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Who was wrong in this situation

(31 Posts)
ER1992 Thu 13-Jun-19 11:55:41

This could be quite long but I will try my best to keep it short although don't want to miss out the details.

Back story - me and my best friend went our separate ways around 3 years ago when she had her 1st born and naturally both leading totally different lives we no longer had much in common. My husband had never been keen on her as even before she had her 1st born she would always let me down last minute and I would always have to go along with what she wanted to do and I never got a say or if I tried she would get the hump with me.

Move forward 3 years to now - we got back in contact at the end of last year when I had my first born and she was pregnant with her 2nd. We never became as close as we were before but I tried to give the friendship a 2nd chance. However all the times I have tried to arrange to meet up with her she agrees to the plans and always cancels on me last minute with silly excuses. My husband told me she will never change and to back off from her as I have better friends which is true but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and keep trying.

Now moving onto yesterday - we spoke the previous night and had planned to meet at soft play at a specific time. I got there for when we had planned to see no sign of her. Waited 10 mins for her to then send me a message to ask if I could go to hers instead because it was raining and she didn't want to go out. Now if I'd have had this message before I had left home this would have been fine but I'd driven in totaly the wrong direction to her house and after this being about the 10th time she'd cancelled/changed plans I was naturally annoyed. I was honest and told her I was annoyed with her as it had been raining all day and she'd had all morning to ask me to go to hers instead so told her I was going to go home and we would arrange something for a different day instead. This followed by her sending me abusive messages telling me how nasty I am and no one likes me etc. I didn't reply to any of these as it was unessaisary and after receiving the 3rd message with abuse I decided to just block her so she can no longer contact me. In my eyes the friendship is done.

Later that evening my husband tells me she has messaged him trying to get him to turn against me and to stick up for her. He had read the messages I sent her and agreed I had done nothing wrong yet she made out to him that I'd been totally unreasonable. She didn't seem to understand he had read the messages and would stick up for me. She went on to tell him she what's to remain friends with him etc (they've never been friends and he's never liked her so I'm not sure what she was trying to achieve). Was she trying to cause us to argue? I'm not sure but he also went onto block her.

So was I in the wrong by not bowing down to her and going to hers or should she have understood why I would be annoyed and be OK with sorting something for another day.

Queenoftheashes Thu 13-Jun-19 11:58:30

Oh dear. She’s completely insane, you’re well rid. Her husband to block her as well. I recently blocked someone on all channels - all social media, phone and email, and it has been bliss! I wish I’d done it years ago.

Queenoftheashes Thu 13-Jun-19 11:58:44

Get husband not her husband

IsabellaLinton Thu 13-Jun-19 12:00:06

She’s batshit!

PhillisPearce Thu 13-Jun-19 12:03:57

I think you have done the right thing , she sounds very self centred

FudgeBrownie2019 Thu 13-Jun-19 12:06:38

Your DH needs to block her and you need to make sure she stays blocked from this point.

Arseholes rarely make good friends. She isn't going to change, you know this now. flowers

ER1992 Thu 13-Jun-19 12:18:44

Don't worry my husband has blocked her and she can no longer contact either of us.

I just have struggled to get the situation out of my head and wondering what I did that was so wrong other than for once not doing what she told me to do. And I hate the thought of her telling people that I was the one who was nasty etc. I have kept every message for proof

HigaDequasLuoff Thu 13-Jun-19 12:21:04

She sounds either unstable or just downright nasty. Have no more to do with her, whatsoever. Block her in all contact mediums and get DH to do likewise.

user1474894224 Thu 13-Jun-19 12:24:59

Don't think anymore about it. Your real friends won't give two hoots what she says. Or they will ask you about the situation and then you can explain. Good to hear your husband has your back.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 13-Jun-19 12:25:22

You haven't done anything wrong. She sounds selfish, rude and inconsiderate.

Well done for standing up to her and well done to your DH for supporting you too.

Just keep her blocked. End of. She's not worth worrying about.

blubberyboo Thu 13-Jun-19 12:25:26

You are just reeling from the shock of her behaviour today. When you calm down you’ll realise that you were right, that’s she’s no good as a friend and your life is great without her.

mybeebop Thu 13-Jun-19 12:29:19

She messaged your husband?? WTF? Nope 👎 block and move on. That’s unacceptable behaviour. Presumably you’d paid to go into the softplay too? So she cost you money. It’s just rude to not let somebody know in advance that you don’t want to meet up. She should have given you more notice. She’s not a good friend.

Sparklesocks Thu 13-Jun-19 12:33:45

She sounds like a teenager girl, not an adult mother of two!
You don’t want someone like that in your life, you gave your friendship another go and it didn’t work - that’s ok, you did nothing wrong. She is angry and lashing out and it’s best you stay away. Put it behind you and move on.

ER1992 Thu 13-Jun-19 12:33:49

Mybeepop... Yep she message dmy husband and I think this is the part I am most annoyed about they fact she tried to come between me and him. She knew what she was doing but luckily I didn't work

MagicMojito Thu 13-Jun-19 12:34:08

Some people are totally oblivious their unreasonable behaviour, and even on the odd occasion they do realise they are behaving badly there will still be a thousand justifications for why and how it is still others fault confused She sounds like one of these people.


SpoonBlender Thu 13-Jun-19 12:35:05

You didn't do anything wrong. She's on glue.

Cornettoninja Thu 13-Jun-19 12:40:13

You’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t look for logic because there isn’t any.

Don’t worry about what she’ll say to anyone, people don’t often base their opinion of others based on one persons opinion. I wouldn’t (and haven’t) batted an eyelid when other people have tried to ‘fill me in’ on their opinion of someone, not unless it was something big (she’s into MLM’s wink).

Missingstreetlife Thu 13-Jun-19 12:41:15

Very flakey. Leave her to it, you don't need this aggravation

Squigglesworth Thu 13-Jun-19 13:01:42

As others have said, she has problems and isn't worth another thought.

You shouldn't really need the messages as proof for others that you were in the right. If they've spent any time with her, they'll probably know what she's like (or they'll find out sooner or later from their own experiences with her). If they're real friends, they'll believe you without seeing the "evidence". (And she may never go whining to anyone else, either-- especially after seeing how it went with your husband.)

ER1992 Thu 13-Jun-19 13:09:37

Squigglesworth... Oh she was texting people straight away letting them know how awful I'd been for not doing as she asked. Our main mutual friend (we used to hang around as a 3) text me last night to let me know she had been informed on the situation and hoped I was OK... My response was 'I'm not going to go into over text but yes we are no longer friends and never will be but if she wanted hear my side of the story I will tell her when I next see her but I didn't feel the need to get her involved or have to feel stuck in the middle'.... Unsure if this was the correct response but I don't feel like it's something that needs to be discussed as soon as its happened between mutual friends and feels very high school behavior

janetforpresident Thu 13-Jun-19 13:13:35

Sounds like the perfect response to the mutual friend. Remember she knows her well too so I am sure she won't be surprised!

flumpybear Thu 13-Jun-19 13:16:19

She's a dick!

Tell husband to text back 'I've always thought you had a crappy attitude to my wife, and I've never really liked you so I'm pleased she's seem you for the flakey person you are

Please delete my number grin

I'd also tell the other friend you're sick of her flakey attitude and is she like thst with them - the answer would likely be yes!

fargo123 Thu 13-Jun-19 13:25:02


Both you and your DH did the right thing in blocking this nasty, arrogant, toxic bitch.

Even without all the other background, who the hell does she think she is thinking it's okay to expect you and your child to go out in the rain just because she can't be bothered!?

Amie33 Thu 13-Jun-19 13:27:31

You have 100% done the right thing and once you stop reeling from her hideous behaviour you will realise you have.

I have just gone through a very similar situation and when I pulled her up on her behaviour she told the school my son attends that my husband hits me and our children. Completely untrue and harmful lies!

Blocked from all contact, a legal letter sent. Should have gotten rid years ago!

smokyburgandy Thu 13-Jun-19 13:39:13

Good god. I wonder if she resented the end of the friendship the first time round and has taken the opportunity for revenge.

I had a very similar friendship, which also ended after she had a baby, after a couple of years I felt quite guilty that maybe I'd been a bit shit, and tried to reignite our friendship, which worked until she ghosted me out of nowhere. I put it down to her taking the opportunity to do the 'dumping'. It's bizarre behaviour for a grown woman with kids and I have no idea how they have the mental space for such japes. Good riddance.

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