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To be annoyed by anti-Alabama posts?

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Bere111 Sun 19-May-19 10:41:17

For context, I’m not prolife or pro choice...i wouldn’t have an abortion myself but I know that largely because I’ve never been in those desperate circumstances, so equally would never judge someone who had.
But all the anti-Alabama posts I’ve seen this week by women in the UK I find pretty ill informed.
For example, most not knowing it is still banned in Northern Ireland- part of the UK.
Also, people saying it’s ‘healthcare’ - I don’t believe this is true. I think it should be a crisis service, and making it sound routine trivialises it for me.
People saying it’s a women choice...again I don’t really think this is right. It’s a women choice to get pregnant or not get pregnant of course, but unless that girl or women fell pregnant through no choice of their own (in which can of course she should have access to abortion) I’m not sure once she’s actually pregnant she should then just be free to opt in or opt out.
I fell pregnant by accident with ds1, I was very newly married, had a well paid job and owned a house but was younger then I’d planned to be (27)- yet I had 3 people ask ‘god, what are you going to do???’ Which I found bizarre.
Most people’s opinion of abortion (including mine!) is formed on the fact that for those that are victims of rape or incest, or the health of the mother or baby is in question, or for example the mother is under 18 or even under 21, the time they need to have a safe solution to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.
However, I know that only about 3% of abortion happen for the reason above. The rest the nhs classify as lifestyle factors.
I’m sure many women may be masking issues by telling the motivating reason for the termination is just a lifestyle factor, but even so I still think many, many abortion take place because of poor planning and poor timing.
I’ve had 2 close friends have terminations in our late 20s, both of which went on to have children with the same partner a few years later. Although I supported their choice, I didn’t really understand it. They were both preoccupied with the idea that the timing wasn’t right- even though they wanted children and wanted children with the current partners.
I think we put far to much pressure of ourselves that we have to do things in the right order- so then when a pregnancy comes along that wasn’t on the timeline, we freak out- even if we are perfectly capable of parenting at that time.
I also think something most be going wrong with how we are approaching contraception, especially as the fastest growing segment of women needing abortion are 30+ and have ahead previous abortions. Can women not access contraception easily or could giving more education around ovulation cycles help this (this is pretty common place in countries like Germany from secondary school age, and women generally avoid sex when they’re ovulating- even when using another form of contraception)
I guess all in all I think it’s a really complex matter- and I don’t think we have it totally right in this country, and I find it a trivialisation to see my friends sharing handmaid tale’s pictures with ‘my body my choice’ tag lines...surely when a matter really is life or death, we shouldn’t simplify it as a women’s prerogative?

Oysterbabe Sun 19-May-19 10:44:00

If I got pregnant due to a contraception failure I would have an abortion simply because I don't want to have another child. That's a good enough reason IMO.

teyem Sun 19-May-19 10:45:22

Yeah, YABU.

Spagbowlexplosion Sun 19-May-19 10:46:37

YABU. You’re not pro choice, you don’t get to decide what is an acceptable reason for a woman to not have a baby. Nobody but the woman should have that choice.
Alabama is one of a long list of ways woman’s rights are being eroded in front of our very eyes, NI is atleast having talks on moving in the other direction - we are going backwards - this is a big deal.

RattyTat Sun 19-May-19 10:47:11

It is as simple as my body, my choice. I don't care why a woman needs/wants a termination because no woman should be forced to continue a pregnancy against her will.

TheFaerieQueene Sun 19-May-19 10:47:18

That is your opinion. Other women have theirs and they can express it how they like.
FWIW I am horrified by laws used to control a woman’s reproductive rights wherever they exist. Raising awareness is important for us all.

WeCameToDance Sun 19-May-19 10:47:27

Definitely being unreasonable.

AnyFucker Sun 19-May-19 10:47:35

I think you should step outside of your privileged bubble for just one second and make a start on educating yourself

MorrisZapp Sun 19-May-19 10:47:56

Attitudes like yours do my nut in. You want abortion to be available, but really unpleasant. It's none of your business why people choose to terminate. Do you think the appropriate punishment for a bit of flightiness is an unplanned and unwanted child?

CloserIAm2Fine Sun 19-May-19 10:48:42


Your choice and your opinions are perfectly valid FOR YOU. But other women will have other opinions and make other choices which are right for them. And they should have the legal right to do so.

In Alabama and the other US states currently trying to stop them, and in Northern Ireland as well.

Complainingagain Sun 19-May-19 10:48:58

YABVU. Your own opinion on abortion is irrelevant. Don't want an abortion, don't get one. But other women should be entitled to do as they feel right.

Sagradafamiliar Sun 19-May-19 10:50:54

YABU. As an aside, I was asked what I was going to do when I was pregnant with my first. They were not referring to whether I was going to abort, it was to do with the practicalities.

LagunaBubbles Sun 19-May-19 10:51:16

Yabu but I suspect you know that. If a pregnant woman wants an abortion then it's her body so she can do what she wants. It's not really any more complicated than that.

SleepingStandingUp Sun 19-May-19 10:51:46

I fell pregnant by accident with ds1, I was very newly married, had a well paid job and owned a house but was younger then I’d planned to be (27)

But the point is you were in a loving relationship fully able to support a child.
What if you'd been 22, the Dad dumped you as soon as he found out and there was no room at home for you AND a baby?
Or 34 and accidentally fell pregnant with no. 3 when you're finally about to go back to work and start paying off the debts you've accrued over the last 5 years?
Or 39 and you've just got up the courage to leave an abusive partner, and this baby will tie you to them forever?

Given you've had your own contraceptive failure, you're not really in a position to criticise others. The difference is you were in a fortunate postituion when it happened. Had you been 22 and single, just got the sack, in an abusive situation etc it might not have been so simple or smooth sailing.

RattyTat Sun 19-May-19 10:52:07

I notice too that you seem to be putting all of the responsibility for contraception on women.

OrchidInTheSun Sun 19-May-19 10:54:05

As early as possible, as late as necessary

outvoid Sun 19-May-19 10:54:14


The reasons for an abortion are neither here nor there. The overwhelming reason is that the woman does not want to be pregnant and that is reason enough. I have become more vehemently pro-choice since having children because I have seen the effects pregnancy and childbirth have had on my body. I would not wish that on someone who simply doesn’t want that to happen. There’s no such thing as ‘pro-life’, it is ‘forced birth’. It’s barbaric and inhumane. Women are not incubators, we are human beings and we have a right to choose when or even if to become Mothers.

Sadly contraception is never foolproof and mistakes happen. This is when abortion steps in and so it should as well, for all women. It is a healthcare matter and it is relatively trivial for many women in the grand scheme of things. Most women terminate in the first 9 weeks when it isn’t even a foetus yet.

Valarmorghulisss Sun 19-May-19 10:54:23

Yabu. You wouldn't have an abortion. That’s up to you. Not my business. If I've had one or need one, that’s my business. What do you care about what's going on in my uterus?

NoBaggyPants Sun 19-May-19 10:55:30

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Herland Sun 19-May-19 10:56:48

YABU. The regressive laws in Alabama and Georgia are not really about the sanctity of life though. They are about controlling women and their bodies.

Thelanguage used by those involved is terrifying. Women being described as "host bodies" is simply a move to further dehumanise women.

AgnesNitt1976 Sun 19-May-19 10:57:02

What you decide to do with your body is your choice. Women should have full body autonomy and get to decide whether to carry on with a pregnancy or have a termination.

FatThor Sun 19-May-19 10:57:26

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TheoriginalLEM Sun 19-May-19 10:57:33

YANBU the whole thing makes me uncomfortable. I would not judge anyone who chose abortion but its not a choice i feel i could make.

And no, i dont live in a privileged bubble ive had two unplanned pregnancies. I was however privileged to have support and or be in.

Like you OP i believe it Is the woman's choice and i believe the situation in alabama is very wrong however the Gilead posts are quite upsetting actually.

One question though. Is contraception freely available in Alabama?

TheoriginalLEM Sun 19-May-19 10:58:33

These threads however will never end well.

RattyTat Sun 19-May-19 10:58:41

Why are Gilead posts upsetting? The comparison seems entirely appropriate to me.

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