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4th child dilemma - AIBU?

(130 Posts)
AwfulMum123 Fri 07-Jun-19 14:34:09

Is it wrong/unadvisable to have a 4th child knowing the only way you can afford to go back to work is to leave the child with your retired parents (who have already looked after the first three 3-4 days per week from the end of Mat leave until school?) They also cover the majority of school holidays for you for the existing three. Child 1 would be close to 13 once child 4 is born so a broad range of ages.

PurpleFlower1983 Fri 07-Jun-19 14:35:50

Personally I think it’s wrong. The parents deserve to have freedom in their retirement but I suppose it depends on how they feel too.

IvanaPee Fri 07-Jun-19 14:35:51

I think it’s unfair to rely on anyone for free childcare.

I also think the planet is completely fucked and we’re more aware of that now than ever so it’s a bit unconscionable to knowing having four and overpopulate like that.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 07-Jun-19 14:53:17

Haven't your parents done enough? What about THEIR lives? You are being completely selfish and unreasonable. Be happy with the 3 you have and let your parents enjoy their retirement.

Alwaysgrey Fri 07-Jun-19 14:56:14

I think that’s a huge burden for your parents especially as they’re getting older. Also, please think of the planet.

Gatoadigrado Fri 07-Jun-19 14:56:19

Total piss take

Jeezoh Fri 07-Jun-19 14:57:31

YABVU. When do they get to enjoy their retirement? By the time you’ve finished using them, they’ll be knackered (if they’re not already!)

Quartz2208 Fri 07-Jun-19 14:57:36

try for one or see through a pregnancy OP because I cant decide which it is

dottyboxes Fri 07-Jun-19 14:58:47

The biggest crisis facing our planet is overpopulation. PLEASE consider this when you are planning multiple children. They will suffer due to climate change in their lifetime.

Mumofone1593 Fri 07-Jun-19 14:59:31

In all honesty I think it is cruel to take their retirement away to save money, especially over such a long period of time.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff Fri 07-Jun-19 15:00:41

Why would you even think having a 4th is a good idea?

formerbabe Fri 07-Jun-19 15:01:29

Very selfish

Gazelda Fri 07-Jun-19 15:03:24

What would happen if you announced your 4th pregnancy and they said "oh, we understood you we're stopping at 3. We're afraid we won't be able to offer the same childcare as the older DC had - your dad's back is playing up more/we've developed an allergy to peppa pig/we've joined a ten pin bowling league that meets every day at 2/whatever"?

UnicornDust9 Fri 07-Jun-19 15:03:54

Yes selfish

Gazelda Fri 07-Jun-19 15:03:57

And yes, think about the already overpopulated planet.

Lifeover Fri 07-Jun-19 15:04:01

Having a 4th is

1. Unfair on your existing children - your teenager will really need you soon without a baby knocking round
2. stop taking the p*ss with your poor parents - let them have a life
3. You have already had too many children to simply replace you and your partner - the Earth cant take it
4. Focus your assets on your existing children they need them more

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Fri 07-Jun-19 15:04:41

@dottyboxes I think the whole environment argument is a bit silly to be honest - why should OP have her family choices restricted when plenty of people in less developed countries and those of different cultures have multiple children - if you work and can afford kids till they start having less don't see why we should!

But in answer to OPs query yeah you're being selfish - if you can't afford the childcare you shouldn't be considering it

formerbabe Fri 07-Jun-19 15:05:33

I bet you'd be far less keen to have another child if you had to look after them all by yourself.

SoupDragon Fri 07-Jun-19 15:05:41

It's completely wrong because of the burden on your parents (who are obviously older now than when they started providing free childcare) and in terms of the environmental impact.

lunar1 Fri 07-Jun-19 15:06:25

I think you have asked enough of them. Would you even discuss it with them first?

My friend actually had a 4th on this basis and her parents told her when pregnant that they couldn't manage the same again.

I had to delete her off Facebook because all her posts were about how hard done by she was as child care was so expensive and her family were struggling.

SoupDragon Fri 07-Jun-19 15:06:42

why should OP have her family choices restricted when plenty of people in less developed countries and those of different cultures have multiple children

Conscience?

But your attitude sums up the problem nicely.

OldUnit Fri 07-Jun-19 15:07:20

YAB Massively U.

You didn't raise the first three, yet your ageing parents and the rest of us ,and the planet are going to be lumbered with a FOURTH.

Ugh. angry

lucymegan Fri 07-Jun-19 15:09:05

I'd go for it.

TheFastandCurious Fri 07-Jun-19 15:10:01

God there are some vile people on this thread. The earth is already lumbered with you!

AlaskanOilBaron Fri 07-Jun-19 15:11:03

You'd be a selfish cow to do this.

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