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AIBU?

to feel really angry about my DS being bitten savagely on the face by another child?

15 replies

pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:25

My DS was bitten really savagely on the cheek & mouth by an older girl at a baby group on Tuesday. He was bitten so hard that two days later he still has red outlines of this girls teeth on his face. All he did to get bitten was walk over to the place with the dame dolls house that she was. She tried to push him, so me and the girls mum stood up to intervene and then a second later grabbed his little head and pulled his face into her mouth and sank her teeth into him. When she let him go he had deep, purple teeth marks on his face and was inconsolable. It must of bloody hurt.

He has been really quite since it happened and at a different baby group today, he wasn't mixing with other children or laughing like he normally does.

The little girl has pushed my friends daughter over quite a few times and although the mum apologised on her behalf, I just feel so angry about it still.

It was just so vicious and out of the blue and I feel like it's badly shaken the confidence that I have worked so hard to nurture in him

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pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:25

He is two and the girl who bit him is about three.

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Mumpbump · 19/07/2007 15:29

This happened to ds - the other baby who bit him is the son of one of the girls from my antenatal group! Both dh and I were really angry, particularly as we picked him up from nursery shortly after it had happened so the marks were really livid. I am sure he will get over it, but it might take some time.

What did the little girl's mother do?

Mumpbump · 19/07/2007 15:29

I mean - I'm sure your ds will get over it! Our ds did after a couple of days...

quiveutmabonnebaguette · 19/07/2007 15:30

Oh your poor little one,it's always awful to see your child being attacked by another one...I'm dreading this to happen to my dds...you must have been choked yourself..I hope he's going to get over it quickly

quiveutmabonnebaguette · 19/07/2007 15:31

I can understand you feel angry...I'll be fuming, I wouldnt stand my dds beingf attacked or them attacking another child.

butterbeer · 19/07/2007 15:34

It's natural to feel angry. Biting is such a big taboo for adults that we do have very strong emotional reactions to it, particularly to biting on the face. And it's entirely natural to feel bad for your DS when you see him so badly affected by it.

But small children don't have those kind of associations yet, and biting is very common among toddlers, and they don't distinguish between biting on the face and biting anywhere else. It's not normally "savage" or "vicious" (any more than being a toddler is just inherently a bit savage), because they don't have the cultural conditioning yet that will eventually make them see biting as completely unacceptable. This girl does need to learn not to bite, but it's not a quick or easy fix, and the parents of biters tend to feel dreadful while their DCs are in the middle of their biting phase. This girl's mother does sound as though she's doing all the right things -- spotting potential triggers (although in this case she didn't get there quickly enough) and giving consistent messages.

(My DS has been bitten quite a few times, including on the face -- one of his friends went through a very bitey phase when his (the friend's) little sister was born earlier this year, although seems to have settled down now. I'm lucky that his confidence doesn't seem to have been knocked by it, though.)

Oblomov · 19/07/2007 15:35

Ds was bitten on the face at nursery, just before our family christmas do. Nursery played it down. I was far from happy. Everyone kept saying, oh children bite. That didn't make it any better. He still had a blue/black bruise 2 weeks later.

pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:35

She took her away somewhere, presumably to tell her off although I didn't see or hear as I was to busy hugging DS. She came back with the little girl and tried to get her to apologise, but she wouldn't, so I said don't worry.

The mum and the little girl goes to allot of places that we do. I saw them today and while her little girl was playing happily and having fun, my boy still had bright red teeth marks on his cheek and mouth and avaoiding other children and looking wary etc. Out of character. It made me feel so angry, even though I feel that it's a stupid way for me to look at things. It just seemed so unfair.

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pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:37

By quiveutmabonnebaguette, I was really choked. He's had the odd little push and row over a toy, but nothing like that. I was nearly in tears as well. It's the most savage thing I've ever seen a child do to another child, although I've heard of biting happening.

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pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:39

Good point about the cultural thing butterbeer, makes me feel a bit better.

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Mumpbump · 19/07/2007 15:40

I am sure he will be back to his usual self in a week. In the meantime, I guess you've just got to give him lots of cuddles and support when out at the same places as this little girl. And keep them apart to prevent a recurrence!

Lolly68 · 19/07/2007 16:10

My DD is 18months and at nursery and has been scratched and bitten (by the same little girl). Nursery play it down and can't tell you who is doing it. At the end of the day at DD's age they dont know right from wrong so what can you do??

and no YANBU but sometimes there is not a lot we can do about it as parents!

SpiderBaby · 19/07/2007 16:11

Its horrible when your child gets bitten but it seems like the other mum did all she could tbh

americantrish · 20/07/2007 19:37

i dont think you're being unreasonable. its a mothers instinct kicking in. i was incensed with anger when i saw my son get shoved in the face by another child (who was 3 and my son was 2.5 at the time.)

unfortunately, biting is one of those things some toddlers do. and the little girl probably bit for the first part of your son she could. i dont think the biting was intentionally on his face (my son has bitten other kids at nursery... luckily though none in ages now!))

his confidence will come back with some time.. and help from you maybe try other places to go with him, like a soft play with climbing, or swimming, other things to build his confidence back up?

thankfully children at this age dont hold grudges and dont remember either...

hang in there and i hope his face feels better soon.. x

chipkid · 20/07/2007 19:48

I understand your feelings. I have a very gentle dd and feel very annoyed when she is pushed, shoved etc. However I also had a very boisterous and feisty 3 year old ds once! he was very rough and although he wasn't a biter he was a shover and pusher and hitter! It is awful to see your little angel behaving in that way towards other children too. I have been on both ends of this issue!

The girl's mother sounds like she took appropriate action. 3 year olds have very little impulse control and this will no doubt have featured in her behaviour towards your ds.

He will recover-in the same way that this little girl will undoubtedly grow out of this difficult behaviour.

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