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Secondhand Birthday Presents

(94 Posts)
musicinthewoods Tue 18-Jun-19 20:14:11

Interested in mumsnet opinions as RL friend think I a BVVVVU.

DD2 is 2 next month and I've seen a play kitchen on FB marketplace that would be perfect for her- it's £30 and retails around £150 brand new.

My friends think it's totally fine to buy secondhand but not for birthdays/Xmas and that I'm tight.

Full disclosure I am the highest earner of my friendship group and they know this (not a stealth boast- we're good friends for a long time and they've seen my career progress!). I could easily afford the £150 but I don't see the point when the £30 is just as good and the brand new one will be exactly the same after a week of play! 🤷🏻‍♀️plus, she's 2 so wouldn't know (my 11 year old would probably leave home over a second hand birthday present 🙄).

So, AIBU?

P.S I will be the poster that continues to think they are not unreasonable even if you all tell me I am 🤫

Pollywollydolly Tue 18-Jun-19 20:16:28

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Wizotto Tue 18-Jun-19 20:17:25

Definitely not unreasonable. I would do it. A 2 year old won’t know the difference and you could put it in a big box with a balloon and make it fun.

OnceUponATime000 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:17:45

Buy the second hand kitchen. YANBU. I can think of one reason why you wouldn't. She'll never know she'll just belighted with her new 'to her' kitchen. It's environmentally friendly to reuse and if it gets damaged you won't be annoyed as it was a bargain and second hand.

FrancesHaHa Tue 18-Jun-19 20:18:08

Of course it's reasonable. Plus better for the environment if you buy second hand

Smurfy23 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:18:19

Not at all. I bought dd a second hand kitchen for her Christmas present too. She has no idea it was used beforehand (and probably wouldnt care). My attitude was it meant I could buy her more as it meant that there was more money left in her budget.

OnceUponATime000 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:18:45

Can't think of one reason 🙁

Ilikesweetpeas Tue 18-Jun-19 20:18:48

Perfectly reasonable. Like you I could afford to buy new but frequently didn’t! We had a kitchen and lots of lovely happyland toys secondhand. Save your money for when they’re older and want expensive things that can’t be bought secondhand!!

hormonesorDHbeingadick Tue 18-Jun-19 20:19:11

Makes sense to me. Your 2 year old won’t know or care. Buying the new one would be a complete waste.

Vanannabananna Tue 18-Jun-19 20:19:36

I’ve bought my nearly 4 yo all second hand good condition for his birthday. He won’t know or care and means I get much more for my budget. Perfectly reasonable.

musicinthewoods Tue 18-Jun-19 20:20:03

Thank you! I hadn't even thought of the environmental impact but given that we're on a war against plastic in our house it fits nicely with our new resolutions!

picklemepopcorn Tue 18-Jun-19 20:20:06

Please buy the second hand one. Better for the environment, for the child and for your family.

Thatnovembernight Tue 18-Jun-19 20:20:53

Yes do it!

livingthegoodlife Tue 18-Jun-19 20:23:36

Definitely buy it! I gave my daughter s secondhand (but looked new) wheelybug for her birthday. It cost £20 rather than £70. I could pay the extra but it seems a waste. She was delighted by the way!

Geminijes Tue 18-Jun-19 20:23:41

Buy the second hand one.

So what if you can afford a new one. Better for the environment and your purse to buy second hand.

I once heard......that the rich spend like the poor and the poor spend like the rich.

Advice79 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:28:10

It’s fine to buy second hand for birthdays or Xmas. My kids are 6, 2 and 7 and I do this for them for a mixture of occasions- it doesn’t make a difference to them.

stucknoue Tue 18-Jun-19 20:29:24

I did, it's all I could afford then

Trafalger Tue 18-Jun-19 20:29:28

I have done the same. Bought a 2nd hand wooden slide for her xmas present. She loves it still, made no difference at all to my 2 year old. It is better for the environment, it saves you having to build a new one (always a pain in the arse!) and what 2 year old will honestly notice.

WishUponAStar88 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:32:22

Definitely get the second hand one! Spend £150 on a toy and you’ll be far too annoyed when it gets scratched within 30 seconds of being played with grin

Dahlietta Tue 18-Jun-19 20:33:06

Absolutely, get the second hand one. A kitchen isn't even something you would give them in the box (because from box to functioning kitchen is far too slow a process for a toddler) so you can't even say it wouldn't look new (not that a toddler would know anyway!)

treenu Tue 18-Jun-19 20:33:49

Most of our children's toys have been second hand. There are so many bargains on fb and it's so wasteful to buy new all the time. Half of it ends up at the charity shop as they're not that interested after all!

OhioOhioOhio Tue 18-Jun-19 20:33:56

I'd definitely buy it.

ColaFreezePop Tue 18-Jun-19 20:35:38

A 2 year old doesn't care. Save your money for when she starts caring.

Ohyesiam Tue 18-Jun-19 20:36:09

I’ve found that if people have problems with second hand, they can often be quite tricky.

Charlottejade89 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:36:38

defo buy second hand, I'm picking up a second hand trike for my dd's 1st birthday for £30 rather than £60 plus and its immaculate

SleepyGuineaPig Tue 18-Jun-19 20:36:38

Yanbu - your child won’t know the difference and it’s much better for the environment to reuse!

Namechangedtoprotect Tue 18-Jun-19 20:36:54

My dh just got a second hand switch for my DT. It came from a friend so we knew it would be OK and saved us money to be spent on their party

daisyboocantoo Tue 18-Jun-19 20:38:05

I think your RL friends are being unreasonable.
It is a win win situation.

ineedtogotobedanyway Tue 18-Jun-19 20:38:58

Totally fine grin

Sunshineonleith12 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:40:11

Why is it any of your friends business? As with everything to do with parenting, you - the parent - decides.

Littletabbyocelot Tue 18-Jun-19 20:43:12

My favourite birthday present as a child was second hand (my parents couldn't afford new). It was perfect. I bought my then 18 month old twins a 2nd hand play kitchen one Christmas. It was in rather used condition - but not as used as it became after a few months of small child use. 3 plus years later its still a favourite. I buy mostly 2nd hand partly for environmental reasons and partly because it is less annoying when they move on after 2 months.

Sceptre86 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:43:18

I bought a wooden kitchen for my daughter. It has all the same key bits as a very expensive brand but I had seen it on the Aldi website for £90 instead of £180. I waited a week and bought it on sale for £45. Both my kids love it and it is sturdy. Yanbu in my opinion, I would buy it and use the extra money to buy accessories for it eg. Kettle, toaster etc.

OpportunityKnocks Tue 18-Jun-19 20:45:49

Yanbu. Saves building the bloody thing for a start!

geogteach Tue 18-Jun-19 20:46:28

I bought 3
Fisher Price
Toys at an NCT sale. All 3
Of
My
Kids had those toys for their first birthday. None of them cared they had been reused multiple times. Now the eldest is 18 and it is very different but when they are little they definitely don't need new .

Chanandlersbong Tue 18-Jun-19 20:50:51

Definitely not unreasonable while they're so young. So long as it's in good condition I don't see a problem with this.

gotmychocolateimgood Tue 18-Jun-19 20:50:55

My children's toys, books, bikes and clothes are almost all bought from fb marketplace. All in excellent condition for a couple of £. Saves money, packaging, time in shops. Wins all round! If something is a present for a friend or extended family I buy new or 'as new' but my children don't care if it's not new. They also like a rummage in charity shops and car boots with me occasionally.

TanyaChix Tue 18-Jun-19 21:18:18

YANBU. Plastic can just be wiped down and made clean and good as new, so it’s a really good deal all round!

Pinkmouse6 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:21:55

A two year old won’t have the slightest clue. I buy lots of things secondhand, it’s better for the planet.

sqirrelfriends Tue 18-Jun-19 21:23:51

Buy the second hand kitchen. Make the most of it while she's still young enough to not care.

AwfulMum123 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:35:31

Totally with you on this. Second hand all the way whilst I can get away with it.

mizu Tue 18-Jun-19 21:40:22

Absolutely do it. 2nd hand all the way - why ever not?

KC225 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:44:11

I bought my three year old an Early Learning Centre garage on Gumtree for his birthday. Played with it for a couple of weeks then didn't bother it - so glad I only a paid a tenner for it.

Marmite27 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:45:32

Do it, save it from landfill!

CameraTime Tue 18-Jun-19 21:59:38

Second hand stuff is great! And it shows the seeds for later - if they get second hand stuff now, you'll hopefully set them up to reuse stuff later on too!

nokidshere Tue 18-Jun-19 22:00:00

I've always bought second hand for my boys. Second hand toys, second hand games consoles, second hand games. What's the point in buying new for something they are going to grow out of? For my second child's first 2 Christmas's and birthdays I just wrapped something his brother had grown out of.

Notthetoothfairy Tue 18-Jun-19 22:06:11

I would buy it

Poppyhopscotch Tue 18-Jun-19 22:35:36

I would by the secondhand. I know my husbands family think we're tight as we're both high earners but I just don't see the point in wasting the money. Like you said a new one would look the same in a couple of weeks anyway.

londonrach Tue 18-Jun-19 22:37:30

Its better for the environment recycling toys like this. I dont think ive bought my daughter new toys let

Pepperama Tue 18-Jun-19 22:43:58

Secondhand Brio, exchanged in a supermarket car park, a huge huge lot of it. DP and I built it the night before his birthday so that it ran from his bedroom door right down to where his cake was waiting - it was definitely the best present so far, even several years on. Just the expression in my son’s face!

BackforGood Tue 18-Jun-19 23:00:26

Of course YANBU. What are they concerned about ? confused

MsAwesomeDragon Tue 18-Jun-19 23:05:28

I don't think dd1 had a single present that was brand new until she was about 5. Not because I couldn't afford presents (I could have bought new, but would have had to cut back on other things), but because she didn't know the difference and it just made sense. She used to get much bigger presents because they were second hand, like a big box of Playmobil for less than half the price of a single set bought new (and the second hand stuff had been built already too, another win!).

GrumpyOHara Wed 19-Jun-19 06:44:37

YANBU. Why pay more when you could pay less?

TinselTimes Wed 19-Jun-19 06:50:16

Yanbu. It’s wasteful to buy new when you don’t need to.

zigzagbetty Wed 19-Jun-19 06:51:50

Another here to say buy second hand! We buy most of my 2 year olds toys on fb marketplace and have sold most of them back when shes done! For me buying big new bits of plastic doesn't sit right, and saving money helps wink

Chamomileteaplease Wed 19-Jun-19 06:53:52

Is you friend strange in other ways too? grin

MaverickSnoopy Wed 19-Jun-19 06:59:51

Buy second hand. With my first we bought everything new but with our other children just realised how silly it was. A lot of children's things are used for such short periods that it seems almost silly to spend so much if you don't need to. As a birthday present I'd always want to check condition though. We picked up a huge tractor ride on for free but it wouldn't be suitable for a present (great condition but peeling stickers).

For me as much as money, it's about environmental impact. I live in an area where I can think of at least 15 Facebook groups dedicated to selling things second hand, there are always nearly new sales and we even have groups set up to pass things along for free. It's the norm here to buy secondhand and young children aren't going to know. For us, they have lovely things and we have more money for holidays and days out.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 19-Jun-19 07:02:51

Yanbu. I can afford new, but am happier with second hand, especially plastic stuff.

ConfusedOpinionsHere Wed 19-Jun-19 07:08:40

I always bought DS second hand toys and books when he was growing up. Gave him free rein to pick whatever he wanted (he thought). Santa brought the new ones! It was part of teaching him to value the things around him, the make do and mend mentality. He started taping books back together, moved onto customising game controllers, and now repairs his own car and motorbike and does odd jobs round the house. He's a pretty cool guy.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Wed 19-Jun-19 07:15:08

Unnecessarily polluting the planet your child needs to survive "just because" is the unreasonable decision. Wherever possible I buy toys second hand although we are high earners, because it is the right thing to do environmentally.

Schnitzelvonkrumb Wed 19-Jun-19 07:48:12

YANBU. I bought second hand presents for my DC before, some of which i have resold again! My Dsis bought me a 2nd hand watch for my birthday once, i was fine with it as it was something i wanted.

bollocksitshappenedagain Wed 19-Jun-19 07:53:48

My older children know they get some stuff secondhand - I explain it means they could get other bits as well as the main present and they are happy with it. One of the best bits was. Barbie camper van. Current mode retailing about £70 - picked up an older one for £4 at a carboot. Still played with 5/6 years later!

TheGoogleMum Wed 19-Jun-19 07:57:16

It's 'nicer'to buy new but honestly if it's good condition I'd probably get it too as that's a huge price difference and she won't know difference

proseccoandbooks Wed 19-Jun-19 08:01:11

Definitely! Great for the environment, she won't know and you save money for something else! All win!

EsmeeMerlin Wed 19-Jun-19 08:01:45

Buy secondhand, my boys have lots of secondhand toys and we have yet to buy a book new. 4 children’s books for a £1 in my local charity shop at the moment.

Because you do have the money though, I would be tempted to put some money in her savings account for her birthday. That’s just me though.

AyBeeCee10 Wed 19-Jun-19 08:04:58

Yanbu op. It makes the most sense to buy it secondhand. Why waste money when theres a perfectly good one available.

EdtheBear Wed 19-Jun-19 08:10:32

Got for it.

I'm currently debating can I get away with gifting what was DD1s balance bike to DD2 for 3rd birthday.
My house is at capacity for stuff and I'm loathed to buy something else for DD2 to outgrow in a couple of years.

AnyoldAnna Wed 19-Jun-19 08:16:11

We bought a second hand kitchen for DD for Christmas including all the bits and pieces - she loves it. So no, I don’t think you’re being tight at all.

3brightstars3 Wed 19-Jun-19 08:31:20

We bought our kids some second hand toys where it didn't really matter. Good idea and save the 120 for something more useful

Shufflebumnessie Wed 19-Jun-19 09:13:00

Absolutely not unreasonable, actually an extremely sensible approach.
We do similar. Once I know what I'm getting DS 7 and DD 2 for Christmas and birthday I always look to see if I can get it second hand. Last Christmas I saved a fortune on an massive Imaginext power rangers play set. It was £80 brand new but I bought it (with a load of extras) for £30. It was in immaculate condition and DS was delighted (as was I!!).
I'm always on the lookout for second hand items to hide away for gifts.

CripsSandwiches Wed 19-Jun-19 09:29:00

YANBU. Much better for the environment and a 2 year old will be excited for their new kitchen and won't care whether it's second hand or not. I often bought DC second hand stuff for Christmas and Birthdays they never cared.

I'm not sure if I'd be brave enough to buy second hand for someone else's child (I once saw a gift second hand that would be perfect for Dfriend's son but though she might be offended so bought a little brand new gift to go with it too - she was fine with it and was touched because it was something personal and just right for him rather than the first thing off the shelf at the toy shop).

Sofasurfingsally Wed 19-Jun-19 09:40:56

Buy it. Friend is being ridiculous.

imagrumpalo Wed 19-Jun-19 09:47:23

@nokidshere * For my second child's first 2 Christmas's and birthdays I just wrapped something his brother had grown out of.*

This is genius!!! Why haven't I thought of this.

Kids literally don't care op. I think it's just some grown ups that do.

EdtheBear Wed 19-Jun-19 09:47:38

I'm not sure if I'd be brave enough to buy second hand for someone else's child

I'm certainly not brave enough to do that! But then I wouldn't be buying other people's children massively expensive toys new or second hand. For other people's kids i tend to work to a budget regardless if i buy in sales or not.

WanderingTrolley1 Wed 19-Jun-19 09:50:11

I wouldn’t even hesitate in buying it!

Happyspud Wed 19-Jun-19 09:57:00

YANBU.

DonkeyHohtay Wed 19-Jun-19 10:01:24

Second hand is AMAZING. I am a massive fan and we've bought similar for our kids.

My 10 year old got gerbils for his birthday. They weren't second hand (obviously) but I picked up a massive all-singing, all-dancing gerbilarium tank thing with a crate of toys and other bits and pieces for £30 on Gumtree. We're not short of cash and could have spend the £150 on a new one if we wanted to.

But it's all about not contributing tot he mountains of "stuff" which is drowning the planet.

HariboLectar Wed 19-Jun-19 10:04:25

I'm sure they will love it and certainly won't care that it's second hand smile

IhaveALooBrush Wed 19-Jun-19 10:14:02

Buy secondhand.
I still buy secondhand for dd6. She doesn't care.

MereDintofPandiculation Wed 19-Jun-19 10:38:37

My 10 year old got gerbils for his birthday. They weren't second hand (obviously) Yes, they were second hand, unless you bred them yourself ;-)

MissB83 Wed 19-Jun-19 10:40:06

I bought two second hand high value gifts for DS before for birthday/Xmas. This stuff doesn't get used enough before they get too big for it. I think you're being thrifty! Just make sure you give it a good wipe over and clean once you get it.

MissB83 Wed 19-Jun-19 10:41:59

Then again, I'm a single mum and probably half his clothes, toys, books (or more) were bought at nearly new sales/charity shops/FB marketplace, including buggies, high chairs, baby gyms etc... the only things I would be definite about getting new are car seats and cot mattresses.

ethelfleda Wed 19-Jun-19 10:48:16

YANBU at all. Much better for the planet to not keep buying more new crap anyway! I always try to buy second hand when we can.

pegspurplecat Wed 19-Jun-19 10:52:59

YANBU. I bought a second hand wooden kitchen with tons of accessories for DC. If I'd bought new I would have just got the kitchen and it would have been a bit boring. As it was DC loved it and they weren't even aware it wasn't new.

kierenthecommunity Wed 19-Jun-19 14:04:07

My soon to be seven year old is getting some second hands stuff for his birthday. Some games, books and a marble run. That’s based on environmental reasoning personally although the savings don’t upset me either grin

CameraTime Wed 19-Jun-19 15:18:35

@imagrumpalo For DS' first Christmas we didn't even bother with hand-me-downs - just filled a Santa sack with his existing toys! We did add a few new clothes etc, but he had a great time putting his teddies in the sack, taking them out again, putting them in...

Sierra259 Wed 19-Jun-19 18:28:18

YANBU. Better for the planet and better for your wallet! Most of my youngest's Paw Patrol toys are second hand - she's had great use out of them, would never know the difference and hopefully we'll be able to pass a lot of them on again when she's done with them.

Laurenk474 Wed 19-Jun-19 22:48:43

I earn a good wage and buy second hand when I can find what I'm looking for. I can easily afford the full price. My family are always making comments it's disgusting etc which do get to me, but why waste money when you don't need to. They don't know the difference when they are young.

I'd much rather spend the spare money on food for my child and keeping a roof over their head. I've found it's best just not to tell people to be honest to save the hassle.

bogie Thu 20-Jun-19 07:46:07

I got away with buying second hand things for birthdays and Christmas until they were 8-9!
I think it’s crazy to spend £150 when you can spend £30 on a two year old that really wouldn’t even know if it was new or not!

KinderSurpriseBump Thu 20-Jun-19 07:47:00

I have no problem in buying second hand toys for my kids as presents if they're in good condition. I bought a second hand little tikes cosy coupe as one of the christmas presents and a Melissa and Doug builders bench as a birthday present. All great and wouldn't make any difference to my children if they were brand new.

CIT80 Thu 20-Jun-19 07:50:33

Absolutely fine I have done this on plenty of occasions and even at Christmas last year we had a chance of a second hand iPad mini for my 15 year old so we asked him if he would rather that or a new one and he opted for second hand as he said once it’s been used for a day it’s not new anyway is it 👍
Also my 3 children all had the same present for their 1st birthday I just re-wrapped it each year and by my 3rd the older two fondly said oh remember we used to have one of them !!

vampirethriller Thu 20-Jun-19 07:57:56

Perfectly reasonable. All my daughter's toys are second hand, she doesn't know and doesn't care. I just give them a going over with the Dettol before she gets them.

SoundofSilence Thu 20-Jun-19 09:05:55

The second hand bike I bought DS2 is his most treasured possession.

MaximusHeadroom Thu 20-Jun-19 09:15:26

YANBU

At my DD's birthday last year, one of her older friends gave her one of her toys she knew my DD loved and she didn't play with anymore.

It has been DD's favourite toy since and she loves it all the more because it was special to her friend too.

For me it was a beautiful thing to say here is something which made me happy, I want it to make you happy too. So much more special than her mum quickly grabbing something just to have a gift to give.

That was obviously an exceptional situation but for me it was really lovely.

I think giving pre-loved things teaches kids the real value of something and the idea that we have a right to have everything new is a relatively recent development and one which has proven catastrophic to the planet.

ILoveEurovision Thu 20-Jun-19 09:20:11

YANBU. My parents bought be a second hand My Little Pony house when I was 5 I think. I didn't realise it wasn't new. I just loved it smile

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