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To take Dd 11 to meet online friend?

(87 Posts)
MummyCool19 Thu 23-May-19 21:19:07

Dd has met a girl on TikTok around 4 months ago. Iv been following their friendship since day 1. She FaceTimes her in the living room etc and Iv heard their conversations. The girl lives in Birmingham and it’s aboht 20 min train ride away. Dd has been begging to meet her so im thinking about taking her. Obviously I will stay with her 100% of the time, but am I crazy for doing yhis😩

EverybodysTalkingAtMe Fri 24-May-19 07:04:25

My DS met a friend online at the age of 14 and played multi player games with him consistently for years.

At the age of 18 DS passed his driving test and almost the first thing he did was drive to meet his friend at the friend's home in the Netherlands.

They had a lovely time and are still firm friends now - they are both 22.

SandyY2K Fri 24-May-19 08:07:58

Who the hell happily ancourages under age drinking/smoking /sex?

I've seen numerous posts on MN where parents have no issue with this. Often saying "I used to drink/smoke/have sex myself at 14"

I've also noticed it as a general thing when DD was invited to parties in school before she was 16. My experience is that a lot of parents had no issue with this. They were present and aware.... but here's the crazy thing ... it's not illegal to give a child alcohol in the UK from the age of 5 to 16 in the UK on private premises. How mad is that.

When a poster in a recent thread was talking about getting her 14 year old on the pill because she has a BF and can be careless... most responses supported this.

So I'm not saying every parent is like that, but back to the actual thread... I think the OP has been very responsible, by monitoring from the get go and supervising a potential visit of another child her DD has been facetiming....

OP... I'd give the friendship longer to develop and as I previously mentioned, I'd want to talk to the other girl's DM.

nwybhs Fri 24-May-19 08:13:42

I've seen numerous posts on MN where parents have no issue with this.

Oh me too, but they are not the same people that ha e a problem with their child using 13+ apps at 11. There isn't a drawable comparison. 'Some people are much worse' is a pathetic argument that people use over and over on Mumsnet. Judge each situation on its own merit. When discussing 11 year olds meeting people from the internet; how many people let their under 18's drink alcohol is totally and utterly irrelevant.

Citygirl2019 Fri 24-May-19 08:26:43

I have done similar with my dd over the years, so I would say 'yes' Yale her.
My dd and I now have a very open and trusting relationship as a result d continues to ask before meeting people.

At Easter she wanted to meet friends she had been talking to in London. They had arranged to meet in Hyde park. Myself and dp went with her we strolled round the park and watched from a distance after the initial meet up. Once I was comfortable it was safe we went for a coffee etc.

My point is she could of snuck off and gone alone. She didn't because she knows if she talks to me I will support her and find a solution for her to go.

Op continue to be keep communication open. Listen and support her if it's appropriate. I honestly have a lovely relationship with my dd, we actually enjoy spending time together (not just meeting online friends).

Whatareyoutalkingabout Fri 24-May-19 09:02:03

I think that it would really be great for your relationship with her. She will see you as open, trustworthy, and be able to come to you when she wants things and know she can talk to you and you'll try to understand her point of view. My mother said flat out 'no' to everything when I was a child/teenager. She was incredibly strict and would never budge. I couldn't talk to her, because she wouldn't ever listen to or care about my reasons for wanting to do things and would just say no. As a result I felt angry, disrespected, and like I had nobody I could talk to or trust because my mum was inaccessible to me due to her strictness. I ended up doing literally whatever I wanted but behind her back - she didn't have a clue. I have loved to have a mother like you who would be open to things and support me and understand my feelings! You'll be there so she will be safe and it will teach your daughter that she can go to you and doesn't need to try to sneak around.

MummyCool19 Fri 24-May-19 09:34:28

See I was the same! But my mum was an alcoholic and my dad worked away long hours. I spent days talking to randoms on the Internet, and they clearly were older than me! I put myself in such risky situations to meet them. I was constantly seeking that attention I was missing, and because I was badly bullied, it was nice to feel wanted. My parents knew nothing. They weren’t really interested. Our computer was in the dining room and they never bothered to check what I was doing.

I never ever want my children to be like that. So much so I even did a course with Care for the family on Tuesday called left to their own devices.

I’m happy she’s made a friend she can talk too.

CheshireChat Fri 24-May-19 10:24:23

It would be great if you could chat to one of the parents as they'll probably want to supervise as well, but I'm not sure I'd be against the idea really.

I was definitely chatting to strangers on MIRC (is that what it's called) at roughly the same age and was largely unsupervised as my mum simply wasn't tech savvy enough

weleasewoderick22 Fri 24-May-19 10:45:43

What's the difference between making friends online and meeting up, and having pen pals back in the day? The parent is going so what is the problem?

Aguamenti Fri 24-May-19 10:51:55

it's like modern penpal and you are supervising it. As long as you go with her it should be fine.

ReindeerTails Fri 24-May-19 20:36:29

welease in theory there's not a lot of difference except online is far easier to connect with people and requires far less effort than putting pen to paper, also the relationship develops much faster (and superficially deeper) because the information can be exchanged at a much faster rate than writing letters and waiting for a response. Also the instant "to and fro" exchange creates a sense of intimacy and can draw out details people probably wouldn't share in a letter where they are generally more careful with what they write.

That's the difference.

NerrSnerr Fri 24-May-19 21:42:07

I was chatting on Compuserve message boards in the early 90s as an early teen. I remember befriending one girl who i exchanged emails with for a couple of years. We both liked watching snooker. The ones I used were crawling with perverts who in those days didn't try to disguise they were grown men hitting on teenagers.

jackparlabane Fri 24-May-19 22:00:35

Go with her, and reinforce that by asking you to go with, she's done the mature and responsible thing.

I recall a terrified friend of mine asking for advice about 20 years ago because a girl at boarding school had got access to the Internet and was stalking him, totally hero-worshiping him (he was famous within a very niche field) and when he'd mentioned he was going to be at an event she planned to come too. Given she was 16 and he was twice her age this was never going to look good. I recommended she get a friend to come too, he got a couple more friends, and we tried to convince her he was an ordinary human being with all the embarrassing stories. All ended up as good friends once she left school, but she was damn lucky in her choice of idol! It could have gone badly wrong for her - especially as her parents would never have bothered taking an interest.

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