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To ask how you would feel if...

(29 Posts)
CrazySandy Fri 24-May-19 01:54:33

Your agoraphobic daughter who hadn't been out for years suddenly decided to venture outside.

Would you
a) be delighted and proud
b) feel resentful and think they could have done it before

MrsTommyBanks Fri 24-May-19 01:55:59

Relieved and proud. Obvs delighted.

Monty27 Fri 24-May-19 01:59:09

Delighted ecstatic and proud.
Brilliant smile

Ginkypig Fri 24-May-19 02:00:03


wombat1a Fri 24-May-19 02:16:17

as supportive as possible as I would like to see her do it again and again.

StoppinBy Fri 24-May-19 02:48:36

That's not a fair question without all the facts. If their agoraphobia had affected the parents lives in a very negative way then it would be easy to imagine resentment building.

I imagine that they could feel both emotions at once. I couldn't imagine feeling only resentment though.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Fri 24-May-19 02:52:34


ModreB Fri 24-May-19 02:59:20

Brilliant. Yes, she could have done it but did not. But she has now.

I see it as a child that walked a few steps at 10 months, then fell down and decided it was not worth it again until about 18 months, and spent the intervening period shuffling around on her bum.

Decormad38 Fri 24-May-19 03:04:03

Well agoraphobia is an illness. So she couldn’t have just done it earlier. She got better and then was able to do it.

Intothe Fri 24-May-19 03:04:15

Relieved, excited, tentatively happy, worried.

Read a lovely quote yesterday which I can't recall verbatim but it was something along the lines of 'When a baby takes its first steps and falls on its bottom, you don't admonish the child for falling, you praise the child for walking - be the same with yourself'.

Bluerussian Fri 24-May-19 03:05:17

Delighted and proud.

I have a cousin who didn't go out for twenty years or so, a great worry for everyone. Then she did, a little at a time. Now she charges about all over the place and it's marvellous.

Intothe Fri 24-May-19 03:13:11

I have agoraphobia - though I don't like giving it a name as I can cross the road to the shop across the road. I feel like I'm in a cage of my own making. I know it's nothing to be afraid of out there, but it's just easier not to go there. Occasionally I get a taxi to hospital appointments, and when I'm up and out and about, I feel free and alive and like I can take on the world, but then I'm like a homing pigeon and just need to go home again.

A year ago lol, I had a job in the city, life and soul of the party, out a few nights a week, gym every day. None of my ex colleagues would even recognise me now. sad

I know I'll get there again, but I have a feeling of it being too late. I've a lot of physical issues, nothing too catastrophic, but enough to make life less than easy.

If it's you OP - well done! Make it a daily habit!

Number3or4 Fri 24-May-19 03:16:28

50% A and 5% B and 45% worried about a relapse. You can't can't change the past, so I would more likely be very happy/ relived and over analyse what gave her the streanght to finally leave the house. I would would go overboard with planning to increase & test lot of theories. Which is bad I know but I would also discuss my approach with others to help calm me down with the plans.

Intothe Fri 24-May-19 03:17:24

It's something I don't even understand myself, so I wouldn't get too worked up about people being begrudging. Just keep on trucking!
When I was down and out, in a previous life, there was a café which has an old Japanese saying/proverb on the wall. It was brilliant in its simplicity. 'Fall down 7 times, stand up 8 times'.

I don't know how many times life has pulled the rug from under me. I must have been one helluva bitch in a previous life. But yes, I fall down spectacularly, and then bounce back up with surprising speed all of a sudden.

julensaor Fri 24-May-19 03:41:21

resentful as fuck.

julensaor Fri 24-May-19 03:42:52

like a switch, OP, that's not how it works.

julensaor Fri 24-May-19 03:50:37

the ultimate control game.

StillCoughingandLaughing Fri 24-May-19 04:29:44

I’d be thrilled she was getting better and think anyone who was resentful it hadn’t happened sooner was a pretty shitty person.

Divebar Fri 24-May-19 07:15:41

If it was a sudden change then I can see why someone would question that. To me the idea of gradually being able to venture further and further away from home seems like the more likely scenario. To suddenly go from “ agoraphobic “ to ok does seem unlikely.

Cariadne Fri 24-May-19 07:26:07

I understand feeling resentful, but agoraphobia is an illness. Just because progress has been made now doesn’t mean it could have been made before. It doesn’t even mean it will happen again any time soon.

Strive to be proud, and remember that your resentment shouldn’t be directed at your daughter, who can’t help being ill any more than a cancer patient can help the fact that they are ill.

CrazySandy Fri 24-May-19 14:31:58

Thank you all for your replies. I am the daughter. I'm sorry, perhaps it wasn't a fair question. I got reaction b and was upset - I guess I just wanted to know if I am in the wrong.

When I say venture outside, I just mean into the garden briefly, feeling dizzy. I'm definitely not suddenly OK!

My mental ill health has affected my parent's lives negatively (as their ill health has mine), so I guess resentment is inevitable.

I will try not to let it discourage me from trying again. Thank you all. smile

Cariadne Fri 24-May-19 14:34:09

Sorry OP, I shouldn’t have assumed! I think it’s unfair that your parents felt that way, and you should be proud of what you achieved flowers

IDontDrinkTea Fri 24-May-19 14:36:49

If all of a sudden you’d gone on a month long holiday abroad, I’d feel pretty resentful.

But a short trip to the garden, I’d definitely be pleased as punch for you.

Glad you’re making steps op, be proud of yourself

CrazySandy Fri 24-May-19 14:43:17

Cariadne, that's OK, it was my fault for not being clear!

Thank you again, it helps to get other people's perspectives.

RandomAmanda Fri 24-May-19 15:25:18

I'm sorry your parents weren't happier for you OP. I know it won't mean nearly as
much but I'm very pleased for you flowers

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