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AIBU to not agree to do this?

(100 Posts)
YetIWill Mon 20-May-19 07:35:09

Background: 2 of DH's sisters have daughters in the same class as DS. They and their husbands all work full time; I work part-time (DH full time). I can set my own hours, up to a point, so I can do drop-offs and pick ups for DS.

The cousins go to day care each afternoon- they are picked up by the daycare place from preschool. I fairly regularly mind them, though, on random preschool days off, or if one of them is ill etc.

So the dilemma: Preschool has a "Play With Me" day coming up - basically, at pick-up time you stay with your child and do an activity for half an hour. This one is pottery painting, and DS is really excited about it - he wants to make a present for my dad's birthday and has it all planned out.

DNeices' daycare have said they can pick them up half an hour late, but obviously the preschool need someone to stay while they do the activity. SILs have been hinting that I can supervise them, and telling me how much their daughters want to do it.

I just don't want to be responsible for 3 of them, though. It will mean I won't have as much time to help DS; at previous sessions it has been really good 1-on-1 time with him, and he's been excited to show me round his classroom, and all the displays etc. I want to have that this time as well, and I wouldn't get it if I'm helping 3 of them.

AIBU to say no to also supervising the other two? I know they want to do it, but I feel like that's not my problem. Any of their parents could take a half day to come, if they wanted to, but they've all chosen not to.

toomuchfaster Mon 20-May-19 07:38:35

I can't imagine nursery will allow you to supervise all 3. Say this to SIL.

HennyPennyHorror Mon 20-May-19 07:40:15

YABU there will be millions of opportunities for your to have one to one time with your son.

These children don't have a parent available and you're a relative. How could you just ignore them!? You don'[t have to sit right in your child's face the whole time...that would be odd anyway.

HennyPennyHorror Mon 20-May-19 07:40:53

Faster why? It's pottery painting not abseiling.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Mon 20-May-19 07:42:52

Really, really lay it on thick "oh I love having ONE TO ONE time with ds." And when they inevitably ask, say "no, sorry, I'll have my hands full with ds."
Btw, when do they reciprocate?

fedup21 Mon 20-May-19 07:47:51

I completely agree with you, OP. Ignore the hints. You have made a financial decision to work part time to be with your own kids-not as free childcare for other members of the family. I doubt they’ll be throwing their pension at you to help you out in years to come.

One of them can take a half day if their kids want to do the activity so much.

What does your DH say?

Beware that if you do it, you are setting a precedent for this when they are all at school (I’m here presuming they are 3/4 if this is preschool?).

I’d just do a laughing-Ha ha!! You want me to be in charge of 3 x 3 year olds, I don’t think so!?!’

Theworldisfullofgs Mon 20-May-19 07:53:35

henny why cant one of the parents arrange to go to work late?

Theworldisfullofgs Mon 20-May-19 07:54:25

And no yanbu

snowdrop6 Mon 20-May-19 08:04:56

No don’t do it.
Before long they will have you collecting them from school.
Very unfortunate they all ended up at same place

UrsulaPandress Mon 20-May-19 08:05:45

Hint back that you can't do it.

FamilyOfAliens Mon 20-May-19 08:06:43


The nephews do have a parent, they are just choosing not to make themselves available for this shared activity.

FamilyOfAliens Mon 20-May-19 08:06:53

Sorry, nieces.

Chickychoccyegg Mon 20-May-19 08:10:13

No dont do it, ive done similar and its just disappointing for your own dc as you can't spend any proper time wirh them as you need to help them all.
Its not as if they're stuck or its an emergency, either their own parent can take a half day or they can be picked up by their wrap around care.

Summerorjustmaybe Mon 20-May-19 08:11:14

Don't be seen as their other 'parent' or what will happen all other times they aren't available??
Before you know it pickup /drop offs you will need an extra hand...

YetIWill Mon 20-May-19 08:12:26

Sorry, should have said I also have a younger DD, so when DS comes home, he's not getting 1-2-1 time with me.

SILs do sometimes reciprocate, but it's very much only if it suits them. Their DDs are together a lot - they'll do things together every day in the holidays, for instance. But if one of them can't be there, then the mum of the other will invite DS round to play. They joke that this makes it easier as they don't have to entertain their DD if DS is there to play.

Loopytiles Mon 20-May-19 08:15:08

YANBU to say no.

SILs or BILs could attend, or if not possible their DC miss out - standard for working families.

This kind of school stuff pisses me off bigtime though.

YetIWill Mon 20-May-19 08:18:40

@toomuchfaster I hadn't thought of preschool not allowing 1 person to supervise 3 DC. There are twins in the class, so I assume whoever brings them can supervise both, but don't know about 3 at once!

DS is very excited and has a list of things he wants me to draw for him so he can paint them in, so I imagine by the time we get set up and so on he'll need most of the half hour!

Dieu Mon 20-May-19 08:19:51

I would just do it. They're family! And you could hardly just ignore them anyway. Sorry, but I think you're being a bit precious.

YetIWill Mon 20-May-19 08:21:09

@Loopytiles why does it piss you off? We've had a few sessions and they've been good fun. DS doesn't talk much about preschool normally, but at these he wants to show me everything so it's a good opportunity to hear more about what he's up to.

JudgeRindersMinder Mon 20-May-19 08:21:43

YANBU to say no. You’ve taken a financial hit to be able to do these things with your child, and they won’t even take leave!
I was taken for a mug like this when mine were smaller, and then I got wise to it, when other people went on their fancy holidays etc which I couldn’t afford because I worked part time so I could spend time with my children, while they raked in the big bucks and didn’t have to shell out for child care because muggins did it for free

Beautiful3 Mon 20-May-19 08:22:24

Your main priority is your child. Just say, "I can't supervise children!" I'm sure they could go if they wanted to! You wouldn't expect them to look after yours too?!

Esspee Mon 20-May-19 08:22:53

Their children, their responsibility.

Beautiful3 Mon 20-May-19 08:23:03

"three children" that should have said!

YetIWill Mon 20-May-19 08:23:03

@Dieu the point is, they currently can't go unless I put my name down to supervise them. If they were just sitting there, then of course I'd help them; I just want to spend time helping DS and letting him show me his classroom etc.

Gigglinghysterically Mon 20-May-19 08:23:38

YANBU at all. I'd just tell them I am having 1-2-1 time with son who is super excited.

You said it yourself "you stay with your child and do an activity for half an hour". If you have to join in with all 3 then none of them will benefit from what is meant to be 1-2-1.

They need to step up and take responsibility for their DC. They shouldn't just try and take advantage of you working part time. Presumably you work part-time in the best interests of your family and take a financial hit for doing so. They work full-time and either need to arrange to leave work earlier to take part in these activities or their DC miss out. It is a choice for them to make. It isn't your responsibility.

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