AIBU Birthday Party rudeness

[Antiawesometic]

AIBU? My ds had his 8th birthday party yesterday and I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. I was quite taken aback by the behaviour of so many parents and some of the children too.

• 10 people didn’t respond to the invitation at all
  
• 1 child turned up without RSVP ing
  
• 1 child sent an email rsvp acceptance 25 minutes before the party started
  
• 2 people who said they’d be there didn’t turn up, no explanation
  
• about half the parents didn’t speak to me at all, just dropped their kids and ran without saying hello then came and collected them without saying thanks or goodbye.
  
• kids saying “I’m leaving can I have my party bag?” And their parents watched them
  
• kid ran in and said “is Jamie here?” (Answer - I don’t know because his mum never responded to the invite but my son is over there if you’d like to say hello and happy birthday)
  

-kids refusing to sit at the party table for tea so my son was left sitting with just one child next to him

• two parents paid for their younger children to join the party (in a separate room from the rest of the play area) without asking - I would have said yes of course but it would be nice to be asked.
  

There was also 2 kids crying for their mum two kids hurt themselves, and one wet himself. Not rudeness but just so stressful.

My son had a nice time but I was quite upset at the behaviour. AIBU?

[RavenTitan]

Yanbu.

By 8 I think smaller parties are the way to go, perhaps a couple of good friends to cinema or bowling etc.

[Fundays12]

Unfortunately this is common behaviour and the reason I hate parties. My friend threw one for her son last year ( just turned 6) and about 20 kids were dropped off by parents and left. How she was expected to be able to care for 20 excited kids let alone make sure they knew how to get to the toilet etc was beyond me. Thankfully I and a couple of other parents stayed.

[herculepoirot2]

God what a gang of rude arseholes.

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

YANBU. We had a whole class party for DD's 5th birthday last year. Never again!! From now on it'll be a special day out or a small party with a handful of friends.

[Antiawesometic]

@RavenTitan I think you are right. He had his heart set on a whole class party but going forward it will be good friends only. I’m still having palpitations a day later.

[BigusBumus]

At about 8 years old we dropped big parties in favour of 7 friends (plus birthday child) round the kitchen table eating an old fashioned birthday tea, then games such as Pass the Parcel, Musical Statues or whatever, then afterwards whilst waiting for parents to pick them up, we had the massive boxes of lego out for 6 of them whilst the other 2 played on the Xbox (in the same room). SOOOOOOO much less stressful and far far cheaper and more enjoyable for everyone.

[WorraLiberty]

YANBU, that's so rude.

I've never understood whole class parties anyway.

I wouldn't invite a load of adults I'm not particularly good friends with (or in some cases don't even like much) to my birthday party, so I don't understand why parents do it for their kids.

I know a lot of kids will ask for them but that's probably just because they've become the norm over the years.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

We used to have whole class parties - at home! - for a dd who wouldn't leave anybody out. Never a problem, so manners must have deteriorated.
The rudest behaviour I encountered (this was not in the UK though most of the kids were Brits) was from parents who didn't even bother to come to the door to collect their child - just stayed outside in the car and hooted. And it wasn't as if parking was a problem.

[ittakes2]

I’m sorry that sounds awful and I do not blame you. I have twins and have sometimes had parties with 30-45 young children and have not experienced what you experienced.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

That's not my experience of birthday parties at all (except for one of DS's where almost everybody couldn't make it, about half of them cancelled very close to the party date and all were very apologetic), it sounds like you're unlucky with your parent group, or maybe I'm just lucky. IME there are never extra siblings, parents say hello and goodbye to the host parents and always check that their child has said thank you.

[Sexnotgender]

That sounds hideous!

[hmsvictory]

YANBU about the replies and the demanding of party bags etc.

I really don't see why the parents who paid for their younger children to play in an area separate to the party should've asked you though. Surely that's nothing to do with you or the party?

[LillithsFamiliar]

I recognise all the issues with invitations ie no responses; people saying they're coming but not coming; people turning up who hadn't replied at all, etc. I've also had a child crying. (she cried at every party she attended ) People paying for younger children.
But I haven't had DCs refusing to sit at the table.

[Wannabeyorkshirelass]

Most of that is really rude and YANBU to be annoyed. Smaller party next time with just friends. Though it sounds like a bad crowd tbh as I've done whole class parties and all the parents and children have been polite.

But this one thing I think is ok and just a result of you already feeling understandably pissed off.

kid ran in and said “is Jamie here?” - normal 8 year old behaviour. He was excited to see his friend.

[eddiemairswife]

Bring back old-fashioned parties with no more than 8 children, party games, tea comprising sandwiches, sausages on sticks, jelly, ice-cream and birthday cake.

[CripsSandwiches]

I'd probably forgive the party bag thing (although if it was my DC I'd have told them to be more polite) but you definitely have my sympathy. The no RSVPing is especially annoying when it's a pay per child thing. Even if you're not sure it would be good to hear "I have to see what my work schedule is like but I'll get back to you and thanks for the invite" and some people don't bother even when they know for sure they can't come - why not just say? I've never seen kids refusing to sit up for food but they do seem to go way more wild than normal at food time. I've seen them singing rude songs, running around the table, stealing food off each other's plates etc.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Yanbu.
But I would say you've got unlucky, that's a very high percentage of rude people. Of the people I know, there's about 10% of people who are as rude as this, put themselves first with no consideration for others.

[WorraLiberty]

Bring back old-fashioned parties with no more than 8 children, party games, tea comprising sandwiches, sausages on sticks, jelly, ice-cream and birthday cake.

Couldn't happen nowadays.

Everyone's allergic to everything and all games would have to be risk assessed

And don't even start me on the sharp, pointy cocktail sticks!

[MaximusHeadroom]

My mum always had the rule of no more guests than the age of the child and I am doing that with my kids. It is great!

[frogsoup]

The party bag thing - if they can see bags are being handed out as people leave then it seems fair enough for a child to ask for one, though a please and thank you wouldn't go amiss.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

That sounds unlucky, I have to say!
But yes, smaller parties with people you know better would be better in future.

Awful rudeness!

[frogsoup]

Worra yeah funny joke but you know, when you have a child lethally allergic to a common foodstuff negotiating parties is actually pretty miserable, especially when if the parents also think your child is part of some amusing trend.

[keepingbees]

Yanbu but it's sadly pretty standard these days.
Most the parents do stay at my dc's school but the behaviour of the children is much the same.
I've been guilty of forgetting to rsvp once or twice but never intentionally. It is hard to keep on top of the endless invites to be fair.

[woollyheart]

It's surprising that so many were that rude, but otherwise fairly typical behaviour!

But I suspect that most parents find whole class parties excruciating and that might be why so many fled?

[Antiawesometic]

Thanks very much everyone. I feel better. I know some of the things were small but I was already irritated so built them into bigger transgressions!

The siblings I raised an eyebrow at were paid into my ds’ party, not the general play area. There were two other siblings that were just paid into the general play area and of course that didn’t bother me at all.

I’ve an older child with a lovely year group and really nice parents so I just wasn’t expecting this. Lesson learned, Very Small parties from now on. I feel better knowing I wasn’t overreacting too much.