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AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

(166 Posts)
Denise3011 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:54:00

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 12-Jul-19 14:57:29

Its a hard one OP, the cow should have cut you some slack with a newborn, however 2 year olds do need to be supervised for this very reason. Of course kids that age can accidentally hurt other kids and their respective parent should teach them to say sorry.

Dont give it too much thought, you're juggling a new born and a toddler- I salute you for getting out the house at all.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Fri 12-Jul-19 14:58:05

It was just her mum instinct kicking in. Can you go with other friends so that there is an adult on hand to go with them? 2 is still quite little to toddle around on his own (I'd be more worried about older kids being rough/pushing him around) when you have your hands full with a baby.

Mammalian Fri 12-Jul-19 14:58:26

If she's going to take her kid home every time a small toddler bumps into him, she'll spend a lot of time drivinggringrin

EssentialHummus Fri 12-Jul-19 14:59:07

“I don’t want you playing with him” was very unkind, but I’d expect a young, especially boisterous, child in soft play to be supervised. I’m not sure how to reconcile that with feeding a newborn.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Fri 12-Jul-19 15:00:33

We've all been overtired, fed up and had our kids knocked over though. I'm sure one or two of us may even have over-reacted a tad.

Rosiesandposies1 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:21

I can see both sides. How would you have felt if ds when on the ‘older’ slides kept getting knocked over by a 7 year old probably pretty annoyed, because he’s your son, and you wouldn’t want to see him upset. Really they do need to be watched and supervised, to make sure that these things don’t happen, or are handled the right way. However the mum could have handled the way she spoke to you better.

Evilmorty Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:22

I used to sit and BF in the actual soft play as my DS2 was only a year older than the baby and too young to be left. I only went on quiet days and left by midday because it got too busy then and I couldn’t be “on it” with too many kids around and a baby to hold. I’d put baby in the sling but that still meant I couldn’t get to the higher parts of the soft play so I restricted him climbing too high.

She was a bit harsh but you probably do need to find a way to watch and feed at the same time x

MyOpinionIsValid Fri 12-Jul-19 15:03:30

She's looking after her sons interests. He's being hurt. If your 2yo is really the size of a 5yo, then he is going to be somewhat larger and more able to unwittingly hurt others. It will pass. Pay no heed to her.

underneaththeash Fri 12-Jul-19 15:06:44

I think you need to supervise him too. 2 year olds don’t have the intellectual capacity to look out fir others and especially if he’s big, he could hurt someone. I have/had a tall toddler too and woukdn’t Have left him unattended in a soft play.

When I had a baby as well, I always either went with a friend, or pulled him out for a snack if I was feeding.

SummerInTheVillage Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:10

I can also see both sides. But you know now what can happen so maybe don't go again until you can supervise him.

Bambamber Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:47

I wouldn't be happy either if an unsupervised 'boisterous' child kept making my child cry too. If he is too boisterous he needs to be taught to be more careful when playing.

HennyPennyHorror Fri 12-Jul-19 15:09:49

Firstly OP and I mean this kindly, he wasn't your son's "friend" he was just a random child in a soft play area.

Don't let him see you place too much importance on this sort of thing. I agree that at 2, they just don't have the capacity to take care. Better to avoid places like that for now.

Weepingwillows12 Fri 12-Jul-19 15:11:12

Two is too young to be unsupervised in soft play. She told you first time and you did nothing so I can see why she was annoyed and I think you are in the wrong.

However those early days of dealing with two can suck so cut yourself some slack. Everyone's alive still. Is there a baby group or something you can do insteadwhereits easier to keep an eye on him but you still get to sit for a moment with the baby?

FenellaMaxwell Fri 12-Jul-19 15:12:23

She wasn’t kind, but as mum of a very tall 2yo, you do need to watch them extra closely. The extra height can make them unwieldy and they don’t get cut the same slack as their smaller, more obviously 2yo peers.

WhyTho Fri 12-Jul-19 15:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackCatSleeping Fri 12-Jul-19 15:13:49

Did you actually see what happened though? Just the other mum said your son pushed her son over which is different from numbing into him on the slide.

My 2 year old daughter got deliberately punched in the face by an old kid at soft play. When she pointed out the boy who did it, the mum grabbed him and quickly left before I could say anything.

Soft play can be really rough, so even with a baby, you do need to watch your kid.

leghairdontcare Fri 12-Jul-19 15:14:21

Everyone for themselves in softplay. She's an adult, and should be able to take the moral highground over a 2 year old rather than snipe at him - no matter how upset she is.

Impatienceismyvirtue Fri 12-Jul-19 15:16:24

I mean this in the kindest way, but I think the other mum was probably in the right - children need to be supervised at that age and she was probably frustrated that her child ended up crying twice and you didn’t come and ask him to apologise or intervene yourself (not just from your seat outwith the softplay. However, the “don’t play with him comment” was OTT - she probably felt upset that her son had been hurt but she shouldn’t have said it.

As for WWYD, I think you should stop going to the softplay until you’re healed enough to jump in (even with newborn in your arms) and intervene if your child looks like he is going to hurt another (or if he might be hurt himself). You need to teach him to wait at the top of slides for others to move. Perhaps you could ask a friend to come with you who could pop in after him if needs be?

Breastfeedingworries Fri 12-Jul-19 15:17:27

It’s very tricky situation but I agree with posters saying could you take a friend with you? Have you got another Mum friend who goes there?

I’d be pretty cross if I gave a Mum a chance then her child made mine cry again.... 2 is too young to be unsupervised. His safety and the safety of other children.

SkintAsASkintThing Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:01

She doesn't sound very pleasant........her son won't have many friends if she's going to over react like that over toddlers bumping about.

lostelephant Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:44

Two is too young to be left unsupervised. I'm also fed up of posters on mumsnet using 'boisterous' as a get out of jail free card for when their son behaves badly.

Myheartbelongsto Fri 12-Jul-19 15:18:49

I would have offered to help you by letting your son play with mine and got you a cuppa.

Congrats on your baby op, you are doing a great job x

BlueMerchant Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:16

I'd be thinking of taking him to one of these other classes that maybe doesn't require such physical supervision until you can get in there with him. Or take another adult along with you.
I can understand the other mother's pov.
Your ds is bigger and stronger than the average two- year old and she was worried about her child and didn't initially realise he was so young.

Myheartbelongsto Fri 12-Jul-19 15:19:37

Two is too young to be left unsupervised. I'm also fed up of posters on mumsnet using 'boisterous' as a get out of jail free card for when their son behaves badly.

ignore this op.

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