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To want to throw DS 18 out to give him a shock

(346 Posts)
Comeonsun Mon 20-May-19 21:12:46

DS 18 has everything going for him so why is he so rude and nasty? He has a great apprenticeship- still in college for the first year and seems to be enjoying it (is sullen and won’t speak most of the time so I don’t know the real ins and out of it). He earns over 1k a month, drives a beautiful car (he pays for it) but we paid for lessons and first year insurance. He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

He so bloody rude though! Condescending attitude, would rather grunt than talk and is breathtakingly cutting and basically vile. Only ever happy if he’s having something new from us and even then the happiness lasts 5 minutes before he’s back to being a pig.

His room needs a new window and desperately needs decorating and new carpet. I’ve just passed him on the landing and said we plan to give him a few weeks notice of upheaval (we’ll need to empty his room for a few days so it will mean needing help to move furniture etc.

He’s point blank refused to have the work done and just ordered me out of his room! He says I’m wasting my money as he doesn’t want it redecorated. It’s my bloody house and it needs doing! Why should I let a room go to wrack and ruin just because he says so?

I’ve explained that if he was renting somewhere a landlord can come in and do works and that when he owns his own place he can decide if something needs doing or not.

He’s told me not to waste my breath as he’s not listening - I’ve never been so close to slapping him to be honest. I feel like chucking the cheeky, insolent sod out .

He’s upstairs now shouting away playing on the Xbox, tell me if I’m being unreasonable as I’m about to throw the swine out.

Wildorchidz Mon 20-May-19 21:17:02

Why don’t you chuck him out?
At the very least stop doing so much for him.

Thadeus Mon 20-May-19 21:17:30

Start by turning off the WiFi.....

Then tell him that as he chooses to not be respectful of you that you are giving him 30 days to move out.

£50 housekeeping is ridiculous! Isn't the general rule of thumb 1/3 rent 1/3 saving 1/3 spending?

Cariadne Mon 20-May-19 21:20:06

Yanbu, sounds like you and he are both ready for him to start living on his own two feet. Start helping him look for houseshare he can afford and make sure he knows about budgeting etc.

You may find that making serious plans focuses his mind on being a bit nicer anyway. And if it doesn’t and he does end up moving out, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

AndOutComeTheBoobs Mon 20-May-19 21:22:46

Yup. Time to move out!

SpoonBlender Mon 20-May-19 21:23:47

YANBU. Go for it. Change the wifi password too.

Comeonsun Mon 20-May-19 21:24:22

He made our holiday last summer an utter misery for the whole two weeks. This year he said he didn’t want to come so I’ve booked for just me DH and DD for two weeks so he’s home alone for that time.
Ever since I booked it he’s refused to let me show him how to use the washing machine / dishwasher etc. He winds the dog up (who will be here with him) and refuses to listen when I run through the things that will need to be done while we are away (garden watering / dog feeding dog walking / keeping the house clean etc).
He knows I’ll go away uptight rather than relaxed and looking forward to the holiday .

InDubiousBattle Mon 20-May-19 21:25:11

Are you actually going to throw him out though op? Because to threaten it and then not do it would be worse than doing nothing. I would wait until you've calmed down (and you have every right to be fuming)and can discuss it dispassionately with him. I would increase his rent, stop buying him food, stop cleaning his room, stop doing his washing. He needs to grow up. The work on his room is non negotiable, so don't negotiate, tell him when it's happening.

Grumpelstilskin Mon 20-May-19 21:25:31

Yep, time for him to move on - in the meantime, no laundry, no cooking and no Wifi.

Redcliff Mon 20-May-19 21:26:04

I wouldn't chuck him out but would cut off food ect. He can fend for himself for himself. I would also say what date the windows are being done and crack on with it.

DerrenBrownings Mon 20-May-19 21:26:50

Kick him out. Get a friend or professional dog sitter.

AndOutComeTheBoobs Mon 20-May-19 21:27:14

Get someone to look after the dog. He won't.

It doesn't sound like you can trust him at all.

IceRebel Mon 20-May-19 21:28:07

food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

Why?

He's 18, earning 1k a month, with very minimal bills. Why are you treating him like a toddler? confused

InDubiousBattle Mon 20-May-19 21:28:12

He doesn't need to be shown how to use the dishwasher and washing machine, he has the entire Internet on his bloody phone, if he wants clean clothes then he can find out. If he doesn't then what do you care! Can you sort out kennels/other arrangements for your dog? Explaining that you have sorted something else out because he might not still live there might focus his mind?

CareBear50 Mon 20-May-19 21:28:47

I would def tell him he needs to stay with a friend while you're on holiday. Get the locks changed day before you go. No way would I trust him (mother of a 21 and 18 year old here!).....until he starts to behave in a trustworthy and respectful manner.....he needs to earn it

lyralalala Mon 20-May-19 21:28:49

The window needs done and the rudeness you need to stamp on.

The carpet and decorating - if he doesn’t want it then don’t bother.

Iggly Mon 20-May-19 21:29:01

You’ve indulged him and spoilt him for far too long!

Time to stop. Don’t worry about the window etc - that can wait.

I would introduce proper house rules and help him find somewhere to live.

ShitAtScarbble Mon 20-May-19 21:29:15

Can you afford to put the poor dog in kennels while you are away?

I agree with everyone else. Show him the door. Would he behave towards a friend's parents the way he does to you? I doubt it. Hoof him out.

hettie Mon 20-May-19 21:30:53

How in god's name has he got to 18 without knowing how to use the dishwasher and washing machineshock my nine year old loads our dishwasher. Have you always just given him stuff with no expectations of contributions or basic manners. Is this a wind up

Hithere12 Mon 20-May-19 21:31:09

hmm He’s your kid. He did not ASK to be born. If his behaviour is so bad I’m guessing he didn’t grow up in the most nurturing, loving environment. Why don’t you try and actually HELP YOUR child first? Take him to councilling?

My friends mother did this to her, she had to live in a crappy hostel, could barely afford food. Now she’s in her thirties with two kids and has been NC since her mother did this. The woman wants a relationship with her daughter and grandkids now. She’s lonely and it serves her right.

AndOutComeTheBoobs Mon 20-May-19 21:32:49

Hithere12 erm..... are you the OP's son? shock

Blondieg Mon 20-May-19 21:33:25

I kicked my ungrateful brat of a son out at 18. It was getting to the point that i honestly thought i would punch his smug face.
I was an absolute nervous wreck, worrying where he had gone, was he managing to eat, where was he sleeping.
He knocked on the front door 3 days later, apologised and promises were made.
He's now only a knob some of the time, that shock made him so much nicer to be around.
Don't threaten it if you don't think you can follow through or he'll ignore anything you every say.
Best thing I ever did, oh and very scary

Whisky2014 Mon 20-May-19 21:33:28

Hithere12 no, it sounds lile your friend needs to grow up.

sheshootssheimplores Mon 20-May-19 21:33:30

I would tell him he needs to find a house share. I have two sons, currently preschoolers, but already zero tolerance for them being rude or bratty. I just can’t imagine being talked to in the way you describe and continuing to support him and subsidise his life. I feel completely furious on your behalf!!!!!!

Comeonsun Mon 20-May-19 21:33:33

We run a pretty organised household between me and DH so it’s no bother to do his laundry and cook food, we do it for DD who is younger, it’s just he’s not a bit grateful at all. Apparently all his friends don’t pay any rent, he’s constantly angry at us. Jealous of DD who he hates - DD is happy and open and is a different kettle of fish to him altogether.

I speak to him lovingly, am kind and calm with him and offer him all the same time and experiences as DD but he just treats us with contempt.

Whatever we do for him it’s never enough.

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