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... about daughter’s holiday clothes

(397 Posts)
Dippypippy1980 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:08:50

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

Playmytune Tue 16-Jul-19 16:05:21

Regarding child maintenance, it is up to the op (and none of our business) whether she has applied for this or not. There may have been an agreement when they split up, however that is op and her ex’s business, not ours.
If op had wanted to tell us the circumstances, fair enough, but she obviously doesn’t and it is out of order to keep asking her.

Hushhush89 Tue 16-Jul-19 09:54:48

Don't put any clothes together for anyone. They are your daughters clothes.... if granny wants them for 'polly' then she can go out and buy some. Why should your daughter lose her stuff all because granny thinks 'polly' will look cute in them...

Isatis Mon 15-Jul-19 23:48:04

Do you know the best friend's wife who made ex begin to see sense? If so, it might be worth letting her know he doesn't pay any maintenance for his children to see if she can get through to him on that one.

NeedSomeTimeInTheSunshiiine Mon 15-Jul-19 23:03:36

I also find it very upsetting that Granny was more interested in what Polly could borrow and how she would look in DDs outfits rather than how pretty DD looked in her own outfits.

I thought similar... FWIW, I think you sound great - taking her over on an unofficial day 'cause she wants to tell him about the trip, picking the pictures carefully as not to avoid upset, being civil to your former in-laws... etc
Only for them to use your holiday pics like a catalogue for their own kid, and send your Ex round to collect?! Crass in the extreme.

greenwaterbottle Mon 15-Jul-19 22:38:11

Please post for advice again if needed. You got lots of good advice here (and some daft) but that's the way it goes.
Glad it's all worked out.

EdtheBear Mon 15-Jul-19 22:28:42

Op I started reading this the other day and only just got to the end of it.

Well done for standing up against Ex and I'm glad his friend helped him see the other side.

Completely bonkers to ask to borrow clothes from a child. I can see the logic of adults who share sarongs and beach wear that would never be worn at home. But not a child's summer wardrobe.

I also find it very upsetting that Granny was more interested in what Polly could borrow and how she would look in DDs outfits rather than how pretty DD looked in her own outfits. Something odd going on there that DD has to play second fiddle to Polly.

Topseyt Sun 14-Jul-19 22:47:50

I think people have been supporting you. Nobody has called you weak willed. You certainly aren't.

Rachelover40 Sun 14-Jul-19 22:05:48

Hey Dippy, most people on this thread have been backing you. You were right not to agree to 'lend' your daughter's clothes to niece and her mother, uncle and grandmother were wrong to expect it of you.

However that is over now and I hope you move on without a backward glance.

MyKingdomForACaramel Sun 14-Jul-19 21:58:44

Go thorough Polly’s mums Facebook photos and point out that you would like to borrow x,y and z dress, top etc and ask when you can pick them up

Drum2018 Sun 14-Jul-19 19:07:19

His best friends wife might have read this thread grin

SagAloojah Sun 14-Jul-19 16:11:42

I think it’s pretty clear your dd wouldn’t have got the clothes back. OP says they think she lives the ‘high life’, they would just expect her to buy more for her own dd.

Do you have a link to the swimming lessons thread, OP? Or have you name changed and would prefer not to link? Which would be fine, it just rang a vague bell in my memory and was keen to re-read. 😀

Dippypippy1980 Sun 14-Jul-19 16:09:42

I think some of you can have all got the impression that I am some weak willed idiot, and to be honest the tone of some of these comments is making me cross.

I agreed to lend my exes niece a few rash vests, which I then reconsidered. I never agreed to anything more than that.

Thanks to all who engaged helpfully, but I am going to sign off now.

GreenTulips Sun 14-Jul-19 15:57:25

How do you feel now OP that you said no?

Rather than just doing as you’re told?

Sparklesocks Sun 14-Jul-19 15:49:39

I’m glad smile

TheRedBarrows Sun 14-Jul-19 15:39:01

Well I am glad some sort of sense has finally prevailed.

Well done for standing your ground.

Use this as the foundations from which to stick up for your Dd as your first instinct in future.

Londonmummy66 Sun 14-Jul-19 15:33:27

Have been lurking without anything much to add but if that swimsuit was a favourite your daughter (with your nudging) has really good taste!

I suggest that the unicorn onsie is what goes to granny's in future

ZenNudist Sun 14-Jul-19 15:24:48


Topseyt Sun 14-Jul-19 15:09:50

Glad to hear that your ex's friend and friend's wife seem to have agreed with you and perhaps made him have second thoughts a bit.

Long may it last. He's still an arse, as is his mother. Give them nothing.

anonymousbird Sun 14-Jul-19 14:05:46

Don’t give them a thing!! No way!

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:18:56

Slow hand clap for the ex 👏🏻

He fears his dm more than you.

Potato2242 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:10:03

Your exs mother is bullying your daughter and you into doing something you don't want to. No way should she share the clothes. And don't let her bully your daughter, protect her from that. Tell granny where she stands

Dippypippy1980 Sun 14-Jul-19 12:37:57

Norfolk yes I am in the uk. I got lots of pretty rash vests from next and gap.

This was a particular favourite😊

Ex rang this morning - his best friend’s bt6+wife suggested he might be in the wrong and he offered a sort of apology. He won’t be seeing daughter now before Polly goes on holiday so it won’t come up. I have pointed out this isn’t the first time he hasn’t stood up for his child and we exchanged some frank views - he reluctantly agreed to do better.

Shelby2010 Sun 14-Jul-19 10:56:37

If you really want to wind your ex up, tell him you can’t lend any of the other clothes as they were presents from your boyfriend and he’d be pissed off.....

Shelby2010 Sun 14-Jul-19 10:54:15

Wow, it’s unbelievable! If they weren’t such CFs I’d have lent rash vest / sun suits that you only really need abroad, but now they can bog off completely!

Turnitaroundagain Sun 14-Jul-19 10:48:28

Granny is being weird. I wouldn’t lend anything. If you’ve got some old stuff to give then do that but don’t lend.

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