AIBU Birthday Party rudeness(46 Posts)
AIBU? My ds had his 8th birthday party yesterday and I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. I was quite taken aback by the behaviour of so many parents and some of the children too.
- 10 people didn’t respond to the invitation at all
- 1 child turned up without RSVP ing
- 1 child sent an email rsvp acceptance 25 minutes before the party started
- 2 people who said they’d be there didn’t turn up, no explanation
- about half the parents didn’t speak to me at all, just dropped their kids and ran without saying hello then came and collected them without saying thanks or goodbye.
- kids saying “I’m leaving can I have my party bag?” And their parents watched them
- kid ran in and said “is Jamie here?” (Answer - I don’t know because his mum never responded to the invite but my son is over there if you’d like to say hello and happy birthday)
-kids refusing to sit at the party table for tea so my son was left sitting with just one child next to him
- two parents paid for their younger children to join the party (in a separate room from the rest of the play area) without asking - I would have said yes of course but it would be nice to be asked.
There was also 2 kids crying for their mum two kids hurt themselves, and one wet himself. Not rudeness but just so stressful.
My son had a nice time but I was quite upset at the behaviour. AIBU?
I didn’t say anything. But I will remember whose parents behaved well and whose didn’t and it will affect how I plan future parties and play dates.
Hello, I recognise this behaviour... just had birthday party for my 5 year old this morning
What really shocked me was
1. Six no shows;
2. Nine people didn’t respond to any rsvp reminders and questions (face to face answer was “maybe”),
And final one:
3. One child was dropped off empty handed - I really don’t care about more toys or presents, but a card would be nice? My daughter is just 5, a £1 hair band is awesome! Hand made card is a treasure!
Same child was very loudly demanding to get a party bag, and pushed others to get it.
Question - would you even bother to say anything to his parents as I see them daily at school? I’m speechless, so please any advice?
YANBU at all (apart from parents paying for younger siblings to go in to a soft play centre, I don’t see the problem ?) it’s so rude and heartbreaking seeing your child unhappy, my son wanted a party this year but after the disastrous party the year before I fobbed him off with a day out. I’m dreading future parties. Hope your Son was ok.
Bad luck I guess, sorry firbyoure bad experience - we’ve had class parties and ive never had anyone like this - ever.
I agree with PregnantSea, being busy and tired (who isn't??) is no excuse for bad manners. I have a baby that doesn't sleep and have PND so feel exhausted and generally shit most of the time but I can still just about manage to say "hello", "goodbye" and "thank you" when my elder DC goes to a birthday party.
I'm not a very organised person at the best of times so if DD comes home with a party invitation I just get my phone out and text my RSVP there and then, then I add it to the calendar on my phone. It all takes a total of 5 minutes if that. That way I won't forget about it like I would if I put the invitation to one side to do it later. When I worked shifts and didn't know my rota in advance I would just text the Birthday child's parent straight away saying 'sorry, I don't know my shifts yet but will let you know as soon as my rota comes out if we can make it, is that ok?' I don't think anyone minds that, it's just not replying at all that really winds people up.
YANBU. Very rude behaviour from some of those parents. I don't buy the "we're so busy and tired that we couldn't find the time to email RSVP/didn't bother popping over for 10 seconds to say hello when we dropped off/didn't have chance to get a birthday card for your child". Everybody with kids is fucking busy and tired. It's just you being rude. These sorts of things take so little time and used to be expected. Now it seems people are more frequently looking for excuses to be rude.
As a side note, OP, I think that a 9th birthday party is a good age to stop doing big class parties and cut down the numbers quite a bit.
Fundays12 it's normal here to drop 6 year olds and leave. I would expect that. I make sure there's me DH, my mum and a reliable friend (usually a family friend who is a parent of a child whose siblings I have also invited) so 4 of us for 20ish kids. Other people seem to do the same.
At my child's bday party last year, I approached one mum as she came in to say hi and to introduce myself. She pretty much blanked me!
Then at the end of the party she came up to me with her son and said 'he would like his cake now' so I passed him a slice and they just turned around and left! Didn't say thank you or goodbye, it was an expensive party and we had gone to a lot of effort.
Some people are breathtakingly rude.
I did whole class parties as I wanted to reciprocate the party invitations my dc had had and also he didn't have a strong friendship group. As far as I knew all his class were kind to him and looked after him so I didn't mind inviting them all. That was the infant years though, not now.
I had a similar experience with the RSVPs and no shows, which was immensely annoying (I always responded quickly to invitations as I know how horrible it is waiting for replies) but on the whole the manners of attendees and their parents were good, I don't remember anything grossly bad mannered.
I don't blame you for not wanting to repeat it!
Over the years I have seen a lot of really poor behaviour when it comes to parties, but mostly everyone is polite and well mannered. It tends to be the same people all the time, they are too busy, stressed and tired is my experience, not wishing to make excuses, but they are usually just relieved to have got Jonny to the party at all! The fact he was chucked out of the car in the road, no birthday gift or manners is nothing. These parents are up against, and are struggling to keep up.
Don't take any of this personally op. Mostly the children and parents are well intentioned. Children are still learning about manners, parents are sometimes too.
Big parties are so stressful even when they go well!
My mum always insisted on having large parties for us. I always ended up being overlooked and it was more about the party than it was about celebrating my birthday. A lot of parents also see it as an excuse to dump their kids for a couple of hours.
With my kids I let them choose a couple of good friends and we'd have a day out. They loved it.
They are so stressful aren’t they OP? I now stick with smaller parties - maybe four friends - and make sure that one of their parents is someone I know that will help out. I’m glad your son enjoyed it, well done for surviving it!
@Antiawesometic ah, ok. siblings in party areais rude. siblings in general area is fine!
'I have an older child with a lovely year group'
There is so much truth in this statement, in that it's getting worse. The parents of dd, y3s friends are 'worse' (ruder, more self absorbed) than my dd y5. And a friend of mine who has dd, y3, finds the parents of her y1 dc much worse.
I spend a huge amount of time chasing up rsvps for anything I organise with people I don’t know (class year parents Xmas lunch for example). Birthday parties the same, essential as numbers need to be confirmed. I would definitely ask a couple parents in advance to stay help manage the kids. I wouldn’t expect parents to stay at that age. And did the parents not ensure their kids were at the right place and found the party? I would at least make sure the host parents knew my child had arrived and confirmed the collection time. And of course thank the hosts (and made sure my child did too) upon collection.
And I would be firm with the kids - no food unless sitting at the table (though if the party is at a venue there’s normally a venue host to help). And I hate party bags but as the kids all left pretty much together at the appointed time I don’t recall any asking for them. Sound like the parents need to be taught some manners as well as the kids!
My mum always had the rule of no more guests than the age of the child and I am doing that with my kids. It is great!
That does feel like a good rule of thumb.
I might drop and run (especially at 8) but I would certainly say hi to the host and make sure my DC had thanked them afterwards.
In my day some 15 years ago it was entirely normal for parent's to drop off and go. We always made sure there were a couple of family adults around to help supervise. I would not have wanted other parent's hovering round actually. The not replying to invites is really bad manners. What used to annoy me was children asking for a party bag and cake to take home for their siblings, very rude.
Fucking hell, there are some ignorant arseholes rolling around these days.
Some people are pigs.
And they are raising kids who will be the very same.
You'll know what to plan next year.
I didn’t expect any parents to stay. I did expect a hello, a goodbye and a thank you though.
Thanks very much everyone. I feel better. I know some of the things were small but I was already irritated so built them into bigger transgressions!
The siblings I raised an eyebrow at were paid into my ds’ party, not the general play area. There were two other siblings that were just paid into the general play area and of course that didn’t bother me at all.
I’ve an older child with a lovely year group and really nice parents so I just wasn’t expecting this. Lesson learned, Very Small parties from now on. I feel better knowing I wasn’t overreacting too much.
It's surprising that so many were that rude, but otherwise fairly typical behaviour!
But I suspect that most parents find whole class parties excruciating and that might be why so many fled?
Yanbu but it's sadly pretty standard these days.
Most the parents do stay at my dc's school but the behaviour of the children is much the same.
I've been guilty of forgetting to rsvp once or twice but never intentionally. It is hard to keep on top of the endless invites to be fair.
Worra yeah funny joke but you know, when you have a child lethally allergic to a common foodstuff negotiating parties is actually pretty miserable, especially when if the parents also think your child is part of some amusing trend.
That sounds unlucky, I have to say!
But yes, smaller parties with people you know better would be better in future.
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