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To think ‘Really?’ when a work colleague takes time off with her sick DDs.

(283 Posts)
ElphabaTheGreen Thu 11-Jul-19 07:41:40

To be clear - I have no intention of mentioning/doing anything about this IRL, and I am very willing to accept I’m BU. I mainly just want to gauge if my scepticism is justified in any way.

A work colleague has two DDs, 15 and 17 - no special needs, no long-term health conditions, both in mainstream schooling, older one learning to drive. Whenever either of them is off school with a minor illness - heavy cold, stomach bug - she calls in to claim emergency carer’s leave and takes the day off with them, sometimes two days. This happens once every two or three months, with either girl, not just one in particular, so we have to pick up her work.

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

AIBU to think 15 and 17 year olds are old enough to look after themselves when they’re a bit unwell, or is this one of those parental care things that has changed since I was a teenager? Or is it a ‘depends on the child’ thing?

ShatnersWig Thu 11-Jul-19 07:42:35

She's taking the piss.

Digitalash Thu 11-Jul-19 07:44:05

I was going to say YABU but 15 and 17? YANBU UNLESS they are seriously ill a 15 yr old should be able to deal with a stomach bug or a cold herself.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Thu 11-Jul-19 07:44:14

She’s a CF

larrygrylls Thu 11-Jul-19 07:44:52

I think YANBU but lots here believe children need skin to skin into their 20s (maybe slight exaggeration..)

My suspicion would be she is just using this leave for extra holiday.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax Thu 11-Jul-19 07:45:03

I’d think taking the piss too, but she’s probably technically / legally allowed as they’re under 18

Malibucyprus Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:15

My DP works with a woman who’s children are 26 & 24, she takes time off with them when they’re ill, takes them to all appointments, Drs/Dentist etc.
In fact, she also makes those appointments for them! She hasn’t done a full week for years, at least once a week, she has to leave early for one of her children’s appointments.

LenoVentura Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:17

My former colleague used to do this and also still got a babysitter / nanny for her mid - late teenagers. Her DD still had a babysitter at 17.

MrsMozartMkII Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:18

Unless there's an underlying issue she's a piss taker.

I remember being left from ten, after mum (single parent by then) had made sure I was comfy on the sofa with blanket and water. She'd leave me some food made up in the fridge. No mobiles in those days. I lived (and actually enjoyed having the house to myself even when I was ill).

VenusOfWillendorf Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:23

YANBU. Fair enough if they were 5 and 7, but 15 and 17 is ridiculous for minor illnesses.

snitzelvoncrumb Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:25

Maybe they are not responsible teens, or need to be taken to the dr? I would assume that kids that age would be ok on their own.

Nautiloid Thu 11-Jul-19 07:46:34


b0bb1n Thu 11-Jul-19 07:47:42

She's being a caring mother, and if work allows her the carers leave there's nothing wrong with that.

Also you never know what might have happened to them in the past, maybe she once left one alone sick only for her to get seriously worse and she still has anxiety about that. You never know what other people are dealing with.

Nquartz Thu 11-Jul-19 07:47:45

@Malibucyprus how does she get away with that?!!

Angrybird123 Thu 11-Jul-19 07:49:18

I'm a teacher. We have two sisters that age who are frequently off 'sick' at the same time and turn up a couple of days later with perfect hair, nails and golden / orange skin.its an open secret that the mother takes them off like they're her BFFs to a spa 🙄 but they are allegedly ill.

IceRebel Thu 11-Jul-19 07:50:27

I would hope that management would be querying the level of time off, a couple of days every 2 to 3 months is quite a lot of absence.

Also I would be interested to know why it's being given as emergency carers leave. As an adult, and almost adult, having colds or stomach bug aren't exactly emergencies. confused

TheRedBarrows Thu 11-Jul-19 07:53:49

“She's being a caring mother, and if work allows her the carers leave there's nothing wrong with that.”

Being a caring mother is not the same as needing emergency care days off work.

OK, she might have issues.

If there is a Dad does he take days off like this? Nope thought not.

Proteinshakesandovieshat Thu 11-Jul-19 07:53:49

I would assume they arent I'll at all and she wants the day off.

At 17z if my mum had taken the day off because I was ill, I would tell her she was off her rocker and I was spending the day in bed.ast thing i would want when i was ill was my mum fussing round, at that age.

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 11-Jul-19 07:55:10

She’s taking the piss.

A very occasional day if they’re very ill or need taking to the doctors is fair enough. But not every time they get a sniffle.

imsuchagrump Thu 11-Jul-19 07:55:24

Are you sure no special needs ?
My ds is 15 but has severe autism and can't be left alone .
If not yes definitely taking the piss I have to use annual leave if I had to take day off for either of my dc .
I suppose it's down to your employer for letting her abuse the system.

JacquesHammer Thu 11-Jul-19 07:57:14

On the face of it it seems unnecessary given their ages, however if work are happy with it then I wouldn’t be bothered.

We seemed to need more emergency days as we got older. Poor dad grin

Malibucyprus Thu 11-Jul-19 07:58:48

@Nquartz she joined the company the same time as the boss, has been his “right hand woman” for years and he thinks the sun shines out of her arse. Her own sickness record is awful, she gets sent home for sneezing.

Some people are just piss takers.

Crinkle77 Thu 11-Jul-19 07:59:22

At first I was going to say YABU then I realised how old they were. The only time it would be acceptable was if they were bed bound with a very serious illness. I had tonsillitis at 18 and I was so ill I couldn't get out of bed. My mum had to call the docs out twice and I needed help just getting to the toilet. It would be acceptable in those circumstances i think.

HollyBollyBooBoo Thu 11-Jul-19 08:00:17

Surely there's a limit as to how many days she's allowed per annum to do this?

Widowodiw Thu 11-Jul-19 08:00:33

Well unless you are her manager you don’t really know what’s going on. Perhaps there’s an underlying issue but the message colleagues get are daughters are a bit ill.

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