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Touching baby bump- was I mean?

(56 Posts)
Dryshampooagain Thu 23-May-19 22:45:34

I don't have a great relationship with in laws (understatement). I don't want to type out the huge back story but have put on here before about them (nc) and been told to go nc/low contact. Because I know dh loves them and they are his parents and that he is always one hundred percent behind me we do have contact. We see them maybe 4/5 times a year.

I am now 36 weeks pregnant. I last saw them at about 24 weeks and mil commented how huge I was but other than that was on her best behaviour. I know she is very excited to be a gp (whole other thread there as I am struggling with this as they have treated me very poorly in the past and now expect that to be forgotten and contact to increase).

Anyway! On Monday they came around for tea and mil said how blooming I was etc, and then went to touch my bump. I kind of stepped backwards and she said 'oh can I not touch?' I said that I'd prefer if she didn't as I am not a fan of being touched and kind of laughed it off (dh joined in at this point by saying how I'd had to fight off an old lady in the supermarket the other day). In truth I don't mind people touching me if they ask and I have a good relationship with them, sorry I'm not explaining that well but what I mean is I have friends who I would hug hello/bye etc and have invited them to feel baby if they have expressed an interest.

Part of the reason I said no to mil is because she is almost like a stranger to me except tbh worse. I am very anxious around her visits etc due to the past and I just don't want her in my personal space. I am already trying very hard to recognise that contact is increasing with the arrival of our daughter.

After this all happened we had a nice evening, they ate the meal I made etc and all was fine. Fil made a few sexist comments about women being lazy on maternity, that I was big because I've eaten too much etc but I ignored all this as I can't see the point in making an argument.

Tonight mil has text dh saying she is disappointed I wouldn't let her feel baby as she likely won't see us now until after dd is born.

Was I bu? Should I have just let her have a quick feel? Even though there wasn't actually anything to feel at that point as dd tends to only stick her bum etc out every now and then or wiggle when I'm sat down.

Sorry this is so long!

Xyzzzzz Fri 24-May-19 07:58:34

I’m 29 weeks pregnant and hate people touching my bump. I only let two people touch it and that’s my DH and DM. It annoys me that people think I pregnant stomachs are available for touching. If I wasn’t pregnant you wouldn’t invade my personal space.

justilou1 Fri 24-May-19 23:41:32

Just one more thing - if you hate her touching the bump without permission, you’re going to hate it even more when the baby arrives. She will be even less respectful. Better get her used to asking now.

BlackToothpaste Fri 24-May-19 23:55:46

And to whoever said gooily up the thread that she loved ‘touching life’, you’re feeling someone’s stomach, mate. Ask first, and don’t be surprised if she says no, because she doesn’t fancy Mad Maureen from Finance waylaying her in the corridor all the time.

TooManyPaws Sat 25-May-19 01:10:35

I am a hugger with my friends and family, and would NEVER start groping any part of them, pregnant or not. It's hugely weird and inappropriate. I would touch if they invited me to but then we would probably discuss anything out of the ordinary "ooh, I've got this lump on my elbow, what do you think it is? It's hard, feel." etc. You don't just grab and assault them, anywhere.

Doyouneedthetoilet Sat 25-May-19 08:56:44

Only my dh and medical staff ever touched my bump. Just because there is a baby in there its still not ok to be touching a woman's stomach.

Alsohuman Sat 25-May-19 09:07:35

That was me @BlackToothpaste and I expressly said I always asked.

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