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To feel sorry for children always late for school

(346 Posts)
Shootingstar1115 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:20:03

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

NoSauce Thu 27-Jun-19 09:22:31

Yanbu. It’s unfair on the children and the teachers. We’ve all got busy lives but the majority of us get our kids to school on time.

BillywigSting Thu 27-Jun-19 09:24:40

Yanbu I was the always late kid too.

Oddly enough when I went to college and made my own way there I was only ever late twice, once when the train broke down and once when I fell down the stairs.

I was always the last to be picked up too. It was horrible.

I am pretty strict on making sure dc is fed, washed and on time every day (even if it means I'm not all three of those things, on time is non negotiable)

Shootingstar1115 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:25:10

Definitely. DS has only been late once (he’s 8 and has additional needs too). DD was sick just before we were about to leave and I had to clean her up.

R2G Thu 27-Jun-19 09:25:52

Yanbu but that was me for a couple of years. Chronic insomnia and depression. Not fair on the child though but I did my best at the time.

ClownTent Thu 27-Jun-19 09:26:29

Yanbu. I was a teacher (primary) and it was the same children every time. They missed parts of the lesson - one child I taught never made it in time for the register and therefore missed a lot of the phonics/number recognition and general days of the week/name recognition stuff we did at the beginning of the day. It puts pressure on the teacher to help them catch up, it often leaves the child unsettled and uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Everyone runs into trouble sometimes - traffic, nose bleed, sudden illness, all sorts of reasons, and most schools understand that. It's persistent lateness that has a really sad impact on school work, the school day, confidence and all sorts of other things. My dad was always late to everything and it's made me anxious about time keeping too!

DonkeyHohtay Thu 27-Jun-19 09:26:48

I live very close to school, literally two or three houses away.

Every morning at 9.02 I see the same parent hurtling down the street with his child. Child is probably about 6. Every fucking morning.

Just leave 5 minutes earlier.

formerbabe Thu 27-Jun-19 09:27:17

I couldn't agree more with you. My dc had a friend who was late every single day....I don't mean five minutes or so...I mean literally would bring them in any time between registration and lunch. Appalling. I felt so sorry for them. It's shitty parenting.

BillywigSting Thu 27-Jun-19 09:28:25

The way my dcs school works makes me feel even more sorry for the late kids, they have a 20 minute window where the playground (and reading sheds) are open and a ten minute window to get to class, so for them to be late (and it is always the same people) I think is even worse. Aim for the earlier time then if something comes up you still won't be late nine times out of ten!

Happyspud Thu 27-Jun-19 09:30:35

Here’s the thing. A kid being late can be embarrassing for them but when their parent is flustered, struggling, stressed and trying for that to NOT happen, but they are fed and loved and parent explains it’s not ideal and tries to change that happening, I don’t think any harm is done. But a parent that doesn’t care about being late, and feeds the child crisps and biscuits for breakfast, well that’s a whole other type of family. And it’s not the being late for school that in itself is the problem, it’s that it can be a symptom of a neglectful upbringing overall. So OP, I suspect your school day start is only the top of the iceberg in terms of how you felt as a child about things being out of control, embarrassing, lost.

PerfectPeony2 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:31:01

I agree.

Never understood people who are consistently late. When you have children mornings can be stressful but you have to adapt and get on with it.

teyem Thu 27-Jun-19 09:31:14

Yeah, YANBU.

MyOpinionIsValid Thu 27-Jun-19 09:33:44

Not everyone has a perfect home life, some people just get by. Try not to judge too much

Shootingstar1115 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:34:39

I understand that sometimes anyone can be a little late but traffic definitely isn’t an issue where we live (rural, quiet place and the majority walk) and I understand some parents struggle because of health reasons etc. But I’m talking about the parents who aren’t very organised and run late because they can’t be punctual and don’t seem to care about it. .

They seem to laugh it off too. Knowing they are the consistently late parent but I just feel for the children.

I do think my consistent lateness during school has helped me in a positive way. It’s turned me into somebody that is very very rarely late. 🤣

DisengagedParent Thu 27-Jun-19 09:36:19

At DC school there is a lot of engagement with the families who are late. Support workers visiting in the morning to help them get ready.

Recently DD was late for the first time ever due to going into a meltdown because she hates her teacher. I actually phoned the school and said she would be late because I couldn't get her out of the house. She was 10 mins late in the end and I was injured trying to get her out. She was punished for lateness and although we were in the wrong for being late DD can see several of her peers turning up late and there are no consequences. I don't mean there should be, as it is not the children's fault.

HildaWazzo Thu 27-Jun-19 09:36:45

Gold star for you then, OP. Pat yourself on the back. Oh, you already are.

BiscuitDrama Thu 27-Jun-19 09:37:09

Maybe it’s better than the family that are always on time but have been properly screeched at to get them out of the door bang on time.

DonkeyHohtay Thu 27-Jun-19 09:37:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yabbers Thu 27-Jun-19 09:38:24

I’ve always wondered about the parents in this situation. Even if you are late because of something you are struggling with, something you can’t control, maybe having to do two drop offs etc, surely you wouldn’t be idly strolling down the road?

We are sometimes late because of issues with DDs disability, can’t be helped. We rush along though, and apologise. You wouldn’t see us just casually walking in.

Shootingstar1115 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:39:05

I do agree @Happyspud

I wouldn’t say my home life was terrible, we were generally fed (other than breakfast ofc 🤣), we had clean clothes, our uniform and shoes were always pristinely clean etc, our home was clean, we had toys galore but I do believe that was my mums way to mask the issues we had with other things which I won’t go into here today.. didn’t have the best childhood for different reasons.

Emmapeeler Thu 27-Jun-19 09:39:29

I know someone who lives over the road from the school. She is a great parent but said to her kids, you get yourselves ready - if you are late it’s you that has to walk into the office. She says they had plenty of lates over primary but at secondary they are now very punctual!

The families who are consistently very late at our school are mainly disadvantaged. Try not to judge.

Shootingstar1115 Thu 27-Jun-19 09:41:19

My children have additional needs. DS has autism and DD has suspected autism, hypermobility and low muscle tone which affects her walking and balance but we still manage to get to school on time. I’m not bigging myself up here btw. I’m just fortunate that we live a short walk away from the school.

hazandduck Thu 27-Jun-19 09:41:20

I was that child too. And it has negatively impacted my life but in the opposite way for you, I’m late and find it so hard to manage my time because I had parents who never taught me that or my siblings. No structure whatsoever. DM is an alcoholic and has been bad since I was about 10, unmedicated bipolar, wouldn’t get out of bed some days, and I still feel the sting of embarrassment about it all (getting to school for photo day and teacher making sniffy remark about my hair not being brushed even though I had tried to do it myself.)
It’s hard. These things can continue in patterns. You don’t know what those families are going through.

IlGattopardo Thu 27-Jun-19 09:41:35

YANBU. In dd1's class there was a boy who was late every day. I felt sorry for mum at first because I knew they lived quite a long way from the school and relied on the not-very-reliable local bus service.

But then they moved across the road from me (15 mins walk from school) and the situation was exactly the same.

Now he's in y10 but appears rarely to go to school at all, as I often see him walking to and from the corner shop during the day. I feel sad for his life and his future.

hazandduck Thu 27-Jun-19 09:41:40

Oh and we lived 2 miles away and walked every day.

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