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Talk me out of buying this house!

(302 Posts)
RainbowMe Tue 21-May-19 10:41:10

The husband and I have spent the last five years making our house a home, and we've just got it exactly how we want it. We decided the time was also right to start trying for a baby, and are currently in our second two week wait so far. All being well, the plan is for me to give up work and be a stay at home Mum for a good few years before going back to work and possibly thinking about buying a bigger house.

Everything was ticking along nicely, but then... a house came up for sale that I have dreamed of living in since I was a little girl! I told my husband expecting (hoping) that he would tell me not to be silly etc, but he is now more excited about it than I am shock

There are many reasons we should not buy this house...

The biggest one is that it would add 80k into the mortgage. It would stretch us to the absolute limit of what we'd be allowed to borrow and would take the stay at home Mum idea completely off the table.

It has no central heating or mains sewage (storage heaters and a log burner; septic tank). I know these things wouldn't be a big deal to many people, but we'd have no money left to get the heating done and the septic tank would worry me (I am a huge worrier).

The house itself is no bigger or nicer than our current one (both smallish three bed houses of around 1000 square feet). Our house has useful things like a garage and a downstairs loo which this one doesn't.

But this one is in a really special location and is very unique for our area. The garden is like a park and there are no neighbours for about 2 miles in either direction (my absolute dream). It kind of feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I know there are other rural properties like it, but very few in my "patch". We already live in a very nice village down the road and I know we are very lucky to have what we've got, but it's not the peaceful rural life I dream of. I know this makes me sound like a spoilt brat and is a nice "first world problem" to have. But I just couldn't sleep last night thinking about this house, and now I can't concentrate on my work either blush

Someone tell me to stop being silly!

MILLYmo0se Tue 21-May-19 12:56:42

Id have a look at it and if you both still love it put in an offer, but not for anywhere near the asking price! Take at least the price of updating heating and insulation off it (and get a proper idea of what that would actually cost too), if it does look like actually sell for asking price I wouldnt risk it tbh...
When you see it also have a really good think about the kind of people you are, it sounds like the dream but will you really love the care involved in a large garden? How will it feel not seeing other people around the house, neighbours can be a pain but my OH would be climbing the walls if he were isolated (whereas Id be v happy!)

CaptSkippy Tue 21-May-19 12:57:14

It may seem like your dreamhouse now, because you don't have to deal with the realities of living there. But day to day life in a house that is of lesser quality (layout, heating) than the one you currently own and will cost you more in upkeep will simply make you and your partner miserable. The realities of such a dream will shatter that idealic image you have of it now. It would be a waste if you come to think of your dreamhouse as a place you hate, because you had to give up a much better situation in order to live there.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 21-May-19 13:02:52

I’d love it as a couple without a child or with a gaggle of kids. I’d like to live a lot more rurally but don’t for my dd. She can walk around the village and to friends houses. We live on a road with the larger houses and she is the only child of her age along it. All the children in the centre have been playing in the street together for years. Dd is an only and wants to do everything with another person.

You don’t know what is round the corner. Personally I would buy it. You don’t have children yet or even know if you are able.

RaininSummer Tue 21-May-19 13:03:43

I would say no as you cant afford it (inc improvements) without leaving yourself very vulnerable financially.

TatianaLarina Tue 21-May-19 13:06:28

Really bad deal on paper OP.

Do you even have a quote for installing central heating and all the post installation redecoration?

Jellybeansincognito Tue 21-May-19 13:08:20

Without a child, go for it!

Bringing a newborn into that situation? Not a chance.

Lavellan Tue 21-May-19 13:12:53

I wouldn't touch it with a feckin bargepole. Convenience and modern comfort beats idyllic dreams. Go have a long weekend in a cottage with a log fire out in the country if you want that experience, and then come back home to your central heating, no ride on lawnmower every weekend, and your sewage system that you don't have to pay for to have a man to suck up your turds.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 21-May-19 13:27:28

The lack of both central heating and mains sewage and its overall isolation would put me right off this property. You are looking at this with rose tinted spectacles.

Adding 80k to a mortgage should not be underestimated either.
Being so isolated too (how do you arrive at this house?) and with a mammoth garden (who is going to cut the grass, you will either do it yourselves or will have to pay someone to do this) is a bind and will not do your mental health any favours particularly with a newborn and potential PND.

FlyingElbows Tue 21-May-19 13:29:23

I have your dream too, op, but I'll live it once the mini-elbows have flown the nest. Maxing yourself out and then adding a baby is a recipe for marriage breaking stress. You need to think with your head on this one.

Show us a link and see if the vipers can offer practical suggestions that might make the dream a reality or raise issues you haven't considered.

longearedbat Tue 21-May-19 13:30:01

I think you should certainly go and have a look. You will either be starry eyed with enthusiasm, or suddenly realise why what you have already got is much better. It may not live up to your dream at all. I am a great believer in 'what's for you won't pass you by'. There would be many hurdles ahead, but if you sail over them (such as selling your house quickly at the right price) then perhaps it's meant to be. I know this isn't a logical stance, but life is sometimes strange.
Septic tank? No problem. Night storage? Live with it until you can afford to change.
We have oil ch, it is no more expensive than mains gas for us, and is par for the course in rural areas, but we live in a very well insulated house and also use a stove. LPG is about the same cost as oil.
Yes, go and look - won't cost you anything but your time at this stage!

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 Tue 21-May-19 13:35:20

Link! Link! grin

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Tue 21-May-19 13:38:01

Current truly disposable income (after absolutely every little has been paid for, from the TV license to a yearly holiday) is £400 per month and we feel that we live really comfortably. It would be the same if I was a stay at home Mum as I don't earn much and my whole salary goes to savings. If our bills (esp mortgage) went up by 2-300 then we wouldn't be left with much at all.

It does sound like you'd be able to live well, even if you were a SAHM. If you have £400 left after every single thing in your "extremely comfortable" lifestyle is paid for (which goes into savings), then surely, with a few cuts, you'd be OK without your salary?

DC change your bills anyway; you go out less, but have to buy nappies, etc.

Definitely view it. Then go with your heart!

(You can see how crap I am with money, lol)

PerfectPeony2 Tue 21-May-19 13:39:34

I’ve had a similar dilemma myself and I’m glad we stayed in our more affordable home!

Mortgage rates are already on the rise and who knows what the base rate will do next. I personally don’t think it’s a good time to be maxing out on affordability.

Keep your savings and your current house. smile The new place sounds lovely but I’m sure the novelty would wear off soon anyway.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Tue 21-May-19 13:40:11

What would really put me off is the bigger mortgage... But then, better to get a big mortgage now, while you still can, then after you've been a SAHM for several years...

But interest rates can only go up. THAT would scare me.

Timide Tue 21-May-19 13:42:21

Go for it!!! It is your dream! You will settle and be happy ever after! Good luck!

BrendasUmbrella Tue 21-May-19 13:43:39

Storage heaters do the job, that wouldn't bother me. Newborns tend to be kept all swaddled up, he/she would cope better with the cold than you.

Go and view it. If this has been your dream since you were little, you should at least give it a go.

quizqueen Tue 21-May-19 13:44:20

A lot of land is a big commitment to look after, poor facilities will grind you down and are very expensive to fix, isolated housing means you are more likely to be burgled , no neighbours to help you out in times of trouble e.g. school lifts, parents may not bother to make the journey for a playdate and you may find a big housing estate on your doorstep in a few years time.

I lost the house of my dreams because I could not afford it at the time so I decided to improve my own home instead. I'd still buy it though if I won the lottery and it came back on the market because the location was great (but not isolated). Go and see this house more than once at different times of the day and in different weather (and similar others to compare) and list all its faults and advantages ) and decide if you can live without it and dream about something else. Sorry but I think you will probably lose it anyway to a developer if it's in such a bad state.

TheLastNigel Tue 21-May-19 13:46:33

Im the wrong person to ask. I live in a 15th century Inn. (Converted to a house) The roof leaks, something needs to be done to the beam holding the whole house up, the windows were rotten, the wiring is questionable. It's on the main road through the village and the garden is communal and very overgrown (but will be lovely when I'm done with it in approx 30 years time).
Everyone said 'do not buy that house' and they were right-it's cost me a fortune so far, and im nowhere near even a quarter of the way done with what needs doing. But I LOVE this house. And having lived somewhere I didn't love at all, to me it's worth all the negative points that come with it.

RainbowMe Tue 21-May-19 13:46:44

Sorry HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo, I meant that the £400 is for the luxuries (apart from the holiday which comes out of our budgeting despite being a luxury). Husband earns £1800, all expenses (food, bills, mortgage, petrol, insurances, people's birthdays, the annual holiday) come to £1400 per month and we have £400 left for meals out, day trips, fun stuff. I come out with £1200 which is all put into savings (some of it was being spent on the stuff we've been doing to our house but that's all done now).

Some great balanced responses on this thread (and some amusing ones too, love the "man to suck up your turds" grin). I shall go through them all with husband tonight and have a chat and decide whether to give the estate agents a ring!

PerfectPeony2 Tue 21-May-19 13:47:13

Also don’t forget- you will need high life insurance/ B&C will probably be higher. Loan to value interest rate may not be as competitive. Even if you get a 5 year fixed- further down the line interest rates could go up and you may struggle.

I’m usually a go with your heart person but I’d say give it a few years. Being sensible with financial planning always pays off. My parents put all their money into a house and we never went on holiday or had new things, and they were so stressed all the time!

RainbowMe Tue 21-May-19 13:47:40

And may even post the link if feeling brave grin

BrendasUmbrella Tue 21-May-19 13:48:54

There is always the possibility that you as a couple could encounter fertility problems. Babies aren't always guaranteed. I'm in my late thirties and have friends who are struggling to conceive. This might not be the most sensitive point to bring up and you may conceive without trouble, but it also might be difficult. I wouldn't shelve a dream for something you don't have yet. And you haven't mentioned anything that sounds insurmountable anyway. Go and see the house, and quickly in case it's someone else's dream house too. It will either cement that you really want it, or, like a lot of childhood dreams the reality won't be so amazing and you'll let it go.

VioletCharlotte Tue 21-May-19 13:49:09

I think you're romanticising this house somewhat! It sounds horrendously expensive. No central heating or mains sewage what put me off straight away. And a 'garden like a park' would take a huge amount of upkeep. Do you and your DH really want to spend all weekend gardening when you're having to work full-time?

And why would you give up the chance to be a SAHM just for a house? I'm sure your DC, give the option, would choose to have you home at them.

Anyway, I expect that by the time you have got your own house on the market and are in a position to proceed, the house will be under offer anyway.

Crunchymum Tue 21-May-19 13:49:36

Without seeing the house I'd say 100% no.

Feel free to post the link and I'll let you know if I change my mind wink

outsho Tue 21-May-19 13:50:18

I wouldn’t even consider buying a house without heating and with a septic tank, especially not with a potential newborn on the horizon. It’s no better than your actual house right now, you get to be a SAHM if you stay put and yeah... sorry, I don’t really see why you’re even contemplating it.

CoolCarrie Tue 21-May-19 13:51:59

Go with your head OP, not your heart. Have long, hard look at the house when you go for a viewing , go at different times of the day, and check every detail. Sometimes staying put is the best way forward, and it’s sounds like your present home is prefect.

BumandChips Tue 21-May-19 13:55:39

Link! Link! I really want to see it. grin

PoohBearsHole Tue 21-May-19 13:57:23

Lots of solutions here:

Septic tank - not too much of a problem honestly smile

No heating - get them to leave the storage heaters, log burners aren’t too much of s problem (we had no heating at all but one for over a year!)
Gas oven - you don’t need to be on mains gas to have a gas oven, lots of people use Calor gas bottles smile (seriously not a big issue!)

Check - boiler

If you can live in it, you’ll be away - if you have dreamt about it and wanted it for your future life and dh is on board is buy it!

MerryMarigold Tue 21-May-19 13:57:59

We bought a house when ds1 was born which required a lot of work. It was v hard with first baby at the same time, it was just hard living (kitchen and bathroom not great, doing up rooms one by one etc) and I got quite depressed after a year. I feel I missed out on a lot, and even just the enjoyment of him, which makes me sad. Later, I had twins and it was honestly so easy compared to the house and first baby combo. I really enjoyed it all. I never have up the dream of sahm and managed it for 10 years. It's really priceless albeit hard work being with your kids and if it's something you really want then I'd prioritise it over a hard-work house any day.

Whatthefoxgoingon Tue 21-May-19 13:58:11

Ok I’m going to speak as someone who both makes good financial decisions and who bought a house which needed a lot of love and money. House being not one of those sound financial decisions, but heart over head....

Don’t do this with a newborn. Your husband doesn’t earn a huge amount and you’d be totally dependent on his salary. Your £30k will be gone well before you’ve done the essentials on this house. It will be very very expensive to maintain. We have spent many hundreds of thousands of pounds on our house, well over what I was expecting to spend. EVERYTHING will cost more than you think. Please trust me on this. You’d be giving up any semblance of financial security for this house. Do you really want this for your child?

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Tue 21-May-19 13:58:24

@RainbowMe I meant that the £400 is for the luxuries

Yes, that's what I thought you meant. In my view, that makes this an affordable dream! It's not like you NEED both your salaries, to keep your heads above water, is it?

Have you worked out what your mortgage repayments would be if you added an extra £80k? This calculator is very good -- ignore the bits about overpayments.

How much would you have left (out of your DH's salary) then?

mygrandchildrenrock Tue 21-May-19 13:58:29

I always wanted to live by the sea and moved right next to the beach 17 years ago, miles from any decent roads, supermarkets, hospitals, schools etc. I haven't regretted it once teenage children moan about the remoteness but teenagers need something to moan about and seeing the sea every day is part of my life now. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. If you have a dream, go for it!

catzrulz Tue 21-May-19 13:58:49

Haven't read all the thread so apologies if I'm repeating something a PP said, storage heaters as in new modern ones are great and can be really cheap to run if you're on the correct tariff. If they're new they also have an option to have them on and heating when its nor off peak rates. Don't let that put you off.

Notonthestairs Tue 21-May-19 14:00:01

Have you costed in full time childcare? What if you have more than one child? How flexible are your hours and those of your DH?

I grew up in an idyllic setting. The house needed a lot of work to maintain (not improve) and the garden took enormous amounts of time (no money for gardener). My parents free time was reduced further because me and brother had to be driven absolutely everywhere.

It occurred to me recently that my brother and I both bought newish houses with all mod cons, manageable gardens and transport links grin

MerryMarigold Tue 21-May-19 14:00:41

I never gave up the dream of being a sahm, that should say. Honestly OP, I really wouldn't. Enjoy your baby and being a mum rather than being a parent to difficult house! (Ps. Anxiety may get worse with a baby).

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Tue 21-May-19 14:03:33

I shall go through them all with husband tonight and have a chat and decide whether to give the estate agents a ring!

Your self-control is amazing! I'm so impulsive, I'd have had two viewings already and probably put in an offer! which is why you have lovely savings and I don't Definitely go for a viewing, if only for the chance to walk around your childhood dream home. Have you ever been inside it before?

NiteFlights Tue 21-May-19 14:03:39

I agree with brewhaha that you need to have a serious look at the running costs. My ILs live in a house a bit like this and their expenses are hideous. Insurance, council tax, oil, wood for the fires/log burners, some kind of special water filter, loads of petrol because they have to drive everywhere, maintaining the ride-on mower, etc, etc.

Having said that, it sounds to me as though you can afford it, and you are only 30, so you have years to do improvements. I spend all my spare time working on my house, which is a major project, and we are on a tight budget to afford it, but I have never been happier. (I’m a worrier too smile) Life is short! As long as the house is safe if/when a baby arrives, you’ll be fine. Good luck whatever you decide.

NKFell Tue 21-May-19 14:04:49

My parents house (my childhood home) had no heating and a septic tank and it's fine.

If you can afford it, I'd say do it!

LillithsFamiliar Tue 21-May-19 14:05:36

Don't do it! I've lived on a building site and it's so incredibly stressful. I definitely wouldn't do it again and that's without factoring in a newborn.You actually need to assess what works practically for your new life with a baby. This 'dream' house doesn't.
That's not to say you can't plan a move to a similar type of house in your next 5-year-plan. I just don't think it makes sense when you're ttc. Your dream house isn't a baby friendly house. It might be a child-friendly house and you could factor it into your life when your DC is older.

Justaboy Tue 21-May-19 14:06:57

Come on OP lets 'ave a butchers and this ere gaff if you want more accurate opinions!

It maybe a tad awkaward to sell and they may take a lower offer then the guide price etc..

bpirockin Tue 21-May-19 14:13:46

I'm not going to help either - I'd have to buy it. There are so few sensible sized and priced properties with a decent sized plot, so if it's within reach I'd jump at it. However, if you want a reality check, go and view it and think about whether or not you could manage with a woodburner / fire until later on. Jumpers are a wonderful invention, and would be well balanced by the time you'd be able to enjoy in your lovely garden. Also think about how you'd manage without a car - these things happen. Bicycle? Would you be able to get a cheap/free supply of wood, etc etc.

For me, it would be the perfect opportunity to take a step back and reassess priorities, be able to encourage any offspring to appreciate nature, and the beautiful world we live in rather than the latest toys/gadgets.

You will undoubtedly need to move fast though, a developer will snap it up if thy can get planning permission. My dream home, which was by then a wreck, was sold at a price I could have just about stretched to but wasn't quick enough. The guy then got pp for two big houses, split the lovely grounds, and that was that, each house went up for more than twice what he paid for the plot. Give yourself a reality check before making a choice you later regret. Good luck, whatever your decision.

Blackorblack Tue 21-May-19 14:20:35

It's not as if it has no heating, and lots of people live with a septic tank.

Some posts are assuming the house is a wreck and it doesn't seem to be at all. And if you did decide to offer for it you'd presumably get a full survey done.

No downstairs toilet is a nuisance but not impossible.

No garage, but a huge garden? Parking won't be an issue then though garden maintenance might be.

You maybe know if you could live in an isolated place. Some people love it, others couldn't. Personally I'd want to be able to walk easily into the village for milk but that might not matter to you.

The main thing would be child care if you have to go back to work.

If it's too isolated later, much later, when you have older children, you can move again.

Maryann1975 Tue 21-May-19 14:25:22

As much as I love our house, it isn’t my dream home, but my dream home would cost an extra £100k and we would rather live comfortably and have lots of luxuries rather than live in my dream home. We can afford to over pay the mortgage, go on abroad holidays and financially we are in quite a good place.
I love that we have a downstairs toilet, it is so useful with small children and the one house we had that didn’t have one, I missed it immensely. I know you aren’t yet pregnant, but I wouldn’t buy a house that would mean you are so stretched financially mean You would always have to work full time. You want that to be a choice, not a necessity because you need all the money you can get to pay the mortgage. So many mums opt for working part time because they don’t want to leave their babies every day so I think if you have the option not to work full time for ever, you should be sticking with whatever you can to do that.

Daisydoesnt Tue 21-May-19 14:27:10

Parkland grass pretty but will need ride on mower.
Unless the OP intends to let it be more of a meadow with wildflowers and lots of bees. That's what I'd do with a large garden.

We have a very large garden - about 1/2 an acre of lawns, and a further acre paddock of kept as a "wildflower" meadow. Do not underestimate the work keeping it maintained (aside from the hedges and trees).

We have a ride on mower for the paddock which we just use to cut paths through, so it is accessible, usable land that we can enjoy walking through. I do this weekly from March till about end October.

You still also need to get the long grass cut down at least twice a year (such as made for hay or raked up & composted- tried that once and it half killed me). Or you'll need to borrow some sheep, to eat it right back. That is how many wild flower meadows are maintained. They arent just left to their own devices. If the grass is not maintained you'll end up with a long, tussocky, matted mess. Which no wildflowers will be able to grow through.

OP unless you are really keen on gardening I really really wouldnt take on a property that size - it will end up a ball and chain.

MIA12 Tue 21-May-19 14:28:02

Go for it. You only live once.

Septic tank - no big deal

Storage heaters - not ideal but you could replace in time

No downstairs loo - good for your fitness

Acis Tue 21-May-19 14:28:28

I can't see how that's possibly financially given that you'd have childcare costs, plus extra costs for things like commuting if you're more isolated. Think about the availability of child care if you're in the middle of nowhere. With small children, neighbours who are less than two miles away can come in very useful!

Bouncingbelle Tue 21-May-19 14:30:59

I wouldn't. Enjoy your time with your baby. What use is a big garden if there's no other kids for miles for them to play with in it? Houses like this are like money pits and one repair could end up costing you a fortune which could be hard if you have overstretched yourself.

Daisydoesnt Tue 21-May-19 14:34:25

OP, is it listed? If it isn't, and you don't have any near neighbours, you will very likely get planning permission in a few years to extend (when you want more space & have the funds).

You should definitely go and see it. You will either love it. Or it won't be at all what you expect, and there'll be no decision to make. Go!!

StarJumpsandaHalf Tue 21-May-19 14:39:35

I'd definitely go and view because you need to resolve this in your own mind. The resolution needs to be absolutely ruthless and then you make your peace with it whichever way you decide.

Read all the Pros and Cons listed here and put them on separate sheets. Go through those lists together before you go and see the property and while you're there note anything extra that you pick up from actually seeing and being in the house and garden.

Do you drive? can you afford to run a car? How many children would you like to have? Are you happy to edit down possessions so you stay comfortable in your space? Do you feel the chill or are you both put another jumper on types?

No one else can advise you: one man's trash is another one's treasure, but I would say imagine yourself with a crying and hungry baby in your arms, you're having to budget hard, you've had a bad day and just made it home in the bitter cold, wind and rain - does this house put a smile on your face and feel like you're 'home' or is it just another problem and you wonder what on earth you were thinking?

Some things in life are worth making sacrifices for and some dreams are seen through rose tinted glasses and need to stay a dream. Go and find out, but be 100% realistic.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Tue 21-May-19 14:43:01

It sounds like a fucking terrible idea! Do not buy it. What is the point of stretching yourself so much for some bricks and mortar. You already have a nice house and can afford a nice life for yourselves, far better than most people have.

BBInGinDrinking Tue 21-May-19 14:48:25

If you don't buy it OP, I will! Seriously, I bet there's competition for it. It sounds like your 'heart' house, rather than your 'head' house. Some things don't work on paper, but are meant to be. Go for it if, on balance, you think you'll cope with it all and your gut tells you to. I would, anyway. You can't always take the sensible route. Life needs to be more interesting than that. Haven't yet RTFT, but that's my instant reaction to your OP.

HearMeSnore Tue 21-May-19 15:19:50

If it was me, I wouldn't. But only because I have an only child who relies on nearby pals for company, and I'd hate for her to feel isolated growing up.

But if I had lots of kids I'd feel different and would love a place in the country with log burners and a big garden for them to run around in.

Also I never had the option of being a stay at home mum. If we could have managed it I'd have jumped at the chance.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Tue 21-May-19 16:14:08

I am in basically the same situation but choosing between 2 we want to buy.

After much soul searching I went with the “nice” house not the dream possibly expensive nightmare house

And I think Viques nailed it

Lets get it straight , the house is no larger than your current one, is a poorer layout, has poorer facilities that need expensive updating, there is no need for you to move due to work or other commitments, the mortgage would stretch you to the limit (not to mention survey,solicitors, moving costs) and buying the house would put paid to your dreams of the family life you envisaged.

In fact the only things you say in its favour is that the garden is like a park (good luck with keeping that in order ) and there are no neighbours for miles. (Great news if you have an emergency, the car won't start and there's snow on the ground) . I think you need better reasons for buying it than these.

This house will not meaningfully improve your life. It’s the same size, just costs more and will demand more time (Reno and garden)

Baskerville Tue 21-May-19 16:31:11

I'd go for it, but as I would rather eat my own head than be a SAHM, your other 'fantasy' is incomprehensible to me, so no competition.

Amammi Tue 21-May-19 16:36:14

How secure is your husbands job OP? Is Brexit likely to affect him?

Rafflesway Tue 21-May-19 16:48:32

A relative of mine bought a lovely house in a pretty affluent S. E. village.

Their property has a septic tank but - for some strange reason - theirs has to be emptied every month at a cost of £179 each time. 😱

Also, I agree with pp's about your current property sounding ideal for starting your family. The "Dream house" sounds very isolated and I would be worried about security. (Years ago, a similar house close to us but with no neighbours around a mile either side was raided early hours. The DH was stabbed but survived. However, wife was raped and badly beaten. No neighbours to hear/see a thing and this was a very respectable area 😥.). Finally, your DC could hugely resent being away from friends in later years. The extra mortgage payment and years of renovations will create unnecessary stress over and above the normal worries new parentage brings.

Sounds idyllic, I agree, but my ultra pragmatic head would say no.

helpmum2003 Tue 21-May-19 17:11:55

Based on my experience of having a house with a very large garden I would say no - if you need to work to pay the mortgage then you'll need help in the garden as well as contributing a lot of time yourselves. Big gardens are expensive.

Then there's the money to be spent on the house.....

Our house was actually in a village and as the kids become teenagers the lack of independence became an issue. Your potential situation is worse.

We never had any problems with our septic tank.

Having moved the reduction in time and financial commitments is fab. Feel a bit regretful that it impinged on my time with the kids...

cakesandphotos Tue 21-May-19 18:09:31

I would do it I think. You might not get the chance again. Please put on the link, I'd love to see it!

knitpicker Tue 21-May-19 18:15:07

Make an offer which takes into account cost of central heating

OnePotMeal Tue 21-May-19 18:33:16

Oh, OP, you've got to go and see it at least! Childhood dream!!!

But, oh dear, what a lot of dismal sensible people on the thread. sad

MumUndone Tue 21-May-19 19:35:46

Link! Link! Link!

MaudBaileysGreenTurban Tue 21-May-19 19:52:28

FGS post a link OP wink

Chimpd0g Tue 21-May-19 19:53:49

so much easier to answer if we can see it wink
Grew up with a septic tank, it was a bit of a nightmare but I'm sure things have moved on since then

BBInGinDrinking Tue 21-May-19 19:56:41

I'd also love to see it, but would I post a link if this was my thread? Probably not!

Oakmaiden Tue 21-May-19 20:10:44

Hmm. For me it would make a difference if it was a home I could see myself living in forever, or if I would need to move to something bigger in a few years.

3in4years Tue 21-May-19 20:17:28

Your incomes and savings are similar to ours before we bought this year. I'm not sure what mortgage you are getting but I would say don't stretch yourself to no savings. Running the new house may cost more each month and you may have to live on less after mat leave/ part time work/ childcare costs.

Baskerville Tue 21-May-19 20:25:58

Loving your name, MaudBaileysGreenTurban. You’re way too good for meek, wet Roland, though.

floraloctopus Tue 21-May-19 20:35:14

No matter how beautiful it is, I wouldn't buy a house without central heating.

TrixieFranklin Tue 21-May-19 20:37:09

I wanna see grin

Excited101 Tue 21-May-19 20:45:19

I think it’s an insane idea... in a wtf rather than fun way

Skyejuly Tue 21-May-19 20:46:02


ralphfromlordoftheflies Tue 21-May-19 20:52:36

I'm surprised that so many people are saying don't do it. I bought a house with far worse problems on my own with a newborn and it was fine. One room/job got done at a time. A large garden might be a chore to one person, but a joy to others. It's a house you've dreamed of living in and you and your husband both like it, won't you kick yourself if you don't at least view it?

MaudBaileysGreenTurban Tue 21-May-19 20:58:31

Haha, thanks Baskerville...poor Roland grin

IceRebel Tue 21-May-19 21:04:30

I'm surprised that so many people are saying don't do it.

I can't see why so many are saying go for it.

The dream house sounds like a money pit, it will leave them with a much bigger mortgage and they will spend even more years renovating, after having just come out the other side of 5 years of this. Also and most crucially, they will still be looking for a bigger house in a few years time. Because at the end of the day it's the same size as their actual house, and the current house isn't big enough.

Dirtyjellycat Tue 21-May-19 21:07:22

7 pages in and no link? YABVVVU.

We need to see the property to make an informed response wink

Mycatwontstopstaring Tue 21-May-19 21:10:03

It’s just a house. If buying it means that you don’t get to be a stay at home mum, you will hate that house every time your child cries at nursery drop off.

(Not saying anything wrong with working mums etc etc just saying I think she’d regret the decision)

Bessiebigpants Tue 21-May-19 21:15:09

I'm currently living in my crazy dream house.Dodgy heating leaking roof filthy dusty and freezing in the winter. We have the spare cash to do all the jobs but, it's a killer with work and 3 children.However would I do it again absolutely With a baby probably not but I know I would be kicking myself if someone else was living here. Go and see it I walked into my wreak and knew I was home!smile

whatisheupto Tue 21-May-19 21:44:45

Even if you go back to work and put baby in childcare it doesn't sound like you'll have any earnings left over to go towards the increased mortgage. You say your salary is low..... and childcare is so high.
On the other hand, bear in mind you are better off applying for a bigger mortgage before you have children. Once you have to declare dependants as well, you will struggle to pass affordability checks based on what you've said.

crimsonlake Tue 21-May-19 22:23:54

I cannot believe I have read 8 pages and still no link.

FIRSTTIMEMUMMA81 Tue 21-May-19 22:30:04

Post link to the house?

hammeringinmyhead Tue 21-May-19 22:41:50

Oh god. Having a baby is HARD. I would make life as easy as possible on yourself if TTC and this house will not do that. Land needs maintenance and mowing and if you're anything like me keeping a newborn warm but not too warm in winter is a source of anxiety in itself.

candycane222 Tue 21-May-19 22:54:47

Freely confess to not having rtft but would say that we bought something a bit similar over 20 yrs ago when expecting dc1. It still isn't finished and the land geels more like a burden to me now, though it was nicer while we still believed we get on top of it all one day grin

On a more serious note the house was cold and very damp, and took nant 10s of thousands to make properly warm and dry (roof, heting, floors etc) and we were mot able to fix it before dc1 developed (fortunately pretty mild and now mostly outgrown ) asthma - but I still feel badly about it.

PoohBearsHole Tue 21-May-19 23:00:13

I did it pregnant and with a newborn.
Very rural
It is hard at times, I had moments of true misery.
But, 10 years in, I wouldn’t swap a second! I’m so happy here, love my shabby garden, have renovated when funds available and made do happily when not.
Not everyone is the same, and from your op it sounds like you and dh are willing to give it a go. You are basing all cons on something that hasn’t happened? Might not happen or could tomorrow! I took a chance and it was the right one. Literally only you will know if you really want this, not strangers on the internet 🙂

Honeyroar Tue 21-May-19 23:25:48

Raffles way your friend really needs someone to investigate her septic tank, it sounds blocked up (or are they putting bleach and other no nos down?). We just got our tank emptied at £120 and it hadn't been emptied for about 8 years until then.

We also have no gas (have oil central heating and a log burner, which I adore) and our own water supply. We are over a mile from the nearest village and only have one close neighbour (wish we didn't!). I grew up in a similar type property. We loved having a huge garden/meadow to play in, had friends locally and got driven to play dates initially, then went on my bike or pony when older. I went through a period of hating where I lived in my mid teens, but realised how fab it was when older. My houses have always been ongoing projects or building sites both as a child and as an adult.

The only negative I see in your post is the stretching financially, particularly while Brexit is looming. But I'd go and have a look, you might not actually feel right in the house when you get in it!

NKFell Wed 22-May-19 00:19:54

Well said @Honeyroar! There are too many townies on this thread wink oh and I used to meet friends and go to nearest village by pony grin my brother used to sing ‘we’re gonna party like it’s 1699’ grin

I grew up very rurally on a farm and feel very lucky to have done so. I’m 30 now and remember the ice on the inside of the windows, the odd bat getting in my room in the summer grin and I wouldn’t change a thing, I wish I could do the same now for my children although still live fairly rurally oh and my parents have never ever had a problem with their septic tank- learn the do’s and don’t’s and you can’t go wrong with them.

HiJenny35 Wed 22-May-19 00:32:37

Nope, really think about it. Will you still love it when you have to go back to work and leave your baby? Yes loads of mums have to/choose to but you've already said you wouldn't want to. Yes it so once in a lifetime house but your children are only babies once. With my first I worked and massively regret it. With my second we changed things so that I could stay at home. I would have massively resented it if I'd made a choice that stopped me doing that.

PickAChew Wed 22-May-19 00:42:58

In 10 years time, even with everything else perfect, you'd crave more space

OK, so not helpful now...

Shadow1234 Wed 22-May-19 02:03:05

Does your husband have a secure job? (as asked up-thread). How would you cope if he was to lose his job? Have you accounted for interest rate rises? Council tax rises? Would you still be able to go on holiday, or would you be prepared to sacrifice a holiday if it came to it?

I seriously think you have to weigh up the pro's and cons involved, because there is a lot at stake here.

Monty27 Wed 22-May-19 04:36:08

Shamelessly marking awaiting a link OP 😊

SecretWitch Wed 22-May-19 05:27:23

Also awaiting link

I lived in a house with no central heating heating. Getting up in the mornings was a displeasure I hope to never cope with again.

twoheaped Wed 22-May-19 05:33:27

We moved into a house like this.
We are fed by a spring, so had to press

twoheaped Wed 22-May-19 05:40:32

Oops blush
Had to install a pressurised system for the heating. That cost £15k.
Off grid, so no gas. We went oil, a 2,500 litre tank costs us about £1300 to fill, depending on oil prices. Over the year, we will fill the tank 3 or 4 times, depending on the severity of winter. We do light the coal fire, a tonne of coal costs us £260 and lasts a winter.

If we had stayed where we were, we'd be mortgage free with a large disposable income.
Instead, we have a mortgage and now have to save up to get jobs on the house done.
Do we regret it? No, not one bit.
We don't ever see ourselves leaving here, we love our little plot of rural idyll.

BlueBrushing Wed 22-May-19 05:47:55

I don't understand, OP. Would you have free chilcare available? You mention that you would need to work to pay the mortgage, but your entire salary would go towards childcare, so how would you have enough to pay the mortgage? Unless you have free childcare, this is obviously not an option. Have you even costed this?!

tenredthings Wed 22-May-19 05:48:18

There's a lot to be said for not having close neighbours. Could a child safely cycle to the village as otherwise you'll be forever driving them.

RainbowMe Wed 22-May-19 06:15:23

Morning all,

Thanks again for all these responses. It's really helped us weigh up all the positives and negatives. I've loved reading about some real experiences as well (NKFell, I would totally love to "party like it's 1699" lol!!).

We've decided it's unlikely we will go for it. The first big issue is the finances. Our outgoings would increase by 2-300 with the mortgage alone, and likely other bits on top. That would eat up nearly all of husband's remaining wages each month. There would be very little of my earnings left after childcare costs, which we never wanted to do anyway. The savings we've built up would be largely wiped out, and we've so carefully been putting it into pots for things like a new car which will be needed within the next couple of years.

Second problem is sacrificing being a stay at home Mum - it's something I've wanted so much, and what's the point in having the lovely property if I'm working all the time and can't enjoy / maintain it properly?

The third big problem is my anxiety. Part of the reason we've only just started TTC is because I've spent years trying to get on top of this, with limited success. I really wanted to feel more relaxed than I do before thinking about babies, but I've tried so hard and I think I am just an innately anxious person. I don't want to throw financial worries and a troublesome property into the mix! I think it would be terrible for my mental health.

I've always said I'd never buy a house that needs serious work as I'm not cut out for it. I'd never buy a "project" home. Everything we've done in our (modern) house is cosmetic, and I've even found that stressful. I think I've given the impression that this house is in a state which it isn't - it looks to be in lovely condition inside and out. The windows aren't old, the decor is lovely, bathroom and kitchen I would say done within the last couple of years. Floors look very nice (though of course this is all from carefully taken pics). It is just the heating that's the issue. But I appreciate that it's an older house and will probably have various problems that I wouldn't think of, having only ever lived in newer homes. And that land. I think I underestimated how much work something like that would be.

Having said all that..... we are going to book a viewing! This is almost entirely to rule it out (I know, I do feel bad for likely wasting people's time). But I just want to see it for myself. I'm going to go in with a mental checklist of "this is why it would be a mad idea". I need to do it so that I can stop obsessing and properly put the idea to bed smile

Once we've ruled it out then I might post the link!! Haha. Sorry for not doing it so far. As we've started TTC I will probably become a more regular poster on here, and I'm keen to remain anon!

Crunchymum Wed 22-May-19 06:18:20

Link it and name change?

HogMother Wed 22-May-19 06:29:32

Will you be competing against investors and builders who want to knock it down and build a few semi detached new builds? That’s the only reason the price may be so high.
We’re doing up a house from 60s, well looked after, but needed a rewrite and now all the walls have holes in. We have kids and it’s a nightmare. Love the house, but the dust looks so much thicker when you have a baby.

Rarfy Wed 22-May-19 06:33:37

Didn't read the full thread just your first and last post OP and I think you are making the right decision based on your desire to be a stay at home mum.

I've always thought how wonderful it would be to be a stay at home mum but unfortunately not possible for me due to finances. I am currently on maternity leave now and the thought of going back to work and leaving dd in childcare is becoming quite consuming. Absolutely dreading it and not being able to take her to school and collect makes me feel unbelievably sad.

Poppyfields21 Wed 22-May-19 06:46:39

I also think link and NC grin

crimsonlake Wed 22-May-19 10:10:58

Still no link, I am out.

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