AIBU to think that when I stop breastfeeding has nothing to do with my DH?(157 Posts)
Our DS is 20 months, he is still breast feeding. He likes a feed when he sees me after work, and before bed. If feeling poorly or teething, then in the night occasionally too.
DH wants a night away from DS, and wants to be able to plan weekends away for just the two of us. He is asking me to stop feeding DS, and keeps saying there's no benefits, just comfort, it's not needed etc.
I don't feel ready to stop. I don't care if DS is only using me as a comfort thing- I'm his mum, and should be used to comfort him. He also gets lots of nutrients through my milk. I said originally I'd like to feed him until he is two ish- then I'll speak to HV about how to wean him off.
Me and DH had a bit of a bicker last night- he thinks I'm being selfish to carry on, and that I'm not thinking about DH and my relationship. I thought he was being selfish for putting his needs of wanting weekends away above the needs and wants of his son.
For a bit of context- DS was born a month early, weighed four pounds, and for the last year has measured just below the 25th percentile, so he's a little thing. He wears 12-18 month clothes and they're often too big on him. Another reason I like to feed is because I'm hoping it will help to fatten him up a bit!
Why not ask the grandparents to have him for one night occasionally to see if they can settle him to sleep?
Perfectly reasonable suggestion but why doesn't the OP's DH try first?
Because it's irrelevant.
The point would be to reassure the grandparents, should the OP and her DH want to go away for a night or two.
How the baby reacts at home or in another place and with different people can be different. It might even turn out that the grandparents don't want to babysit and bf is just an excuse.
Which is not to say that the father shouldn't try to / get to put baby to sleep as well, but for separate reasons and with different objectives.
A lot do women do this and this is why relationships fail.
I'm pretty sure it isn't. The relationship just wouldn't have been strong enough.
I don't think weekends away are even slightly necessary (I don't think it's a class thing BTW, more like who has hands on GPs who'd gladly take the kids and the spare cash to do it) but, I do think it's true that even the strongest relationship can be tested by the arrival of a baby.
It changes everything, it can put pressure on both partners - physically, emotionally, psychologically. Money and time might be shorter than ever. The sheer exhaustion can make minor issues seem overwhelming, people snap and get less kind or patient and it can happen to the strongest couples. Both parents need to invest time in nurturing the whole family and that includes the adult relationship, precisely so it stays strong. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not just about sex or time alone or whatever, it can be about affection, communication, planning for the future, having fun.
So OP, any thoughts on peoples replies?
It should ultimately be your choice as its your body, but I don't think he is being unreasonable to have an opinion on it; it is his child and his relationship too. if you aren't ready to go away overnight, could you compromise and find some daytime things you would both enjoy doing?
Wow that is a lot of responses- thank you!
To the poster who asked, yes I am the poster who got married a few weeks ago. We have been together for 3 years, and very good friends for 8 prior to that.
No, the house isn't covered in baby things- well, to a normal standard but baby is in his cot in his own room, toys kept in his nursery, nappies and wipes kept away- it's not 'baby baby baby' as someone put it.
I think people are right when they say it's about striking a balance- me and DH have spoken since I started this thread. The issue isn't breastfeeding really, it's the night time routine as lots of poster have said. DH is going to do the majority, I'll do bath time and getting ready for bed, and then DH is going to do books and bed, and hopefully try to settle DS in the night if he wakes.
This is my DPs first grandchild, they were worried about having him overnight in case he got upset or they wouldn't be able to settle him. We have since mused the idea with DHs parents (7 grandchildren!) and they said they would happily look after our DS overnight. They live quite close to London, so I think we will have a night night out and hotel in London soon, and if he won't settle it's easy to get back to him, and if it does work then next time we can go a bit further!
Thank you for all the advice and debates- I really appreciate it
YADNBU! Still feeding ds who is 4 at bedtime. He can do without me now but at 2 was still very dependent on me.
I remember my ex (DD's dad) and I discussing how I'd fed me dd until 3.5 and he'd commented "he'd want my breasts back at 6 months" WTAF? One of the many reasons he's an ex.
Your breastfeeding relationship is yours and your child's and is no one else's business. If your DH is feeling jealous then he needs to address that.
I'm so glad you've worked things out, I hope it all goes smoothly for you both.
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