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Upset at seating at Brothers wedding

(308 Posts)
Starlight30 Tue 09-Jul-19 23:36:18

My brother recently got married and we have always been quite close and I am his only sister and youngest in the family. However, I was gutted when I found that myself and my husband were seated at the very back on the room isolated from my family and sitting with the brides work colleagues. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but I found this quite upsetting as the rest of my family(aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc) were seated at tables at the front of the room and my brothers and parents at the top table. I naturally assumed that I would be seated with my family. I was even more mortified when one of the guests at my table asked me how I knew the bride and groom. When I said I was the grooms sister the guests response was "oh dear, you must be in the bad books. Aren't family supposed to sit at the front?". Until this point I had managed to keep my self composed, but after that comment I fled to the bathrooms and broke down in tears. I ended up leaving early as I was so upset. I also couldn't help but feel a sense of anger and hurt at my brother and his wife for not advising me beforehand that I would be separated from the rest of my family. Am I right to be upset at this or am I being over sensitive?

AutumnCrow Mon 15-Jul-19 07:29:33

Remember, other people's weddings aren't about you

Does that mean we don't have to go to the bloody awful things, then?

SnuggyBuggy Mon 15-Jul-19 07:20:29

I love an OP who comes back fighting. People who leave nasty comments always seem to be the ones that get most offended when they get nasty comments back grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 15-Jul-19 02:13:32

Well, in this particular case (but not all) the OP was handed her arse quite early on by people thinking she was a precious snowflake for wanting to be acknowledged as part of her brother's family, rather than some random work person - so if she's quite young, she probably fled rather than read more of said "robust" (fucking rude) responses.

I know at a young age I would have hidden the thread rather than come back and fight my corner.

Motoko Mon 15-Jul-19 02:08:45

Yep, I agree too. It's fucking rude to all those people who have taken time to give advice.

ViserionTheDragon Sun 14-Jul-19 23:08:21

I agree, seems like OP won't be back...confused

MrsGeneGenie Sun 14-Jul-19 22:47:31

Is it just me, but why ask for advice if you’re not going to act on it or at the very least have the decency to acknowledge the responses you’ve had and just drop a line to let us know what you’re going to do, even if it’s nothing , just don’t leave us in the dark

lynfordthecrab Sun 14-Jul-19 20:59:51

This is why for my 1st wedding I had no seating plan. Everyone could sit where they damn well liked! The top table had bride/groom/Best man and bridesmaids only due to split parents on hubbys side. Worked wonderfully no one got upset. 2nd wedding - we decided we didnt want to invite loads of people we felt we had to but didnt really want so we didnt invite anyone. There was 6 of us! It was amazing. My daughters upcoming wedding she has already decided that her father who has had very little input in her life but she feels inviting him is the right thing to do will be relegated to the darkest corner by the loos!

Motoko Sat 13-Jul-19 11:30:11

I asked earlier if it was normal for a man not to be involved, because he's the one who knows his side of the guests, and who should be put together, or not.

DH and I both worked on ours.

Notcopingwellhere Sat 13-Jul-19 10:37:31

Particularly as it’s likely that some guests will not be known to both bride and groom.

SnuggyBuggy Sat 13-Jul-19 09:13:50

That, don't couples work out seating plans between them?

Notcopingwellhere Sat 13-Jul-19 08:51:06


typically it’s the bride who manages the wedding, and probably made the seating plan.

Bollocks. Why on earth would a man have a huge expensive day with all his friends and family and not take an equal part in organising it? I wouldn’t even consider marrying a man who was too lazy or uninterested to organise his own wedding.

Winterlife Fri 12-Jul-19 19:02:27

Valanice. Because typically it’s the bride who manages the wedding, and probably made the seating plan.

EKGEMS Fri 12-Jul-19 18:42:19

Contact your brother and ask him WTF?

Jogonandshutup Fri 12-Jul-19 17:40:05

You are not being OTT at all - some family members can be so hurtful and selfish.

Valanice1989 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:08:03

Go the sisterhood! What a rush of people blaming the SIL!

I know! "I bet she's insecure because you're prettier than her"... the groom is the OP's own brother! Why are people assuming the bride is to blame?

RationalCancerian Fri 12-Jul-19 16:25:47

.... alternatively your brother could be a bit slow when it comes to these sorts of things and may have been unwittingly manipulated into this by his new blushing bride.

RationalCancerian Fri 12-Jul-19 16:18:50

If you don’t have the gumption to actually ask your BROTHER this question, as opposed to a bunch of randoms - you’re quite obviously not as close as you thought you were. Like, hello.

flyingspaghettimonster Fri 12-Jul-19 15:41:02

Seating plans can be so hard. I tried to keep families together, but with a step dad, bio dad and my mum with her new partner I was too afraid of people getting into fights so my poor step dad was put on a table with some people near his age and single or who I thought might make interesting conversation for him. He might have preferred being on a table with my sister, but I stuck her with the other 18-25 year old guests.

Is it possible your family were too many to all fit on one or two tables without overflow? Or all couples etc? Making the numbers work is so hard. It was horrible to shove you at the back of the room, but maybe your brother didn't know and sister in law made the chart with her mum? I doubt my husband knew the seating chart at our wedding.

I would probanly jokingly bring it up next time you visit. "Shall I sit in the living room, or have you put a seat in the cupboard under the stairs for me?" only if you have a joky relationship with brother, though. I could say that and tease my sisters without worrying they would react badly. They would respond something like "we had to stick you at the back so you couldn't embarrass me with that story of the time when I did xyz".
Try to move past it, however you choose to deal with it. I wasn't even invited to my step brother's wedding which I found extremely hurtful and we are no longer in contact. Life is too short to fret over little things.

1forAll74 Fri 12-Jul-19 13:35:46

You are being over sensitive,and actually going off to cry about this ,is quite baffling to me, also leaving early in anger.?

You attended your Brothers wedding, and that's all that matters now. I can't see that it matters where anyone is seated at a wedding !

Suadow Fri 12-Jul-19 10:28:07

I totally agree.

jwpetal Fri 12-Jul-19 08:48:47

OP don't let people put you down for your reaction. I can hold myself together in the worst situation until someone comments on the situation. You fled to let your hurt out. I think this is rotten and this may not bode well for your future relationship with your brother and his wife. One because he is not going to stand up for his family and two she appears to not care about you at all. Welcome to inlaws with all its glory. Speak to your brother without judgement but to understand. He may say some hurtful things, but then you will know.

squishee Fri 12-Jul-19 08:43:30

You will never know unless you ask. Although it's a shame to give it any more headspace.

Motoko Fri 12-Jul-19 02:12:56

I am always suspicious when the OP doesn't come back.

Me too.

Is it common for men not to have any input on the seating plans? Surely they need to sort out who on their side, sits where? My husband and I sorted out the seating plan, together.

fargo123 Thu 11-Jul-19 23:54:49

I'd have to ask too. There's no way I'd let this drop without getting an answer.

Nofucksleft Thu 11-Jul-19 23:24:20

Could be a mistake at my wedding I had 2 large tables for dhs family one was closer to the top table I knew nothing about all the etiquette involved and it was purely the room layout one sil at the further away table took high offence and doesn't speak to me 8 years later ...if I knew it would be that easy I would have sat them all at the further away table grin

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