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To take Dd 11 to meet online friend?

(87 Posts)
MummyCool19 Thu 23-May-19 21:19:07

Dd has met a girl on TikTok around 4 months ago. Iv been following their friendship since day 1. She FaceTimes her in the living room etc and Iv heard their conversations. The girl lives in Birmingham and it’s aboht 20 min train ride away. Dd has been begging to meet her so im thinking about taking her. Obviously I will stay with her 100% of the time, but am I crazy for doing yhis😩

Wildorchidz Thu 23-May-19 22:59:47

I can remember using chat rooms at uni 94-95

But you were not 11.
My mind is boggling here.

Gth1234 Thu 23-May-19 23:00:07

he might be 40 and scruffy!

it's safe if you are there.

floraloctopus Thu 23-May-19 23:11:49

I'm am friends now with people I got to know Fidonet in the 1980s.

KinderSurpriseBump Thu 23-May-19 23:11:53

OP are you going to talk to the child's parents beforehand? Make sure that one of them is also going, so you're not in a vulnerable position.

namechangedforanon Thu 23-May-19 23:12:46

You sound great for considering it .

Speak to the other parent and do it .

I agree - builds positive transparent relationship

SandyY2K Thu 23-May-19 23:23:40

I'm not sure what the distance is from your location to Birmingham, but I wouldn't want a long journey.

I'd probably also like to give it a while longer and then I would want to talk to the girl's parents/facetime before the meet up.

As long as you're with her and meet in a public place, I think it's fine. You sound like a nice mum.

Times have changed. People meet in different ways... so saying how did 11 yo make friends in the 90s is irrelevant really.

We all survived with stuff many of us can't live without now.

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:29:06

I'm not sure what the distance is from your location to Birmingham, but I wouldn't want a long journey.

OP said 20 mins on a train.

Times have changed. People meet in different ways... so saying how did 11 yo make friends in the 90s is irrelevant really.

I wasn't saying kids shouldn't meet this way because they didn't in the 90's. I was saying kids shouldn't be encouraged to use apps they are below the age limit for, not should they be enabled to meet strangers from the internet.

The thing about chat rooms in 1993 was an 'OMG, we didn't have that' and at no point did I suggest that was the reason people should use them now.

Alsohuman Thu 23-May-19 23:32:21

Properly supervised, which this meeting will be, I really don’t see a problem. I’ve met some of my best friends and my husband online. It’s a completely normal part of modern life.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 23-May-19 23:35:42

How different is it from meeting a pen friend?

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:36:33

Properly supervised, which this meeting will be, I really don’t see a problem.

Escalation is the problem.

Do you think the OP will still be accompanying her DD to meet strangers when she is 14? 15? 16? How about not normalising this.

It’s a completely normal part of modern life

For adults. Not children. Not 11 year old girls.

Let's face it, OP is already letting her DD use an app that has an age restriction of 13. She has minimised internet risk, and will enforce that again by meeting a stranger from said app.

Dollylolly123 Thu 23-May-19 23:36:56

I think it’s a good idea. I remember asking my mum and she said no, I went anyway. Thank god my friend was who she said she was. Your Dd will be far more open and honest with you if she knows she can ask you these things.

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:37:14

How different is it from meeting a pen friend?

Im not sure anyone said it was?

MiddleClassProblem Thu 23-May-19 23:37:55

Did I say somebody said it was? I was posing a question...

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:38:36

Ooo tetchy much.

Alsohuman Thu 23-May-19 23:38:43

I think you’re being a bit of a drama queen @nwybhs.

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:38:56

To answer your question though, it isn't.

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:40:12

I think you’re being a bit of a drama queen @nwybhs.

A drama queen? For suggesting we keep our 11 year old children safe? Yeah. Dramatic as fuck.

Honestly, I can't understand why people are so blasé about kids and internet meet ups.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 23-May-19 23:41:23

Nope, not tetchy. Just clarifying.

Alsohuman Thu 23-May-19 23:43:03

When I was 15 or so - back in the dark ages - we used to go to France to stay with pen pals without our parents. This is a meeting supervised by the child’s parent. Yes, you are being a drama queen.

mrbob Thu 23-May-19 23:49:27

A drama queen? For suggesting we keep our 11 year old children safe? Yeah. Dramatic as fuck

OP IS keeping her child safe. By supervising her appropriately, teaching her about safe ways to use the internet and what isn’t safe and keeping communication open. FWIW I think I am a bit dark ages and feel technology is way overused in the young and children of 11 don’t need to have a phone or be in chat rooms but even I think this could be the start of a nice friendship in the manner of an old school pen pal smile

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:50:39

When I was 15 or so - back in the dark ages - we used to go to France to stay with pen pals without our parents. This is a meeting supervised by the child’s parent. Yes, you are being a drama queen.

In your opinion that is ok so looking after our 11 year olds is dramatic.

In my world 11 year old children don't meet up with people they have met online, they don't use apps for which they don't meet the age criteria and they don't talk to anyone online they don't know in real life. Internet safety is HUGE in schools and youth organisations, it's also really basic stuff. None of it is dramatic.

LimeKiwi Thu 23-May-19 23:50:55

Bloody hell.
Not read all the replies, just the OP.
I have an 11 year old.
If he was wanting to meet someone he'd met online (what are they doing meeting people they don't know at that age online anyway?! But that's a separate issue.....)
Damn right I'd be accompanying him. How do you know who they say they are for starters?
Could be anyone.

nwybhs Thu 23-May-19 23:53:24

OP IS keeping her child safe. By supervising her appropriately, teaching her about safe ways to use the internet

Erm, she isn't keeping her safe by allowing her to access chat with strangers on an app rated 13+. Learning how to use the internet safety means respecting the rules. OP has allowed her DD to do the absolute opposite.

I realise we all parent differently but I think 11 year olds should be treated as 11year olds, not mini adults meeting up with random people.

LimeKiwi Thu 23-May-19 23:54:50

@nwybhs The thing about chat rooms in 1993 was an 'OMG, we didn't have that' and at no point did I suggest that was the reason people should use them now

Was chat rooms in 1993 a thing?! No such thing as the internet as far as I recall lol.
I say this as I remember being at college in 93-96 and the library had this newfangled invention that people could go and visit and log on to. For websites etc, it definitely wasn't the norm in your usual household in 93.
<shows age>

Wildorchidz Thu 23-May-19 23:55:12

In my world 11 year old children don't meet up with people they have met online, they don't use apps for which they don't meet the age criteria and they don't talk to anyone online they don't know in real life.

This would be my world too.
But I think a lot of parents are very blasé about what their young children do online.

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