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to think that old people should mind their own business

(106 Posts)
katybump Tue 24-Jul-07 20:30:21

My dd is 3months old and has a strawberry birthmark on her forehead{between her eyes}It is very obvious but doesn't affect her in anyway.While at the doctors with her today {for an unrelated matter}an old man in the waiting room decided to engage us in conversation and then asked me what i was going to do about her birthmark. I told him nothing as it would eventually go away.To this he replied "You should get it removed,nobody wants to grow up with a thing like on their face"

I was gobsmacked and at first thought i may have misheard him but his wife told him to shut up.I asked him not to speak about my daughter like that but he just shrugged his shoulders.

I had to leave the waiting room as i was shaking so much and close to tears.When he left he tried to say goodbye to meand i asked him to leave me alone .His wife then decided to have ago and told me she'd get worse than that and she probably desrved it .ffs how can a 3mth old baby deserve anything.

My dh decided to follow them outside and speak to them.After more words were spoken my dh came back inside and then the man came back and tried to say he hadn't meant it.Talk about red rag to a bull,i swear if he hadn't left i think my dh would have gotten violent.

Sorry for the long post but i needed to get this off my chest before i explode

GibbonInARibbon Tue 24-Jul-07 20:32:38

I am for you!

at the wife especially

don't let it stress or upset you anymore, some people in the world were born to be twats

RubySlippers Tue 24-Jul-07 20:32:56

how horrible for you
very rude and upsetting
don't think it is anything to do with them being old though - just thoughtless and mean

doormat Tue 24-Jul-07 20:34:07

what an old bastard

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jul-07 20:34:35

Old people annoy the living shit out of me.

moondog Tue 24-Jul-07 20:35:43

how upsetting. ignore them,old fools

Desiderata Tue 24-Jul-07 20:36:15

I'm sorry for your experience today. I'm struggling to believe that two people could be so insensitive ... really struggling to believe that a woman would say that your dd 'probably deserved it.'

The OP might get some backs up, however. We'll all be old one day.

Mog Tue 24-Jul-07 20:37:27

Just to confirm for you, my ds had a strawberry birthmark on his forehead at birth. It has faded gradually and now he is three you can just see a raised bump but it's almost colourless. By the time he starts school it will be gone. To be honest we very quickly stopped noticing it and were surprised when it was mentioned.

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jul-07 20:38:23

I plan to start smoking again once my kids are grown so I hopefully don't live so damn long.

Desiderata Tue 24-Jul-07 20:41:09

Ditto, Mog. My friend's ds had a mark at birth, and at 2.9 it's hardly there.

Expat .. don't start smoking again. You'll probably live forever!

katybump Tue 24-Jul-07 20:41:15

Thanks for that Mog.It bled last week so she has been referred to a plastic surgeon[just in case].To be honest i don't even notice it myself ,it's just part of what makes her unique

Mamamoor Tue 24-Jul-07 20:41:40

I think most people should mind their own business really!

PrettyCandles Tue 24-Jul-07 20:42:59

Nasty and uncalled-for.

If it helps at all, let me tell you something: I had a huge strawberry mark on my face. It went around one eye, from about halfway under it, around the edge, to touch the upper eyelid. My parents never seemed bothered by it, if I wanted to talk about it we did, otherwise it merited about as much attnetion as the beauty spot on my other cheek. I always knew what it was, and when people asked about it (usually "Did you fall?" or "Did your brother hit you?") I answerred straightforwardly that it was a birthmark.

Over the years it faded and shrank. All that now remains is a slightly puffy, slightly freckley patch of skin - a fraction ofthe size of the original birthmark - at the edge of my eye. Most people I know have never noticed it. I know that because they're always surprised when if they do notice it. It's only noticeable when my face crinkles up in a smile, or if I tan (it gets frecklier) or am ill and pasty-faced.

Apparently when I was a baby I had some sort of injuections to try and shrink it. The opinion nowadays is that had I not had the injections it would probably have disappeared completely.

Ever since I was 16 my mum drags me over to any mum she comes across with a baby with a strawberry mark to show me off and to show them that it will fade.

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jul-07 20:43:39

Not at the rate I smoke, Des!

Was planning to throw over the recommended number of 'units' of alcohol in for good measure, too.

My boss is even funnier. She says, 'I'm going to become on old soak.'

PrettyCandles Tue 24-Jul-07 20:44:36

Oh, and they were hugely bothered and upset by it, but they decided that I didn't need to know that. Only when I asked, as an adult, how come they weren't bothered did I learn about the distress it caused them.

Desiderata Tue 24-Jul-07 20:50:21

Yes, expat. I think you have to approach old age in ill health, certainly pissed, and probably coughing.

It's best for every one.

Leati Tue 24-Jul-07 20:50:43

Oh honey,

There is nothing more painful to a mom then having someone say something hurtful about your babies. I have heard elderly people be bluntly rude but I have never heard anyone me so mean. I have always, just tried to be tolerant but his statement was intolerable.

Just for the record, my daughter had a huge strawberry birthmark on her leg. She is now 18 months and is nearly completely gone.

BarbieLovesKen Tue 24-Jul-07 20:50:46

My God, what is wrong with some people!!??

I am so angry for you!!

of course your obviously not being unreasonable. Im sorry you have had such a horrible experience today.

It will fade away but regardless of that, as you have said, it is something that makes her unique - a beauty mark.

Stupid a*sholes.

PrettyCandles Tue 24-Jul-07 20:56:40

Can I just say, also, that you can't necessarily see senile dementia, but it can destroy the person's 'internal filter' so that they say what they think - even if normally they wouldn't have dreamed of saying such a thing aloud. Perhaps the old man was in this situation, and his wife was on a short fuse from being his carer.

I'm not excusing them. Just saying that he or they may have been ill rather than nasty.

Desiderata Tue 24-Jul-07 21:00:51

That's a good post, candles.

I'm on record for saying that I don't like the OP (the wording in the title, that is). It should simply have said 'Why can't people mind their own business.'

The elderly can sometimes lose barriers that were otherwise up.

DobbyMOO Tue 24-Jul-07 21:06:49

Much sympathy. My dd developed a cavernous haemangioma just above her eye when she was a few weeks old - much like a strawberry birth mark but it protruded and was basically a big red lump. The number of people who asked me if I'd dropped her or hurt her on purpose was absolutely unbelievable! It really didn't help as she had to undergo tests to check it wasn't a malignant tumour and it was all very upsetting and stressful. However, 4 years on it has almost completely disappeared and you wouldn't know she'd even had it.

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jul-07 21:07:27

That's the whole point, Des. I don't want to approach old age. I want to die before I get there.

Long enough to see the girls as grown women and I'll be happy.

lizziemun Tue 24-Jul-07 21:08:31

Some people just don't know when not to say anything.

I'm sorry that they were so rude to you, my mum had it with me when i was a baby. I had one on my back (i think it was called a neaves). It was quite small when was born, but grew and covered most of my back but by the time i was 5 it had almost shrunk to nothing about the size of a fifty pence.

It has now disapeared to nothing and is only noticed if i get a tan on my back. To the point where i had been living.married to dh for about 5 yrs before he noticed a mark on my back .

TnOgu Tue 24-Jul-07 21:09:44

Me too, Expat.

Hopefully someone will just shoot me.

Leati Tue 24-Jul-07 21:09:53


I think you make a valid point and it is something we don't always think about.

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