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to feel uncomfortable (mixed sex accommodation)

(194 Posts)

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Chochito Thu 11-Jul-19 22:37:40

I'm on a work project for a month with 9 colleagues from different parts of the company. I knew one of them before as I worked with him on a 6 week project last year. I don't know any of the others.

We are all staying in university halls of residence style accommodation. The building is usually only occupied by men but as we have it for private use we have the women staying on the 1st floor rooms and the men staying ion the ground floor. There are 3 women and 8 men on the project.

Some of our clients are also here and staying in the same accommodation. There are 3 women and 4 men. The female clients are staying on the 1st floor and the male clients on the ground floor.

The clients have en suite rooms, but 9 out of the 11 workers share communal bathrooms (shower cubicles, toilet cubicles). There is also a communal kitchen, on the ground floor, which can be accessed by the corridor with the men's bedrooms or by another door from the outside of the building.

Everyone has access to all parts of the building apart from people's bedrooms and there are no doors apart from to bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchen.

2 of my colleagues are married (man and woman) and have been given an en-suite room on the first floor.

Is this odd or am I overreacting?

Ifeelbloodyawful Tue 16-Jul-19 14:37:56

Why haven't you complained????

Rachelover40 Mon 15-Jul-19 22:59:34

*Anyonebut Mon 15-Jul-19 19:28:48
Horses for courses, but chochito is not a name I would ever, ever use for anyone.
Is the "endearing" term of choice used by perverts who are leeching on underage/young looking girls....*

Yeah! It's bizarre; imagine, in English, people calling someone "Little minge". Creepy.

LakieLady Mon 15-Jul-19 19:44:51

Is it possible that the employer is unaware that the showers are shared and offer no privacy?

I cannot believe any company would knowingly book accommodation like that for staff.

Anyonebut Mon 15-Jul-19 19:28:48

Horses for courses, but chochito is not a name I would ever, ever use for anyone.
Is the "endearing" term of choice used by perverts who are leeching on underage/young looking girls....

Chochito Mon 15-Jul-19 15:44:22

Thanks Aridane, chocho / chochito means cunt but also means girl, and is a popular nickname I use with my friends... Not a troll.

Some more female clients have arrived and they have run out of en suite rooms for them so we have a shower schedule now. Which would be great except no one sticks to it, dashes in when they feel like it and then says to the next person who arrives as per the schedule that they thought it would be OK... hmm hmm

I am still showering early in the morning before the others wake up (not anyone's designated time).

Aridane Sat 13-Jul-19 18:03:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Riv Sat 13-Jul-19 09:24:10

It’s grim I agree.
However, if you exclude all of the people with en-suite showers, who should be using the showers in their en-suite, and the men who have a separate floor, that leaves just two women.
With a small door wedge, used to keep the door shut rather than open, and a chat with the other woman, it can be at least ameliorated.

ReanimatedSGB Fri 12-Jul-19 22:45:25

I appreciate that it could well be very distressing for the men, too. Some of them, at least, would be terrified of getting a hard on (and it is possible for a man to get an unwanted erection: if it happens when he's fully clothed he can generally conceal it till it goes away) and being unfairly labelled a creepy sex pervert for the rest of their careers. Others would be worried about the size of their dicks in comparison to those of their colleagues. Like I said before, it wouldn't particularly bother me, but I still think it's unfair and unreasonable, because the majority of people would be bothered by it; we really don't go in for much communal nudity in the UK, and the fact that OP and her colleagues have just been landed in this situation with no warning is unacceptable.

Squeezedout Fri 12-Jul-19 21:57:55

That is so weird. Im confused by the OP as i sounded like the couple was the issue, now it’s open plan showers for all...

Anyway, I would not have a naked shower in front of female colleagues either! No way!

Think you need to do a DIY sign for the shower before you enter it saying ‘in use’ so people get private time. I have never at any gym/swimming pool showered naked in a communal space - do people really do that?

anothernotherone Fri 12-Jul-19 21:53:09

RubbingHimSourly you'd wear a swimming costume in the shower for a month ? You can't wash properly wearing a costume envy [not envy]

Absolutely the men probably aren't thrilled either, it's a very, very stupid, unprofessional, humiliating set up for all the employees without ensuite rooms.

RubbingHimSourly Fri 12-Jul-19 21:49:57

I'd just wear a swimming costume or bikini in the shower. Or ideally agree male and female shower times......the men probably aren't too stoked with the idea either.

gigi556 Fri 12-Jul-19 21:46:24

Interesting... I'm American and grew up with open communal showers being really common. Had them at the gym, summer camp, etc. I actually went to boarding school and cannot recall the shower situation.... Anyway, I'm pretty comfortable with communal single sex showers but not mixed sex and tbh, I wouldn't want to shower with work colleagues regardless of sex!

In short, YANBU!!!!

anothernotherone Fri 12-Jul-19 21:44:43

HR not he

anothernotherone Fri 12-Jul-19 21:43:53

The shower set up is completely and utterly unacceptable and must break equality laws. Contact HR and complain very specifically about the open plan unisex showers. Sex is a protected characteristic. You are being made to feel unsafe and unable to shower during a month long client facing placement. That's intolerable. Be very clear with he about that, and focus on the showers which are the most clear cut problem.

Phone HR first thing tomorrow.

StoneofDestiny Fri 12-Jul-19 21:36:43

Oh - just saw the shower bit.

TokyoSushi Fri 12-Jul-19 21:34:51

That's a weird username!! (just googled)

StoneofDestiny Fri 12-Jul-19 21:33:55

Sounds like a normal student accommodation to me

TokyoSushi Fri 12-Jul-19 21:32:58

The rest is OK, not ideal, but manageable but the showers 😮😮😮 Where on Earth are you??

Bignicetree Fri 12-Jul-19 21:12:29

Op where are you?

CharityDingle Fri 12-Jul-19 20:28:01

Unless OP works in the type of industry where freakish 'initiative tests' occur, the most likely explanation is that whoever booked the accommodation just saw a cheap deal and nabbed it, without thinking to question the bathroom arrangements.

OP is a teacher, I think.

ReanimatedSGB Fri 12-Jul-19 18:08:21

I have encountered group showers (and used them) in the last couple of years. As I said in a PP, I go to some small folk festivals which often involve camping in the grounds of sports clubs, where there are team showers. OP might be staying somewhere like this. So I don't think the story's implausible.

Unless OP works in the type of industry where freakish 'initiative tests' occur, the most likely explanation is that whoever booked the accommodation just saw a cheap deal and nabbed it, without thinking to question the bathroom arrangements. TBH I was initially more sceptical that a fuss was being made over men and women having separate rooms but on the same floor of a building - hotels do not generally segregate floors by sex (or gender) because most functional adults are all right with the idea that someone Not Like Them might be staying in the next enclosed, private room.

But, again, a lot of people wouldn't like to have to shower with colleagues or be seen naked by colleagues. Most women, unfortunately, have taken on board the bullshit that their bodies are 'inadequate' and something to be ashamed of whatever their bodies actually look like, and certainly anyone who has eg had a mastectomy and previously had seen no need to share that information with colleagues, would dislike this idea. Even if all you have is a sexy tattoo somewhere normally covered by your work clothes, you might not appreciate such a lack of privacy.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Fri 12-Jul-19 17:44:51

You can see why people were a bit hmm

Rachelover40 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:43:47

No! Wait while I google it.

Done: Gross. Never knew that. It's horrible, yeuch.

I wonder why she chose that for a nickname, perhaps she heard someone say it but didn't know the meaning.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Fri 12-Jul-19 16:31:35

You do know what her nickname means?

Rachelover40 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:27:59

Chochito isn't a controversial name, is it? Seems an OK nickname to me, lots of people have odd names on here.

Re-reading the opening post, Chochito said there were ,"shower cubicles, toilet cubicles", but I think she just made a mistake and meant to only say,"toilet cubicles". Easily done.

I don't know why people are so suspicious, there's nothing in this thread that could be misconstrued or insight intrigue.

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