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To have de-friended this couple

(142 Posts)
MummyEmoo Mon 20-May-19 23:35:17

Have NC'd for this.
DH and I been married over 10 years. His close long-standing friend who we'll call Andy was best man. My DH was best man at Andy's wedding to Laura.
We don't see Andy and Laura very regularly though do see them from time to time but when their son had a chronic condition (now largely resolved) we would send gifts, we helped with fundraising, donated money and gave up time to help at fundraising events. Not sure what happened to the money they raised but that's a whole other subject!
My DH who was newly self employed gave up a day of work to help them move house. They appealed for help on Facebook and only my DH and one other helped. He worked like a Trojan all day driving back and forth. Twice recently Andy has called me at length for legal advice, not even for them but for people they know who've got themselves in a fix.
Last summer I organised and paid for a weekend away for a big birthday. Invited Andy, Laura and their 2 DC. Had about 14 families in total I think. After much uncertainty they eventually came, empty handed - not so much as a card - fine but I only mention this as it has recently dawned on us they are takers in life. They ate, seemed to have fun, brought along another child I'd never met or invited shockand left the next day without a thank you.
Fast forward to now. We've had a rotten year in which I lost both parents - one just before my party weekend and the other earlier this year but we're coping.
Yesterday I looked on Facebook to find that Laura had a big birthday party night the Saturday before last. A big affair with a lot of guests - apparent from the photos. We weren't invited, knew nothing about it.
DH is as surprised as me that we didn't make the guest list. Obviously 80 or so others were more important.
They can invite who they like, I get that. But in a hissy fit of pique, and general annoyance at how one sided the friendship has been, I unfriended both on Facebook. This is, of course, something I can't undo. I expect they will notice eventually as I post quite regularly. I don't regret unfriending them. DH is fine with it.
But my AIBU is am I silly to feel hurt over the lack of invite, and will we look daft when DH tells Andy why I unfriended them (if Andy asks)? You didn't invite us to your party sounds a bit snivelly.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness Mon 20-May-19 23:44:36

They sound like a pair of self serving arseholes with hides of rhinos.

Sorry for the loss of your parents.

KC225 Mon 20-May-19 23:47:49

First sorry for your loss.

Could it have been a surprise party organised by people who didn't know you? No - well they have done you a favour - you realised after your weekend away they were 'takers'. Now you have a valid reason to step back. You considered them friends and paid for them to go away. They didn't consider you to be within first 80 friends. Don't feel silly, feel liberated.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 20-May-19 23:48:29

The lack of an invite was the final straw - you’d already realised they were taking and not giving. It wasn’t petty; your assessment of them is accurate.

They sound crap. You did the right thing in immediately scraping them off your social media.

AlunWynsKnee Mon 20-May-19 23:49:00

They probably won't notice. You aren't important to them and they won't think oh Mummy hasn't posted for a while. That's not having a go at you. It's just them.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies Mon 20-May-19 23:51:04

I'd be livid and sad. So no, cut your losses

MummyEmoo Mon 20-May-19 23:52:02

Thank you both. No, definitely not a surprise party. Laura herself organised it. She was appealing on Facebook for bits and pieces that I now know were for the party.
But yes, definitely can step back no question.
DH is having a big birthday next year - he's already says they're definitely not being invited. They will have the nerve to be shocked I think.

MummyEmoo Mon 20-May-19 23:54:32

Thank you all. I did feel miserable about the party but I won't have to see all their Facebook posts now. Which are mainly requests for loans of something or other or free help with something.
I feel less silly now, thank you!

Booboooo Mon 20-May-19 23:55:12

Is there any way your invite got lost in the post? Clutching at straws i know!

MummyEmoo Mon 20-May-19 23:55:40

You're right Alun they probably won't. Very self absorbed.

Skittlesandbeer Mon 20-May-19 23:55:42

So your DH is happily continuing the friendship with them both? That’s the unreasonable part. I’d hope for a bit more teamwork/loyalty than that.

It’s your DH making things awkward from now on. Don’t pay any attention to any time he spends with them, and shut him down if he wants to talk about it with you. Make the following phrase your mantra: ‘There’s no animosity, just a friendship that’s come to its natural end. Lives have gone in different directions’. And repeat.

They’ve certainly been CFs, but if you say that you’ll end up in more contact with them rather than less. Strip out any chance of drama, and spend your energies with nicer friends.

MummyEmoo Mon 20-May-19 23:57:56

BooBooo that thought crossed my mind but my DH speaks to Andy regularly, including the day before this party and it wasn't mentioned. Ever. So no, I'm confident we just didn't make the cut

Booboooo Tue 21-May-19 00:00:11

Cant you get your hubby to ask in a jokey way....... why you didn't make the cut? I couldnt hold my tongue personally

drinkygin Tue 21-May-19 00:03:32

Thy unfriendliness them is a bit passive aggressive. Just speak to them? Don’t understand not speaking your mind in situations like this.
YANBU to be hurt. They’ve been really unkind. flowers

drinkygin Tue 21-May-19 00:04:09

“Thy unfriendliness” haha!! Obviously meant the unfriending 😂😂

MummyEmoo Tue 21-May-19 00:04:39

No Skittlesandbeer DH wants to avoid them. He's been seeing the light too and this was the final straw for him too. He wouldn't actively fall out with them, but he'll be frank if asked why we went novo tact, but they won't be at his birthday and he won't do any favours. Occasionally he'll probably have professional dealings with Andy as their work overlaps but it'll be civil. I doubt I'll see them again as they live an hour away and DH will only see them if their work paths cross.

NotSorry Tue 21-May-19 00:05:16

So your DH is happily continuing the friendship with them both?

Where does it say this? OP has already said he won’t invite them to his party

Absolutepowercorrupts Tue 21-May-19 00:05:22

Read the opening post ffs.
OP's DH is fine about op unfriending them and doesn't want them to be invited to his party. How you have made this onto a DH problem?
They really are cheeky fuckers and it's good that you have dumped then from your Facebook friends. You're definitely not being unreasonable

MummyEmoo Tue 21-May-19 00:08:19

Drinkygin if I'm honest I don't see what they could say to make this ok. We'd already realised it was one sided so don't have any interest in 'saving' any friendship. I'm happy to walk away and this thread has helped me see they were hurtful and it wasn't an unreasonable expectation to be invited.

MummyEmoo Tue 21-May-19 00:09:51

Absolute gringrin

Nancydrawn Tue 21-May-19 00:09:57

I think the real question for you is what you're going to say when Andy calls up about legal advice again/they ask you for something directly.

foreverhanging Tue 21-May-19 00:11:26

They both sound like absolute twats!!

MummyEmoo Tue 21-May-19 00:13:18

I'll say No Nancy. I've seen the light grin

HairToday79 Tue 21-May-19 00:14:07

Absolute arseholes.
I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Strugglingtodomybest Tue 21-May-19 00:23:33

But my AIBU is am I silly to feel hurt over the lack of invite,

100% YANBU

and will we look daft when DH tells Andy why I unfriended them (if Andy asks)? You didn't invite us to your party sounds a bit snivelly.

I would just tell them that you've realised the friendship was one sided. You don't need to go into details if they ask, which I doubt they will. If Andy does ask, and wants to know the details then there is a whole list of them, culminating in the party.

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