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AIBU to think ‘don’t worry, you go’ is the sensible answer to this?

(110 Posts)
LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:08:52

Having a crappy time of it at the moment. Self esteem on the floor. Mental health taking a bit of a beating.
Middle DB is having a significant birthday and has arranged an area in a local (to him) pub for a bit of a celebration next weekend and I’ve psyched myself up for it).
PIL agreed to overnight childcare so we could both go out and not have to worry about early mornings.
They agreed this months ago. Since then DMIL has needed (routine) surgery and is now recovering. I mentioned to DH that this is likely to impact on childcare offer. ‘Absolutely not, they’d never let us down, don’t worry about it’ etc
Now, a week before, it’s looking unlikely. Best option is they’ll come to ours to watch the kids for a few hours which will probably give us 2 hours at the party.
I want to make it clear that this is in no way DPIL’s issue. They do an amazing amount for us and are lovely people.
But AIBU to think that DH’s response should be ‘you go, it’s your family’? (Actual response was slightly aggressive and the complete opposite of this!)

Whisky2014 Sun 19-May-19 23:10:16


GotThatSlightChewiness Sun 19-May-19 23:10:37

Well yeah. Why can't he look after DC?

Aquamarine1029 Sun 19-May-19 23:12:28

Why don't you just tell him that you will be going to your brother's party and he will need to stay home with the children?

Crunchymum Sun 19-May-19 23:12:32

Why can't you ask him?

MsJaneAusten Sun 19-May-19 23:13:00

YANBU. Could you arrange a different babysitter so you can both go though?

LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:13:26

Because he’s a big kid and knows how this night will go (big age gap between me and DB - only half siblings)

miaCara Sun 19-May-19 23:14:01

Yep - you go he stays if necessary-or returns once PIL have had enough.
This is not for discussion. Your Brother - you attend.

jessicawessica Sun 19-May-19 23:14:57

What was his actual response?

LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:15:16

No other family ‘sitters’ available. A paid babysitter would be about £80 for the timings we need and just don’t have that sort of money.

clairemcnam Sun 19-May-19 23:16:03

You both go, he comes home after a few hours and you stay - if you trust him to come home though.

SleepingStandingUp Sun 19-May-19 23:16:59

How WILL it go??

jessicawessica Sun 19-May-19 23:19:08

Bit confused.....what do you mean he knows how the night will go? Not sure what the age gap has to do with it.

sackrifice Sun 19-May-19 23:19:15

How will it go?

LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:19:31

Actual responses have ranged from ‘you go but I’ll be fucking angry and go out for the rest of the weekend’ ‘I’m going. You’ll only bail early anyway’ and ‘this is the kids fault, we could do what the fuck we liked before them’ 🙄
You can see we’ve gone for the mature approach 🙄

jessicawessica Sun 19-May-19 23:21:02

Wow, he sounds like a real keeper.

LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:21:10

It’ll be a heavy drinking night. Something I lost the ability to do a loooong time ago! He sees it as a ‘waste’ me fling when I’ll leave at 10 pm at the latest

Atalune Sun 19-May-19 23:21:42

He sounds vile.

AryaStarkWolf Sun 19-May-19 23:22:03

What an asshole

Merryoldgoat Sun 19-May-19 23:22:23

I’ll ask before anyone else: is he always like this?

Atalune Sun 19-May-19 23:22:37

Well if your planning on coming in at that time then he can go after you come back surely?

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 19-May-19 23:23:27

Ummmm you're with him because...?

You go, come back when you fancy, he can then go and get steaming or whatever he wants. If you want to placate him that is. He sounds like a twat to me so I wouldn't.

lostlobster Sun 19-May-19 23:24:56

He sounds horrible

LoopyLou1981 Sun 19-May-19 23:25:22

merryoldgoat not always no. He can be great but, if a night out is involved, he does turn into a selfish twat 🤷‍♀️

NewAccount270219 Sun 19-May-19 23:25:50

Well, I wouldn't go to the party if I were you. I'd save my mental energy for leaving your absolute tosser of a husband.

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