To feel terribly embarrassed(251 Posts)
I know there have been lots of similar threads. But today I went into a quiet staff room with two maintenance guys sitting in there ( one I know to talk to) and while I was making my drink a fart slipped out without any warning. Not a stinker, but noisy. I tried to brazen it out , ignored it,and even stayed for a chat!I am old enough not to care. But I am so embarrassed and keep cringing. AIBU to not be able to stop thinking about it?
I once did a 'fanny fart' during an intimate wax. My therapist laughed! I wanted to explain it wasnt a bottom fart, but then thought that might be worse, so just laughed too. It must happen fairly often, right? I've been back a few times since and it hasn't happened again, so, win!
Once (a few days after I had a recovered from a tummy bug) I farted all around B and M. From the food aisle to the DIY aisle, with some particularly smelly ones near the reduced curtains and cushions.
On the way out I heard a customer complaining about the smell of drains and the other customer nodding their head in agreement.
*I felt one coming when I was in the gym once and knew there was no chance I could stop it so I let the weights drop on the machine I was using thinking it would be noisier than the actual fart.
What really happened was I dropped the weights making a huge noise and causing everyone to look at me. Then I farted, loudly.*
Haha this thread is brilliant!
When I was a teenager my room was so messy! Clothes all over the floor, basically a floordrobe!
One day I was late for college and grabbed my coat off the floor as I left, once at college everyone was laughing and I didn't know what was wrong - until I got to the loo and realised I had a bright pink pair of nickers stuck to the Velcro of my coat 😂 the horror!
I felt one coming when I was in the gym once and knew there was no chance I could stop it so I let the weights drop on the machine I was using thinking it would be noisier than the actual fart.
What really happened was I dropped the weights making a huge noise and causing everyone to look at me. Then I farted, loudly.
I'm terribly windy today 🤢 luckily I live on my own so I'm only gassing myself. I just looked in the bathroom mirror and caught my eye in the reflection and felt embarrassed though. I once farted and then you know what at work. I told my boss I needed to rush out for feminine supplies and went to the shop across the road and bought some new tights and pants
I once shit myself just outside my house.
I farted on DH's head once when we'd first started seeing each other.
He was laid down on the lounge floor, watching tv and I just got an urge to run at him and fart on his head. No idea what came over me.
We were about 19...but it still makes us roll around laughing now.
the Only time I wasn’t embarrassed about farting was when I was giving birth. I sounded like I was playing a tune otherwise I get so embarrassed to the point il instantly deny it was me. I get embarrassed if my stomach does a loud grumble lol
I had to get a taxi back from the hospital with a severe D&V. Oh god.
As anyone who's been on chemo will know chemo-farts are the absolute worst.
I was with my grown-up DD in WHSmith in a busy Liverpool St station a few years ago and felt a chemo-fart coming on. Walked to an empty aisle and thought it'd just slip out quietly but it was a very noisy explosive fart
I looked up to see complete strangers exchanging glances and trying (unsuccessfully) to suppress giggles. I left the shop behind me quickly, and the smell.
Told DD later it was me and we giggle about it to this day.
Wish I only had farts to worry about, I took a bag of clothes in to the dry cleaners, queue behind me, I took out this skirt, shook it before handing it over the counter to find there was a sanitary towel stuck to the front of it, I grabbed it, stuffed it back into the black bin liner (classy) and muttering 'ooh don't know how that got there'... tried to furtively remove the pad inside...meanwhile the queue stood there in silence have witnessed my pad fiasco I was literally sweating with embarrassment. I sent dh to pick up my dry cleaning including the skirt, the following week.
Laughing so much at some of these
I’ve done a few teeny tiny ones at work that I didn’t know were coming but not loud enough for anyone to notice - I HOPE!
I do remember farting in a crowded lift when the dc were small.. I had to make a big show of checking baby ds’s nappy.. 😳
My DH and I were in a - very famous - department store once; perusing the undies, when he came running up to me, grabbed my arm and said "Quick; move I've just farted!"
We rounded the corner to the next isle when another couple, completely unknowingly, walked straight into it. I just heard the bloke say; "Jesus Christ what is that F*ing smell?!" before DH and I burst into fits of laughter and promptly ran away!
A friend was once walking towards a set of double doors while talking to someone else. Still looking at the other person she put out her hand to open the door only for it to go into the face of a man who’d opened it from the other side.
I should not have read this on the bus.
I once ate a bad egg sandwich on the train and farted with every step the whole length of the platform at St Pancras.
This thread reminds me of Jeremy Corbyn' s high five that he tried to do with female colleague but she didn't put her hand up so he did a high five on her boob by accident, on tv. 😂
When I was a student midwife the actual midwife was talking to a lady in labour about pushing. She was demonstrating the big breath in, hold it and push right down into your bottom - she then farted very forcefully and carried on by saying and if you don’t fart you’re not doing it right 😍
One time I was walking with a customer who was the chief engineer in a large food factory.
I felt something sliding down my leg and looked to see my black silky slip wrapped around my ankles .
Neatly stepped out of it ,picked it up and quickly stuffed it into my folder .
Customer looked mortified as I smiled and said "wardrobe malfunction"...he laughed about it for ages afterwards and gave me lots of extra business -happy days !!
I would have just said excuse me and then laughed. I can't help but laugh when I fart in front of people, it's just so funny. I know I'm childish.
I don't often do smelly's 😚, but a while ago ate something involving a lot of strong cheese I think, and for the whole evening, they kept coming, every few minutes. To save my partner and I having to sit amongst the smell I had to keep going outside every time. Got very tedious after about the twentieth time, and luckily by bedtime the saga had finished 😂 😂
I can remember being in school and leaning over to cough and I farted - being 14 I was seriously embarrassed
Roll on a few years I'm walking through the city i live in on my lunch break, I do a silent fart that smells awful ... the women behind me said 'gosh those drains are disgusting' 🥴
Our friend was with his wife in the supermarket, he looked behind him to check no one was there, bent down and let out a massive ripper of a fart, his wife was absolutely pissing herself & pointing.... he turned round and looked down to some bloke bent down looking at something. He had just done said fart in his face 😂 he then did that awkward meeting him in every aisle 😂
I love farts - think they're hilarious!!
The last farting thread was brilliant. I remember fondly the girl who'd fart into a pint glass and leave it upside down on the table, shelves, anywhere. All dotted round the house. Her father would pick up the glass in innocence and they'd (the poster and her farty friend) watching him from their hiding place, see him suddenly screw his face up when he realised what she'd done - usually accompanied with shouts of "you dirty girl!"
My friend popped round once when I was at my mum's house for the day. Mum had dinner in the oven and qas squatting down to keep a close eye. Friend walks into the kitchen, inhales and says, "ooh, that smells nice". Mum can't stop sniggering and friend is confused.
After she'd left, mum told me through fits of laughter that seconds prior to friend walking in, she'd let out a true back slapper. What my friend then announced as she walked in the room set DM right off.
At a small children’s theatre with 3-year-old dd and some friends watching Peter Pan. We come to the part where Tinkerbell starts to die and the theatre is silent as Peter sings a sorrowful song. Last note and dd farts REALLY loudly. Everybody burst out laughing. Ruined the play completely!
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