child knows very well how to use the slide with other children around.

ComeAndDance Fri 12-Jul-19 16:06:01

Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

My ds was really big for his age. he wouldnt have been happy in the under 2 area. Too big for the space and everyine else thought he wasnt supposed to be in there. Other children were weary because of his size, esp as he was just as 'gentle' as a 2yo can be (but it always looks more scary/rough when a big 2 yo runs aorund then when its a small 2yo).
Consequently my ds soent a lot of time in the bigger equipemnt, especially during term time as there wasnt any of the bigger children.Only 3 yo and under (as the others were all at school).

I have to say, i cant see the problem.

dustarr73 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:06:02

Your son is still too little for the over 8 areas.They are much rougher and the equipment is not suitable for them.

Nothing worse than having a toddler in the older part when your kids are trying to play.

Plus the other dm was probably lucky it was only your son and and a bigger child going down the slide.

Fromage Fri 12-Jul-19 16:06:03

Can we note that both children were in the older children's area, up to age 8, not the toddler area?

If you let your children go in there alone, you have to assume there will be bigger children in there and your child might get hurt. So you only let them in there if they are boisterous and sure-footed and confident.

If you have a quieter child, who doesn't have great balance/grip yet, then they're not ready for it. If you child is the boisterous one and they get hurt, you have to shrug and decide whether or not they are allowed in there alone.

2 year olds do lash out, I've told other 2 yos to be kind please, but I've also told mine to just not play with the child who's being rough. I think at that age, it's not the responsibility of just one parent.

Jellybeansincognito Fri 12-Jul-19 16:06:50

(I have a 4yo and a 2yo) and don’t go to soft play on my own however, I can’t watch both from afar and every child deserves to be able to enjoy the space, children bicker and can push etc- they’re learning and need guidance.

Gustavo1 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:08:50

I’m going to go against the majority grain and say Yanbu not to be in the soft play. You were there, watching, he was supervised. I have three boys under 5. I don’t follow them around a soft play. Those frames aren’t built for adults to be hulking around in.
Children need to learn to play with others. If you were watching and had reminded your son about playing nicely, then the other mum was massively overreacting!

ComeAndDance Fri 12-Jul-19 16:09:25

so she was moaning that you dindt do what she didnt do either? does she think that her son is magically 'better' than yours and wouldnt as 'horrible'. If so, she is deluded.

My reading of that is that both children dont know the 'rules' of using the slide and both children needed maybe a bit more supervision.
However, there was no real harm done and I cant really see the issue there. Your ds reacted well and asked if the other cild was ok. You apologised. Just move on.

ComeAndDance Fri 12-Jul-19 16:11:36

Btw YANBU not to be in the play area with your ds.
he is clearly confident enough. There wasnt any much older children there (even though the woman probably thoiught he was 4~5yo, hence she got quite irritated and exected more from your ds than hers).
I had no issue leaving mine to it at at that age.

Lweji Fri 12-Jul-19 16:16:52

Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

My ds was really big for his age. he wouldnt have been happy in the under 2 area.

This boy is 2, with 4-5 size. Your example isn't comparable.

Nofunkingworriesmate Fri 12-Jul-19 16:21:35

Other boy was being a bit delicate, mum was mean and super precious specially considering your son wasn’t being nasty you saw what happened and if you had said “ be careful wait till other boy is off the slide” she may not have being ott
Shake it off

Isaididont Fri 12-Jul-19 16:23:11

I think the other mum was being quite precious. So her son was bumped a couple of times by an excitable kid? Isn’t that just what happens in soft play?! If I were her, i’d minimise it to my child and just say “never mind! Let’s get up and keep having fun!” unless of course they were badly hurt but I doubt that was the case in this case. Instead she’s modelling to her child that we should get upset and worked up with a massive sense of injustice over every little thing!
With your son looking older than he is, however, I guess you’ll have to get used to strangers assuming he’s older and expecting more of him because of that....

NannyRed Fri 12-Jul-19 16:34:45

Life’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
Ignore her, don’t give it another thought. You have got so much worse to come.

Fundays12 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:35:28

Sorry but at 2 he needs to be supervised particularly if you know he is boisterous. My 2 year old son isn’t boisterous but I wouldn’t let him play unsupervised in soft play (or any group activity etc). I am not criticising as my older son was boisterous but was small for his age so tended to end up hurting himself rather than another child. It did make me very aware though that I needed to supervise him.

The mum gave you a chance but her child got hurt twice. I would have taken my toddler away too as I don’t see why he should get hurt because another parent has chosen to use softplay whilst unable to supervise there child. Other children shouldn’t be getting hurt because you are not able to supervise your child and as you didn’t witness what happened maybe your child did push the other child. You need to avoid going to soft play till you are healed or take someone who can supervise your 2 year old.

EssentialHummus Fri 12-Jul-19 16:36:04

I’m also wondering why the other kid was in the main under-8 area, unless I’ve misread that.

restingpigeon Fri 12-Jul-19 16:41:50

you've got a newborn, don't spend much more time thinking about it - my 2 year olds wouldn't have been able to get around an under 8 area without being hurt by other kids or falling but yours sounds generally fine - I do think perhaps you should've removed him to the under 5 area after the first incident so he learns to be more careful but it's one of those things we all get wrong with hindsight.

restingpigeon Fri 12-Jul-19 16:42:48

I've never been to a softplay where the age ranges were properly respected - always big kids causing havoc doing big jumps in the ballet for the under 3s at ours and the staff come over every 20 mins but they get right back in as soon as the staff person moves away...

Yabbers Fri 12-Jul-19 16:43:26

By “boisterous” I mean not timid or shy just excited and playful
Another set of excuses. He hurt another, much smaller kid twice because he wasn’t careful, by doing something he should be taught not to do. I’m assuming since you go there a lot, he always does this and should know better by now. If DD had done this more than once, she’d have been told she had better stop of we weren’t coming back.

Other boy was being a bit delicate, mum was mean and super precious

A kid is precious because they are upsets another kid twice their size knocks them over twice? I presume you’d say the same if were a girl he were hurting?

Life’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
Sure. Little kids just have to learn bigger kids will hurt them.

YouokHun Fri 12-Jul-19 16:44:25

I haven’t RTFT but is there someone else who can take him there for you OP, who will be hands free to manage him? My son was like this, huge for his age and he just couldn’t deliver the behaviour expected of him by others who thought he was older. Still got the same problem now he’s a 6’ 4” 14 year old who looks 19! I was lucky because my DF or DM would take him and watch him like a hawk when I was in exactly your position. You need to recover too and get to grips with having more than one child on the go. You’re not failing, you’re just grappling with a new dynamic, many of us have been there. And if you were judged? So what? If she thinks you’re the worst mother in the world so what? It’s an imperfect business, being a parent, I’ve tried it 4 times and am still messing up the job after all this time, though despite it all my DC are turning out OK. I’d give this sort of situation a miss for a few weeks until you’re in the swing of it and physically recovered. Your DS will be fine.

yourestandingonmyneck Fri 12-Jul-19 16:51:15

Personally I think grown adults crawling through soft plays after toddlers look utterly ridiculous. Give them some space and let them interact with others and suss things out for themselves.

Therefore, I defo don't think you need to be in there with him and I think the mum was unkind to you. Don't take it to heart. However, you do need to keep an eye on him from the side. After he bashed into the boy the first time would have been the time to say / do something. These things happen, but I'm guessing the other woman's frustration came from the fact that it happened twice and you hadn't had a word with him.

If he really is the size of a 5 year old but is only 2, you really do need to keep and eye on him and teach him to be careful around smaller kids. But as I say, don't take it to heart x

Benjispruce Fri 12-Jul-19 17:02:03

Come on OP! Age restrictions are not just about size but maturity and understanding!!!

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:02:54

Personally I think grown adults crawling through soft plays after toddlers look utterly ridiculous.

until parents supervise their much older kids, it's just good parenting hmm
Fine to leave 2 kids of the same age together, but a 2 year old doesn't learn anything from being pushed around and bullied by a 7 or 8 years old.

Not about the OP obviously.

I can't believe posters who feel the need to insult the other woman, it's ridiculous. Her child gets hurts twice by an unsupervised bigger kid - who look years bigger, she removes him. What else is she supposed to do.

Benjispruce Fri 12-Jul-19 17:03:43

YABU, if you can't supervise, don't go.

MrsLinManuelMiranda Fri 12-Jul-19 17:03:56

Don't really get why everyone is berating the OP, saying her larger than his age child should be careful around younger kids. He was in the play area for older (and presumably bigger) kids, who should be more use to a little bit of expected accidental bumps. Perhaps the other mother should not have let her smaller child in the soft play unsupervised if she did not want him to get accidentally hurt by children who obviously would be bigger/older.

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:04:03

They were the only two kids in the building - and the other child was also in the main/older age area.

Teddybear45 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:04:44

He wasn’t in the right area and should have been supervised. It’s shit you have stitches and for that reason you shouldn’t have brought him to softplay if you couldn’t supervisez

Benjispruce Fri 12-Jul-19 17:04:45

He was in the play area for older

Exactly. He isn't ready.

Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:11:21

@benjispruce But so was the other child? Who was the same age - and the only two kids in the building?

NigesFakeWalkingStick Fri 12-Jul-19 17:11:54

Sorry, going to have to chime in and agree with those who say your 2 year old should either be supervised a bit closer or someone should be with you when you go. I have a nearly 3 year old and there isn't a chance in hell I'd be leaving him to his own devices in an under 8's soft play, but that's just me.

I do think the other woman was a bit OTT though, accidents happen. But it's hard to be the parent seeing your child be hurt, it's happened to me when a bigger and more rough older/bigger child has knocked my son down.

Maybe wait a little while longer until you're healed a bit better and can move around a bit more freely to supervise. Got to hand it to you though, 3 weeks after labour I was still slobbing around in my nightie grin

herculepoirot2 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:14:49

But so was the other child? Who was the same age - and the only two kids in the building?

But to be fair, OP, the mother did speak to you about your child’s conduct in the play area. I agree she should also have supervising her child, but your child is - you’ve said - really big and boisterous and obviously doesn’t understand how to behave yet.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Jul-19 17:16:32

Frankly, that you have left the house makes you superhuman so let's just assume the other mum was having a shit day.

Do people really think like that? confused

I'd guess the vast majority of mums leave the house with a 3 week old baby. I mean how do you think they get the school runs done?

Obviously I'm talking about the vast majority and not those who are unable to walk etc, for medical reasons.

But 'superhuman' is a bit of a strange reference.

Benjispruce Fri 12-Jul-19 17:16:45

I agree her son shouldn't have been in there either unless it was empty when she arrived. But it was your son who was causing the issue.

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