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Daughter wants to join holiday halfway through

(64 Posts)
Motherofamadhouse Thu 16-May-19 19:47:46

For background DD is a dancer about to graduate, all her yearnates are getting showreels done.
My other DD is 17 and the holiday is to celebrate them turning 18 and 21 in June.

We’ve booked a family holiday (eastern med cruise) for July 27th to the 3rd of August, DD20 has just found out her college will be doing showreels on the 30th of July and is now insisting that she isn’t coming on holiday and will fly herself out and meet us at a port on the 31st. AIBU to tell her she’s being stupid and can’t ruin the holiday like that? What can I do

Lunde Thu 16-May-19 22:07:25

Showreels are really important to performance based courses. Using the showreel is the way she shows her skills to prospective agents and employers.

It is a bit odd that you choose to book this holiday right through this important time of her career. Performing arts courses often have important dates for a week or two after graduation for showcases, showreels and performances etc, But she seems to have come up with a sensible solution

AguerosAngel Thu 16-May-19 21:59:34

YAB ridiculously U, I agree with everyone else. Your DD sounds utterly sensible.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 16-May-19 21:52:17

OP seriously! I have two left feet (would have more if that were a thing...) and I know how important this is.

It's not selfish to want a career!

PokemonGirl88 Thu 16-May-19 21:40:03

Can she even board the cruise from a port like that?

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 16-May-19 21:38:16

Another point - if it turns out the cruise line will allow her to join at certain ports, do check what kind of record the place has for cancelled visits

Ships often have to miss port calls because of high winds or especially rough seas, and some are more challenging than others. You obviously wouldn't want DD to fly out, only to find the ship wasn't there for her to join ...

AdoreTheBeach Thu 16-May-19 21:01:23

Sorry. I would want my child to take advantage of every opportunity to further their career over a holiday. What your DD has proposed makes perfect sense. I’m saying this from point of view of a parent of a hopeful actress and unrest’s death the importance of the showreels - and how much they cost to do on your own.


viques Thu 16-May-19 20:44:45

Enjoy the 1 to 1 time with the18 year old . When the older one joins you there will be plenty of time for you all to celebrate.

Yabu btw.

Purpleartichoke Thu 16-May-19 20:44:37

Surely her education and job search is more important. You should have booked the holiday around her commitments, not expect her to skip important school events.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 16-May-19 20:43:13

Not much she can do about it surely? Can you take her on one later to celebrate. Seems a shame to only have 3 days, but on the other hand it’s better than nothing

CruellaFeinberg Thu 16-May-19 20:37:00

I left a cruise part way through, it wont be hard to arrange to get her to join part way, just need to get it sorted in advance

BlueJava Thu 16-May-19 20:32:34

I think her showreel will be really important to get done. Sorry OP, I can see it's disappointing but she will need it for her career. It will also be easier to get done immediately after she finishes with everyone else.

PowerslidePanda Thu 16-May-19 20:32:08

Sounds fine IF the cruise company will allow her to check in at another port.

This is a key point. Even if she's been booked onto the cruise, she can't just show up mid-way through and board. It would need to be pre-arranged with the cruise line and depending on the regulations of destinations involved, it may or may not be allowed.

MrsMozartMkII Thu 16-May-19 20:31:51

I think the OP has the measure of the responses now smile

It's hard OP when they're growing up. Hard to step back and let them be and grow and develop and go and do Life! without you. It does get easier, or less difficult as you all figure out your place in relation to each other.

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 16-May-19 20:31:40

Just a point, but you might want to check if it's even possible for her to join the cruise halfway through. Only certain ports are classed as embarkation points and you certainly can't get on at whichever one you choose ... though there are exceptions for staff joining the ship and/or emergencies

cuppycakey Thu 16-May-19 20:31:07

AIBU to tell her she’s being stupid and can’t ruin the holiday like that?

Um, yes.

It sounds like you haven't really made the adjustment to accepting that your children have grown up and are adults now. I mean this really gently, but is there a reason for that? Is it just you and them?

Cherrysherbet Thu 16-May-19 20:28:59

What can you do?? can put your Daughter before your own selfishness, and let her do something that may benefit her career. Just a thought.


dancinfeet Thu 16-May-19 20:28:48

YABVVVU expecting her to commit to any kind of holiday in advance this summer.
Your daughter is a 3rd year professional performer about to graduate. The summer term of a full time professional dance course is a whirlwind of preparation for working in the industry - as well as her showreel being extremely important (this is often the first thing casting directors will look at, along with CV and headshots, and first impressions count), she will also need to find herself an agent for when she graduates. She will need to attend auditions or casting calls to find herself work- even a short contract, and much of this will happen in the summer term. I'm assuming that her dance college will have a graduates showcase (as many of them do, possibly in London?) and that various agents will be invited to watch this, if she is lucky enough to be signed up by one of them, she will need to make herself available to attend auditions at the drop of a hat- otherwise they will lose interest in her very quickly. It's a very competitive industry and if you don't get yourself out there, there is usually a queue of equally (or more) talented dancers ready to take your place.

I honestly think you need to accept that she will have to either join you late on holiday, or may even not be able to go at all. What she really shouldn't do is turn round to an agent if they happen to find her an audition during the time period of the holiday, and say that she can't attend it. Things will be different once she has had a few performing jobs, she will most probably find that she has gaps between contracts anyway, but as a dancer just starting out at the bottom it's really important to be seen, be available, and be professional.

I've been teaching dance for 20 years, and my daughter is in her first year studying professional dance at full time dance college.

BesselVanDerKolk Thu 16-May-19 20:27:29

Of course she needs a showreel. Sounds like she has worked out a sensible solution.

pineapplepatty Thu 16-May-19 20:26:22

I'd change the holiday dates and if there's no other cruises available I'd just book something else that suits us all.

CCquavers Thu 16-May-19 20:26:12

Being a dancer /actor or singer is such a very different world and one that unless you are part of it you won’t understand. Your daughter will go to a 100 auditions where she will be told she’s to fat, to thin, to, tall, to blonde to dark - it won’t break her because she had training and will believe in herself more than anyone else. She might get a job from the 100 auditions but she definitely won’t without a good showreel of her looking her absolute best. Don’t spoil it for her. These first couple years make or break a career.

Dungeondragon15 Thu 16-May-19 20:24:09

I think that your priorities are out of balance OP. Your child is more mature than you are.

anothernotherone Thu 16-May-19 20:23:27

She's being sensible and making a career critical decision, you're being selfish and demanding.

blackteasplease Thu 16-May-19 20:19:57

It’s a video of her dancing she says she can send to agents
I think I'm a bit late to this thread but this done a quite important!

chocatoo Thu 16-May-19 20:19:45

I would be asking her to investigate whether she can get the reel made at a different time ( and would be prepared to pay for it). If so, then I would expect her to come on the holiday as it will have cost a lot of money and will spoil it for all of you if she arrives a couple of days before the end.
Tbh I can't see the point of her turning up so late in the holiday - you will all just feel as if you are marking time waiting for her to arrive - perhaps better if your other daughter brings a friend or cousin or maybe grandma could come or something??
I'd be tempted to book another holiday later in the year and do the celebrating then.

jade9390 Thu 16-May-19 20:16:40

Seems like a waste if she is not having show reels done for herself. It is only a few days of a long holiday though, so not ruining it.

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