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I’ve married a monster

(188 Posts)
Mammalian Thu 11-Jul-19 19:14:08

Please call Women's Aid and get practical and emotional support from them on how to go about getting out of there and getting your life back

Sexnotgender Thu 11-Jul-19 19:14:02

He knows you’re snookered so his behaviour will escalate.
Get out and speak to women’s aid.

Treaclesweet Thu 11-Jul-19 19:13:06

Is there anyone, friend or family you could stay with for a bit while you get back on your feet? I know the shame is horrible and it's hard to be honest with people but you might be surprised who will come through for you. flowers

Swellerellamoo Thu 11-Jul-19 19:12:46

It's never a dead end. You can cut the ties. Have you considered a refuge? Or just leaving and moving to a houseshare, or lodging? I know how terrifying starting again can feel, I've done it in a similar situation to you. But I did it and thank fuck and see it as when the rest of my life begun in hindsight. Women's aid really do help. Thank god you don't have kids and get the rock out of there. You can do it.flowers

Stayawayfromitsmouth Thu 11-Jul-19 19:11:17

Well thank goodness you don't have children. You are clearly extremely incompatible. Start looking for a new job. Get some savings together for a place to live and get out. Easier said than done.
Good luck.

LellyMcKelly Thu 11-Jul-19 19:10:48

Get your ducks in a row, start saving, look for another job (to ‘help get a bit more cash so we can have a holiday’). As soon as you’re ready, get out. You can’t stay with him. He’s dangerous.

JoylessNewMarriage Thu 11-Jul-19 19:10:41

Not having children is a blessing, but mother or not my life is in such a mess.
I have very few friends As he disapproves of most of them.

AlmostAlwyn Thu 11-Jul-19 19:10:02

You're definitely not alone. Can you call women's aid or another similar organisation?

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Sunshine93 Thu 11-Jul-19 19:09:54

You should leave him. You can sort the money and house out later. You surely would be better off working somewhere else anyway. Leave now for your own safety and then see a solicitor to discuss the options you have RE your home.

buttertoasty Thu 11-Jul-19 19:09:47

You know what you have to do. He probably loves having your job and whole life tied in with his.

Could you just save up enough for a rented place and apply for another job? Is there anyone you could stay with?

lovesawindyday Thu 11-Jul-19 19:09:38

Leave now and start again otherwise you'll be in the exact same position in ten years.

LittleFairywren Thu 11-Jul-19 19:07:48

Thank God you don't have children together. Is there anyone you can confide in?

JoylessNewMarriage Thu 11-Jul-19 19:06:36

I’m a long time regular poster but have NC here.

I’ve only been married for six months to a man I’ve lived with for four years. My vows were important and I want this marriage to work, I really do. But he’s turned into a monster, in fairness the red flags were there, but I suppose I didn’t want to look.

Problem is my job is tied into his, and my home. To up and leave would mean not only throwing in my marriage but my job and home. I know I’ve been stupid to put all my eggs in one basket but isn’t hindsight marvellous.

I’ve got a small amount in savings but not enough for a house rent deposit if I’m not working.

I’m genuinely thinking I have no options.

Last night he pushed me into the wall,
Yelled in my face and was just so horrible. He’s totally uninterested in any problems I might have at work, he just walks away. He plays sport up to five times a week and has told me next year he’s going on a boys holiday for a week all inclusive costing £1000, it means we won’t have a holiday next year. Every single time we fall out he blames me for everything, he takes no responsibility for anything. He told me last night if I don’t like it I can just move out (it’s his tied Cottage we live in).

I don’t have children but he does. They’re almost adults and mostly live with their mum.

No one actually knows him, he comes across as a kind sensitive man, he’s anything but.

Any ideas? I’ve contemplated ending it, or running away.

Sorry this is a bit garbled,
I’m a mess.

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