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Annoyed! Apparently I 'look like a mum'

(219 Posts)
champagneplanet Sun 19-May-19 00:49:30

Okay, so I may be a bit over sensitive here so talk me down if you think it's needed.

Met an old friends partner today, don't see them as regularly as we'd like, however her and I are good friends. Was in the supermarket, trying to fit in a shop with DC2 whilst DD1 doing her hobby.

Exchanged pleasantries and then he commented 'I almost didn't recognise you, you look like a mum'. Didn't say anything at the time, but now i'm less than impressed. It's my day off, I have an unruly toddler in a busy supermarket, doing a big shop with two day old hair and a jacket I hate (as I misjudged the weather and it was the only one in the car).

I definitely wasn't a compliment. AIBU to ask what do 'mums' look like??

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 00:55:35

No. But I don’t like this notion that mums need to walk around in “two day old hair”. Why is that?

I have a four year old and a two year old. I work 3.5 days a week and most evenings. My life is chaotic. I wash my hair every night and take 30 mins of a morning to straighten it and do my make up while they watch Peppa Pig. It’s not exactly difficult.

fc301 Sun 19-May-19 00:57:42

OP he was very rude to you.

@SoCallMeMaybe well woop de doo for you. Thanks for sharing that. Very supportive.

Mummaofmytribe Sun 19-May-19 00:59:26

OP he's an idiot with no manners. Don't give him a second thought

zoezipp Sun 19-May-19 00:59:38

She doesn’t need to be supportive fc301, she’s just explaining her own experience. Quite frankly I agree with her. Having kids doesn’t mean you have to look scruffy. 15 minutes is enough time to look put together/ somewhat human

Greeborising Sun 19-May-19 00:59:40

Well, mums are people who put others before themselves.
They are loving, caring women who have the best ‘job’ in the world.
It’s an absolute privilege to be responsible for the upbringing of our little ones.
A mum may not always have the time to wash her hair or have her nails done.
A mum is the one who takes the smallest piece of pizza
A mum is the one who, when a sausage hits the floor, says “oh shit, I dropped my sausage”
Be proud of being a mum
And the cheeky shit who said “you look like a mum” can fuck off

heidipi Sun 19-May-19 01:02:11

He was rude. He is a dick. You don't need to do your hair every day to please randoms in the supermarket. However your hair and your toddler happened to be that day he'd have still been rude because that's how he is.

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:02:14

Why don’t mums have time to wash their hair? This genuinely baffles me.

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 19-May-19 01:02:19

No he was rude.

And the pp deriding you for having two day old hair 😂 Jeeeeeeeeeesus.

I suppose you looked harassed - you were wrangling your kids so probably looked like you were focused on them. That’s probably all he meant. Still rude and unnecessary to say he didn’t recognise you etc, and label you.

But pull your socks up and wash your hair every day please, or the patriarchy will think you’ve gone rogue and that will surely never do grin

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:02:51

I am proud of being a mum. But I’m not prepared to not shower for the cause.

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:03:29

Nothing to do with the patriarchy. Just a bit of general pride and cleanliness.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 19-May-19 01:03:40

Not everyone has "perfect children" who will/can sit there for 30 minutes.
Also on another note. Straightening your hair for 30 minutes every day, isn't exactly great.

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:05:19

I also do my make up in that time. But in any case I’ve been doing it for like 15 years and it’s all good.

IHaveBrilloHair Sun 19-May-19 01:05:22

He probably shouldn't have said it but maybe you do look like a Mum?
I do too, and DD is 17.

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:06:21

My children are not perfect and they don’t always sit for 30 mins but they are quite happy to just potter with toys etc. I do it in the living room with them.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 19-May-19 01:07:40

Where has op said she doesn't shower. confused

Smellbellina Sun 19-May-19 01:07:58

@socall you’re such an inspiration, have you thought about setting up an insta account so we can all follow you for tips?

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:09:16

Don’t take your insecurities out on me. Half an hour a day. That is literally it.

heidipi Sun 19-May-19 01:10:51

Why does some dickhead get to judge how she looks? OP can decide for herself where hair straightening is on her list of priorities that day.
Does anyone actually disagree that making uninvited derogatory comments about someone's appearance is rude?!

Smellbellina Sun 19-May-19 01:10:54


SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:14:07

Oh no he was definitely rude. I’m not questioning that. I just don’t understand why she would have two day old hair.

Honestly I’m no supermodel but it’s just basic self care. It matters to me that I look alright. I wouldn’t go out with two day old hair. But I’m not Vogue whatsherface either. There is a happy medium.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 19-May-19 01:14:30

I haven't got any insecurities.
You're the one posting about how put together you are.
Thankfully I don't need to keep telling myself that.
You're not the only one who puts a bit of make up on and washes their hair every night.hmm

SoCallMeMaybe Sun 19-May-19 01:15:34

That wasn’t directed at you Spider but ok.

Greeborising Sun 19-May-19 01:16:22

Oh come on!
Who has never had 2 day old hair!?

Mummoomoocow Sun 19-May-19 01:19:18

Ca.. can I just say he might have tried to tell a j... joke?

Honestly, to men, unless you look 18 with tits out or 60 with grey hair, you look like a mum. Mums look like modest normal looking people that don’t necessarily peak mens’ sexual or elderly interest!

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