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... about daughter’s holiday clothes

(397 Posts)
Dippypippy1980 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:08:50

We got back from holidays a few days ago and I took my daughter to see her dad - not one of his days but she was very excited to tell him about the trip and show him some pictures (I did ring first😊).

His mum and sister were there, which was nice for my daughter. I had carefully selected photos which didn’t show my boyfriend - the snaps were either just of her or her with her cousins or my parents (I feature in very few holiday snaps!!). All went well - until granny announced that my daughter had some lovely holiday clothes, and her cousin would be able to use them on her holiday. She even pointed to several outfits saying won’t ‘polly’ look lovely in that!! Ex has a niece about six months older than my daughter.

Daughter gave me that panicked look, and I commented that I was sure she could borrow some of the swimming stuff (I am very careful about the sun so we had loads of rash vests) but that we would need the summer clothes for the summer. Granny laughed and said she was sure we could spare them for a couple of weeks and ‘children have to share’.

I am going to put together a small bundle - nothing daughter really loves and only a couple of dresses that she’s probably won’t wear at home. But I know they will think I am being mean. But really, they are her clothes (t-shirts, shorts, dresses, swim suits) for this summer. She has grown out of most of last years stuff and she can’t wear heavy winter clothes for two weeks? I should just ignore granny shouldn’t I??????

If it helps, due to a complicated back story, ex doesn’t pay child support and I buy all the clothes.

PapayaCoconut Fri 12-Jul-19 14:18:12

‘children have to share’

No they don't. Adults never bloody share anything, so why should children?

MichelleC69 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:18:39

No way, this is plain weird. Tell them to bugger off.

cornflakes5 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:18:46

That is so odd, and definitely unreasonable. I would just do nothing - I doubt they will ring you up again specifically to request the clothes.

If you wanted to be generous, perhaps have ready one or two token dresses you won't miss too much if never returned. Maybe something you can only wear in really hot weather so that your daughter won't really miss them.

Such odd behaviour...

LightDrizzle Fri 12-Jul-19 14:19:17

That’s not normal. It’s bollocks.
Don’t you dare hand over your poor daughter’s lovely clothes. If you do, I’ll come out of the Internet and wibble your face in a bowl of jelly!

Pinktinker Fri 12-Jul-19 14:19:47

Ignore and don’t send a thing.

ajandjjmum Fri 12-Jul-19 14:20:13

Maybe you could suggest to Granny that Uncle buys some nice holiday clothes for his niece, as he clearly can't be bothered doing so for his own daughter.

I'd take stuff to the charity shop rather than give it to the niece - cheeky shit!

Percypigparade Fri 12-Jul-19 14:20:53

How odd. I suspect neither Polly's parents nor Polly herself would actually want them.
Is the grandmother very old, as in war-time-rationing old?

Purpletigers Fri 12-Jul-19 14:21:32

Granny is a cheeky sod . Don’t send anything at all .

Booboooo Fri 12-Jul-19 14:22:28

I would have laughed in her face!!!!!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Fri 12-Jul-19 14:22:36

Nope, I wouldn’t be lending them anything.

It would be fine if said cousin was 12-18 months younger & she’d asked if you’d mind passing them down for next summer when your dd has outgrown but to expect them in a matter of weeks is very cheeky.

kezibear Fri 12-Jul-19 14:22:56

Nope!!! Does Polly ever share her clothes with your Dd? Sister's share clothes --usually without asking the other first. but not children outside of the home. You'll never get them back!!

IceQueenCometh Fri 12-Jul-19 14:23:18

Not a chance. They are DD's clothes and not for sharing. End of story.

Dippypippy1980 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:23:43

Thanks all, when I was little my parents regularly handed my clothes down to my younger cousins - when I had grown out of them. I remember my aunt announcing that her daughter will look lovely in a dress I had picked out myself and feeling. Really pleased.

But this is different - clothes still fit and while the rash vests won’t be used much the rest will be worn probably through to the end of September.

For context, polly’s Mum was there agreeing with granny. They aren’t especially hard up (they can afford a holiday in Spain after all), but always point out I am ‘living the high life’ (I wish☺️).

Expressedways Fri 12-Jul-19 14:24:12

Ffs don’t put together a small bundle. Why are you going along with this?! Ignore them and please don’t send them any of your poor daughter’s clothes.

shiningstar2 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:24:24

Never heard of such a thing. The only way other child family members usually get passed on clothes is if your own child has outgrown them. For example if your daughter's last year's outgrown summer clothes fitted her cousin. You don't buy lovely summer clothes to have to have your daughter making do all summer long. Two weeks holiday ...then washed and returned? Summer would be over. Even if her dad provided for her they would still be her summer clothes. If he doesn't ...even more astonishing cheek for grandma to suggest this. Keep the clothes you have bought for your daughter this summer op and let your daugter enjoy them. If they wanted to borrow one special outfit, for a wedding or something, for a couple of days, that might be acceptable for her a substantial amount of her summer clothes ...for practically the whole summer? No way. Just conveniently forget about the conversation and don't send anything at all.

Dippypippy1980 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:24:54

I thought I had spoken up by saying just the swimming stuff, but I reassured daughter on the way home that she was keeping all her favourite outfits.

I did hunk of much better things to say in response on the way home, I was just so taken aback.

Expressedways Fri 12-Jul-19 14:24:58

Handing down outgrown clothes is completely different and not at all comparable.

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 12-Jul-19 14:25:43

I really wouldn't said anything. That is unbelievably cheeky and odd.

Me and my cousins were very close growing up would share a toilet seat if we could blush there is no chance my mum or aunt would even ask this confused maybe a "i like that where is it from" but that's it. People are strange.

shiningstar2 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:26:03

not 'for her' should be 'but'

MichelleC69 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:26:23

but always point out I am ‘living the high life

WTF has it got to do with them what kinda life you live?! Some people are weird. And clearly jealous.

cestlavielife Fri 12-Jul-19 14:26:43

Don't give anything unless you chucking out anyway
Just tell them with a smile that Spanish hypermarkets have lovely cheap. Kids clothes and they can buy some there .

sneakypinky Fri 12-Jul-19 14:26:59

They can fuck off. Of course they can't give away DD's clothes.

I wouldnt send anything.

VeThings Fri 12-Jul-19 14:27:02

They are cheeky considering DDs dad doesn’t contribute.

I wouldn’t give any of it away to them. Sell the rash vests and put the money towards Autumn/Winter clothes.

SummerInSun Fri 12-Jul-19 14:27:27

Another vote for simply ignore. I think you handled it well by simply saying that your DD still need the clothes for the summer. If it comes up again you could tell which shops they came from.

But if you need to be more forceful, you need to say to Granny "It's not fair for you try to pressure DD into giving away some of her favourite clothes to her cousin. If they were on holiday together and wanted to swap dresses for a day then that would be genuine sharing and would be fine if they both wanted to do it. But these are things DD really loves, which I paid for, and she doesn't want to have to give them to someone else who might lose them, damage them, or simply forget to give them back. Which is absolutely fair enough"

Meowington Fri 12-Jul-19 14:28:21

Don’t put together a bundle!!!

This Stone Age idea that children need to share is bullshit!! If your daughter doesn’t want to share her clothes she shouldn’t have to.

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